Everyone knows that butches love boots.  It's one of those iconic accouterments that make us feel kickass.  So today, I'm giving you a quick guide to casual boots (e.g., boots that can be worn with jeans, khakis, Kuhls...  basically anything besides dress pants). 

There are several types of casual boots.  I'll list some, and then you should check out my favorite picks from my new casual boots section in the Butch Store.  My choices were mostly about style, but in part about size, since I know that many butches have trouble finding men's styles in small sizes.  (If that's a problem for you, you might also check out this site.)

Work Boots
It's been a long time since work boots were just used for work.  Work boots look great with jeans, and can even be worn to most non-physical-labor workplaces on casual days.  Many come with steel toes, which are super cool, but not really necessary (and actually pretty heavy) unless you work in construction or in a machine shop or something.  I especially like Frye Dakotas (pictured), but there are tons of great work boot options from many other brands, including Caterpillar, Thorogood (often made in the USA), and Wolverine. 

Chelsea Boots
I'm going to lump Australian work boots in with Chelseas, since they look so similar.  The basic point is that they fit like a glove and are easy to pull on and off because of the elastic sides.  For the quality, it's hard to beat these Blundstones (pictured)--but if you want something dressier, get a pair that looks more like these (the big differences are the polish/shininess and what the sole looks like viewed from the side).  Fun fact: according to Wikipedia (which is never wrong), the Stormtroopers' boots in Star Wars were plain ol' black Chelsea boots, painted white.

Chukka Boots
I used to hate chukkas, but I have to admit that they've grown on me.  They're stylish, come in great colors, and work in all seasons. Chukkas are ankle-height (the equivalent of mid-tops in tennis shoe terms) and usually have just 2-3 eyelets.  I like this To Boot New York pair (pictured, also comes in a dark chocolate brown), and Timberland and Johnston & Murphy make nice ones, too, including these and these.

Harness/Engineer/Motorcycle Boots
I don't usually think of engineers and motorcyclists as heavily overlapping categories, but boot names are the exception.  Made of heavy leather, these are usually taller than average boots and have a strap at the ankle and/or the calf for adjusting the fit.  Unsurprisingly, Harley-Davidson has some cool styles.

brown or black rubber ones.  There are bunches of great-looking ones to suit every butch's personality, including these "Culture Boots" (eh?) by BED:STU (the blue ones, pictured above), and these Wolverine 1883 Mayall DGs (pictured right).

It probably goes without saying that all of the boots I've written about here, as well as most of the ones in The Butch Store, are "men's," so it may be harder for you to find the right fit; if you're like most women, your feet are smaller and/or narrower than the average man's.  But with patience, you'll find brands that work for you.  (And here's a hint: using these insoles will increase your shoe size by a half to a full size!).  Hope you enjoy the new Butch Store additions.

_Last week, I received an email that brings up some self-presentation issues many of you have asked about.  This version of the email is slightly edited (for length, and--at her request--to protect this person's anonymity).  Androgynous Advocate writes:


A few times per week, I'm mistaken for a child. Since becoming a lawyer, the situation has gotten worse, especially in court.  Today, in preparation for my first upcoming trial, I decided to go to court to see what a trial is actually like. I asked the court officer (a fairly strapping butch) for permission to observe and she granted it.  But I guess she never informed the judge, because the judge made attempts to figure out who I was, including: "I see we have a 'little person' over there waiting. Does HE belong to any of you?"

I pretended I didn't know she was talking about me. After all, I am not a small boy so why should I answer?  But to add salt to the wound, the court officer got up and ambled across the courtroom to whisper to me: "Not only did the judge think you were a kid, but she called you a boy!" At this, I turned bright red and almost broke down into tears (but held it together).

Later, the judge inquired again and I told her I was an attorney observing (I was wearing a suit, pink button down, and even some makeup). She apologized for the mistake about my age but omitted the whole gender error.  This leads me to my question: I recently got a pixie cut.  I love my super short hair; it's easy to deal with and feels totally freeing.  But I've had to take a bit of shit about it.  My grandmother gave me a long talk about how long hair is more "becoming" and "feminine."  An ex and I even had a huge fight over my short hair, in part, because she felt it was unfeminine (though she later clarified that the fight was about more than just the hair).

Even though I love short hair, it bothers me when people lament my not being feminine enough. It's not like I want to be perceived as super feminine (I feel very androgynous on a personality level) but I don't like when people see my lack of femininity as a liability.  For whatever reason, being mistaken for a pre-adolescent male distresses me, and I wonder if it might be less likely to happen if i suck it up and grow my hair out a bit. Or should I embrace this characterization? If someone thought I was a man it might not be so bad but regressing to age 10-12 is tough when you're trying to prove yourself in court. Have you ever been tempted to change something about yourself so you fit more easily into "the institution" (for me, the courtroom)?


Dear Androgynous Advocate:

First of all, I feel your pain!  Yes, I think most of us butchy/andro types have felt pressured to change something about ourselves to blend in with some kind of institution: school, work, family, etc.  I've written about the wisdom of doing this at various times, and it's never an easy balance.  As I see it, you've got multiple questions, so I'll try to break my answer into parts.

Professional life first.  Re: the little person comment: OMG wow.  I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.  If I was in your shoes, I'd have been just as flustered as you were!  Good for you for keeping it together.  The judge was probably mortified (I sure hope so), and I suspect that the butch court officer was trying to commiserate, not to make you feel bad, since she probably knows all too well how irritating those kinds of mistakes can be.

In your professional life, you need to be respected as a professional.  Once you get established, people won't make these mistakes anymore (and they'll correct each other).  But in the meantime, you need t to be taken seriously.  So on first impression, it would be nice if they didn't think you were a boy-child.  If I were you, I'd take measures to minimize this.  You could always dye your hair grey and go to court as a little old woman--that would be kind of awesome.  But here are some better ideas:

1. Wear a brooch.  I hate wearing brooches, but middle-aged women wear them.  Young boys do not.
2. Wear pearls.  You don't have to wear them *all* the time, just the first time you meet someone.  All middle-aged female lawyers seem to own pearls.  Unless the judge mistakes the string of pearls for a puka shell necklace, pearls will help you exude "competent woman" vibes.
3. Carry a briefcase.  A nice one.  When you sit down, place it prominently on your lap.  Whip out a legal pad and nice pen, too, even if you don't need to write anything down.
   
4. Wear large earrings.  Big gold hoops are very middle-aged-woman.  Or bracelets.  Like bangles (shudder).
5. Wear a "shell" under your suit jacket.  These are those shirts that don't have collars.  They basically look like this, and are sort of like T-shirts with a much lower neck but made out of silky material. 
   

I hope one or two of these approaches won't be too odious for you.  Yes, I've been tempted to change for an institution.  I finally started wearing ties, but it took a long time before I felt like I wasn't being stared at. And just walking around my workplace, I still get stared at sometimes.  At one of my old jobs, I wore a girl-suit and hated it.  Basically I'm now convinced that as long as it doesn't compromise my reputation or clients or anything, the institution has to tolerate ME, not the other way around.  But it's incredibly situation-dependent.

As for your more personal dilemma regarding short hair...  so many butches deal with this at some point!  Don't all our grandmothers think we look more feminine (and thus, better) with short hair?  I think that most people are so steeped in gender norms that they don't know what they believe.  They just think girls are supposed to have long hair.  And you are a girl.  And when you have long hair you more closely match their idea of what a girl is "supposed" to be.  So they say things about how long hair "frames your face" or whatever.  But you know what, Androgynous Advocate?  Screw their opinions.  It's your head, not theirs, and they don't get to choose.  They'll get used to it and eventually stop bothering you (or you'll stop caring).  But it's a big deal that you find short hair "freeing."  Even if you decide to make some compromises about your professional appearance, in your personal life, you get to be you. 

Love,
BW

(1) Today's outfit is a black shirt with a grey, navy, and black-striped tie that I borrowed from my DGF's wardrobe (hey, it was hanging on my tie rack, so it seemed like fair game).  A good choice for a heretofore blustery day.  I'm wearing grey cords with this, as well as my trusty Skagen watch.

(2) I'm revamping the Butch Store.  (Yeah, I know it wasn't even fully "vamped" yet, but I'm stoked about the new look/feel/format and think it will be way easier for you to shop.)  What would you like to see in it?  Dress shoes?  Watches?  Jewelry? Casual shoes?  Books?  Comment below and let me know what you'd like to see the new, improved Butch Store offer. 

(3) This weekend, my mom and I went to a junkyard/thrift store.  One gem we found was this book, Newer Knowledge of Cheese (copyright 1968, I think) which would be tremendously handy to have around if your knowledge of cheese is outdated... and isn't it always?  No sooner do I learn something about cheese than there is something even newer to learn about cheese.  Our thirst for cheese knowledge can never be quenched, so this book is a necessity. 

_If you're interested in sporting cufflinks, but aren't even sure where to start (and maybe don't even have more than 1-2 French cuff shirts yet), you're in luck--I have a whole new section of the Butch Store devoted to cufflinks.  I recommend starting with three pairs, in three separate categories:

1. Basic silver or gold.  These may not be exciting, but they're highly functional and work for any occasion.  They can have a geometric design (like the ones in the photo at right), but shouldn't incorporate other colors.   If you can't decide between gold and silver, just choose whichever you wear most often, since you'll want to match your cufflinks to the metal of your earrings, watch, and/or belt buckle.

2. Understated but distinctive.  This is my personal favorite category of cufflink.  It works for all but the most formal (think: tux) occasions, and expresses your style.  Choose something with just one main accent color.  I love these purple ones (pictured left), as well as these  banded African jade ones by

 Ike Behar (pictured right).  You can even find good-looking cufflinks that incorporate leather.  This category of cufflink should be matched to whatever shirt you're wearing.  The purple ones above would look great with grey, white, black, purple, or lavender, but not with, say, orange or red.  They're fine for the office, a date, clubbing, or dinner out.

3. Novelty cufflinks.  By "novelty," I don't mean cufflinks that turn into yo-yos or feature blinking lights.  I just mean cufflinks that are wacky and different enough that you probably wouldn't wear them on a first date.  Take, for instance, these Ed Hardy koi fish cufflinks (pictured left), which I do not own and happen to 

love.  Or what about the ones to the right, which are not only versatile cufflinks, but double as working levels.   Just in case you need to like, um, put up a shelf or something while you're wearing French cuffs (hey, it could totally happen).  Some cufflinks are absolute works of art.  Others allow you to proclaim your support for gay marriage, or double as 4G USB drives.  Whatever the case, these novelty cufflinks should only be worn out dancing, or to not-that-fancy restaurants, or to work on a day that you're not meeting with a client or a CEO or anything.

I hope you'll think about adding some cufflinks to your butch jewelry collection.  I'm curious: how many of you are cufflink veterans?  Take the poll below!

_So you got a some perfectly-sized Calvin Klein button-ups from your DGF for the holidays, eh?  Now you just need the right undershirts to wear with them. (I'm assuming you already have some decent metal collar stays.)  In this entry, I'll review your T-shirt options.  In all cases, I'm talking about "men's" T-shirts, since for many of us, "women's" or "ladies" shirts tend to be too short or cutesy or have tiny sleeves.

Undershirts come in three basic varieties: V-neck tee, regular crew-neck tee, or tank top (for now, I'm not considering long-sleeved undershirts).  I heavily favor crew necks.  Tank tops don't prevent sweat or deodorant from staining button-ups.  And not only do v-necks irritate my lower neck area, but they look dopey when you can see the texture of the v-neck collar under the shirt).  Most of the butches I know favor crews as well, so for now, that's what I'll focus on.  (A summary of my findings is at the end.)

_
Before we go any further, a note on printed tees: In general, I have zero objection to printed tees.  In fact, I own a whole bevy of 'em.  But there's a place for printed tees, and that place is NOT beneath your collared shirts.  We can see the print showing through your button-up shirt and peeking out your collar.  And though admittedly we are vaguely intrigued that you ran the Boston Marathon in 2001 and attended a k.d. concert in 1992, this is not how we wanted to learn about it.  

Anyhow, I rate and discuss five kinds of shirts along the following criteria:

• Thickness: This is more about personal preference than quality.  You may want thicker shirts in winter and thinner ones in summer.  Thicker shirts can conceal your shape, and thinner shirts to be less bulky underneath tighter button-ups.
• Collar: Collars that roll or stretch look bad when you unbutton the top button of your shirt.  I prefer medium-to-thin collars, but thin collars have a hard time staying flat.  I also like collars that fall slightly lower on the neck, so that it doesn't look like I'm wearing a dickie under my button-up. 
• Durability: This refers to how well a shirt holds its shape, thickness, etc., through lots of wearings and washings.  I've tested all these shirts through months and months of wear.  Some hold up great, others not so much. 
• Colors: The official butch uniform is a button-up shirt with a T-shirt under it.  While some butches favor white shirts, I prefer to match the color of my undershirt to the color of my button-up (e.g., a black tees with a dark grey button-up or an orange tee with an orange-and-white striped button-up).  Matching serves two purposes: (1) It looks like you put some thought into your outfit; (2) At the end of the day (or even at the grocery store on the way home from work) you can untuck and unbutton your button-up shirt and look casual rather than sloppy.
• Procurement: What the shirt costs and where to get it.

MOSSIMO CREW NECK, ATHLETIC CUT
Thickness: Medium to thin.  Soft, tagless.  I often wear one of these + a pair of boxers to sleep.  There's been recent speculation that the quality has recently suffered.
Collar: Medium-thickness.  Perfect cut.  Starts out great.  Then...
Durability: So-so.  Wonderful for the first few months, then the collar begins to stretch and get thin and not lay flat.  For some reason, the durability of the heathered colors is much better than the others.
Colors: Come in a 10-15 different colors, including dark heathered grey, navy blue, teal, orange, a heathered forest green, and more.  Their colors tend to match my dress shirts more than any other brands do.
Procurement: $7.99 each at Target or $7.99-$9.99 each at Target.com.  Many of the Target.com links (like this one) claim that the shirt is not available in stores, which is untrue.


HANES COMFORTSOFT CREW NECKS
Thickness: Medium.  Nice soft feel, and tagless, which I love.  Also good for sleeping in.  (Don't confuse these with Hanes Heavyweights, which are not nearly as nice)
Collar: Starts large, shrinks to medium in the dryer.  Lands slightly higher on the neck than the Mossimo shirts.
Durability: Excellent.  Becomes a little thinner over time, and seems to stain easily, but holds up well.  I've been impressed that the collar doesn't seem to stretch, roll, or have trouble laying flat, even after many washings.
Colors: Black and white are easy to find.  They also come in grey, navy blue, denim blue, forest green, and washed black heather.  Others are hard to find.
Procurement: White and black are often available in department stores.  The price and selection is better online: where I can find them in white (3-pack for $12.99 or $11.80, depending on sizes), and four-packs of various colors and prices here. 

_LL BEAN CAREFREE UNSHRINKABLE TEE (Note: at the time of this writing, the LL Bean website was down, so I'm not including any links yet.)
Thickness: Very thick, though not unpleasantly so.  Not as soft as Mossimo or Hanes Comfortsoft.  Stiffer, but definitely not scratchy.
Collar: Thick.  Fairly wide.
Durability:  Pretty solid.  I've had several for years, and they keep their shape and never get holes.  Same with the collar: retains its thickness.  The big downside is that the collar eventually starts to pucker.
Colors: 15-20 available: yellow, orange, heather green, white, black, dark blue, light blue, maroon, and more.  (See pic at left.)
Procurement: Normally $14.95 each on the LL Bean website, occasionally on sale for around $9.99.  Also, these seem to run large; I advise ordering one size smaller than usual.

_AMERICAN APPAREL (FYI, this company has had some serious problems.  On the other hand, their shirts are made in the USA, which the others aren't.  So, your call.  This is also worth reading.)
Thickness: These aren't very thick, but the weave keeps me just as warm as thicker shirts do.  If you have sweating issues or don't like to wear antiperspirant, look elsewhere.  Also, the sleeves are a tad shorter than other brands' sleeves.
Collar: Definitely on the thin side.  Within the limits of acceptability, though.
Durability: Good for at least six months.  After that, the collar will begin to stretch out of shape.  And while the color won't fade, the shirt will shrink quite a bit, even if you wash it in cold water.
Colors: These come in literally 40 different colors.  They have yet to come out with a nice rust orange, but everything else seems to be covered.
Procurement: You can get these online for $5.99 each.  They're more expensive in stores.  Also, these run small, so order up if you're on the cusp.


GILDAN
Thickness: Very thick.  Kind of bulky under shirts.  Also, the sleeves are longer than the other shirts--fine for most guys, but not for most women, since we tend to have shorter arms than men do.  (I wear a 32" sleeve.)
Collar: The largest collar of all the shirts I've reviewed here.  Not unacceptabe, though.  Collar falls higher on my neck than I would prefer.
Durability: These seem to get a little scratchy with regular wear.  And then at some point, they lose the scratchiness and get soft again as they're wearing out.  It's weird.
Colors: Like American Apparel, comes in about 40 different colors.
Procurement: Can be bought online for $4.54-$14.99 (but most of the nicest colors seem to be $14.99).


SUMMARY: My rankings from best to worst:

1. Overall, my favorite is Hanes ComfortSoft, which seems the best value for the money, boiling down to about $4/shirt for white and a dollar or two more for other colors.
   
2. American Apparel comes in second for its combination of comfort, color selection, and price.
   
3. I'd rank Mossimo as a very close third.  They have the best colors and are soft from the start, but will become your PJ's in 6-12 months when the collars get stretched out.
   
4. Much as I love LL Bean, their shirts come in fourth for me.  They'd probably be #2 if the price was lower and the collars didn't pucker.
5. GILDAN comes in last.  Too stiff and scratchy for this butch.

Any other opinions about these brands?  Any additional brands that butches might especially want to check out?

Today, I'm taking a brief interlude from my coming out story to write a letter to a new object of my affections.

Dear Wool Tie,

I know we just met last week, but I want to tell you how I'm feeling about you.  It was good being around each other all day today, wasn't it?  I mean, your slightly-heavy-but-oh-so-soft fabric just feels right, especially for fall.  Simultaneously intellectual and badass, just like my platonic conception of myself.  See, we complete each other, Wool Tie.  Deep down in your plaid, woolen little heart, you know it. 

People think we look good together, Wool Tie.  They all said so.  You could see it in their eyes, Wool Tie.  They know that you and I are meant to be together.  I might even have some of your friends over.  Wouldn't that be fun, Wool Tie?  You know you'd love it.

The bottom line, Wool Tie, is this: I don't know how my wardrobe and I survived without you, and I hope we'll never have to again.

Fondly,
BW

Hey, I was on the radio yesterday!  Here's a link to the show.

The interview improves as it goes along.  I was slightly shaken by talking about my divorce right at the start, but I told Emily Cherin, who hosts "All Things Gay," as long as my anonymity was maintained, anything was fair game, so good for her for cutting right to the chase!  In any case, it was fabulously fun.   I'm just glad no one's said I have a "great face for radio."

One of the things we talked about was when to deviate from deviance.  (I'm using "deviant" only in the technical sense: different from the norm.)  Many butches deviate from average female gender presentation daily.  But should we ever feel compelled to "femme it up" a little?  Here are some possibilities, along with my recommendations.

Situation: You're going somewhere where appearing butch might open you to the possibility of physical harm. 
Verdict: Femme it up.
Reasoning: For me, safety comes before psychic or physical comfort.  If you think you might be in danger somewhere, dress accordingly.  And don't bind.  Heck, don't even wear a sports bra if you have a choice.  That's a dead giveaway.  (I know butches who pass as male when they travel.  If you want to try that, fine, but this can become very risky if someone figures it out.)

Situation: You're asked to be a bridesmaid at a traditional wedding, and your friend really wants you to wear what the other bridesmaids are wearing.
Verdict: Toss-up.
Reasoning: Maybe if it means more to your friend than anything in the world, it's worth it to suck it up and put on the satin yellow thing she's trying to foist on you.  Then again, if she's truly a friend, wouldn't she understand that you'd be more at home in a tux and nice vest?  Try reasoning with her, offering to wear what the groomsmen are wearing.  If this fails, offer to take another role, like usher.  This is a sticky situation, and ultimately, it's your call.  If you decide to go for it, I recommend surrendering fashion decisions to the other bridesmaids, closing your eyes, and thinking of England.

Situation: You're visiting your grandparents and your parents ask you to not to wear something masculine. 
Verdict: Play nice, but don't femme it up.
Reasoning: Your family loves you no matter what...  but sometimes they need to be nudged into accepting gender nonconformity.  It's amazing what people can get used to (and sometimes we don't give them enough credit).  But if you never push them, they'll never change.  That said, maybe you don't need to wear a tie to Thanksgiving.  How about khakis and a sweater?  You're not compromising your identity, nor will you give Grandma a coronary.

Situation: You're interviewing for a job in a conservative industry.
Verdict: Don't femme it up.
Reasoning: Unless you plan to femme it up every day on the job, don't do it in the interview.  A nice dark suit--men's or women's--is fine.  (I recommend matching the gender of your suit to the gender of your shoes; your look will be more coherent.)  You'll interview better if you're physically comfortable.  My interview go-to outfit is a dark grey men's suit, black Ecco men's shoes, and a lavender or light green men's dress shirt (tie optional).  Would you really want to work for an employer who balks at hiring a butch?

What's the toughest decision YOU'VE ever had to make re: whether to femme it up?  What did you do?

It's tough to be a traveling butch!  Often we don't know what the clothing norms in our destination place will be like until we get there.  I recently participated in the Butch 360 post on traveling, and it inspired me to come up with some quick tips for jet-setting butches.  (By the way, I love Can I Help You Sir.  Check out this post for a terrific insider's view of DADT.)

1. When packing clothes, choose a black or brown color scheme.  This means that you'll only have to pack one pair of dress shoes, one belt, one watch, etc.  Grey and black pants go with a black scheme; brown and khaki go with a brown scheme.  Olive, navy blue, and jeans go with black or brown (though with navy pants, choose dark brown shoes).
2. Pack your dress shoes and wear either tennis shoes (for comfort) or boots (which are heavy and bulky to lug around in a suitcase).
3. If you're bringing ties, roll them up and put them inside your packed shoes.  This way, they won't get wrinkled or smushed.
   
4. Bring a mini lint roller.
5. If I'm traveling with my DGF, I make it very clear to small hotels and B&B's that we are dykes.  I do this by referring to her as my girlfriend and requesting one bed.  This way, I can suss out whether the person on the other end of the line is uncomfortable.  If so, I stay elsewhere.  This also allows me to avoid awkward check-in conversations.  ("Oh--I have you booked in a one-bed room...  but I guess you'll need two, right?")  This precaution is usually unnecessary with large or chain hotels, where no one cares who you are or who you'll be sleeping with.
   
6. In case you haven't flown lately: what passes for a carry-on these days is crazy, a trend I attribute to ridiculous price that most airlines charge to check even one bag.  I recommend packing one large backpack or messenger bag and one medium suitcase.  Unless someone tells you that you can't carry it on, attempt to carry it on.  If it won't fit in the overhead bin, they'll check it for you at no charge!  Just get it past security and you're home free.
   
7. Find out ahead of time whether you'll have access to a washer and dryer (a laundromat doesn't count--too time-consuming).  If so, pack half the number of clothes you otherwise would.
8. I'm a reader whose eyes are bigger than her brain.  Somehow I anticipate devouring a book a day on vacation, and I used to pack accordingly, stunning flight attendants with the weight of my carry-ons.  Now, though, I use a handy formula: One book for every three days of a trip, plus an additional book if a plane flight's involved.  No hardbacks.  And plenty of audiobooks pre-downloaded onto my iPhone.
9. Unless you have an emotional or psychological need to do so, I recommend not binding or packing if you'll be boarding a plane.  If you set off an alarm, you don't want any confusion about who's frisking you.
10. Be prepared for some people to act like jerks on the plane.  I haven't had the kinds of terrible experiences that some people have, but people do look askance at me, particularly if I'm with my DGF.  Occasionally, they are downright rude, which I enjoy exploiting by acting drippingly, sarcastically polite.  (Um, except for one time when a guy said something  rude to my girlfriend--not gender related, just travel-related--and I, uh, loudly called him an asshole.  Don't do that.)
11. Before you go, or as soon as you arrive, find out where the following places are: closest bank, dry cleaner, and coffee shop to your hotel.
12. Packing dress shirts without wrinkling them is close to impossible, and the "hang them in the bathroom and let the steam unwrinkle them" trick never seems to work.  Ways to deal: (1) get your shirts laundered when you arrive; (2) have the dry cleaner box your shirts instead of hanging them.  (I am a recent convert to having shirts laundered.  At $1.45/shirt, it's often worth it.); (3) pack shirts that are actually wrinkle-free, not just wrinkle-free wannabes--I've had good luck with Kenneth Cole, L.L. Bean, and Covington.
    
13. Pee at the airport, before you get on the plane.
14. I consider the following items essential for a carry-on: iPod or iPhone, Power Bars so I won't end up paying $7 for stale Cheetos, hand sanitizer, a bandana (can be used as a napkin, tissue, whatever), headphones, Chapstick, shoe polish, and a notebook and pen.
15. Plan for things to go awry.  Flights will be delayed, trains will be missed, shows will be cancelled, and tidal waves will flood out luaus (true story).  As long as no one is hurt, there is almost always something funny or absurd about travel mishaps--your goal is to find it.

What are *your* go-to travel tips?  What has surprised you the most about traveling as a butch?  What odd situations have come up?

Most of the girls where I grew up started wearing make-up in middle school.  By the start of high school, I still wasn't on the bandwagon.  I didn't understand why girls were expected to wear make-up, since boys didn't have to--and goodness knows there were dozens of boys at my high school whose goth-pale or acne-addled complexions would have been improved by a touch of foundation.  But since no one expected them to paint over their faces' imperfections, I was inclined to exhibit my own just as freely. 

Understanding that I was a pretty logical kid, my mom chalked up my aversion to makeup (as well as to carrying a purse) as old-fashioned, practical minimalism.  As my overloaded tie rack now reveals, this was off the mark, but given the evidence available at the time, it was not an unreasonable hypothesis.  Although my mom didn't want me to be Barbielicious or anything, she sometimes commented on my lack of interest in makeup--or, as she put it, in "putting on a little color."  E.g. (pleadingly): "Don't you want to put on a little color?!?"

Playing to my "minimalism," my mom would try to give me makeup survival tips.  "Instead of carrying around separate blush, you can just put a dab of lipstick on each cheek and rub it in," she might advise conspiratorially.  Or: "In a pinch, you can always use mascara to darken your eyebrows."

I was highly doubtful that I would ever be in a "pinch" involving insufficiently dark eyebrows.  But gamely, I gave both strategies a shot.  I wore makeup on and off for several years.  Putting it on always felt like putting on a costume, but I could look at myself in the mirror and see that I was pulling off a conventionally feminine look.  I figured that this was how all women felt--that it was one of those burdens that she-creatures have to bear, like menstruation or writing thank-you notes. 

When I was married to my DXH, every time I applied what seemed to me a LOT of makeup, I'd ask him if he thought it was okay.
DXH: Is what okay?
BW: My makeup.  Too much?
DXH [looking at me; tilting head]: You're wearing makeup?
BW: Obviously, YES.  And possibly way too much of it.
DXH [squinting]: I literally cannot tell that you're wearing any makeup.
BW: I don't believe you.  I look like a clown.
DXH: Sweetie, what seems to you like a LOT of makeup is not exactly what the rest of the world considers a LOT of makeup.
BW: Oh.  Well, now I just feel stupid.
DXH: Sorry.  In that case, you look like a two-dollar whore.

As a kid, I tried to humor my mom's suggestions to look more feminine, which often involved compromise on both our parts.  Because I threw a huge fit at the prospect of putting on a skirt, my mom tried to persuade me that culottes (thanks to Bee Listy for the correct spelling) were JUST like shorts.  "Then why can't I just wear SHORTS?" I'd ask, incredulous.  (My mom and I are still very close, by the way--which is proof that, despite occasional frustrations on both sides, a butch dyke NPR-loving daughter and a conservative, Fox-News-loving parent can still find enough common ground to want to spend time together.)

It wasn't that I objected to the style of the culottes (though I should have).  Nor were they physically uncomfortable; they felt like well-ventilated shorts.  But there was something I hated about other people seeing me in a skirt.  It felt wrong, uncomfortable, humiliating.  Some butches say that in childhood, they "felt like a boy," and didn't want people to see them in the "wrong" clothes.  But I didn't feel like a boy; I felt like a girl who wanted to wear pants and a tie and have everyone think I looked dandy that way.  From a very young age, I wanted sex and gender to get a divorce.

(A brief aside: This is what I mean when I say that there's something "visceral" about masculinity.  My DGF doesn't like me to use the word "masculinity."  She says it's too tied to maleness, and that part of the fun of being a butch woman is turning maleness on its head by co-opting its trappings.  But for me, "masculinity" refers to a style of dress and way of being that is not tied to biological sex--although for the rest of the world, there happens to be a very strong correlation.  For me, maybe masculinity is more of an aesthetic?)

Anyhow, the other day, for the first time in years, I slapped on a touch of makeup, just to see what it felt like.  And you know what?  A bit of lipstick and some eyeliner looked kind of kickass with my masculine glasses, haircut, and clothing.  It was enough of a pain that I don't plan to do it again anytime soon.  But it was pretty funny that after so many years of resisting makeup, it finally didn't feel "wrong." 

It makes perfect sense, though, doesn't it?  Since I'm at a point where I feel free to dress as masculine as I want to, a tube of lipstick isn't a threat to my core being.  It's just--well--a little color.

Ah, summer!  Season of snorkeling, lemonade, and butch anxiety about what to wear to the pool.  If you feel like sporting a regular ol' swimsuit, but want something a little more conservative than the bikinis lining the racks at Macy's, check out Speedos.  They tend to be comfier, sleeker, and provide more coverage than most bathing suits.  They even offer suits that look like conventional swimsuits with bike shorts sewn on. 

But if you're like many butches (including me), something that form-fitting makes you look like this guy, but with bigger breasts and less hair.  If so, your options are less obvious.  A good standby formula for a butch in the water = shorts + boob coverage + shirt.  I'll discuss each component separately, and you can mix and match as you like.  (And of course, you should always wear sunscreen, even if your shoulders are covered.)

COMPONENT #1: SHORTS

Boardshorts are long (at or a little past the knees, usually 21"-22"), lightweight shorts that come in a variety of brands and colors.  Some of my favorites are Hurley's Puerto Rico Board Shorts (pictured at right), Quiksilver's Cypher Alpha Board Shorts (pictured below), and Quiksilver's Slightly Choppy Boardshorts.

You'll find boardshorts in the men's section of department stores, Pacific Sunwear, and online retailers like Zappo's.  Some brands make women's board shorts, but these tend to be far shorter than men's, presumably because it's more important for women to show off their bodies than to reap such trivial benefits as coverage and functionality.

Workout/running shorts can double as swim shorts, and often have more coverage and lining.  My favorite are Brooks men's Infiniti Notch Shorts.  This style has full lining--thin, built-in bike shorts under the regular shorts.  There's no need to wear underwear or a swimsuit under them, and no one underwater gets a glimpse of more butch than they bargained for.  Plenty of other running shorts come with built-in lining, too, though usually it's underwear-style rather than bike-short-style.  Check out your local running store for ideas (Nike, and North Face often have cool styles).

Standard men's swim trunks can also be a good, cheap option, as this post from Butch and Pregnant suggests.  Standard men's trunks are lightweight, dry fast, and have mesh lining.  Note that unlike boardshorts, you shouldn't wear swim trunks to the mall.  Also, make sure to get a pair with a drawstring.  Since most ladies have bigger hips than guys, you may have to buy a baggier size than your waist requires.  A drawstring will ensure that you don't expose yourself to that cute lifeguard you've been eyeing--well, not unless she asks you to...

COMPONENT #2: BOOB COVERAGE

Swimsuit or bikini top: This option is pretty straightforward, right?  Buy a swimsuit or a bikini and, assuming you don't want to wear it on its own, you can use it as the "boob coverage" component of the BW Swimming Formula.

Next option: Sports bra.  Or, to many butches, "bra."  (First, a sidenote: other bloggers, such as A Stranger in this Place and the Sartorial Butch, have written eloquently and humorously about butch bra shopping.  My everyday bra preferences are slightly different from theirs, but I'll save that TMI post for later.)  As you probably know, sports bras by brands such as Nike and Champion come in sizes of the S/M/XL variety.  If these suit you, great!  If they're not perfect you might want to look into bras that come in actual numbered sizes (more on this, too, in a later post).  One great place to buy sports bras is Title Nine, an athletic clothing chain for women with a great selection and a rating system to help you find a sports bra with the amount of support you want.  Moving Comfort is my favorite brand, and I particularly like their Fiona model.

"Tankini" sounds like a cocktail made from vodka, a twist of lime, and a splash of water from the bartender's fish tank.  Basically, these creations are like swimsuits that end at your belly button.  Though I dislike nearly all tankinis (ugh--just typing that word gives me an eye twitch), a few--like this one (pictured at right)--aren't too bad.  And if there's enough coverage built in, you can wear just a tankini and shorts--no other shirt necessary.

COMPONENT #3: SHIRT

A tank top over one of the "boob coverage" options I listed above is a good bet if it's extra hot or you want to look casual.  If you're feeling saucy, go for something with attitude, and/or a little queer pride.  Note that a tank top itself does not constitute "boob coverage."  You may not think your smallish breasts merit coverage, but if you are over the age of 12, I assure you that they do.  Your fellow swimmers should not be able to discern the water temperature by glancing at your chest.

Next, a regular cotton T-shirt is always a decent choice, and I'm guessing your closet is chock full of 'em.  The downsides are that they feel wet and heavy while swimming and take a while to dry (you can pack another one to throw on afterwards).  Also, make sure the shirt is darker than your boob coverage du jour; it's not uber-classy to showcase your sports bra through a wet tee.  Since chlorine and salt water can cause fading, don't wear a favorite to the beach unless you're prepared to relegate it to sleepwear status at the end of the summer.

Now, a story: One day, a tank top and a T-shirt met in a forest.  They decided they loved each other very, very much.  Soon, they made a baby.  That baby's name was muscle shirt.  Muscle shirts offer more coverage than tank tops, on which the arm holes are sometimes too large.  One tip about muscle shirts: in public, don't wear one you "made" by cutting the sleeves off one of your T-shirts.  Such creations are appropriate only in one's own home, while running on secluded trails, and at the home of one's DGF ( with the DGF's consent).  And if you decide to buy a new muscle shirt, why not choose one that shows your butch pride?

Rash guards are cool-looking, sold in lots of different places, and come in hundreds of colors and styles--both men's and women's.   (I was pleased to see that Butch Style and the Sartorial Butch have endorsed rash guards--so you know you'll be in good company!)  Unless the water is especially cold, I recommend a short-sleeved rash guard.  They're made of thicker material than T-shirts--usually lycra, nylon, and/or polyester, kind of like the top half of a wet suit.  A quick Googling suggests that despite the thickness, you should probably wear something underneath, such as a bikini top or a sports bra. 

So, fellow butches, when in doubt about swimwear, remember that shorts + boob coverage + shirt = happy butch.  And trust me on the sunscreen.