Happy 2013! I've been sicker than a proverbial canine the past few days, and I think it's the flu. For me, one of the worst things about having the flu is the caffeine withdrawal headache. With a regular cold, I can power down a cup or two of coffee even when I don't feel like it. But with the flu, NO way is anything going into my mouth besides saltines and watered-down Gatorade. Which means a massive caffeine-withdrawal headache on top of the chills and nausea. It's the only time I've thought seriously about popping caffeine pills. But I resisted, because when you don't have caffeine for a few days and then you have it again, it's like, KA-POW! (In a good way.)
Anyway, I thought I'd start the year by posting December's best search terms! There were quite a few goodies last month that somehow landed people on Butch Wonders...
That's it for today, folks. Back to my watered-down Gatorade! Much love to you for the new year!
Anyway, I thought I'd start the year by posting December's best search terms! There were quite a few goodies last month that somehow landed people on Butch Wonders...
- "LESBIAN BUTCH" (This is a pretty common search term to get to my blog, but I love that 13 people searched for it in ALL CAPS. Did they think that they would get DIFFERENT, SLIGHTLY LOUDER RESULTS?)
- "if someone asks you if you a boxer does it mean they want to have sex with you" (Yes, it does.)
- "Dr.????PASCAL?????" (Is???IT REALLY????YOU???)
- "what to call a cute butch" (I usually go with either "You boxer" or "Dr. Pascal.")
- "men lycra sexy costume" (A costume search oxymoron?)
- "lesbian porn two girls sweater vest" ([Cue cheesy music] Oh, Darla, look. There's only sweater vest... Looks like we will have to share. [Meaningful glance])
- "gayism ends at age of 30 years" (Ever since my gayism cleared up, my nasal congestion and burning sensations are gone!)
- "wearing a white tshirt and belt means you are lesbian" (Duh.)
- "if a gir emails another woman everyday is she gay" (For sure.)
- "sexy man with cape" (Can it be a lycra cape?)
- "hamster nipplepircing on girles" (Any way you slice it, this is an awkward search.)
- "butchy smack" (I'ma talk some butchy smack at you.)
- "butch glue" (Your butchy smack bounces off me and sticks to you!)
- "cute university colors in california" (Worst possible way to choose a college)
- "being gay at christmas" (I like the idea of changing your sexual orientation for a holiday. This Easter, I'll be straight! Flag Day? Bi!)
- "surprised gays having sex" (Do you think they didn't know it was Christmas, then they woke up having sex and were like, "Oh--I totally forgot that we are gay at Christmas...")
- "i love surprises gay" (Well, then merry Christmas!)
- "Some people favourite some weird stuff.. I'll tweet "on my way home" and someone will favourite it like a goat" (Aaargh, yes! Farm animals are always favoriting my most boring tweets! Grr!)
- "should women serve on juries" (Don't women have enough rights already?)
- "uncomfortably sexy german man" (Hallo. Mein name eez Dieter. I ahm very sexy but it maakes me so uncahmftoble.)
- "i don't get confused while shopping for clothes" (Big whoop. I don't get confused when I'm at the grocery store or the dry cleaner.)
- "gayest looking man" (Here is my submission. This is also a fave.)
- "10 things butch lesbians like in bed" (1. pillows; 2. sheets; 3. duvets; 4. books; 5. socks; 6. iPhones; 7. blankets; 8. puppies; 9. hot chocolate; 10. saltines.)
- "how to maintain peace with a hipster butch" (Whenever she mentions a band, say, "Whoa, I've never heard of them.")
- "tools aren't butch" (Untrue.)
- "abstract llbean" (Theoretical REI. Conceptual Target. Ideational Macy's Mens. It's a postmodern shopping extravaganza!)
- "is ellen a dyke because she wears men's clothing" (Yes! Men's clothing turns straight women gay! I put on a men's vest back in '06 and I've never recovered.)
- "what make women become dyke" (Women wear men clothes women become dyke so weird but so fun!)
- "flirting with my tie" (That seems like a last resort. Have you tried online dating? Or dressing a cute straight girl in men's clothes?)
- "pictures of my old gay clock" (Here's one!)
- "1 so good store that people would be so intrestid in and it has to be writen in" (Worst business plan ever.)
- "lesbian, the girl seems awkward with my presence" (Perhaps the girl lesbian is just awkward with your sentence construction.)
- "ways to bring a lesbian demon in the girls bedroom" (You are creepy. Please put down the Internet machine and call a friend.)
- "Im butch lez so do i make a good decision by buying my g.f a box of chocolate and card?" (If she likes unimaginative convention, you're so on it!)
- "teen lesbians showing thier boobs and in mood of dangerous" (I'm going to be in mood of dangerous if your writing doesn't improve.)
- "be kind to the straight people" (They can't help it, the poor dears.)
- "how to wear a banana swim suit" (A banana is not a sufficient swimsuit! Tangerines and strawberries are out, too. Maybe a really big watermelon, though. Maybe.)
- "lesbians who use restrooms to get girls" (Hey, baby. Been to this restroom before? Yeah, it's one of my favorites, too. Want to check out the toilet paper?)
- "amanda palmer impostor syndrome" (A little-known syndrome in which the sufferer believes he or she is named "Amanda Palmer.")
- "hit butch lesbians" (Ack! Please don't!)
- "lesbian drees" (Get yer lesbian drees! Right here, only ten dollars a dree! Limited time only!)
- "leopard pocket shirt general pants" (For those days when you want an extremely specific shirt, but you want your pants to be applicable to pretty much everyone.)
- "just because you are gay doesn't mean you like straight people" (That's right! And being a dolphin doesn't mean you like cats. And being a wrestler doesn't mean you like baseball players.)
- "how to know if youre the butch one" (If you're googling it, you're probably not the butch one.)
- "would a tattoo of five stars in different sizes on the right foot mean you're lesbian?" (Yes.)
- "what Christmas present to buy the butchy b**** you don't like" (I'm not sure which is weirder--the fact that this person is putting so much effort into buying a present for someone they don't like, or that they conducted their search with "b****" instead of "bitch," or that they thought that this was an actual genre of gifting.)
- "pod bielu koselu tricko" (What?)
- "ONE DIRECTION BINGO" (SOUNDS PRETTY STRICT.)
- "sexy hanukkah costume" (You've got my dreidel spinnin', baby.)
- "i like calling my girlfriend mama lesbian" (For some reason, I hope that this isn't a lesbian who calls her girlfriend "mama," but a straight guy who likes to call his girlfriend "mama lesbian.")
- "Monopoly sex" (Buy me a railroad, baby! Put up a hotel on Illinois Avenue! Then cover me in fake pastel money! Yeeeees, that's what mama lesbian likes!)
- "ashton kutcher wikipedia español" (How did this person get to Butch Wonders?)
- "if there is a four year difference in age can we still date in oregon" (Four-year age differences are illegal in Oregon. Five-year age differences are fine, though.)
- "if you're 18 years of age can you hit someone younger than you?" (No; you have to wait till you're 63 to hit someone younger. Except in Oregon.)
- "lion suit good gents" (Because every good gent fancies a jungle animal dress-up day now and again.)
- "classy men doing classy things" (Like dressing up as a lion!)
- "mens toilet paper outfit" (Another classy option for a classy man!)
- "classy guy wearing a long plaid skirt" (This month's searches abound with classy options!)
- "how to make everyone know someone is gay" (Flier the building.)
- "where can i buy a penis cake pan in grand island nebraska" You are way too exciting for Grand Island, Nebraska.)
- "what to say when someone asks who the girl is in a gay relationship" (Tell 'em, "If you can't figure it out yourself, that means you're gay, too!")
- "whole knitted man suit" (Yes, this is obviously a bad idea, but you may not grasp how bad unless you see it.)
That's it for today, folks. Back to my watered-down Gatorade! Much love to you for the new year!
