Wow, I haven't blogged for four days!  Dagnabbit.  I've been thinking a lot about this site, though: how BW can be better, more interesting, etc.  I'd also love it to be financially sustainable (i.e. if I could break even for my hours and site costs). 

I can't please everyone, and don't try to.  But I do care what this site's awesome readers think.  Because of you, Butch Wonders has gone from nothing (in May 2011) to over 1000 unique hits every day!  I want to keep BW strong and vibrant and growing, and to that end, I'd love your input.

Whether you're a regular reader or have only read a few posts, I hope you'll fill out this wee survey.  On the multiple choice ones, you can check as many answers as you want.

Here's the first installment of my "butches and jobs" series.  As regular readers know, last week I posted a survey asking butch readers about their job search histories.  I got a big response--well over 200 readers filled out the whole thing (thanks!). 

Unsurprisingly, my youngest readers didn't fill it out (since most of them don't have work histories yet).  But aside from this, there was a fairly widespread representation of ages.  See?

Okay, admittedly that pie chart is a little gratuitous.  But it was my practice for using Word to make charts, and I was too delighted with myself for having done this not to share it.  Pretty colors!  Wheeee!

Ahem. 

So as you might remember, I asked about what factors "affect" you when you're looking for a job.  You could choose as many as you want, or none at all.  The job characteristics I listed were: helps society, lets me wear what I want, gives benefits to my partner, lets me live somewhere cool, and lets me be as "out" as I want.  They're shown by percentage (in ascending order):

I thought these results were pretty interesting.  Maybe the most interesting to me was "I can wear what I want."  Seven out of ten of us are affected by this.  Maybe if we polled straight people, some of them would be affected by the ability to wear what they wanted on the job, too, but I highly doubt it would be 70%!  It's depressing that this is a factor so many of us have to consider.  But to me, this really underscores the idea that self-presentation, particularly when it comes to clothing choices, is at the core of who we are and what allows us to be ourselves.  Can I be "me" in a skirt suit?  Not easily. 

I was a little surprised that partner benefits were so low on the list--only 36%.  Maybe this is because a lot of you don't have partners, or have partners whose workplaces already provide insurance, or work in a field where benefits aren't typically available, or work in a country with universal health care.  A few people wrote in the comments that regardless of whether their partners need health benefits, as a matter of principle they try not to work for companies who don't offer same-sex partner benefits. 

"I can be as 'out' as I want" topped the list--more than 3/4 of you are affected by the extent to which you can comfortably be out as LGBTQ at work.  Not too surprising, since fewer than half of all states in the U.S. have protection for people who are fired because of sexual orientation.  Some of you have experienced this.  Here are a few quotes from the survey:

• "I have been fired, and not hired, for being butch."
• "I have been fired for being out."
• "I joined the Army but was booted out after 18 months because I was gay."
  
• "I have been fired for being gay."
• "Twenty years ago I was advised to leave a globally recognised accountancy firm as they would never make my 'type' partner. Weirdly, the advice was given in my best interest."
• "I was fired after a boss figured out I'm a dyke."
• "I was asked to leave an interview for being 'too masculine.'"
  
• "I have been fired for my sexual orientation...  since then I make sure my gayness is clear and undeniable from day one." 

That last quote is something that a few others of you mentioned as well: you come out immediately, even in as early the interview or through signals on your resume (volunteer activities, etc.).  Presumably if someone has a huge problem with it, they'll never hire you in the first place.  I understand the "who would want to work for a homophobe anyway" approach (I use this same approach when talking to prospective landlords).  But it's also really crummy that in an economy where jobs are scarce, we'd be excluded from any of them for who we are. 

More to follow about butches and jobs in future posts.  Happy Leap Year! 

(Oh--and a note to you statisticians out there: I'm fully aware that this isn't a random sample, that I haven't controlled for various factors, etc., etc.  I'm not claiming scientific validity!)

I've been thinking lately about the myriad ways in which sexual orientation, gender identification, and gender presentation affect our occupational choices.  We might imagine multiple ways this could happen:

1. Maybe we choose a job where we can present as we want to and not feel alienated.  For some of us, this might mean being able to bring our partner to the holiday party; for others, it might mean not being the only woman at work who's not wearing a skirt.
2. Maybe we choose a job in which our partners aren't denied health benefits (and we probably also want to work somewhere where we can't be fired simply for loving whom we choose).
3. The dyke cop, the dyke librarian, and the dyke P.E. teacher are all cliches, yes...  but often there's a reason that things become cliches.  Whatever personality characteristics are associated with being a lesbian (and particularly a butch) may also be associated with whatever characteristics make people pursue certain professions.

Of course, lesbians can do anything.  We can be (and are) everything from ballerinas to surgeons, from firefighters to custodians.  But I know that in my own life, I've gravitated toward work that lets me be myself, and away from work that tends to favor or privilege those who conform to gender norms.

I'm really curious about what your experiences have been.  I would LOVE it if you would fill out the following brief survey and send it to me!  I'll tally the results and report them (anonymously, of course) in a future post:

Thanks for participating.  The more people who fill it out, the better and more interesting the results are likely to be, and the more interesting it will be to read about in a few days.  :-)

I spent several hours working (at day job stuff) this morning, then signed onto Twitter, only to discover that in the intervening hours, I had missed some crucial (okay, maybe not crucial, but interesting) stuff.  Then I signed onto Tumblr, which I don't usually use but have been experimenting with lately.  More missed stuff.  And don't even get me started on Facebook. 

Additionally, when I got my latest issue of Curve in the mail (I'm a longtime reader), it felt a little outdated.  I'm not sure if this had to do with layout, format, or content.  This led me to wonder what BW readers like to read (well, besides Butch Wonders, obviously).  Whether or not you ID as butch, I'd love it if you could take this poll.  (And if you check "other," please tell me what the "other" is.)

I'd also be interested to know what's changed for you in the last 2-3 years re: how you get your queer media news and content.  Personally, I rely more on specialized sites, as well as particular people (e.g., on FB and Twitter), and less on national news sites (except NPR, which I listen to almost daily).  I read blogs more than I used to, and read magazines less.  How about you?  And: do you access queer-related content differently from how you access other media content?

_If you're interested in sporting cufflinks, but aren't even sure where to start (and maybe don't even have more than 1-2 French cuff shirts yet), you're in luck--I have a whole new section of the Butch Store devoted to cufflinks.  I recommend starting with three pairs, in three separate categories:

1. Basic silver or gold.  These may not be exciting, but they're highly functional and work for any occasion.  They can have a geometric design (like the ones in the photo at right), but shouldn't incorporate other colors.   If you can't decide between gold and silver, just choose whichever you wear most often, since you'll want to match your cufflinks to the metal of your earrings, watch, and/or belt buckle.

2. Understated but distinctive.  This is my personal favorite category of cufflink.  It works for all but the most formal (think: tux) occasions, and expresses your style.  Choose something with just one main accent color.  I love these purple ones (pictured left), as well as these  banded African jade ones by

 Ike Behar (pictured right).  You can even find good-looking cufflinks that incorporate leather.  This category of cufflink should be matched to whatever shirt you're wearing.  The purple ones above would look great with grey, white, black, purple, or lavender, but not with, say, orange or red.  They're fine for the office, a date, clubbing, or dinner out.

3. Novelty cufflinks.  By "novelty," I don't mean cufflinks that turn into yo-yos or feature blinking lights.  I just mean cufflinks that are wacky and different enough that you probably wouldn't wear them on a first date.  Take, for instance, these Ed Hardy koi fish cufflinks (pictured left), which I do not own and happen to 

love.  Or what about the ones to the right, which are not only versatile cufflinks, but double as working levels.   Just in case you need to like, um, put up a shelf or something while you're wearing French cuffs (hey, it could totally happen).  Some cufflinks are absolute works of art.  Others allow you to proclaim your support for gay marriage, or double as 4G USB drives.  Whatever the case, these novelty cufflinks should only be worn out dancing, or to not-that-fancy restaurants, or to work on a day that you're not meeting with a client or a CEO or anything.

I hope you'll think about adding some cufflinks to your butch jewelry collection.  I'm curious: how many of you are cufflink veterans?  Take the poll below!

Remember how, when the DGF and I moved in together recently, we were excited to have found a place that would allow the world's most angelic cat to be safely separated from yours truly?

Well, the cat was miserable.  Truly, utterly miserable every moment he had to be separated from people, especially my DGF.  This created a problem, since the world's most angelic cat also happens to be the world's most allergenic.  We tried everything, but ultimately decided that it was too serious of a health risk for me to be around him, and too miserable for him to keep living in just one part of the house.  Even though my DGF gave him special one-on-one time every day, and even though we kept the window open so that he could spend as much time outside as he pleased, he was still bummed out virtually every second he wasn't with people.  He would release this heartbreaking cry that just killed us.

So after a ton of heart-wrenching deliberation, we decided it would be best to re-home him.  We spent more than six weeks finding him the perfect home: a four-acre parcel of land in a semi-rural area with a big house owned by a cat-loving bachelor who has one other cat whom he dotes on like crazy.

In other words, the GK (that's "Grey Kitty;" shown above being typically attentive and saint-like) is going to be in total cat bliss.

Today was re-homing day, and it was really sad.  I feel a ton of (unjustified, I know) guilt for being hyper-allergic to this excellent cat, and my DGF is very, very sad but handling the situation with great aplomb.

Ironically, I'm not too allergic to her other cat (shown here practicing yoga), who is grouchy and hisses at my dog.  I can't cuddle with him for long, but I can be in the same room as him without anaphylaxing.

Thinking about pets today made me wonder if the "pet-crazy-lesbian" stereotype is accurate.  It also made me wonder what kinds of pets you have, dear readers.  I hope you'll take the short polls below.

_I'd love to hear from you in the comments: what's the most extreme example of lesbian pet-obsession that you've ever witnessed (or personally enacted)?

Ah, gay men.  Often we think of them as having a lot more money, much better porn, and nicer abs than we lesbians do.  But how else do we think of them?  As our buddies?  Our rivals?  Our best bet for a Christmas dinner date to Grandma's house?  In this post, I introduce something I've been thinking about for a while: the relationship between lesbians and gay men.  And I intersperse a couple of polls throughout the article to get your take on the boys.  To start with:

Many lesbians and gay men dated each other in high school, but too often we grow apart later in life.  I've heard gay men say mean things about lesbians' supposed frumpiness, grumpiness, and penchant for plaids, and I've heard lesbians say mean things about gay men's supposed bitchiness and promiscuity.  (For the record, I am against neither plaids nor [consensual] promiscuity, though frumpiness and bitchiness are both no-nos in my book.)

There's something about the gay male ethos that's very appealing to many dykes.  Just as some lesbians exude masculine energy from a female body, some gay men exude feminine energy from a male body.  Maybe the mix of masculine and feminine energy is one of the reasons that gay men and lesbians sometimes develop crush out on each other.  (They can be as mad about Maddow as we are, and goodness knows we were stoked to learn that Quinto's a queer.)

I was reminded of my fondness for gay men after spending much of Thanksgiving chatting with my wonderful gay cuz, R., who is a photographer and a total cutie (and he's single, boys, so get in line!), and the evening before Thanksgiving with some great friends (including K&M, one of my all-time favorite gay couples). 

Maybe some of my affinity for certain gay men comes from their reputation (deserved or not) as tidy, dapper, and bookish.  There's something about the "dandy" aesthetic that many butches embrace.  In defining ourselves and our style, there's often a shortage of female icons to draw on.  The gay male aesthetic offers an image of masculinity that doesn't draw on heterosexual machismo as much as many straight male icons do.  And for those who see ourselves as oppositional (in one way or another) to heterosexual masculinity, gay male masculinity provides an interesting reference point.

What stereotypes do you hold about gay men?  What stereotypes do you think they hold about lesbians?  What could a gay man and a lesbian learn from one another?

As is often the case, Butch 360 made me think--this time about pronouns.  I shared my own preferences in that post, so I won't bother to recount them here.  But I was struck by the marvelous diversity of preferences among the contributors.  And it made me wonder what you, dear readers, experience with regard to pronouns.  To that end, I made the following poll.  I hope you'll participate, comment, enjoy, revel, etc.

While no label can encapsulate you, labels can be useful descriptors of some of your traits and identities.  Letters from a couple of straight cis male fans (keep reading, guys--we love to have you here!) made me wonder about how you, dear readers, think about your identities.  Check all the terms below that you feel apply to you.  (And feel free to leave comments, too!)