While most of you enjoyed Sunday's little prank (mmwah ha ha!), it also elicited a few reactions that surprised and interested me enough that I want to devote a post to discussing them.

A few readers (see comments on 4/1's post, as well as on Facebook) were disheartened by my joke.  They pointed out that by making fun of the idea that I would enjoy wearing a dress, I was implicitly making fun of the idea that any butch would enjoy wearing a dress.  I sincerely hope that most readers didn't take it that way--I didn't mean to suggest that a butch can't wear a dress, or that a "real" butch wouldn't do so. 

In any case, these comments made me consider identity, inclusion, and femininity some more.  A few thoughts:

1. I have no interest in policing identity...  But is this good?

I am not in the business of policing butchness.  I don't care if you wear dangly earrings, high heels, and skirts every day and call yourself butch.  I don't care if you wear men's clothes from head to toe and call yourself femme.  Anyone can "identify" as anything; as I see it, identification is up to the person identifying herself.  Yeah, I might suspect that a woman in a dress doesn't identify as butch, since I'm personally acquainted with few butches who'd voluntarily wear a dress.  But if a person tells me she's butch, then as far as I'm concerned, she's butch.

Of course, if anyone can identify as anything, so at some point, doesn't this become a little absurd?  If my white 80-year-old grandmother wants to identify as a young gay man, should she be "allowed" to? 

As far as I'm concerned, sure.  It would be hard for me to swallow, since I have pre-existing notions and biases about what young gay men look like (and they don't look like her).  I also imagine that my grandmother would face certain barriers to entry in the young gay male community.  Is this fair?  Should she?  Should they have to respect who she says she is "inside?"

Personally, I hope I'd respect her identity.  By "respect," I mean that I hope I'd genuinely see her the way sees herself and wants to be seen by others.  At the same time...

2. It's hard to be sensitive to all incarnations of an identity, especially if it's an identity you claim, and others claiming the identity don't share traits you consider central to it.

It's easier to talk about respecting other people's identities in the abstract, when when we're not talking about our own identities.

Suppose I decided to attend a social group for butches.  Suppose I showed up in jeans and a flannel button-down, but everyone else had long hair and was wearing dresses, high heels, and makeup.  Even if everyone identified as butch, I'd feel left out.  This is because for me (me personally, not in any objective sense), physical appearance is part of butchness.  In the past, I've felt like an outcast for not conforming to traditional notions of femininity.  So if the other women in the group looked like what mainstream society says women are "supposed" to look like, one of my big reasons for seeking butch community wouldn't be satisfied.  If I felt excluded enough, I might even want to start a group tailored to the traits around which I sought community.  (When people do this, they are sometimes accused of creating factions within the LGBTQ community.  Which, maybe they are.  I'm not convinced this is a bad thing in principle, but it can make people feel excluded, which feels crappy and can lead to more tension.)

As I've argued before, I believe a similar dynamic underlies tensions that can exist between female-identified butches and trans men.  Female-identified butches face certain kinds of marginalization for not looking "like women"--for not appearing to conform to the social expectations of the gender with which they identify.  But (many) trans men look "like men" to the wider world, and thus appear to conform to the expectations of the gender with which they identify.  To the extent that female-identified butches seek community based on that type of nonconformity, and/or identify as butch based on it, they may feel like there's something crucial they don't share with trans men.  I'm guessing that this feeling of dissimilarity is the root of much identity "policing" (which doesn't mean I agree with it). 

3. Rejecting traditional trappings of "femininity" and socially-loaded words like "pretty" feels really empowering to many butches.

The part of Sunday's April Fool's post that was the most amusing for me to write was:
I've been doing this whole "gender queer nonconformist" thing for so long that I forgot that it feels awesome to just be pretty.  Wearing a dress means that people see me on the outside and think I look as good as I feel on the inside.  And when it comes down to it, isn't this kind of interactive reality with other people more important than the reality we create in our own brains?

To me, this was funny because it was as if, after spending all this time and energy accepting myself as I am and eschewing mainstream notions of femininity, I was suddenly doing a 180 and talking about how good it felt to conform to society's notions of what "pretty" means. 

I suspect that the reason so many butches were horrified, then amused, at my last post, is because many of us hate dresses and can't imagine changing their minds about wearing them.  Many of us grew up feeling like traditional ideas about "being feminine" were crammed down our throats.  Saying things like, "I'll never wear a dress again" is empowering!

But if wearing a dress is who you are, regardless of your motivations for wearing it, I say go for it.  I don't care.  As you may know, I don't see masculinity and femininity as a "spectrum," such that increases in one entail decreases in the other, and vice versa.  Can you wear a dress and still call yourself butch?  Of course.  But you may encounter surprise and skepticism from others, since so many self-identified butches (myself included) have trouble imagining genuinely wanting to wear a dress, and/or genuinely wanting people to see us as "pretty."  Indeed, part of the reason I identify as butch is that it helps me embrace my lack of desire for these things.

One of my favorite things about writing this blog is that there's so much interesting feedback from readers: positive, negative, and everything in between.  I really appreciate your willingness to leap into the conversation that my "Me in a Dress" post sparked, and I look forward to reading your thoughts about this post as well.

We hear sometimes that gender is a "spectrum."  One reason to envision it this way is to see that gender is not dichotomous: It cannot be neatly divided into two parts like boys' shoes vs. girls' shoes in a department store.  Most of us are not one or the other; we're somewhere in the middle:

But even though the "spectrum" concept is useful, I've always found it troubling, because it understands masculinity and femininity as opposites.  That means that if I'm deciding where I fall along the spectrum, I can't be more feminine without necessarily being less masculine--and vice versa.  Here's what I mean:

Culturally, we know what most people consider "masculine" or "feminine" (even though most of us probably don't agree with it!).  Fixing my car is masculine.  Painting my nails is feminine.  (Again, I think these characterizations are awful, but I'm talking about culturally dominant notions of femininity and masculinity.)  So if gender is a spectrum, and masculinity and femininity are opposite ends of a continuum, this means that if I paint my nails, I become less masculine.  An act that moves me closer to the right end of the spectrum moves me farther from the left end.  If the "spectrum" view is accurate, masculinity and femininity are a zero-sum game.

But as I've been thinking about it lately, masculinity and femininity are more like a coordinate plane.  (I suspect others have thought of this; I just haven't run into them yet.)  Remember coordinate planes from high school geometry?  Where you graph dots like (-1, 2)?  Here's my version:

The idea is that masculinity and femininity can be high or low, but are independent of one another.  If you paint your nails, you become more feminine, but this does not necessarily make you less masculine.

For many of us in the queer/boi/stud/dyke/trans/butch/genderqueer realm, such a conceptualization might be more comfortable and accurate.  Mentally, it disentangles the two ideas a bit.  Imagine a hot femme changing her own oil--she's performing a culturally "masculine" activity, but is she any less feminine?  I'd argue the answer is no, just as I'd argue that a butch cooing at a baby might be more "feminine" in that moment than she was a moment earlier, but that she is no less masculine for it.

What do you think about this?  Does it fit with how you think about gender?

Here's the third installment of A Field Guide to Butches.  Remember: while some butch species are elusive, with patience and determination you can seek out and find them all.

The Rocker Butch
Example: Chris Pureka
Pros: Romantic.  Not clingy.  Will write you a song for Valentine's Day.
Cons: Lots of time on the road.
Looks especially good: With her hands on her favorite instrument.
Care instructions: Rocker butches tend to be nocturnal, so you'll need to adjust your schedule accordingly.  Wash her sweatshirts regularly; she may not do this on her own.  When she's on tour, email her some Yelp links to vegetarian restaurants in the podunk town she's playing in to let her know you're thinking of her.  Oh--and unless you're on tour with her, make sure her roadie's not too cute.

The Granola Butch (not pictured)
Commonly found: At womyn's music concerts, Burning Man, miscellaneous small towns in rural western Oregon and rural western Massachusetts.
Pros: Amazing vegan baker, great listener, might have a trust fund.
Cons: Liable to change her name to "Melodious Crystal Windchime" or "Earthchild Womyn Rainbowrock." 
Looks especially good: At dusk, around the campfire.
Care instructions: It may be necessary to press certain realities upon her--e.g., Tom's of Maine doesn't actually work; white people look stupid in dreds.  And since she's going to insist on playing acoustic guitar anyway, it's probably worth it to invest in some lessons for her. 

The Activist Butch
Example: Rea Carey
Pros: Righteous passion is hot.
Cons: A political defeat can make for a sullen couple of weeks.
Looks especially good: In front of a microphone, speaking to a crowd. 
Care instructions: If she's like Rea, she'll look stellar in a suit.  But not all activist butches keep professional duds in their closet, so make sure to help her stock her wardrobe for all occasions.  And keep plenty of poster board and markers on hand.

The Butch Sophisticate (aka The Silver Fox)
Example: Kate Clinton
Pros: Has plenty of practice, knows what she likes.
Cons: Already knowing what she likes can make her stubborn as hell.
Looks especially good: In expensive fabrics; in European cafes; stepping out of a cab.
Care instructions: She's been there and done that, so you'll have to work to keep her interested.  Music tastes may require updating.  She has a lot to teach you, so get ready to learn.

Butch Don Juan (not pictured)
Commonly Found: In your local lesbian bar (even on weeknights).
Pros: If you want to have some no-strings fun, she's your butch.
Cons: Has slept with half the people in the bar; may wear excessive amounts of cologne; somewhat arrogant.
Looks Especially Good: After you've had a few drinks.
Care Instructions: Not suitable for long-term use, the Butch Don Juan will woo you for a few days, then drop you abruptly for the next shiny new femme who struts into town.  That said, it may be a great few days.  The trick is spotting this butch early, so you don't get duped into thinking she's going to stick around.

The Slick Butch
Example: SHukura (budding actor, pictured left)
Pros: Can say "Hey baby" without it sounding cheesy or ironic.
Cons: Knows how good she looks.
Looks Especially Good: In leather; in gold.
Care Instructions: Not to be confused with the Butch Don Juan, although the two species are closely related.  The Slick Butch can be distinguished by the fact that instead of trying to pick you up, she'll hand you her number and leave the club early with a wink and a grin. 

Butch in Uniform (not pictured)
Commonly Found: Police stations; fire departments; the military.
Pros: She's a butch in uniform--what more do you need?
Cons: Gets deployed to do various dangerous things on a regular basis.
Looks Especially Good: In a white T-shirt and her uniform pants and boots.
Care Instructions: Make sure her uniform is neatly pressed.  Don't keep her up too late; she needs to get up in the morning.  At night, her muscles may be sore, a problem you can easily solve by giving them a nice rub-down.

The Teddy Bear Butch
Example: Julie Goldman
Pros: Amazing cuddler; makes excellent scrambled eggs.
Cons: May not get out of her PJs till noon if she can help it.
Looks Especially Good: In boxers and a T-shirt.
Care Instructions: The Teddy Bear Butch is closely related to the Classic Soft Butch; indeed, the  subspecies sometimes overlap.  If the Teddy Bear Butch has trouble getting out of bed, get an eyedropper full of coffee, place it between her lips, and gently release the coffee into her mouth.  Repeat until her body is vertical.

Butch Cocktails
Some butches are easily identified as one of the species I've discussed here, but some are a mixture of multiple species.  This can make things confusing, but also fun.  For example, here's one Butch Cocktail recipe:
2 parts Activist Butch +
3 parts Geeky/Intellectual Butch +
a dash of Teddy Bear Butch +
a tiny pinch of Hipster Butch
= Rachel Maddow

What's your butch cocktail of choice?
Or: what butch cocktail are you?

Here's Part Two of this Extremely Important Field Guide.  Stay tuned for the third installment, which will include Rocker Butch, Granola Butch, and others!

The Badass Butch
Example: Skyler Cooper
Pros: Can beat your brother in arm wrestling
Cons: May make sure that your brother is aware of this.
Looks especially good: On her motorcycle, and/or in a white tank top.  (The Badass Butch is a close relative of the Biker Butch.)
Care instructions: It may take a while for Badass Butches to open up to you, so be patient (they're a little like Handy Butches in this way).  They know how hot they are, and they're used to getting away with stuff because of it.  Don't assume they can't cook, or that they're stone.  They just may surprise you!

The Classic Soft Butch
Example: Ellen DeGeneres
Pros: Can take her home to Mom
Cons: May be a little vanilla at times.
Looks especially good: Greeting you at the door in casual clothes, totally clueless about how hot she looks.
Care instructions: She may appear a little boring at first, but there's more to most Classic Soft Butches than meets the eye.  Give her some time and you won't want to let her go.  You'll have to ignore your friends, who may tell you that she's "not really butch."  But you know better.

The Handy Butch
Example: Jenny Shimizu (well, when she's being a mechanic, not when she's modeling...). 
Pros: Good with her hands. 
Cons: Sometimes a little rough around the edges.  
Looks especially good: Under your hood with a dab of oil on her cheek.
Care instructions: Higher maintenance than you might suspect.  Be kind: under the gruff exterior is a sensitive woman (with, y'know, insecurities and stuff).  She may not want to shower even after a day in the garage, but you can coax her in by offering to scrub her up.

Coach Butch
Example: Jenny Allard
Pros: Terrific with kids.  Even if she doesn't have any children, she's her nieces' and nephews' favorite aunt.
Cons: May have to be closeted, depending where she works.
Looks especially good: in sunglasses, shouting from the the third base line.
Care instructions: Her obsession with sports may be time consuming, so make sure you have a time-consuming hobby or job of your own.  Remind her to wear sunscreen, and remember not to wash her lucky socks.

The Dandy Butch & The Dapper Butch
Example of a Dapper: Susan Herr (not pictured), founder of DapperQ.
Example of a Dandy: Bee Listy (pictured), blogger and stitcher extraordinaire.
Pros: Will take you shopping and share her great taste and playful sense of style.
Cons: May take longer than you do to get ready in the morning.
Looks especially good: Out on the town, at Thanksgiving dinner...  Anywhere she goes, she's got a dapper/dandy outfit for it.
Care instructions: Dandy butches seem more likely than other butch varieties to swoon over other butches.  Dapper Butches--maybe, maybe not.  Dapper Butches and Hipster Butches share many commonalities, but Dappers are more earnest and own more bow ties.  Both subspecies frequently use silk handkerchiefs (which match their outfits).

More to come!  While I have your attention, please take a sec to vote Butch Wonders for favorite lesbian blog of the year: http://lesbianlife.about.com/library/bl-rca-lesbian-blog.htm.  You can vote daily, and I hope you will!