As you know, I enjoy wearing queer themed t-shirts.  And I'm not the only one!  Two awesome BW fans in SF (who contributed to this entry, btw) have created this "JUDGE ME" T-shirt to help keep the DOMA and Prop 8 Marriage Equality debates centered on the LGBTQ community and our allies. 

They're donating all proceeds to a combo of important charities: the Human Rights Campaign, SF's LGBTQ Community Center, and Lyric, a Queer youth empowerment program.  (Check out the video.)  There are only TWO DAYS left in their campaign and, with your help, I think we can push them over their goal.  Whaddaya say? 

A few of you have asked what I was going to write about Edie Windsor, so I thought I'd go ahead and post what I wrote, even though it's kind of incomplete.

The day before the Supreme Court arguments, I dreamed about them.  For some reason, they were taking place in a high school gymnasium.  And one of my biggest heroes (who was involved in the case, but didn't actually argue it) was arguing on behalf of Windsor.  My parents were in the audience for some reason, and so was I, but I didn't seem to have a seat, and kept darting about the folding chairs to get a better view.

If you follow the case at all, you probably know some of the details: Edith Windsor's 40-year relationship with Thea Spyer, her longtime care of Thea after Thea was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, and the financial blow dealt to her after Thea died (because their marriage--in NY and Canada--was not recognized by the federal government). 

When I think about how hard it was for me to come out in the 2000s, and how much anti-gay rhetoric I heard as a kid, I'm especially amazed by women like Edie and Thea, who were out and proud when it was much harder to be. 

Regardless of how the case comes down, I'm overwhelmed by my gratitude to Edie Windsor and the many others, young and old, who have been fighting this battle for a long, long time. 

Mad 4 Equality is on!  I'm partnering with Bess Sadler and the Feral Librarian (pictured left as a sports-loving dyke-in-training) to run a women's and a men's tourney to benefit the Trevor Project and the Campaign for Southern Equality. 

Fill out your women's bracket before the first game on Saturday, and the men's before Thursday's game tips off.  Winner gets 1/3 of the pot!

We'll also be giving prizes for creativity, so don’t be shy about entering your best theme-based bracket (e.g., cutest mascot or gayest coach).

Butch Wonders is teaming up with the Campaign for Southern Equality and a few other folks to host a March Madness NCAA tournament for charity!  Here are some deets:

• $10/bracket to enter (it will be for the regular tournament.  Maybe we'll also do something for the men's tournament--not sure yet)
• No limit on number of brackets 
• Proceeds will be split between: (1) The winner(s); (2) The Campaign for Southern Equality; (3) An LGBTQ organization chosen by BW readers.
• You don't have to know anything about basketball to enter. We may even have a prize for the best "themed bracket" (where you pick the winners based on some arbitrary-but-amusing trait, like how cute the mascot is or how many of your exes attended the school).
  

So what I need from you is a suggestion for a great LGBTQ organization this tourney could benefit. Please put your suggestion, and your reason for thinking the charity is awesome, in the comments.

On Monday, I'll post a poll based on your suggestions, and BW readers will get to vote on which charity we'll support!

More details to follow.  I'm looking forward to your suggestions!  (And if you feel compelled to tweet this, which I hope you will, use #mad4equality.)

With Valentine's Day around the corner, it's a good time to think about your intimate apparel.  If my Facebook fans are an indication, most butches wear boxer briefs or regular briefs (men's or women's) during the day and regular boxers to sleep in at night.  Some favorite brands: Fruit of the Loom, CK, Starter, and Champion. 

These are fine go-tos, but I wondered what interesting options were out there, so I did some research, contacted companies and Etsy shops, and got some wares to inspect.  Here--in no particular order--are some awesome choices that will let you look great, have some cool style options, and support small businesses.  (These make wonderful gifts, too.)

Bonus Pants is a little company out of Portland that offers a ton of fun, loud choices for cotton boxers (including mustaches, donuts, bananas, potatoes, skulls, bacon strips, motorcycles, and more.  The owner, Dagny, will make any style with or without an open fly (I tried both and prefer without).  They're baggy, plenty long, and don't ride up.  Around $18.

Gripped Basewear is a relatively new company, queer-owned and made in Canada!  Their boxer briefs are a little short for my taste and have a bit of a pouch in the front, but they come in a range of terrific colors, their customer service is awesome, and their undies are super soft.  If you're pale, unskinny, or don't have much of a butt, these aren't likely to be as attractive on you as they are on Gripped's hot male models.  But if you want to show off your stuff and support a queer business, this is an awesome choice.  $30.

Though they only have one style to choose from, Ohganix boxer briefs are also worth a look.  They're expensive as heck ($60), but the softest boxer briefs I've ever tried on.  Made in California, organic, and probably macrobiotic and gluten-free as well.  Mine are 96% hemp and 4% spandex, and have the perfect amount of stretch.  (They make "ladies'" stuff, too.)

Focx is an incredibly hot British brand, and if you've never checked them out, now's the time (even if it's just for the hot pics on their website... yowza!).  It's made for women, by women, and has tons of fabrics and two styles: boi shorts (left), and bocxers, which are a little longer.  I've tried both.  Although I wanted to like the boi shorts best, my torso bears an insufficient resemblance to the models' for it to look great on me.  Still, awesome quality at a decent price (£16.99, or about $26).  The bocxers, on the other hand, are totally comfy and hot.  Try both!

I thought these were a little cheesy at first, but I admit that I totally love my tie-dyed boxer briefs from 2 Tie Dye 4. They're a steal at $16, come in boxer briefs (Champion) or boxers (Merona), and add some really fun color to your boring ol' underwear drawer.  They're also pre-washed, so despite my worries, they didn't  dye my other clothing.  Maybe best of all, they come from Hawaii's Big Island.  Aloha, butches!

EX Designs makes boxers in fabrics that include football logos, seasonal prints, and two John Deere tractor prints (yes, really).  They're made for men, so there's extra material up front, but they're a deal at $16 for such cool fabrics (and if they don't have a fabric you want, be sure to ask!).

KLeonardDesigns offers a similar style to EX Designs and Bonus Pants, also with a broad range of fabrics (check out these paw prints), not all of which are pictured in the store.  The fit is wider and shorter than others I've tried.  Since I like my boxers on the long side, I didn't love the fit, but plenty of butches complain about too-long boxers, and would find these perfect.  Good quality, steep price.  $72.

If Fruit of the Looms fit you well but you're interested in something with a little more spice, check out Sexy Delights.  Being a fan of the bookish ladies, I chose their reading mudflap girl (left), but in lime green.  I think they're super fun, but my DGF maintains that they're tacky.  We're probably both right.  Tons of print options.  $20.

Last, but decidedly not least, are these great boxers from AmiElisah.  They're especially well made (even my hard-to-impress DGF was impressed!), come from Britain, and have little tiny elephants printed all over them.  Very cute and wearable both under pants and to bed.  £15.00 = $24.

I hope these great boxers and boxer briefs inspire you to spice up your underthings.  When I told them about Butch Wonders, the owners of all of these businesses were super enthusiastic about having butch customers.  Yay for queer-friendly small businesses!

In addition to the boxers I descibed here, I've also got some awesome, never-worn pairs of boxers and boxer-briefs to give away (including ones from Focx and LKeonardDesigns), as well as some hot greeting cards and a pair of cufflinks from Focx!  Send me a picture of yourself in boxers or boxer briefs and a tank or T-shirt and I'll enter you to win schwag!  Pics may be posted on butchwonders.com, so keep it PG-13 and SFW.  ;)

I'm excited to share this guest post from a BW reader who's working as a Peace Corps volunteer.  I hope you enjoy her insights as much as I did!  For reasons that this piece makes clear, she's chosen to remain anonymous.  


Discovering the Lesbian Underground in Rural South America

Peace Corps is a two-year commitment to do development work in impoverished countries.  I am an Agricultural Peace Corps Volunteer (PCV) in South America. My site is a very rural, impoverished, and conservative village in a conservative country. 

I generally present myself as androgynous.  Short hair, comfortable clothing, and a slim build make this easy.  I didn’t tell my Peace Corps recruiter about my sexual orientation, but I scoured the internet trying to find information on queer life in the small, culturally isolated country to which I was assigned (and on the experiences of queer PCVs worldwide).  To my dismay, I found little information.  The Peace Corps welcomes queer PCVs, but warns that in many countries they will have to stay closeted—sometimes to work smoothly with host country counterparts, but frequently for the safety of the PVC.

In my village, miles away from paved roads, surrounded by banana and pineapple crops, I am very deeply in the closet. I still dress androgynously, but I have not, and likely will not, tell anyone in my community the direction in which my romantic interests generally lie – the señoras trying to match me up with their sons don’t know how much of an uphill battle they face. Due to my unfeminine hair and clothing, I also receive far fewer cat calls and less sexual harassment than other female volunteers.

After working with men in the community to rebuild a wall of my house, someone joked that a "man" would be moving in: me.  This comment from a community member made me anxious, and led me to worry about every interaction—to an unhealthy extent.  Indeed, my self-censorship has been one of the most stressful parts of being here. I am fearful that they will “guess,” but I actually haven’t altered much. I don't change my appearance or flirt with men, though I certainly don’t flirt with women in my site either.  My second year, I’ve loosened up because I know the people in the village, and they know me. For example, when señoras would ask me if I had a boyfriend I used to say, “not right now,” but now I say, “I don’t need a boyfriend.” It’s a small, but significant, difference.

One of my queer volunteer friends says that this is a country of “open secrets:” Secrets everyone knows, but tacitly agrees not to talk about. It makes me wonder, am I living an open secret too? Is it possible everyone in my site knows and are electing to keep quiet?

One of the biggest personal changes I have experienced here is the role my sexual identity plays in my sense of self.  Like many people in their mid-twenties from accepting backgrounds, I never viewed my orientation as a big deal.  However, here in rural South America, I needed to hide this part of myself for the first time in my life… so it has become more important.  I am open with other volunteers and the Peace Corps support staff in-country, but I miss being in an active queer community.

Once every month or two, I travel to the country’s capital to get mail and to socialize with other PCVs.  If possible, we visit one of the few gay bars in the whole country. Unsurprisingly, it’s usually full of gay men.  However, after a conversation with a posse of local gay men looking out for me, we got directions, scrawled on the back of a napkin, to a rumored lesbian bar.  It was months before we found the place.  When we finally did, we discovered that we had to get past the guards, ring the bell, and wait for someone to come unlock the door. They’re only open one night a week, but have information regarding human rights campaigns, queer film festivals, and Pride activities.  Despite their limited hours, it was nice to know that such a locale existed.

However, I still needed a queer community closer to where I live, and as luck would have it, I stumbled across one! There is a town an hour and a half away, and during my first few months, I traveled there frequently to buy supplies to build my house.  A PCV there introduced me to a friend of hers (I’ll call her B), a female firefighter.  This PCV told me that B was a lesbian and told B the same thing about me.  A few months later, B invited me to a secret, underground drag show!  Out here, in the middle of nowhere, there was a community!  The event was invitation only, with the location announced a few hours ahead of time.  Secrecy was a big priority.  Drag queens from all over the country performed, and under a blanket of stars, the rest of us queers watched.  It was great!  But the most valuable part of the experience was finding out that there is a network, even out here in the rural countryside. However, it’s distressing that such a high level of secrecy is necessary. 

Now I find myself dating B’s ex (I guess lesbians are the same world over). This chapter is unfolding day by day…Our interactions are full of cultural misunderstandings and poorly translated endearments.  (Also, how on earth does one discuss strap-ons in a country without toy shops?)  She is closeted even to those in her family who would be accepting.  I worry that I overestimate the level of acceptance around her, and thereby put her in danger.  Her internalized homophobia and self-hatred is another challenge altogether. 

I am pleased to have been admitted into the secret lesbian underground of this country.  I’ve never met any established lesbian couples, but supposedly several pairs live together, frequently raising children from their past relationships. One of the pairs was comparatively wealthy and lived somewhat more openly, and the other pairs just quietly lived together as “housemates.”  I never heard of couples in the countryside, only in town.  I also met people who had been part of the lesbian community but ended up marrying men.  For some of them, marrying was one of the few avenues of independence they had.  Outside of the capital, most people don’t leave their parents’ house till they get married.

I can be an example of a happy, queer, woman within the underground lesbian community. Their eyes went wide when I mentioned that my mother once asked my (ex)girlfriend which of the states with legalized same-sex marriage we would be moving to.  I’m not sure what blew their minds more, the fact that marriage was an option for us, or that my mother treated our relationship legitimately.  I introduced terms like “family” and “gaydar,” and exposed the underground to television shows like The L Word and Modern Family.  Seeing queer people on TV just like any other telanovela was a very significant, empowering experience, especially for my girlfriend.  It’s been powerful for me as well: by seeing it from the outside, I truly appreciate the strength of the queer community in the US.

Clearly I can only base this off of the lesbians I know, but but at least in this country, there seems to be less gender nonconformity than in the US or other South American countries.  But maybe that’s because all the lesbians I know are from the countryside (the town is in the middle of nowhere.  The only real “city” is the capital.

Lesbians here either never find each other (sad but true), or find one other lesbian or gay man who introduces them to her or his friends (like what happened to me).  Some of the most important work I’ve done my last few months in the site, has been introducing a few teenagers (males) who came out to me to the community in the town.  Additionally, I introduced the community in town to the resources and clubs in the capital. 

My Peace Corps experience has changed me in many unexpected ways, including strengthening my identity as a queer person. But more importantly, it has highlighted something else to me, the fact that who I am is not just for me alone. I'm a member of a beautiful community, not just underground in a small country and not just causally out in my hometown: it’s a community that's everywhere, worldwide, where I'd most and least expect it. When I pack my bags, say my goodbyes, and leave this country, I'm taking that lesson with me. 


Many thanks to the guest poster for sharing her story.  She also wanted me to pass along this link for LGBT Peace Corps Alumni. 

Do you have an experience worth sharing?  I welcome guest post submissions; email me at butchwonders@yahoo.com for more information.

I am sooo stoked!  The "Pets & Their Butches" calendar--inspired by YOU all, is finally here.  It took, oh, 20 times longer than I expected to make it, but I think it was worth it, and I hope you do, too. 

I received hundreds of submissions for the calendar--far more than I expected! I couldn't use them all, but congrats to the butches whose photos were chosen (as a monthly photo, or for the front/back cover, or for May or December, which are photo collages)!  Special thanks goes to my awesome DGF for making some of these photos much better and higher-res with her amazing Photoshop skills. 

This is such a cool example of butches coming together to create something awesome.  I hope you'll consider getting one.  They come in three different sizes.  Order two or more and get 50% off with the code 2CALDEALFREE.

Alas, Zazzle makes 75% of the profit (if I do this again, I'll look into better options!).  But 25% goes to support Butch Wonders--yay!--and after I cover my own costs, I'll be donating 100% of the profits to a local animal shelter.

So, what are you waiting for?  Go check out the calendar(!), and while you're at it, see if you like any of the other goodies I've created.

Grand Island, Nebraska is home to about 50,000 Nebraskans and a steaming pile of homo-hatred.  The city council recently rejected an ordinance that would have prohibited discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation.  Not only that, but they rejected a proposal that would have put the decision in front of the voters, instead voting 8-2 that denying someone a promotion because of who they love is a-OK.

As if that wasn't bad enough, one of the council members explained that he didn't want Grand Island to become "gay-friendly."  Riiiight.  Like all the queers were suddenly going to flock to Nebraska if this thing passed.

So I have an idea.  I would LOVE to mess with them by showing them how doggone gay Grand Island can be.  If you're in Nebraska (or anywhere near it), I would LOVE for you to drive to Grand Island and do or put something super gay and rainbow-y in front of their stupid-looking "welcome" sign. 

In fact, I would love to do this for ANY city that's passed anti-gay ordinances, or that has refused to pass laws giving --gasp!--equal rights to LGBTQ folks.  I'm sure there are a whole bunch of other cities we can target.  What are they?  And should we plot to get back at them by fomenting a big ol' pro-gay movement with them at the center of it?  E.g., Grand Island is for (Gay) Lovers?  What do you think? 

Coming Out Day is awesome for many reasons:

1. It reiterates the importance of visibility.
2. It is an excellent excuse for making and/or consuming rainbow cake.
3. It reminds straight people that their queer friends had to go through a (sometimes excruciating) process of explaining/announcing their sexual and romantic preferences.  It also reminds queers that the coming out process, different as it is for each of us, ties us all together.
4. Right before the election, it underscores the civil rights issues at stake.
5. It is an occasion for poetry, tweets, and general tomfoolery.

Recently, I challenged BW readers to encapsulate their coming out stories in one of three forms: (1) as a tweet; (2) as a haiku; (3) as a limerick.  A bunch of you were up to it, and in honor of Coming Out Day, here are some of my favorites:

TWEETS

My sister was 59 when she came out.  She beat me to it.  I came out at 50.

Mom: What's wrong?  Me: Nothing.  Mom: You're in love, aren't you?! With that girl from South Carolina!  Me: Yes.  Mom: I knew you were gay!

I didn't just come out of the closet, I jumped out of the whole effin' house!


HAIKU

Everyone was great
Forgot I hadn't told dad
Shocked him in the car!

Cue apocalypse!
Coming out to my mother.
False alarm, she's cool.

Collegiate romance.
We thought we were so sneaky,
but everyone knows.

Came out three times now
gayboy, transwoman... tomboy
enough, already!

A snoop I call mom,
Danced around the Internet--
Then learned he is she.

Finally barking
up the right tree of lovin'.
In fact, now I purr.


LIMERICKS (OK, some of these aren't *technically* limericks, but whatevs)

The time to come out was past due.
So I sent the IM to you...
When I looked at my gaff,
We both had a good laugh --
'Stead of "bi," the message said "bu."

We were standing there cooking breakfast,
Nothing on but a smile and some skin
Then OMG, my mom came walking in
No place to run
No place to hide
had to stand there proudly, showing my rainbow pride.

It's enough to demolish the brain
How the Transmatriarchy inane
Demand Bette and Tina
Be the trans girl's Athena...
When I only long to be Shane

There once was a girl who was always laughing
To cover the thoughts she was always having
She couldn't make herself aware
Even though her dad was a gay bear
And being family wasn't nothing but a family thing

For 32 years it was men that I liked
Stubble and bicepts and d*ck got me psyched
Then along came a girl
put my head in a whirl
And I thought, "holy sh*t, I've been dyked!"

i've always been a big butch dyke
but when i came out my mom said TAKE A HIKE
i was homeless for awhile
but all i do now is smile
because i have four kids and a beautiful wife!

Thanks to all of you awesome readers who submitted these great tweets and poems!  (And special congrats to the author of the limerick that begins, "For 32 years it was men that I liked"--you win first place and the cool Gadget Wallet from Uncommon Goods!)  Happy Coming Out Day, everyone!

National Coming Out Day is coming up on Thursday, and to honor this excellent day of the year, I want coming out stories from you...  But not just any coming out stories.  I want your coming out story (or the coming out story of someone you know) in one of three formats:

1. In 140 characters (the length of a Tweet)! OR:
2. In Haiku form! OR:
3. As a limerick!

Here are some fake examples, which won't be nearly as awesome as yours. 

Tweet:
As a kid, I couldn't take my eyes off Julie Andrews in "The Sound of Music." My mom knew what was up. I came out at 13 and she didn't blink.

Haiku:
The dog was nonplussed
I came out to him--practice.
Parents were less calm.

Limerick:
You see, I'm a gay boy from China
Who then moved to North Carolina
When I went to college
I soon gained the knowledge
That I was repelled by vagina

Get the idea?  Knock yourselves out.  I'll feature the best ones on Butch Wonders Thursday.  Anonymous entries are fine.  Send as many as you want to me at butchwonders@yahoo.com.