My DGF and I travelled to my brother's house, where my parents and my sister-in-law's family are also staying. I feel like I'm on the periphery of a family--like I don't *quite* fit in, like I'm not *quite* a real, functioning adult. Things that "real" people have--kids, a house--just aren't part of my life (and maybe never will be), and this drives some kind of psychic wedge between me and other people. Like I'm just on a different trajectory. During non-holiday times of year, I just quietly exist in my own separate paradigm. But somehow on Christmas eve, trying to fall asleep on the couch in my niece's playroom, I just felt so... Different. Not inadequate, exactly, more like a different (perhaps slightly defective) species. I can't explain why. It's not just the gay thing, though that's part of it. Maybe everyone feels this way at Christmas. Do you? Does anyone else recognize the feeling I'm struggling to describe?
Merry Christmas, dear readers. Sending you all hugs and wishing you all peace.