This is such a tough issue for me. The only time I ever consider “femming it up” is when I am meeting/working with clients that may raise an eyebrow at me in a men’s suite and tie. The company I work for is fantastic and I’ve always felt comfortable dressing in men’s clothes in my office. Some of the clients we work with though, can be very traditional (lots of government agencies). When I’m meeting with these folks in environments where formal business attire is expected, my concern is not that someone may “look at me funny” but that my attire will detract from me being taken seriously, that folks will get too caught up in their own discomfort with what I’m wearing and loose track of the work we are trying to get accomplished.

In my 10 years or so in the professional world I inhabit, I have never seen a woman in a man’s suit and tie at any professional events or meetings I’ve been to. Yes, I’ve seen plenty of butch women (or at least women who appear butch) but they never quite cross that line, they are usually in a fairly androgynous women’s suit, for less formal occasions a button down and slacks, but I have yet to see a woman sport a tie.

Right now I’m still hovering around the “tie line”. I’ve crossed it and worn a tie on some occasions, and I gotta say, it felt great! I *felt* good about how I looked and felt good about myself. (As opposed to feeling not quite at home in my own skin when I wear women’s suits.) The first time I did this I was nervous. My colleague and I drove to the meeting together and upon seeing me her first comment was “you look great”! That was reassuring. After the first few minutes of pre-meeting schmoozing I was totally at ease.

Despite this positive experience, and several other similar ones since then, I’m still not confident enough to “assume” I can go that route for all similar occasions. I still have the think about who’s going to be at the meeting, how they may react, what they may think…I hate that I have to go through this process, but I do. Those doubts and fears about how others will evaluate me, and more importantly, how those evaluations will influence my effectiveness in my job, keep me from always being able proudly march across that tie line.

@Rhys - You almost sound like you're still working on justifying it to yourself, and I can only imagine how hard it will be when you're looking forward to transition, but it sounds like you've made the right decision - if you're going to go and do this work, this is how you have to do it. I hope that you have ample emotional and mental support during the time you're there so that it's as easy as it can be.

Re: general discussion - I was told again and again in high school, by my parents, by the authority figures at my (redneck, small town, backwards) school, to tone it down, not be so obvious, so over the top. Apparently a buzzed haircut and guys' jeans and polo shirts were justification for throwing rocks, cracking ribs, and other forms of harassment...and had I just dressed like a girl, everyone would have left me alone.

So needless to say, I'm pretty resistant to any circumstance that might cause me to have to "femme it up." Since I'm not a dumb kid anymore, I probably would do so if it truly would make a difference in my safety....but I'm not sure how much it would have helped in school, after the word was already out.

My partner and I drove through the deep South to visit my mum in TN, and there were several times she threw on my giant straw floppy hat when she got out to pump gas. Once she even had it on when she had the hood up to see if we were overheating, and some guy in overalls with a gun rack on his truck came over and offered to help. She was damn glad she had on my ridiculous hat. Safety trumps identity every time!

When we moved to England her family was worried she was too butch to get a job here. And when she was offered a job, they said they were offering it on condition that she 'wear a bit more make up and soften up a bit'. She needed the job so she did it, and she's never been more miserable. It took a terrible toll on her self esteem, and after eight months we decided no job was worth it.

Great blog, as always. :)

Job interviews have always been the tough one for me - I think people over here in England are more conservative, particularly away from the major cities. For my last interview for a permanent job back in 2002 I wore a ladies suit with a skirt - I hated it but I got the job. i will never know if that wa sbecause of how I dressed. Though my boss subsequently told me she had liked my purple blouse! However ive sinced starting working for myself and when i go to interviews now for contract jobs or consultancy positions I wear smart casual mens clothing - and so far it hasnt had any negative impacts. This may be due to my client group (public sector) or itmay just be because actually I perform better when im comfortable and being myself and that comes across when they inetrview me.
I dont think i could wear make up if my life depended on it since I last did so when i was 17 at a fancy dress party and im now 45!
Aty the end of the day we all have to do what we need to to get through but for myself - I would rather be poor than work for someone that dictates what i can and can't wear - it just isnt worth it.

And as for the wedding question - persuade the freind to let you go in something you are comfortable in, dont be miserable in a dress all day if you dont wnat to wera it, it will just spoil the photos...!

I am majoring in Secondary Education and I have to have a certain number of hours in a school before I start my student teaching. With the profession comes certain expectations as to how one must dress. And I have been told by several people (professors and my classmates) that I have to femme it up or face serious consequences. I am from the south and I have also been told that because sexual orientation is not protected in the discrimination laws that once I get a job, I could be fired for simply being a lesbian. I femmed it up the first few weeks but it got to the point where I could not take it any more. I have been wearing clothing from the men's department and so far nothing has been said to me. The only thing that has remained semi-femme about me is my hair. It is about shoulder length and I either have to flat iron it or put it up. I have talked about getting it cut but those I have talked to have told me that cutting my hair would be pushing it over the line. I plan on continuing wearing what I am comfortable in until something is said to me. Even if something gets said, I plan on standing my ground on my right to wear clothes I am comfortable wearing. In my opinion, my abilities as a future teacher should be way more important than me dressing in femme clothing. As long as I dress professionally and act professionally, nothing else should matter. A person cannot teach if they are uncomfortable. I feel that the only way to have things change is to keep pushing for them. And I am determined to push until I see that change happen.

I'm still in college. And I'm not sure how long I will have to teach before I am able to get tenure. Even if I am awarded it, I could still get fired because homosexuality is viewed as immoral and any act that is viewed immoral is grounds for termination. I plan on pushing for change. And if they continue to refuse to accept the fact that homosexuals are entitled the same rights has heterosexuals, then I will move to a place where my teaching ability matters more than my sexuality.

" a little? Here are some possibilities, along with my recommendations.

:-( clicked on the link to show and comes up with error 404 object not found.
Any other way of listening to your radio interview?