After a year, my Butch at the Beach post is still one of my most popular, but I wanted to write a couple follow-up posts to answer some great questions I've gotten from readers.  Here are a few you've been asking:

What other swimming-related questions have come up for you this summer?  (I'll probably be writing another swimwear post soon and will answer as many as I can.)  What tips and tricks would you give to other butches about swimwear and beachwear? 

Holy matrimony, Batman!  Lately I've gotten lots of questions from brides in heterosexual weddings asking what to do with a butch lesbian bridesmaid, since many of us would rather pierce our own eyeballs with blunt toothpicks than wear a fetching dress of sea foam green chiffon.  Here are some FAQs for traditional or semi-traditional brides-to-be:

Q: Should I make my butch lesbian friend wear a dress if she's my bridesmaid?  
A: No, no, no.  Give her that option if you want, but don't expect her to take it.  You asked a butch dyke to be your bridesmaid, and you should respect who she is.  If you had a male best friend and wanted him to be a bridesmaid, would you make him wear a dress?  Of course not.  Years later, I remain grateful to my friends E&R for inviting me to wear a suit and tie as a bridesmaid at their wedding.  

Q: Should I wait till she asks me what she should wear, or until she asks if she has to wear a dress?
A: No.  I can guarantee you that if you've already asked her to stand by your side, but haven't told her what to wear, the poor dyke is sweating bullets in fear that she will be forced to choose between: (1) wearing a dress and feeling horribly uncomfortable; (2) pissing you off.  Let her off the hook ASAP (and ideally as soon as you ask her to be a bridesmaid) by telling her that you won't make her wear anything that will make her uncomfortable.

Q: But my Aunt Mildred is a devout Christian and will freak out about a woman in guys' clothes!
A: Having your butch friend wear a tie doesn't mean you're disrespecting A.M.'s religion.  Explain to your aunt that you allowed your friends to wear what they're most comfortable in, and that this will help everyone enjoy your wedding.  If necessary, remind her that Jesus loves everyone, no matter what they wear.  Or: don't tell her in advance at all.  People are usually on their best behavior at weddings, even if they're surprised by something.

Q: But if my friend doesn't wear a dress, the wedding parties won't be perfectly symmetrical!
A: Oh no!  They won't be symmetrical?  Holy crap--why not call the whole wedding off?  Come on: When you look back at your wedding photos in 10 or 20 years, you'll think fondly of how much fun everyone had, not admire how well everyone matched.  When I married my DXH, I had one of my best friends be the "usher" instead of a bridesmaid simply because he's a guy and I thought I was supposed to have the "sides" look the same.  What a stupid choice!  What matters is that your closest friends are by your side on your big day.  Oh: and that the wedding cake doesn't suck.  And that the photographer isn't wasted.  And that the music is good.  (See how many more interesting things there are to worry about?)

Q: Okay, so what should I have my butch bridesmaid wear?
A: [Rubbing hands together] Here's the fun part!  You've got a ton of options.  I'll throw out a few, but be aware that the possibilities are practically endless:

1. Whatever the groomsmen are wearing.
2. Pants the same color as whatever the groomsmen are wearing, with a shirt the color of the bridesmaids' dresses.
3. A plain suit (men's or women's, her choice) with a plain white shirt or light grey shirt and a tie that you (or you and she) pick out to match the bridesmaids' dresses.
4. The same thing the groomsmen are wearing, except with a suit vest instead of a jacket.
5. Any configuration of the possibilities listed above.
   

Email me if you want some more detailed tips.  I could even be persuaded to do a little fashion consulting on the side!

Q: How do I treat my butch bridesmaid's girlfriend?  Does she sit with the wedding party?
A: Do whatever you're doing with your other bridesmaids' significant others.  Which I hope is seating them with the wedding party, but if there's not room, people will understand--you just need to treat everyone the same.

Q: If I'm giving all my bridesmaids the traditional gift you give people in your wedding party...  what do I give the butch one?
A: If it's a "girly" gift that she'll hate, get her something else.  (What is your hubby-to-be getting his groomsmen?  That's one option.)  Other ideas: a pocket knife (I'd suggest either a cool folding knife like this one or a multitool type like this one) , a Bespoke box of awesome, or a set of cuff links (I love these, these, these, these, and these).  

Q: What about the bachelorette party and stuff?  Will she feel totally comfortable there?
A: This is a hard one, because she might not, especially if she doesn't know all the other bridesmaids.  But you should still invite her.  If you want to do girly things, emphasize that you'd love to have her there and give her options that might make her comfortable.  For example, if you're all going for manicures, tell her she's welcome to get a men's pedicure or a foot massage instead.  Or, say she can come be the official photographer whenever she doesn't feel like participating (butches love having duties).  If she expresses discomfort about parts of it, tell her to come to whatever parts she wants to.  And no, you aren't obligated to invite her girlfriend to the bachelorette party. 

See?  With a few small tweaks, you too can have an awesome butch bridesmaid who's stoked about her duties.

How about you butches out there who have been bridesmaids at het weddings?  Any tips?  Happy anecdotes?  Horror stories?

Much as I dislike certain creations of the men's fashion world, there is often a time and a place for, um, enthralling items like manpris (pictured right) and bolo ties (whimper).  But what are these times?  What are these places?  I've designed a quiz to assist readers in determining the appropriate occasions for butches to frolic around in these sundry items.  Match numbers with letters to complete the sentences.  The answers are at the end.

  

Here are some tips to help you look awesome, dressed-up, and season appropriate all at the same time.  (I also put a bunch in the Butch Store).

• Instead of silk, try lighter fabrics, like cotton, seersucker, and even linen. It will keep your neck cooler and look less heavy, too.
  

• Get preppy.  Don't shy away from seersucker, khakis, or boat shoes.  Prepsters used to have a monopoly on this stuff, but not anymore!

Check out the Butch Store for a bunch more great ties.  There's linen, cotton, orange madras, and plenty more.  Have another summer fashion questions?  Just drop me a line.

Okay, folks: we're in the throes of summer, and it's time for a butch fashion refresher.  (Note: The exception to these is Pride, where you can break any fashion rules you want.  I say: if full frontal nudity is accepted, your belt and shoes don't have to match.)

1. Now is a perfect time to go shopping for summer stuff, because it's all on clearance!  I love waiting till a season's underway, then snagging the good stuff for half price.

2. Athletic shorts are to be worn only if you are doing something athletic.  Going out to dinner does not qualify as "athletic."  (Hiking shorts are a different matter--I'm talking about mesh or nylon basketball or running-type shorts.)

3. White belts are IN, and so are light grey ones.  Pair with light-colored pants or shorts, and shoes that are not completely black.  Check out the photo at the right.  Soooo hot!

4. Experiment with lighter fabrics, like linen and seersucker.  They're actually kind of fun.  If you don't know where to start, try cream-colored linen shorts or a seersucker button-up shirt.

5. No pleated shorts (please).

6. Boat shoes and deck shoes are in.  Wearing them with socks is out.

7. It's perfectly acceptable to wear black socks with athletic sneakers if all three of the following apply: (1) the socks are athletic-type and barely go above your ankle; (2) A significant portion of your shoes is black; (3) Your shoes are not the least bit dressy. 

8. It can be hard to find men's shorts that aren't absurdly long.  If you have this problem, too, check out--I kid you not--the golf shorts at a fancy department store.  Most are dorky, but some are awesome.  Plus they have secret pockets.  Another place to look: "outdoorsy" stores like REI.  Many hiking shorts are versatile enough to be worn anywhere.

9. Choose short-sleeve button-up shirts made of light material, and not too wide in the sleeve.  You're going for this look, not this one.

10. Get goofy.  Summer's a great time to experiment with colors and patterns you wouldn't ordinarily wear.  So break some of your usual rules--heck, break some of mine, too--and go have fun!