So, I'm actually not a butch woman. But here is one thing I think you should think about.

Butch women who are attracted to other butch women experience discrimination because of their gender presentation; both the discrimination all gay people experience and discrimination based on their gender presentation. You do not experience this discrimination.

Are you, as an author, making a name for yourself, or financially profiting by your writing? How can you use those privileges to help butch women experience less discrimination? Can you have a blog for straight men that talks about what straight men can do to help support equal rights for butch women? Can you donate money you are paid for this work to a charity that works towards equal rights for butch women?

I didn't say that he didn't understand that discrimination.
I said that he didn't experience the same discrimination as butch women do. I didn't say that he didn't experience any discrimination at all.

I am a butch woman and don't think he has some responsibility to use his money to fight discrimination or any such thing. He has the same responsibility as everyone else in this world: to try to be a decent person. If he writes something that earns him money, he is the one who has done the work, and it is his money. He does not owe it to anybody.

I don't care if a straight male writes butch fiction. First off, it is fiction. It is a story he made up. It's not like he's lying or fronting. Making things up in order to understand them or connect with them is a human trait. Secondly, is it a good read?

It's good to see a male investigating his own desires. I work in a male-dominated field, and it is sad to see the prisons men build for themselves (only allowing certain very narrow types of expressions, etc). Some of them become so unha

You said it perfectly here. I don't believe he has any obligation to financially contribute to anyone. That would be like saying that because I do a blog or a vlog about something that is not directly part of my own life that I would be assumed to be supporting that cause financially or physically in some way...nope, sorry we are all struggling, and we can choose to write about whatever we wish in my opinion. I would read your stuff guy. I have not qualms with your gender or your sexuality, I seldom check those things when I pick up a book that interests me. Sure, I have bought books by Butches written more for Butches but that's just because it appealed to me at that moment. I say rock on, if you can write well, then do it. If you can write without slanting it towards hate or degradation then go for it! I hope to see for myself what kind of stuff you would come up with! Forward a link perhaps? ~Ang

I think its awesome! I love how in touch with yourself you are. I myself am attracted to butch women and over the years have had to battle the questions from ignorance, not only from friends and family, but even within myself. As a lesbian, they would say, you should be attracted to fem women. Why would you want a women who looks like a guy? they would ask. Why not just date guys? they would ask. these are not questions that come with simple answers. I really appreciate the "queer" aspect of who you are and what you are doing. I dig it and would love to read some of your stuff!

I'd rather my money go to supporting women authors rather than straight (and I presume, white) cismales, but I got nothing against you as an erotica author so long as you deliver a good product.

there's a few things that really concern me about what you wrote, though I do appreciate your willingness to at least hear what bw readers have to say.

Firstly, the language in your post conflates gender presentation ("female masculinity makes my knees weak") and sexual orientation ("I've longed to be around lesbians"). Female masculinity and lesbians are NOT the same, and it is really offensive that you do not distinguish that here, in your language (you may yourself understand that difference; in which case your refusal to demonstrate that understanding is even more perplexing). In my opinion, until you can demonstrate an understanding of gender and sexuality, no, don't write erotica that is targeted for queer women. Educate yourself; do not expect lesbians to do it for you. That's offensive.

Secondly, you seem to be asking two different questions: one is about your own desires, and that's easy. You do do, my friend. Like what you like. Fantasize about whatever you want. Fuck who you want, as long as everyone's consenting. I fully support you when you say that "Our identities are incredibly personal to who we are," and I fully support your right to like whatever the hell you like. HOWEVER! Prefacing your question with a spiel about your identity is really problematic, because your question is not actually about your identity/desires, it's about the capacity in which it's appropriate for you to encroach in queer space. And making it about your own desires means that when lesbians say "no I don't want you writing about me and my identity" you can turn it around and say "look at that lesbian who told me I couldn't be who I wanted to be," and that is not ok. So: while I appreciate that you are trying to ask, please stop asking this question in a way that makes it about you and your poor, maligned, misunderstood desires and start asking it in a way that prioritizes the group of people with less privilege than you. If you are thinking about playing around in queer spaces and you are walking around in a straight marriage, with all the legal and social benefits that confers, you need to be more aware of your privilege.

Third, there's the issue you're asking about, which boils down to whether it's ok for you to write and publish in lesbian anthologies erotica based on an identity (lesbian, not queer) that will never, ever include you as a cis man. I, personally, would absolutely not buy a book of lesbian erotica knowing that it had a story in it by you. The thought makes me feel dirty. I find your desire "be around lesbians" tokenizing and disgusting. But that's a different question than your right to write those stories. As long as you are upfront about it, that your author bio always makes your gender identity clear, you're not deceiving anyone. You have every right to write whatever stories you want and seek publication for them in whatever venue you want, and I have every right to think that you're a douche.

You're right--it does seem like he means well, which is great. But the problem is not intent, it's power and privilege. And so when a person who has privilege (in this case, the straight cis man) writes in the voice of or even just about a marginalized group, especially if he does so in ignorance of the issues that are pertinent to the voice he's trying to coopt, well there's just a really ugly power dynamic at play there, one that EY sums up really well in the various comments here.

Really, I understand what you are saying, but I feel that the idea of privilege and how people act upon it can often be very misguided and counter-productive to it's original intentions.

I just can't support making people feel guilty for the situation in life that they are in, and often had no say or control over. And I find that's often what this idea of "privilege" does, especially in how we define it through this "us vs. them" mentality.

Our society is very much a hierarchical pyramid. But I think the biggest misconception we have, is that being closer to the top of pyramid is somehow beneficial or better to us. It's not. The biological, social and psychological drives within us that created this lay-out for society are not necessarily here for our benefit.

They are here because of evolution. Survival of the fittest. What was once a survival drive is now a petty game that leads us away from understanding each other. What was once there to defend us from predators is now here to defend us from... nothing. We live in a time where there are no more predators as we knew them thousands, or even hundreds of years ago. But that sense, that fear, that competitive drive, it's still here. But all we are surrounded with is each other.

Thus, those around us will be targets of our out-dated instincts. Our biology doesn't know that we are safe, that we can stop focusing on survival through fear, and instead focus on progress through understanding and compassion.

I think that privilege doesn't recognize the very complicated nuances of people and play into this unnecessary pyramid structure of society. It's the people at the bottom trying to climb their way to the top.

Privilege is perhaps a softer version of that, and yes! There is passion and understand in it. People's comments here have shown that. But at it's core, it's still plays into the system that is not benefiting us.

It's also not really a system that we can get rid of overnight. It may even take a very, very long time. Our out-dated instincts are still here, and because of that, they are still relevant. But what they are saying to us doesn't have to be the final word.

Really, sociology can endless frustrate me sometimes in it's tendency to perpetuate stereotypes of people.

This social policing, I just can't get down with it. I mean, your post doesn't exactly warrant being called "policing," but I've encountered people, statements and experiences that were very much that.

Hi:

You've made some good points, and in paragraph four really touched on the heart of the matter, which, in my view, is fear. How we allow others to manipulate us through fear, (the current election hoo-haw being a VERY powerful case in point) How we measure the "validity" of our own emotions by comparing them to how others that we consider peers are reacting to the same...inputs...for lack of a better word, in order to avoid being rejected.

Politicians manipulate our instinctive fear of the unfamiliar to get us to vote for them on the promise that they'll "take care of that problem" which always seems to boil down to confronting "wrong-thinking" people who want to destroy "our way of life"

While there is a “dominant culture” few people would identify themselves as belonging to it, except when they are trying to make the case that cultural artifacts such as marriage must be preserved exclusively for themselves.

An important point is that they refuse to identify such artifacts as the symbols of hetro-sexist, patriarchal privilege, which is exactly what it is. Marriage was created by men, for men. To it's “defenders” It's never anything less than the “Will of God.” Which is, of course, utter bullshit. Dropping the expectation of a dowry from the brides family didn't become widespread in this country until the middle of the 20th century. It is still considered “traditional” here that the brides family pay for everything. In most of the world, it's cash on the barrelhead. Why? To “cinch the deal” because women are less valuable than men.

As ludicrous as it sounds to us, many of the white conservatives that flock to groups like the tea party really and truly consider themselves a beleaguered minority. You could point out exactly how they benefit from being a member of the dominant culture, and how their status is predicated on denying that same status to “outsiders.” They wouldn't believe you.

But just as important, they, and us, are truly frightened by the prospect of being rejected by the societal sub-culture we have attached ourselves to.

As any city dweller here knows, a city isn't a megalithic entity, all those dwelling within part of a homogenous mass. A city is a grouping of neighborhoods that happen to be attached to one another. Those neighborhoods are just as "small town" in their outlook and attitude as Wall, South Dakota or Polson, Montana.

And the heart of that attitude is, "I'm surrounded by people who accept me." Very, very few people who are considered "social outcasts" actually wander off into the wilderness to live alone. They find others like themselves and create their own community. It's human instinct.

And the fear of being rejected by that community is truly terrifying. "Normal" society rejects them, and now their chosen community does also. Adapting to one's chosen community is so integral, so hardwired, into human life that we do so without giving it any thought at all.

Humans MUST acculturate. Whither it's a community one seeks to join as an adult, or the community one is born into. Being a true outcast, rejected by everyone, is something most people would move heaven and earth to avoid.

So we adopt the correct method of viewing the world. Whatever that view may be. We see a society of patriarchal and racial privilege, with material wealth, and the opportunities to amass it, being it's most visible reward. To many white people, that's crazy talk. This society isn't that way AT ALL.

You could not convince most of them to see your point of view because that would entail rejecting the societal sub-culture they have been acculturated into. You would be asking them to risk rejection from those they consider beloved peers.

And it all reduces down to...fear...Without fear, none of the most prominent features of patriarchal culture could survive. You can't have sexism, racism and misogyny and homophobia without fear.

If we cannot learn to conquer fear within ourselves, if we cannot face the necessity of using love and compassion in dealing with those who reject us, attack us and oppress us, nothing, NOTHING will ever permanently change for the better. It will ALWAYS be, two steps forward, one step back.

If we cannot conquer our own fear, we cannot help them conquer theirs. And yes, they need our help.

As an addendum, I want to add my support for what Jennifer is saying in the post above mine. (I published my response before refreshing the page and seeing hers.)

I'm butch and I've noticed male attraction (with a bit of confusion). And I work to be mature enough to just accept it. I can't stop you from fantasizing about people who aren't attracted to you as much as anyone can stop me.

But, as for longing to be around other lesbians, lesbians are just a collection of individuals of varying appearances just like every other group so can you really say that you long to be around just any crowd of lesbians? I can't. There's where the creep factor comes in.

On the issue of majority writers writing minority characters: two things. First, there are real life consequences to being imagined by others. Fiction is not necessarily harmless; pop culture and high art alike can play a part in making oppressive behaviors seem normal, inevitable, heroic, humorous—and this can happen entirely without any kind of malicious intent on the part of the writer.

(Also: I do not belong in the same category as a werewolf hunter or a Jedi knight. My existence isn’t nearly as thrilling, or as fictional. Those of you who are tempted to make these analogies, please stop.)

Second, minority writers find that visibility doesn’t come easily. While no one is contesting the right of hetero cis men to write hetero cis characters (and while these characters can be found to be believable, complex, compelling and “universal”), queer writers writing queer characters will often get treated to a reception of a different kind. This means a few things. When hetero cis writers write from an assumed queer perspective, they risk reinforcing oppressive dynamics (and again, this can happen without awareness or intent), and they are pushing already marginalized voices further into the margins.

This can happen even if they’ve carefully researched their material beforehand. This can happen even when they intend to be nothing but respectful. Systematically marginalized people need all the airtime they can get when it comes to shaping the public narratives on who they are, where they’ve been, and what they need. For this reason, I don’t have any qualms about telling a straight man, “There are many, many stories that are yours to tell. This isn’t one of them.”

On the other hand, a queer writer writing a straight character will not somehow contribute to oppression or misrepresentation of straight people, because there is no such thing. Nor will she be a hindrance to straights representing themselves on their own terms—and having those terms taken seriously.

As a writer myself, I take no issue with your writing from different perspectives, butch lesbian, gay man, alien, whatever. It is ridiculous to expect a writer to only write about things they have experienced. Some of my writing is from a straight male, straight female, butch lesbian, and trans perspectives. I am none of those things. I do the best I can, I research about the types of people I'm writing about to make them as authentic as possible. And there are quite famous and amazing writers out there who do the same. One of my favourite authors is Anne Rice. Anyone who has read any of her books knows she has written from a male perspective quite often, and often from a gay/bi male perspective. Not to mention that some genres of writing would disappear completely if authors had to stick to writing about people like themselves.

I also don't think someone writing about any topic, any type of person, or anything at all should be expected to donate monies made from their work to charities that reflect their characters. In what other profession do you dare require someone give their hard earned money to a charity because of what they do for a living.

Lastly, as long as he understands those boundaries, that he can write all he wants, but not hit on butches (at least ones in relationships or that are lesbians) or assume that he has some sort of right to convince them to have a relationship or sexual encounter with him, I don't see the problem.

PS: I made the distinction about butches in relationships because just because someone is butch does not guarantee they are a lesbian.

Hi Ed,

I didn't get your guest post! Try sending again, if you don't mind. butchwonders@yahoo.com.

Cheers,
BW

"I've longed to be around lesbians, but I don’t want to force myself into a community that isn’t looking to have me. I want to write about this delicious type of woman that excites me, but I don’t know if I have the right to do so."

LOL, this isn't too far from "ohh, can I watch?"
I've longed to be treated by men as an equal human being rather than as a masturbatory fetish. I see no difference between this and so-called "lesbian" (i.e. straight women screwing for pay) porn produced by hetero males.

Write whatever you like, but don't expect us butch dykes to support it. We are dykes, after all - men need not apply!