Butch Wonders
  • Blog
  • Butch Store: Genderqueer Us
  • About
  • Contact

I Don't Like Forced Pronoun-cements.

5/20/2019

12 Comments

 
I've read lots of academic debate about pronoun "go-arounds" (where everyone says his or her preferred pronoun) in meetings, classrooms, etc.  And I get the intellectual arguments on both sides--the most persuasive, to me, being the inclusion of trans people and the destigmatization of announcing one's pronoun.  So my response  to these is personal, not intellectual.  And here it is.

I loathe in-person "pronoun go-arounds."  Why?  Because 99.5% of the time, I am the only person in the room that anyone is wondering about.  There will be 5 or 8 or 10 of us, and I am the sole person whose preferred pronoun cannot be easily predicted from her hairstyle, makeup or lack thereof, or clothing choices.  Yep, I know there are exceptions.  But in the spaces I'm in, there never are.  It's always me and a bunch of cisgender, gender-conforming people, and as they go around saying their (obvious) pronouns aloud, I can feel my cheeks burning.  We're doing this for that person, I can practically hear them thinking.  What will that person say? 

And when it gets to me and I say "she," which is the pronoun I use, I feel like my identity has been reduced.  Boiled down to an essence that, at some fundamental level, does not contain the complications of my gender.  Yeah, I'm a cisgender woman.  But I am gender nonconforming in my appearance, and my "gender identity," such as it is, is expansive--yes, a female version of expansive--but it is most certainly not contained by the simple word "she."  And since I don't get to explain anything else about myself, I hate having to say "she."  It is reductive.  It feels vaguely insulting to be forced to say my pronoun with everyone staring at me, their eyes asking, what are you? 

I know that the idea is to make everyone feel comfortable and to be trans-inclusive, and I get that intellectually, but the reality of my lived experience is different.  It doesn't feel inclusive at all; it underscores the fact that I am the only gender nonconforming person in the room.  

A better alternative, I think, would be to go around and have everyone say whatever they want to about themselves and their needs for the day, including preferred pronouns, accessibility needs, or anything else.  Some people might say, "I'm sight-impaired, so if I don't look at you, know that I'm not being unfriendly."  Others might say, "I'm a little tired today because I was up all night with my kid, but I'm going to try to stay focused."  Some people might just say their names and nothing else.   This approach would not only be trans-inclusive, but disability-inclusive, family-inclusive, and other kinds of inclusive as well.  

Pronoun go-arounds in predominately queer spaces are different.  I don't feel like I'm being singled out; they feel neutral.  I also don't mind pronouns in signature lines in emails, because that's personal to the person sending it; it doesn't demand that anyone else out themselves.  I guess that's the part that really bothers me: being forced to "out" some aspect of myself that I'd rather not be the first thing people know about me.


12 Comments
    TWITTER
    FACEBOOK
    INSTAGRAM
    EMAIL ME
    Picture


    ​Blogs I Like

    A Butch in the Kitchen
    A Stranger in This Place
    Bookish Butch
    Butch on Tap
    Card Carrying Lesbian
    ​
    Chapstick Femme

    Effing Dykes
    Feral Librarian
    Lawyers, Dykes, and Money

    Mainely Butch
    Neutrois Nonsense
    Pretty Butch
       

    Categories (NOT up to date...  working on it)

    All
    Accessories
    Adventures
    Advice
    Bisexuality
    Blogging
    Books
    Butch Identity
    Cars
    Clothes
    Coming Out
    Community
    Dating
    Family
    Fashion
    Female Masculinity
    Fiction
    Friends
    Gaydar
    Gender
    Girlfriends
    Guest Posts
    Hair
    Health
    Humor
    Husbands
    Identity
    Interviews
    Intro
    Lgbt Community
    Lgbt Law
    Lgbt Relationships
    Lists
    Marriage
    Media
    Politics
    Polls
    Pride
    Pride Project
    Readers
    Relationships
    Religion
    Reviews
    Search Terms
    Shopping
    Silliness
    Social Change
    Ties
    Trans
    Work


    Archives

    September 2022
    May 2019
    February 2019
    September 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    March 2018
    November 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    April 2017
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011
    June 2011
    May 2011

    RSS Feed

 
  • Blog
  • Butch Store: Genderqueer Us
  • About
  • Contact