These may not be as patently silly as May's search terms were, but it still amazes me what people can search for to reach Butch Wonders. Here are some of my favorites from this month:
- "top 10 butch chick names" (Flopsy, Mopsy, Cottontail, Mittens, Pammi, Tammi, Kitti, Kiki, Candi, and Lulu.)
- "how to be more butch" (Change your name to one of the above.)
- "my butch will not have sex until after marriage." (I just hope you don't live in Arkansas or something. That could be a loooong wait.)
- "i have a crush on my friend angie who is a lesbian shes 30 im 62" (The specificity of this search is what gets me. Did this person expect to find a website that was like: "Hey, if your name's Angie and you're 62, you've got to read this?")
- "straight women attracted to butch women" (Butch women hot. Straight women not so straight.)
- "are rachel maddow and susan still together" (Rachel hasn't called to ask me out yet, so I'm assuming so.)
- "lesbian bloogs" (Are ooften gooood tooo loooook at.)
- "want to do it all syndrome" (If this is a real thing, I totally have it.)
- "why does ellen only wear pants?" (What is this person watching?? Disappointingly, in everything I've seen, Ellen is wearing a shirt, too.)
- "wonders of the world very very very very very very very very wonderful than all wonders of the world" (Butch wonders very very very very very very wonderful indeed.)
- "my daughter is beautiful and is attracted to butchish women" (Yay! Lucky you! You get the best of both worlds: a true gentleman for your daughter, and a daughter-in-law for yourself.)
- "lesbian thank you for smelling good" (You're welcome.)
- "how many dogs have the name butch" (3667.)
- "i want a faux hawk but im a girl" (Sorry. Your sex presents an insurmountable obstacle to the haircut you want.)
- "dont date temperamental men" (Good idea.)
- "does it mean your gay if you have a fohawk" (Yup.)
- "why are people butch lesbians" (Because sometimes hairstylists accidentally give straight women fauxhawks and it turns us into butch lesbians. Sadly, it's irreversible.)
- "wear only suit vest" (Bad advice. I suggest pants as well.)
- "Do straight guys hug a gay guy as friends?" (No. As I've covered in the past, this turns you gay. A straight women can hug a lesbian without becoming a lesbian... but if the lesbian she hugs is butch, they will probably become at least a little bit gay.)
- "how to tell if your butch" Look at the palms of your hands. If you are butch, there will be either a green crescent or a purple star immediately below one or both of your index fingers.
