Okay, I'm hesitating to post this because it makes me seem way more curmudgeonly than I actually (think I) am. Oh well.
I should also say that at least for me, and maybe for other people, none of this applies if you're a close friend or close family member. It's more when acquaintances or (godfuhbid) strangers offer their advice that I blanch.
What you say: There are soooo many options for people who want kids!
What I hear: You're probably too stupid to figure this out, but you can procreate without having sex with a man!
What you say: But you'd be such a good parent!
What I think: I'd also be a good race car driver, occupational therapist, or professional shoeshiner. Natural predilection does not a destiny make.
What you say: Some people are too selfish to have kids.
What I hear: You are selfish and shallow. Unless you have kids. In which case all is forgiven. But I thought better of you. Now you just make me sad.
What you say: You could always adopt!
What I think: No sh*t.
What you say: Lots of lesbians are having kids these days!
What I think: Lots of lesbians are also chain-smokers, alcoholics, drug users, glue-sniffers, head cases, doctors, truckers, and couch potatoes. So?
What you (usually another lesbian) say: My mom didn't fully accept my partner and me until we had kids. But now that she has grandkids, we're closer than ever.
What I hear: Your mother will never fully love you until you procreate.
What you say: There are SO many children out there who need good homes.
What I think: So why didn't you adopt instead of having biological kids? Oh--you're scared you'll end up with a crack baby or a psychopath from a Russian orphanage who's never been held? But I should go for it? Thaaanks.
What you say: NO one thinks they want kids. Then they have them and they're glad they did.
What I think: Am I the only person in the world who's ever heard of cognitive dissonance?
What you say: Are you thinking of having a family?
What I think: So, me + DGF + slightly swollen canine ≠ "family?" Screw you.
What you say: You haven't lived a full life unless you have kids.
What I hear: Your life is invalid. There's only one way to redeem yourself, and it smells like diapers.
What you say: You may think you know what love is, but you don't really know what love is until you have kids.
What I hear: All your feelings are pathetic, shallow, and invalid--mere shadows of what they could have been. Alas!
Okay, so I'm being melodramatic, but you get the idea.
I actually don't think the pressure is nearly as bad for lesbian and gay couples who don't want kids, as it is for straight couples who don't want kids. People basically assume that opposite-sex couples are going to have kids, and that if they don't, it's because there's something biologically "wrong" with them. Instead of just getting asked, "Do you think you'll have kids someday?", people will ask questions like, "Do you think you're going to... start trying?"
Well, folks, it's been nearly FIVE months since I talked to any of you. But lest you thought I'd fallen off the face of the earth, I'm popping my butch little head up to say hello. It's not that work has abated--goodness knows THAT hasn't happened--nor that I think I can write every day, or even every week. Rather, I sort of thought I'd know when it was time for me to come back, even occasionally, and it's time.
In the spirit of re-acquainting ourselves, I'm going to list some things that have happened to me in the last five months. Then YOU list a couple of things that have happened to YOU in the last five months. Deal?
Okay, here's mine:
So that's me in a nutshell. I have lots, lots, lots more to say. I'm officially back, although "back" may mean a once-a-month posting. I don't know yet. But I do know that I missed you. I probably won't be back to answering emails or Facebook posts for a while, but I'll try to be in touch whenever I can! :)
Your turn! What's new with you guys?
As you may have noticed, my blogging has slowed considerably. I want to blog more--daily, actually--and have been prevented from doing this because I have to work part-time jobs in addition to my main job to make ends meet.
A friend of mine advised, "Dude, make Butch Wonders your part-time job." I said, "That'd be great, but how?" She said, "You have 2000 readers a day! If each of them gave five bucks, Butch Wonders could be your part-time job for a year."
Dear readers, would you be willing to give a couple bucks to have a BW post every weekday? You could think of it as buying me coffee and a cookie to say, "Thanks for writing this blog, yo. I like it." That's right--excellent freakin' blog entries from yours truly. On a regular basis! What fun! And I could throw some prizes into the mix, too.
Here are a couple of polls to help me figure out exactly what to do:
Thanks for filling these out!
Thrilled to be figuring out a way to bring you the best in lesbian blogging,
As you know, I enjoy wearing queer themed t-shirts. And I'm not the only one! Two awesome BW fans in SF (who contributed to this entry, btw) have created this "JUDGE ME" T-shirt to help keep the DOMA and Prop 8 Marriage Equality debates centered on the LGBTQ community and our allies.
They're donating all proceeds to a combo of important charities: the Human Rights Campaign, SF's LGBTQ Community Center, and Lyric, a Queer youth empowerment program. (Check out the video.) There are only TWO DAYS left in their campaign and, with your help, I think we can push them over their goal. Whaddaya say?
When I started this blog, I swore that I was never going to apologize for not posting frequently enough. I'll just post whenever I want, I thought. It's not like I'm going to feel guilty if I don't.
Well, I'm going to go back on my word: sorry it's been so long since I posted! A few things have happened in the last month-ish of time that have taken me away from blogging. Want to know what they are?
So there it is, dear readers; you're totally caught up on my life.
Now stay tuned for our regularly scheduled programming...