You can have straight buddies, trans buddies, tall buddies, and small buddies. But you definitely need some butch buddies. There's a unique, comforting tenor to my relationships with my butch friends that I just can't get anywhere else.
See, butch buddies share some cultural commonalities. Other butches know what it's like to be called "sir" at a coffee shop, have experienced the indignity of wearing a bridesmaid's dress, have struggled over whether to wear a tie to a job interview, and have lived through near-flat-top experiences at the local barber shop. It's important to have people with whom you can bond (and laugh) about this kind of stuff.
Sure, you're not going to be friends with some chick just because of your shared affinity for Axe deodorant. But if you DON'T have a trusted cadre of butch buds, seek 'em out--they can be useful in a multitude of situations:
Each of my friends fills an important role in my life, but I know I'd feel a peculiar loneliness without butch buddies--one that stems from having a part of yourself that no one else can really "get."
See, butch buddies share some cultural commonalities. Other butches know what it's like to be called "sir" at a coffee shop, have experienced the indignity of wearing a bridesmaid's dress, have struggled over whether to wear a tie to a job interview, and have lived through near-flat-top experiences at the local barber shop. It's important to have people with whom you can bond (and laugh) about this kind of stuff.
Sure, you're not going to be friends with some chick just because of your shared affinity for Axe deodorant. But if you DON'T have a trusted cadre of butch buds, seek 'em out--they can be useful in a multitude of situations:
- Shopper. It feels far less weird to shop in the men's department when I'm shopping with my buddy C. For one, I'm not the only woman in the men's dressing room. For another, we can swap inside info about which brands of dress shirts best accommodate breasts.
- Advisor. Especially if your butch buddy is older than you, she's got some experiences you can learn from. If you need to find something passably gender normative to wear for the holidays that won't make you feel like you're in drag, this butch buddy is your woman.
- "Guy stuff" tutor. Unless you enjoyed an ultra-progressive childhood, there are probably one or two "guy" things that you were never socialized to learn. This could be tying a tie, changing your oil, assembling IKEA furniture, or driving a stick shift. But whatever your gender-normalized Achilles heel may be, some other butch has figured it out, knows you're embarrassed that you can't do it, and will teach you how. She may make fun of you in the process, but don't be fooled--you're stoking her butch ego, so it's a total win-win.
- War buddy. Sometimes navigating as a non-gender-normative person in a gender-normative world can suck! People aren't always nice to you. It's self-affirming to be able to exchange stories with someone who really gets it. (And who won't say things like, "If you don't want to be treated differently, maybe you should dress a little more feminine.")
- Reality checker. I think that in general, butches tend to be straight shooters. You can relate a story about an argument you had with your girlfriend, then ask, "Was I being a dick?" And if you were, your butch buddy won't hesitate to let you know.
Each of my friends fills an important role in my life, but I know I'd feel a peculiar loneliness without butch buddies--one that stems from having a part of yourself that no one else can really "get."
