Everyone knows that butches love boots.  It's one of those iconic accouterments that make us feel kickass.  So today, I'm giving you a quick guide to casual boots (e.g., boots that can be worn with jeans, khakis, Kuhls...  basically anything besides dress pants). 

There are several types of casual boots.  I'll list some, and then you should check out my favorite picks from my new casual boots section in the Butch Store.  My choices were mostly about style, but in part about size, since I know that many butches have trouble finding men's styles in small sizes.  (If that's a problem for you, you might also check out this site.)

Work Boots
It's been a long time since work boots were just used for work.  Work boots look great with jeans, and can even be worn to most non-physical-labor workplaces on casual days.  Many come with steel toes, which are super cool, but not really necessary (and actually pretty heavy) unless you work in construction or in a machine shop or something.  I especially like Frye Dakotas (pictured), but there are tons of great work boot options from many other brands, including Caterpillar, Thorogood (often made in the USA), and Wolverine. 

Chelsea Boots
I'm going to lump Australian work boots in with Chelseas, since they look so similar.  The basic point is that they fit like a glove and are easy to pull on and off because of the elastic sides.  For the quality, it's hard to beat these Blundstones (pictured)--but if you want something dressier, get a pair that looks more like these (the big differences are the polish/shininess and what the sole looks like viewed from the side).  Fun fact: according to Wikipedia (which is never wrong), the Stormtroopers' boots in Star Wars were plain ol' black Chelsea boots, painted white.

Chukka Boots
I used to hate chukkas, but I have to admit that they've grown on me.  They're stylish, come in great colors, and work in all seasons. Chukkas are ankle-height (the equivalent of mid-tops in tennis shoe terms) and usually have just 2-3 eyelets.  I like this To Boot New York pair (pictured, also comes in a dark chocolate brown), and Timberland and Johnston & Murphy make nice ones, too, including these and these.

Harness/Engineer/Motorcycle Boots
I don't usually think of engineers and motorcyclists as heavily overlapping categories, but boot names are the exception.  Made of heavy leather, these are usually taller than average boots and have a strap at the ankle and/or the calf for adjusting the fit.  Unsurprisingly, Harley-Davidson has some cool styles.

brown or black rubber ones.  There are bunches of great-looking ones to suit every butch's personality, including these "Culture Boots" (eh?) by BED:STU (the blue ones, pictured above), and these Wolverine 1883 Mayall DGs (pictured right).

It probably goes without saying that all of the boots I've written about here, as well as most of the ones in The Butch Store, are "men's," so it may be harder for you to find the right fit; if you're like most women, your feet are smaller and/or narrower than the average man's.  But with patience, you'll find brands that work for you.  (And here's a hint: using these insoles will increase your shoe size by a half to a full size!).  Hope you enjoy the new Butch Store additions.

_If you're interested in sporting cufflinks, but aren't even sure where to start (and maybe don't even have more than 1-2 French cuff shirts yet), you're in luck--I have a whole new section of the Butch Store devoted to cufflinks.  I recommend starting with three pairs, in three separate categories:

1. Basic silver or gold.  These may not be exciting, but they're highly functional and work for any occasion.  They can have a geometric design (like the ones in the photo at right), but shouldn't incorporate other colors.   If you can't decide between gold and silver, just choose whichever you wear most often, since you'll want to match your cufflinks to the metal of your earrings, watch, and/or belt buckle.

2. Understated but distinctive.  This is my personal favorite category of cufflink.  It works for all but the most formal (think: tux) occasions, and expresses your style.  Choose something with just one main accent color.  I love these purple ones (pictured left), as well as these  banded African jade ones by

 Ike Behar (pictured right).  You can even find good-looking cufflinks that incorporate leather.  This category of cufflink should be matched to whatever shirt you're wearing.  The purple ones above would look great with grey, white, black, purple, or lavender, but not with, say, orange or red.  They're fine for the office, a date, clubbing, or dinner out.

3. Novelty cufflinks.  By "novelty," I don't mean cufflinks that turn into yo-yos or feature blinking lights.  I just mean cufflinks that are wacky and different enough that you probably wouldn't wear them on a first date.  Take, for instance, these Ed Hardy koi fish cufflinks (pictured left), which I do not own and happen to 

love.  Or what about the ones to the right, which are not only versatile cufflinks, but double as working levels.   Just in case you need to like, um, put up a shelf or something while you're wearing French cuffs (hey, it could totally happen).  Some cufflinks are absolute works of art.  Others allow you to proclaim your support for gay marriage, or double as 4G USB drives.  Whatever the case, these novelty cufflinks should only be worn out dancing, or to not-that-fancy restaurants, or to work on a day that you're not meeting with a client or a CEO or anything.

I hope you'll think about adding some cufflinks to your butch jewelry collection.  I'm curious: how many of you are cufflink veterans?  Take the poll below!

Christmas falls on a Sunday this year, which means that if you want to order any gifts online, you have to do so now to get them in time for the weekend.  After trying to find something good for my grandparents--and then realizing I had to order one-day shipping--it occurred to me that some of you, dear readers, might be facing last-minute online shopping challenges, too.  Here are ideas for grandparents, bosses, aunts, uncles, college roommates, and other people you love dearly but don't see often enough to know what they'd like.  I'm only including items that you can still order in time for Christmas.

_1. Gift baskets.  Who doesn't love receiving a little bounty of snacks?  One of my favorites under $50 is this 1950s Retro Candy Box ($34.99, pictured left), which includes Necco Wafers, Chick O' Sticks, Choward's, and other sugary blasts from the past.  And, for aunts and grandmas who love girlie stuff, check out this Victorian Lace Tea, Spa & Treats Clock Gift Chest ($64.60), which includes candles, lotion, bath gel, and more--all in a wooden chest inlaid with a working clock.

2. Tea Chests and Tea Sets.  A classy gift that's hard not to like, tea chests come in a variety of styles.  Try to get some brand of tea that isn't stocked at your local grocery store.  I recommend this Wissotzky 60 Dessert Flavored Teas in an Ebony Tea Chest ($29.99).  Tea sets are good bets, too.   I like this cool Japanese one ($68.95, pictured right).  If that's out of your price range, how about a simple infuser/mug set ($19.53)?

3. Gift Cards.  These are also kind of impersonal, but they'll do in a pinch.  Plus, don't you love receiving them? This one from Amazon features free one-day shipping.  It's even better than cash, because you feel obligated to spend it on something fun.  You can also get something more specific, like a certificate to their favorite restaurant or movie tickets. 

4. A Coffee Table Book.  These serve a bunch of purposes: showcasing great photography, impressing guests, and messing up orderly bookshelves by being wider than all the other books.  You can find these on virtually any topic, from 1960s surf photography to Andy Goldsworthy's nature-centered art (pictured left) to the history of New York City to (brace yourself) hipster puppies.  There's also a whole genre of amusing websites now available in book form, such as a compilation of hilariously wrong test answers, passive-aggressive notes, and Cake Wrecks.  Think of them as the Harold and Kumar of coffee table books.

5.  Board games are always a hit with families.  Think Apples to Apples, Bananagrams, Cranium, or a classic like Scattergories (my longtime favorite) or Pictionary. 

Okay, you have less than 15 hours left...  shop like the wind, butches!

Ah, holidays.  Whether for Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or Boxing Day, chances are, you're on the lookout for gifts for the butch in your life.  Since many of us don't like conventional girly stuff, we can seem tough to shop for at first.  But don't despair!  Here are 10 great gift ideas.

1.  Cool bracelet or necklace.  Some butches don't like jewelry, but many of us do, especially if it's androgynous and versatile.  Personally, I'm coveting this Rothko-inspired one by Retimade (pictured), which would look awesome with a button-up shirt and fresh haircut.  I'm also partial to Audiyo's bracelets (made from recycled guitar parts).

2. Headlamp.  Whether we're fixing the car, or just trying to find the cat in the backyard at night, headlamps are a delightfully dorky, hands-free flashlight.  Totally functional. 

3. High-quality shirt.  You need to know her measurements first, but once you do, why not treat your butch to a really awesome shirt from somewhere like Brooks Brothers?  Or even better, take her to a shop where she can get measured and pick out the fabric for a custom-made shirt!  I've personally never had one of these pricey (~$200) numbers, but supposedly the fit is terrific, and especially great for women who usually have difficulty fitting men's shirts to their body.

4. Massage.  Top or bottom tendencies aside, many butches appreciate a good rub-down.  Choose a not-too-girly spa with tons of privacy, and buy your butch a gift certificate there.  (Note: if you're not the butch's lover or a really close friend, choose something else or you'll look creepy!)

5. Something From Lucky Dog Leather.  Virtually everything these guys make is super cool, and they have some great designs that are stylish without being showy and come in enough sizes to accommodate any butch, no matter how big-boned or tiny-wristed.  One of my personal favorites is their ring belt ($82) in brown and antique brass.  I'm really into some of their cuffs, too.

6. Tickets.  These can be tickets to a concert, a play, a sporting event, a reading, a circus--anything your butch loves.  It doesn't even have to be something the two of you would both enjoy.  If you hate football or ballet or whatever she's into, give her two tickets and send her off with a buddy.  We won't think you're trying to get us out of the house; we'll think you're observant and thoughtful.  And trust us, we'll have more fun if we're with someone who also enjoys the event.

7. Music.  And speaking of good music, audiophile butches who don't already own them might enjoy some of 2011's excellent offerings, which include Fleet Foxes' Helplessness Blues and Bon Iver's Bon Iver.

8. An Interesting Found Object.  Since this isn't exactly a period of worldwide financial bliss, many of us are looking for ways to cut costs.  And gift-giving can add up fast.  Why not make a pact with your sweetie to give each other something cool that you found in the natural world?  An abandoned bird's nest or unusual rock can make a memorable gift.

9. Glasses.  After Bee Listy's excellent post on the matter, I've had Warby Parker on the brain.  This socially responsible company donates a pair of glasses for every pair sold, and they even have a free home try-on program so that you can try out up to five different frames at a time.  Their glasses are $95/pair, lenses included.  As me and my bespectacled butch buddies know, this is a heck of a deal.  Give a gift certificate and let her pick!

10. Pocket Knife.  Admittedly, the toughest thing it's ever had to saw through is heavy-duty packing tape, but I nonetheless love my Gerber Paraframe Pocket Knife, which can be had for around $20-$25.  It's lightweight, has a partly-serrated blade, and isn't so large that it feels unwieldy in my hand.  I'm guessing it would be a great fit for many a butch.  The one pictured here is a 3.5-in. blade like mine, but there's also a mini version--and I'm guessing, a larger one as well.

There you have it, folks--10 gift ideas for the butch in your life.  Stay tuned for my next post, in which I'll suggest at least 10 more!  What are YOU planning to buy for the butches in your life?  And butches, what are you hoping to find under the tree?

Most of the girls where I grew up started wearing make-up in middle school.  By the start of high school, I still wasn't on the bandwagon.  I didn't understand why girls were expected to wear make-up, since boys didn't have to--and goodness knows there were dozens of boys at my high school whose goth-pale or acne-addled complexions would have been improved by a touch of foundation.  But since no one expected them to paint over their faces' imperfections, I was inclined to exhibit my own just as freely. 

Understanding that I was a pretty logical kid, my mom chalked up my aversion to makeup (as well as to carrying a purse) as old-fashioned, practical minimalism.  As my overloaded tie rack now reveals, this was off the mark, but given the evidence available at the time, it was not an unreasonable hypothesis.  Although my mom didn't want me to be Barbielicious or anything, she sometimes commented on my lack of interest in makeup--or, as she put it, in "putting on a little color."  E.g. (pleadingly): "Don't you want to put on a little color?!?"

Playing to my "minimalism," my mom would try to give me makeup survival tips.  "Instead of carrying around separate blush, you can just put a dab of lipstick on each cheek and rub it in," she might advise conspiratorially.  Or: "In a pinch, you can always use mascara to darken your eyebrows."

I was highly doubtful that I would ever be in a "pinch" involving insufficiently dark eyebrows.  But gamely, I gave both strategies a shot.  I wore makeup on and off for several years.  Putting it on always felt like putting on a costume, but I could look at myself in the mirror and see that I was pulling off a conventionally feminine look.  I figured that this was how all women felt--that it was one of those burdens that she-creatures have to bear, like menstruation or writing thank-you notes. 

When I was married to my DXH, every time I applied what seemed to me a LOT of makeup, I'd ask him if he thought it was okay.
DXH: Is what okay?
BW: My makeup.  Too much?
DXH [looking at me; tilting head]: You're wearing makeup?
BW: Obviously, YES.  And possibly way too much of it.
DXH [squinting]: I literally cannot tell that you're wearing any makeup.
BW: I don't believe you.  I look like a clown.
DXH: Sweetie, what seems to you like a LOT of makeup is not exactly what the rest of the world considers a LOT of makeup.
BW: Oh.  Well, now I just feel stupid.
DXH: Sorry.  In that case, you look like a two-dollar whore.

As a kid, I tried to humor my mom's suggestions to look more feminine, which often involved compromise on both our parts.  Because I threw a huge fit at the prospect of putting on a skirt, my mom tried to persuade me that culottes (thanks to Bee Listy for the correct spelling) were JUST like shorts.  "Then why can't I just wear SHORTS?" I'd ask, incredulous.  (My mom and I are still very close, by the way--which is proof that, despite occasional frustrations on both sides, a butch dyke NPR-loving daughter and a conservative, Fox-News-loving parent can still find enough common ground to want to spend time together.)

It wasn't that I objected to the style of the culottes (though I should have).  Nor were they physically uncomfortable; they felt like well-ventilated shorts.  But there was something I hated about other people seeing me in a skirt.  It felt wrong, uncomfortable, humiliating.  Some butches say that in childhood, they "felt like a boy," and didn't want people to see them in the "wrong" clothes.  But I didn't feel like a boy; I felt like a girl who wanted to wear pants and a tie and have everyone think I looked dandy that way.  From a very young age, I wanted sex and gender to get a divorce.

(A brief aside: This is what I mean when I say that there's something "visceral" about masculinity.  My DGF doesn't like me to use the word "masculinity."  She says it's too tied to maleness, and that part of the fun of being a butch woman is turning maleness on its head by co-opting its trappings.  But for me, "masculinity" refers to a style of dress and way of being that is not tied to biological sex--although for the rest of the world, there happens to be a very strong correlation.  For me, maybe masculinity is more of an aesthetic?)

Anyhow, the other day, for the first time in years, I slapped on a touch of makeup, just to see what it felt like.  And you know what?  A bit of lipstick and some eyeliner looked kind of kickass with my masculine glasses, haircut, and clothing.  It was enough of a pain that I don't plan to do it again anytime soon.  But it was pretty funny that after so many years of resisting makeup, it finally didn't feel "wrong." 

It makes perfect sense, though, doesn't it?  Since I'm at a point where I feel free to dress as masculine as I want to, a tube of lipstick isn't a threat to my core being.  It's just--well--a little color.

In my last watch post, I gave an overview of the three kinds of watches essential to a butch wardrobe: black, brown, silver.  But what if you want to go above and beyond the confines of classic fashion? Here are some ideas.

#1: The White Watch

Grand for slaving away at your desk or grinding away on the dance floor, white watches are fun, fashion-forward, and increasingly popular.  I scored the one on the left on eBay, slightly used, for $36 (normally in the $80-$90 range new).  Other hot white watches include this one from D&G and the Nixon Graduate (which I mentioned in the last post, but *love* in white!).

#2: Color Splash!

Though you shouldn't wear it more than once a week or so (or it will become a little tiresome), a big ol' shock of color on your wrist is a really fun way to smack some style into an otherwise dull outfit.  For example, I might wear my lime green Nixon Time Teller (pictured left) on a day when I'm wearing jeans, sneakers, and a plain black button-up shirt.  Nixon Time Tellers (pic below) have been ridiculously

 

popular for the last year or two, and are still going pretty strong--probably due to their simple style and relatively affordable price tag.  The Swatch New Gent (which I discovered on the Sartorial Butch's blog a while ago) is along the same lines, but a little less ubiquitous.  (I am presently coveting the Petrol Rebel--just an FYI for those of you who are trying to decide what to buy me for July 4.)  Look around for a cool watch in your favorite color.  The Noon Watch, pictured at right, is kinda snazzy.  If you want to be extra retro, go digital, like this Freestyle.

#3: Vintage Virtuosity

Ah, "vintage..."  This widespread term can mean anything from "used" to "antique" to "hipsterrific."  But basically, anything before 1980 is going to be something most people don't have.  For a brief time, I was obsessed with Russian watches from the 1960s and 1970s, three of which are pictured here.  I bought them on eBay for between $15-$20 each.  The catch?  They all stopped working within a month of their arrival.  And according to the rather rude watch guy at my local drug store, one of them can't even be fixed.  So go vintage, but understand that it can be a gamble.  Still...  so cool, right?  "Oh, this old thing?  It's, like, a Russian watch from the 1960s.  Yeah, that's Cyrillic alphabet.  Beautiful, isn't it?  ...Oh sure, I'd love to go out with you sometime."  Watchismo, which I mentioned in the last post, also has a small, pricey collection of really cool vintage watches. 

#4: The Nerdbucket

Nerdy is IN.  And one way to fly your nerd flag fly high is by sporting a dorktastic watch.  These can feature calculators (a la 1986), or simply be plain ol' digital throwbacks, like my personal favorite, pictured left.  I got it on Amazon for $13.48, and love to wear it with a plain white shirt and jeans, or with a nerdly-cool T-shirt (e.g., my Ninja on a Bicycle shirt), or even with a sweater vest if I'm feeling extra awesome.  I put many digital watches, even relatively cool ones, into this category.  I do not, however, include watches designed specifically as "sports" watches.  These fall into the next category.

#5: Sports/Jock/Survivalist Watches

It is only reluctantly, and at the urging of my DGF, that I include today's final category.  It's not that I don't like or appreciate these watches--indeed, I'm rather fond of my own Timex Ironman (which I wear to the gym, or to the grocery store, or other overtly sporty or casual contexts).  It's simply that I've found that most butches are already well-acquainted with this  category of timepiece--so much so, in fact, that unless they're especially faggy and/or fashion-forward, this may be the only watch they own.  Case in point: my DGF's watch, pictured here, is a Casio that gives the time, altitude, barometric pressure, and God knows what else--probably tide tables, the phases of the moon, and the Federal Rules of Evidence.  As my DGF is fond of pointing out, it is made of titanium, which makes it lighter than other watches of this stripe.  And as I am fond of pointing out, it is solar-powered, which means that it's excellent on sunny days and less useful on cloudy ones.  Like many butches, my DGF finds her sporty survivalist watch appropriate for every occasion from snorkeling to parties to weddings.  Note to butches: #5, while wonderful, is not, in fact, appropriate for every setting.  See my previous watch post, as well as #'s 1-4 on this post, for some inspiration!

Here's what I wore to work today.  The shirt is Calvin Klein and the tie is Perry Ellis Portfolio.  I used be ambivalent about solid black ties, but they work well with a variety of shirts, including almost anything with dark stripes.  I wore nice black dress slacks with it, and felt pretty sharp.

Right now, one of my favorite places to buy ties is from rabbitstop, an Etsy seller.  She makes great ties and always has a huge selection (over 500 right now!)  They come in three different widths and she can often customize a tie you like for the width you want.  All six ties I've ordered from rabbitstop have been awesome quality fabric.  They're a little challenging to tie, because they're slightly thicker than store bought ties.  But they look great.  Below are some samples of rabbitstop's ties.

My other go-to tie source is discount clothing stores: Marshall's, TJ Maxx, Ross, and the like.  Of course, if you're not on a budget, you can just swing into Macy's or Nordstrom and drop $50-$100 on whatever tie you please.  But for me, discount stores are great because they often have last season's brand-name ties for a third of the original price.  And as long as the tie looks good on you, who cares if it hit the stores last season? Shop around for long enough and you'll find your go-to brands and can be on the lookout for them.  I seem to love Calvin Klein ties, and Kenneth Cole Reaction isn't far behind.

Introduction to Tie-Buying: A few Basic Do's and Don'ts:

DON'T spend a bunch of money until you've figured out your own personal style--and you will!  But it takes time to learn what suits you.  In the beginning, many of us dress like our fathers, which (may or) may not suit us.  Try different colors and combinations.  Try knit ties and bow ties and plaid ties and wild ties. 

DON'T buy a skinny tie unless you are skinny.  I know you want to look like Don Draper--hell, we all do.  But if you're a heftier butch, a too-skinny tie will make your head look enormous.  My girlfriend looks rad in a skinny tie; I, on the other hand, look like I have just eaten the Pillsbury Doughboy.

DON'T buy a wide tie.  Yes, these were en vogue once, and they will be again someday, but now is not their moment.  Anything wider than about four inches (at the widest point) is pushing it. 

DO take along a stylish buddy or two to help you decide what looks good (and run interference in the event of dressing room confrontations...).

DO learn how to tie a tie.  I learned by using these online videos of a hilariously boring British guy.  There's also a version made by the Sartorial Butch!  She teaches two knots: the four-in-hand and the full Windsor.  If you only learn one, go for the four-in-hand; it's easiest and most versatile.

DO choose ties that will match at least two or three different shirts.  (Again, if money's not a concern, scratch that.)

DO get the length right.  After you finish tying it, the end of the tie should fall precisely at the middle of your belt.

DO keep your shirts in mind.  If you have no grey shirts and no orange shirts, a grey-and-orange checked tie is not your best bet.  Sometimes I'll take along a particular shirt I'm trying to match.  You can even snap a few pictures of the row of shirts hanging in your closet and take them along.

DO try mixing patterns.  This can be fun--my favorite is a tie with a large plaid print against a shirt with a small checked pattern.  For some starters, check out this link--it's not bad.

I'll write more about ties in the future--they're one of my favorite articles of clothing, after all.  But I'm hoping this will get you started.  Send me pictures of your tie-buying adventures--I'd love to post them on the blog!

There are some little accouterments that every butch should have in her fashion arsenal, and one of these is...  metal collar stays!  Woohoo!!

[Several seconds of resounding silence]

Okay, okay--I know they may seem a little mundane, but if you've never used them before, they will rock your world. 

Basically, all men's shirt collars that are neither button-down nor especially casual have little slots on the underside (one on each side).  These are where your collar stays go.  Many shirts come with plastic ones that, unless you are more fastidious with your laundry than I, are likely to end up warped and thin at the bottom of your dryer. 

Metal collar stays are worth buying for several reasons.  They weight your collar down better than plastic ones, and keep the points of your collar taut and crisp.  This is especially important if you launder your shirts yourself and don't always (or ever) iron.  If you forget them in the dryer, no problem--they come out perfectly fine and never warp.  PLUS, you can keep them in a little glass jar in your bathroom, which is both convenient and attractive:

It's hard to tell from the picture, but I have two different sizes of stainless steel collar stays.  (I've also hung onto the plastic ones that are suitably thick and haven't been been through the wash yet.  Most of them are pretty cheap, though, and I just toss 'em.)  I recommend getting 6-10 stays of two different sizes (anywhere from 2 1/8 in. to 2 3/4 in. is good--I find that I use 2 1/2 inch by far the most, so now I own mostly those).  Some eBay sellers offer good quality items for cheaper than most stores.  Don't pay more than a dollar per stay, and don't bother with the plastic ones Banana Republic sells--they're way overpriced for what you get.

Lastly, the Sartorial Butch pointed out a while ago that personalized collar stays make a good butch gift.  I feel so-so about this, since no one would  see the personalization.  Although you could always take advantage of their invisibility by writing hilariously inappropriate things on them.  After all, who wouldn't want a collar stay that said "MY BOSS SUCKS" or "NICE VULVA?"

For some queer women, “butch” means short hair and sensible shoes.  For others, it means sexual dominance.  For still others, it’s an attitude or a way of life.  To paraphrase former Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart’s famous take on pornography, the collective wisdom on defining butchness can be boiled down no further than: “I know it when I see it.”  So why bother to identify as “butch” at all if there are so many possible definitions? 

My DGF argues that it’s pointless to label one's self (ironic that she’s dating someone whose blog does exactly that, eh?), but I disagree.  When I first came out, I was scared of the word "butch."  I thought it meant that I wanted to be a man (I don’t), or that I could fix cars (I can’t), or that I’m attracted to femmes (I’m not).  But since then, I’ve come to embrace the word "butch."  Here are five reasons why:

1. Identifying as butch made me feel less deviant.  Instead of seeing myself as "failing" at being a woman, I could see myself "succeeding" at being a different kind of woman.  I could finally put a name to my collection of “defects”: wearing cargo pants, feeling like an alien every time I opened a women’s magazine, or finding it inexplicably crucial that I learn to tie a tie.  Viewed through this lens, countless moments of frustration and discomfort suddenly made sense.  Before identifying as butch, I had a collection of random dots; when I connected them, they finally made a picture.

2. I wasn’t alone.  Putting a name to my masculine-of-center femininity allowed me to identify others with similar traits--most importantly, to find others whose experiences echoed mine.  In some fundamental respect, there were people like me.  Even before I had butch buddies of my own, simply knowing that other butches existed made me feel less alone.

3. It helped develop my fashion sense.  Wearing women’s clothes made me feel like I was in drag.  This was part of the "defectiveness" I mention above; I just wasn't "doing" attractiveness properly.  But "butch" put a name to my style and categorized me as a possible recipient of others' sexual interest (though not my DXH's) even if I dressed as I wanted to!  Clothes became a source of fun rather than frustration once I realized I could be myself and look attractive in some recognized "sense" (albeit not a conventional one).  These days, I even enjoy shopping with my girlier female friends for their clothes, because I feel zero pressure to look like them.

4. It helped me define my attraction to others.  I spent a long time believing that if I wasn’t attracted to “feminine” women, I couldn’t be a lesbian.  If Rachel Maddow made me swoon, but Rachel McAdams left me cold, I was attracted to masculine people...  So, I reasoned, I was actually straight.  (This reasoning may strike some of you as silly, but I performed all kinds of mental gymnastics to convince myself I wasn’t gay.)  Recognizing “butch” as a category showed me that there was a common denominator among the objects of my attraction.  Yes, I was attracted to women--specifically, women of a certain type.  This helped me come to terms with my sexual orientation.

5. It gave me a useful vocabulary.  "Butch" is a great shorthand to express the idea of "a chick who looks sort of, but not really, like a dude," which was frequently something I wanted to express.  The term also came with useful attendant vocabulary, such as "bro date" (hanging out with a platonic buddy who also sort of, but not really, looks like a dude), "boi" (a queer woman who looks like a gay male high schooler) and "soft butch" (somewhere between androgynous and butch, which I studiously practiced through online use of the phrase, "soft butch seeks same").

Theoretically, I didn't need to identify as "butch" to accomplish any of this.  And maybe if I had been more confident, I wouldn't have.  But we are social creatures, and the word "butch" validated aspects of me that had never felt valid.  Ironically, putting a label on myself was pretty darn liberating. 

Here are today's shirt and tie.  Do not adjust your monitor--my neck really IS that white.

I first tied an excellent Windsor knot, but it looked odd with a button-down collar, because it's such a thick knot.  For button-down collars, I think it's best to go with just a casual four-in-hand knot (which is the easiest to tie, anyway).

Since my DGF had a job interview today, she let me drag her to Nordstrom Rack (a different NR from the one featured in a previous post) and dress her up yesterday.  Saying that my DGF is not exactly a fashionista is like saying that Fred Phelps is not exactly a fan of gay marriage.  She hates shopping, usually burns out after about 30 minutes, and doesn't want to try anything on.  (Oh--and in case this is causing a little head-scratching, I should clarify that my DGF and I are both butch, although she eschews such labels.)

I tried to talk her into a $50 purple shirt with wonderfully textured fabric, but she selected a Nordstrom brand white shirt with subtle blue and grey stripes--still really nice, and it looks great on her.  We also found some black pants for her lithe little 31-inch waist and a decent belt (she refused to get my favorite one because I told her that the buckle was at a "jaunty" angle; my DGF says that my use of words like "jaunty" and "delightful" make her feel like she's dating a 70-year-old man).

Bottom line: she looked damned good, and it made me want to dress her up some more, if she ever lets me.  Little does she know that I was taking mental notes about sizes and fits the whole time so that I can surreptitiously slip new, colorful shirts into her closet among her army of white button-down Oxfords (I kid you not--she has like six of the same shirt).

So how about you, dear readers?  Got any good tricks for dragging your own DGFs to the store, or are you usually the one being dragged?