In the past 24 hours, I have received some emails, comments, and Facebook messages alerting me that my boots post didn't mention Dr. Martens.  (There are, of course, Docs in the Butch Store, and I'll add more tonight.) 

I've been less of a Docs fan since they moved production from the UK to China, but still, they are undeniably and iconically butch.  So I thought I'd add a little follow-up list of my favorite Docs styles and colors.  Enjoy!

...So what are your favorite Docs?

Everyone knows that butches love boots.  It's one of those iconic accouterments that make us feel kickass.  So today, I'm giving you a quick guide to casual boots (e.g., boots that can be worn with jeans, khakis, Kuhls...  basically anything besides dress pants). 

There are several types of casual boots.  I'll list some, and then you should check out my favorite picks from my new casual boots section in the Butch Store.  My choices were mostly about style, but in part about size, since I know that many butches have trouble finding men's styles in small sizes.  (If that's a problem for you, you might also check out this site.)

Work Boots
It's been a long time since work boots were just used for work.  Work boots look great with jeans, and can even be worn to most non-physical-labor workplaces on casual days.  Many come with steel toes, which are super cool, but not really necessary (and actually pretty heavy) unless you work in construction or in a machine shop or something.  I especially like Frye Dakotas (pictured), but there are tons of great work boot options from many other brands, including Caterpillar, Thorogood (often made in the USA), and Wolverine. 

Chelsea Boots
I'm going to lump Australian work boots in with Chelseas, since they look so similar.  The basic point is that they fit like a glove and are easy to pull on and off because of the elastic sides.  For the quality, it's hard to beat these Blundstones (pictured)--but if you want something dressier, get a pair that looks more like these (the big differences are the polish/shininess and what the sole looks like viewed from the side).  Fun fact: according to Wikipedia (which is never wrong), the Stormtroopers' boots in Star Wars were plain ol' black Chelsea boots, painted white.

Chukka Boots
I used to hate chukkas, but I have to admit that they've grown on me.  They're stylish, come in great colors, and work in all seasons. Chukkas are ankle-height (the equivalent of mid-tops in tennis shoe terms) and usually have just 2-3 eyelets.  I like this To Boot New York pair (pictured, also comes in a dark chocolate brown), and Timberland and Johnston & Murphy make nice ones, too, including these and these.

Harness/Engineer/Motorcycle Boots
I don't usually think of engineers and motorcyclists as heavily overlapping categories, but boot names are the exception.  Made of heavy leather, these are usually taller than average boots and have a strap at the ankle and/or the calf for adjusting the fit.  Unsurprisingly, Harley-Davidson has some cool styles.

brown or black rubber ones.  There are bunches of great-looking ones to suit every butch's personality, including these "Culture Boots" (eh?) by BED:STU (the blue ones, pictured above), and these Wolverine 1883 Mayall DGs (pictured right).

It probably goes without saying that all of the boots I've written about here, as well as most of the ones in The Butch Store, are "men's," so it may be harder for you to find the right fit; if you're like most women, your feet are smaller and/or narrower than the average man's.  But with patience, you'll find brands that work for you.  (And here's a hint: using these insoles will increase your shoe size by a half to a full size!).  Hope you enjoy the new Butch Store additions.

_Last week, I received an email that brings up some self-presentation issues many of you have asked about.  This version of the email is slightly edited (for length, and--at her request--to protect this person's anonymity).  Androgynous Advocate writes:


A few times per week, I'm mistaken for a child. Since becoming a lawyer, the situation has gotten worse, especially in court.  Today, in preparation for my first upcoming trial, I decided to go to court to see what a trial is actually like. I asked the court officer (a fairly strapping butch) for permission to observe and she granted it.  But I guess she never informed the judge, because the judge made attempts to figure out who I was, including: "I see we have a 'little person' over there waiting. Does HE belong to any of you?"

I pretended I didn't know she was talking about me. After all, I am not a small boy so why should I answer?  But to add salt to the wound, the court officer got up and ambled across the courtroom to whisper to me: "Not only did the judge think you were a kid, but she called you a boy!" At this, I turned bright red and almost broke down into tears (but held it together).

Later, the judge inquired again and I told her I was an attorney observing (I was wearing a suit, pink button down, and even some makeup). She apologized for the mistake about my age but omitted the whole gender error.  This leads me to my question: I recently got a pixie cut.  I love my super short hair; it's easy to deal with and feels totally freeing.  But I've had to take a bit of shit about it.  My grandmother gave me a long talk about how long hair is more "becoming" and "feminine."  An ex and I even had a huge fight over my short hair, in part, because she felt it was unfeminine (though she later clarified that the fight was about more than just the hair).

Even though I love short hair, it bothers me when people lament my not being feminine enough. It's not like I want to be perceived as super feminine (I feel very androgynous on a personality level) but I don't like when people see my lack of femininity as a liability.  For whatever reason, being mistaken for a pre-adolescent male distresses me, and I wonder if it might be less likely to happen if i suck it up and grow my hair out a bit. Or should I embrace this characterization? If someone thought I was a man it might not be so bad but regressing to age 10-12 is tough when you're trying to prove yourself in court. Have you ever been tempted to change something about yourself so you fit more easily into "the institution" (for me, the courtroom)?


Dear Androgynous Advocate:

First of all, I feel your pain!  Yes, I think most of us butchy/andro types have felt pressured to change something about ourselves to blend in with some kind of institution: school, work, family, etc.  I've written about the wisdom of doing this at various times, and it's never an easy balance.  As I see it, you've got multiple questions, so I'll try to break my answer into parts.

Professional life first.  Re: the little person comment: OMG wow.  I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.  If I was in your shoes, I'd have been just as flustered as you were!  Good for you for keeping it together.  The judge was probably mortified (I sure hope so), and I suspect that the butch court officer was trying to commiserate, not to make you feel bad, since she probably knows all too well how irritating those kinds of mistakes can be.

In your professional life, you need to be respected as a professional.  Once you get established, people won't make these mistakes anymore (and they'll correct each other).  But in the meantime, you need t to be taken seriously.  So on first impression, it would be nice if they didn't think you were a boy-child.  If I were you, I'd take measures to minimize this.  You could always dye your hair grey and go to court as a little old woman--that would be kind of awesome.  But here are some better ideas:

1. Wear a brooch.  I hate wearing brooches, but middle-aged women wear them.  Young boys do not.
2. Wear pearls.  You don't have to wear them *all* the time, just the first time you meet someone.  All middle-aged female lawyers seem to own pearls.  Unless the judge mistakes the string of pearls for a puka shell necklace, pearls will help you exude "competent woman" vibes.
3. Carry a briefcase.  A nice one.  When you sit down, place it prominently on your lap.  Whip out a legal pad and nice pen, too, even if you don't need to write anything down.
   
4. Wear large earrings.  Big gold hoops are very middle-aged-woman.  Or bracelets.  Like bangles (shudder).
5. Wear a "shell" under your suit jacket.  These are those shirts that don't have collars.  They basically look like this, and are sort of like T-shirts with a much lower neck but made out of silky material. 
   

I hope one or two of these approaches won't be too odious for you.  Yes, I've been tempted to change for an institution.  I finally started wearing ties, but it took a long time before I felt like I wasn't being stared at. And just walking around my workplace, I still get stared at sometimes.  At one of my old jobs, I wore a girl-suit and hated it.  Basically I'm now convinced that as long as it doesn't compromise my reputation or clients or anything, the institution has to tolerate ME, not the other way around.  But it's incredibly situation-dependent.

As for your more personal dilemma regarding short hair...  so many butches deal with this at some point!  Don't all our grandmothers think we look more feminine (and thus, better) with short hair?  I think that most people are so steeped in gender norms that they don't know what they believe.  They just think girls are supposed to have long hair.  And you are a girl.  And when you have long hair you more closely match their idea of what a girl is "supposed" to be.  So they say things about how long hair "frames your face" or whatever.  But you know what, Androgynous Advocate?  Screw their opinions.  It's your head, not theirs, and they don't get to choose.  They'll get used to it and eventually stop bothering you (or you'll stop caring).  But it's a big deal that you find short hair "freeing."  Even if you decide to make some compromises about your professional appearance, in your personal life, you get to be you. 

Love,
BW

_I've heard some of you say that compared to our more traditionally feminine counterparts, there aren't many ways for butches to show off our style.  That's why one of my many missions is to debunk this myth and show you how awesome butch fashion can be.

Cufflinks are a fun, underused part of men's "jewelry" that butches can totally rock.  Like watches, they can add a bit of class, a splash of color, or a touch of whimsy to your outfit. 

It helps, of course, to know what you're doing, which is where I come in.  Follow a few easy guidelines and you'll be sporting cufflinks like a pro.

_First, only wear cufflinks with French cuff shirts--aka "double cuff" shirts.  Instead of buttoning normally, they have cuffs that fold back and are secured by your cufflinks (as pictured, right).

Historically, French cuffs were only worn with suits.  This rule is a relic, and no longer holds true.  Sure, you can wear French cuffs and cufflinks with a suit.  But you can also wear them with jeans and no jacket for a night of dancing.  The key is to match the formality of the cufflinks to the rest of your outfit.  Fuzzy dice cufflinks + a tuxedo is a no-no (unless it's Halloween and you're going as Irony).

Cufflinks are supposed to add a touch of style, not function like a neon sign.  There's no need to be flashy or gimmicky.  That said, have fun with them.  Assuming that you are a non-male-presenting butch, it will take a truly huge fashion offense to make you look like an arrogant tool.  Guys have less leeway.  Unfair, maybe, but a fact nonetheless.

Finally, wear your cufflinks with confidence!  Yeah, some people say that you shouldn't wear French cuffs if you're under the age of 40.  But I say: critics be damned!  And Frank Sinatra and the Sartorial Butch both agree with me.

_Check out this excellent GQ video, in which the "Style Guy" shows off his cufflink collection and says a little more about how to wear them.  Tomorrow I'll write Part 2, in which I'll tell you some great places to buy cufflinks.  For a preview, check out my new Butch Store Cufflink page!)

Ah, holidays.  Whether for Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or Boxing Day, chances are, you're on the lookout for gifts for the butch in your life.  Since many of us don't like conventional girly stuff, we can seem tough to shop for at first.  But don't despair!  Here are 10 great gift ideas.

1.  Cool bracelet or necklace.  Some butches don't like jewelry, but many of us do, especially if it's androgynous and versatile.  Personally, I'm coveting this Rothko-inspired one by Retimade (pictured), which would look awesome with a button-up shirt and fresh haircut.  I'm also partial to Audiyo's bracelets (made from recycled guitar parts).

2. Headlamp.  Whether we're fixing the car, or just trying to find the cat in the backyard at night, headlamps are a delightfully dorky, hands-free flashlight.  Totally functional. 

3. High-quality shirt.  You need to know her measurements first, but once you do, why not treat your butch to a really awesome shirt from somewhere like Brooks Brothers?  Or even better, take her to a shop where she can get measured and pick out the fabric for a custom-made shirt!  I've personally never had one of these pricey (~$200) numbers, but supposedly the fit is terrific, and especially great for women who usually have difficulty fitting men's shirts to their body.

4. Massage.  Top or bottom tendencies aside, many butches appreciate a good rub-down.  Choose a not-too-girly spa with tons of privacy, and buy your butch a gift certificate there.  (Note: if you're not the butch's lover or a really close friend, choose something else or you'll look creepy!)

5. Something From Lucky Dog Leather.  Virtually everything these guys make is super cool, and they have some great designs that are stylish without being showy and come in enough sizes to accommodate any butch, no matter how big-boned or tiny-wristed.  One of my personal favorites is their ring belt ($82) in brown and antique brass.  I'm really into some of their cuffs, too.

6. Tickets.  These can be tickets to a concert, a play, a sporting event, a reading, a circus--anything your butch loves.  It doesn't even have to be something the two of you would both enjoy.  If you hate football or ballet or whatever she's into, give her two tickets and send her off with a buddy.  We won't think you're trying to get us out of the house; we'll think you're observant and thoughtful.  And trust us, we'll have more fun if we're with someone who also enjoys the event.

7. Music.  And speaking of good music, audiophile butches who don't already own them might enjoy some of 2011's excellent offerings, which include Fleet Foxes' Helplessness Blues and Bon Iver's Bon Iver.

8. An Interesting Found Object.  Since this isn't exactly a period of worldwide financial bliss, many of us are looking for ways to cut costs.  And gift-giving can add up fast.  Why not make a pact with your sweetie to give each other something cool that you found in the natural world?  An abandoned bird's nest or unusual rock can make a memorable gift.

9. Glasses.  After Bee Listy's excellent post on the matter, I've had Warby Parker on the brain.  This socially responsible company donates a pair of glasses for every pair sold, and they even have a free home try-on program so that you can try out up to five different frames at a time.  Their glasses are $95/pair, lenses included.  As me and my bespectacled butch buddies know, this is a heck of a deal.  Give a gift certificate and let her pick!

10. Pocket Knife.  Admittedly, the toughest thing it's ever had to saw through is heavy-duty packing tape, but I nonetheless love my Gerber Paraframe Pocket Knife, which can be had for around $20-$25.  It's lightweight, has a partly-serrated blade, and isn't so large that it feels unwieldy in my hand.  I'm guessing it would be a great fit for many a butch.  The one pictured here is a 3.5-in. blade like mine, but there's also a mini version--and I'm guessing, a larger one as well.

There you have it, folks--10 gift ideas for the butch in your life.  Stay tuned for my next post, in which I'll suggest at least 10 more!  What are YOU planning to buy for the butches in your life?  And butches, what are you hoping to find under the tree?

Today, I'm taking a brief interlude from my coming out story to write a letter to a new object of my affections.

Dear Wool Tie,

I know we just met last week, but I want to tell you how I'm feeling about you.  It was good being around each other all day today, wasn't it?  I mean, your slightly-heavy-but-oh-so-soft fabric just feels right, especially for fall.  Simultaneously intellectual and badass, just like my platonic conception of myself.  See, we complete each other, Wool Tie.  Deep down in your plaid, woolen little heart, you know it. 

People think we look good together, Wool Tie.  They all said so.  You could see it in their eyes, Wool Tie.  They know that you and I are meant to be together.  I might even have some of your friends over.  Wouldn't that be fun, Wool Tie?  You know you'd love it.

The bottom line, Wool Tie, is this: I don't know how my wardrobe and I survived without you, and I hope we'll never have to again.

Fondly,
BW

I'll admit it: personally, I'm tatt-less.  I'm the kind of person who considers a bumper sticker too "permanent."  What if I suddenly *don't* want to save whales or listen to NPR anymore?  What if it turns out that "NPR" also stands for the National Project for Racism?  What if people take it the wrong way? 

Silly, I know.  And yet, my 30-year-old self wouldn't have been thrilled with whatever my 20-year-old self would have inked onto her body, which makes me wonder if my 40-year-old self will someday feel the same way about today's me.  If I *had* to get a tattoo, I'd probably choose a cuff: a row of books like a library shelf, wrapping once around my upper arm.  I'd have my all-time favorite books written in as the titles, leaving plenty blank for future favorites.  (Yes, I am a dork.  Surely, by now, that comes as no surprise.)

In any case, I know that tattoos are often part of the lesbian fashion repertoire--and for good reason!  At best, they can make your body into a sexy canvas.  See exhibit A, sent in by a reader: 

I mean, yowza, right??  They can also just be super artistic.  Here's another one someone sent in--one I thought was particularly cool:

And of course, tattoos also have personal meaning for many of their wearers.  Some of the tatts people sent in included people's names, special symbols, memorials, or spiritual/religious significance.  For example, one reader has this ancient Christian symbol to ward off evil tattooed just southeast of her belly button (and yes, that placement is hot):

So many dozens of butches sent in pictures of their tattoos that rather than choosing among them, I've made a slide show so you can see ALL of them.  Enjoy!

What a cool collection of pictures--thanks for the submissions!

Now, some questions for you:

1. How many tatts do you have?  Why not more?
   
2. Have you ever gotten a tattoo and regretted it (even secretly)?
3. What ONE thing, if you saw it tattooed on someone else, would make you absolutely certain that person was your soulmate?
   

Looking forward to reading your comments.

Most of the girls where I grew up started wearing make-up in middle school.  By the start of high school, I still wasn't on the bandwagon.  I didn't understand why girls were expected to wear make-up, since boys didn't have to--and goodness knows there were dozens of boys at my high school whose goth-pale or acne-addled complexions would have been improved by a touch of foundation.  But since no one expected them to paint over their faces' imperfections, I was inclined to exhibit my own just as freely. 

Understanding that I was a pretty logical kid, my mom chalked up my aversion to makeup (as well as to carrying a purse) as old-fashioned, practical minimalism.  As my overloaded tie rack now reveals, this was off the mark, but given the evidence available at the time, it was not an unreasonable hypothesis.  Although my mom didn't want me to be Barbielicious or anything, she sometimes commented on my lack of interest in makeup--or, as she put it, in "putting on a little color."  E.g. (pleadingly): "Don't you want to put on a little color?!?"

Playing to my "minimalism," my mom would try to give me makeup survival tips.  "Instead of carrying around separate blush, you can just put a dab of lipstick on each cheek and rub it in," she might advise conspiratorially.  Or: "In a pinch, you can always use mascara to darken your eyebrows."

I was highly doubtful that I would ever be in a "pinch" involving insufficiently dark eyebrows.  But gamely, I gave both strategies a shot.  I wore makeup on and off for several years.  Putting it on always felt like putting on a costume, but I could look at myself in the mirror and see that I was pulling off a conventionally feminine look.  I figured that this was how all women felt--that it was one of those burdens that she-creatures have to bear, like menstruation or writing thank-you notes. 

When I was married to my DXH, every time I applied what seemed to me a LOT of makeup, I'd ask him if he thought it was okay.
DXH: Is what okay?
BW: My makeup.  Too much?
DXH [looking at me; tilting head]: You're wearing makeup?
BW: Obviously, YES.  And possibly way too much of it.
DXH [squinting]: I literally cannot tell that you're wearing any makeup.
BW: I don't believe you.  I look like a clown.
DXH: Sweetie, what seems to you like a LOT of makeup is not exactly what the rest of the world considers a LOT of makeup.
BW: Oh.  Well, now I just feel stupid.
DXH: Sorry.  In that case, you look like a two-dollar whore.

As a kid, I tried to humor my mom's suggestions to look more feminine, which often involved compromise on both our parts.  Because I threw a huge fit at the prospect of putting on a skirt, my mom tried to persuade me that culottes (thanks to Bee Listy for the correct spelling) were JUST like shorts.  "Then why can't I just wear SHORTS?" I'd ask, incredulous.  (My mom and I are still very close, by the way--which is proof that, despite occasional frustrations on both sides, a butch dyke NPR-loving daughter and a conservative, Fox-News-loving parent can still find enough common ground to want to spend time together.)

It wasn't that I objected to the style of the culottes (though I should have).  Nor were they physically uncomfortable; they felt like well-ventilated shorts.  But there was something I hated about other people seeing me in a skirt.  It felt wrong, uncomfortable, humiliating.  Some butches say that in childhood, they "felt like a boy," and didn't want people to see them in the "wrong" clothes.  But I didn't feel like a boy; I felt like a girl who wanted to wear pants and a tie and have everyone think I looked dandy that way.  From a very young age, I wanted sex and gender to get a divorce.

(A brief aside: This is what I mean when I say that there's something "visceral" about masculinity.  My DGF doesn't like me to use the word "masculinity."  She says it's too tied to maleness, and that part of the fun of being a butch woman is turning maleness on its head by co-opting its trappings.  But for me, "masculinity" refers to a style of dress and way of being that is not tied to biological sex--although for the rest of the world, there happens to be a very strong correlation.  For me, maybe masculinity is more of an aesthetic?)

Anyhow, the other day, for the first time in years, I slapped on a touch of makeup, just to see what it felt like.  And you know what?  A bit of lipstick and some eyeliner looked kind of kickass with my masculine glasses, haircut, and clothing.  It was enough of a pain that I don't plan to do it again anytime soon.  But it was pretty funny that after so many years of resisting makeup, it finally didn't feel "wrong." 

It makes perfect sense, though, doesn't it?  Since I'm at a point where I feel free to dress as masculine as I want to, a tube of lipstick isn't a threat to my core being.  It's just--well--a little color.

You asked for it, you're getting it.  More--yes, more--pictures of butches in suit vests, looking hot!  Thanks to those of you who sent pictures.  Feel free to send in more.  Think of it as one big fashion collaboration among butches!

Here we have a vest worn by JB.  The vest is black, shirt is white, and the tie (though it's hard to see here) is maroon with a subtle plaid pattern.  Nice.  And the glasses are a dapper touch, too!

Who's the dashing, purple-clad figure to the right, you ask?  It's yours truly, in the same shirt-and-tie combo that I'm wearing here, but with a black suit vest (Stafford, bought new on eBay, $30 or so).  I wore this ensemble to the wedding I mentioned in my previous post, and received several compliments.

I received this picture with a note asking if I'd be willing to post a pic of a self-described "femme" in a suit vest.  My answer: heck yes!  (I never  understood why people  have librarian fantasies, but it's starting to make a little more sense now.)  This is Joni McClain, a photographer with Love and Light Images whose work you can also see at this link.

Next up is A, who had this waistcoat (that's what the Brits call vests, my fellow Yankees--classy, huh?) made for a wedding she attended.  She writes that you can choose your fabric and send measurements to this site for a custom job.  A also advises: "If you have a relatively large bust (as i do) then best to get the ladies fit."  I've got to say, a custom-made vest sounds pretty good to me!

Lastly but far from least-ly is one of your favorite celesbians and mine, the hot and hilarious Julie Goldman.  (Julie didn't send this in herself--I snagged it from Grace the Spot.)  Super cute, right?  It's also a good example of how faux-messy hair can look awesome with a tidy, put-together outfit.

There you have it, ladies and gents--five more ways that you can cut a dashing figure at work, at weddings, on the dance floor, or out on a date with this versatile and underused article of clothing. 

A few of you have sent in pics of yourself rocking suit vests.  As promised, here they are!  (And if you want to be added, just let me know and I'll include you in this post.)

First up, here's Cris in a textured mahogany vest sporting a pin instead of a tie.  She notes that she usually wears pins or brooches in place of ties these days, and also that suit vests can be a good choice for job interviews.

Next, here's Alyson Cheney, an aspiring model from Washington.  She's wearing what appears to be some kind of women's jacket/vest thing, but she butches it up with a tie and an attitude and looks great!

Third, here's Bren, author of the butch-femme blog Buzz Cuts and Bustiers (photo by Jess Orlando).  Bren says her favorite way to wear a suit vest is "with an untucked button-up shirt, dark jeans, sneakers, and a skinny tie."

Last but certainly not least: here's Whitney, who wore this outfit to a birthday party at a wine bar a few days ago.  I love the dark vest/dark shirt combo, and can think of a huge range of ties that would match the outfit, too.

And as a bonus, here's a photo of dyke fashion maven k.d. lang looking good (um, as usual) in a suit vest.  (BTW, if you haven't heard her recent album, Sing it Loud, get it!  It's awesome!  Here's the video for the first song on the album.  It's kind of weird, and--toward the end--pretty hot.)

There you have it, folks.  Suit vests and music for a happy Wednesday!