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How to Tip Like a (Butch) Boss

12/29/2013

12 Comments

 
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Butches aren't the only ones who dole out gratuities, of course but since we all aspire to be paragons of mannerly charm (RIGHT??), let's make sure we do it correctly.

Tipping practices vary throughout the world; I'll focus on the US and let my international readers weigh in about customs elsewhere.

1. Situations where you'll look like a jerk if you don't tip:
  • At bars: $1 per beer/wine; $2 for a fancy drink.  Or if you're paying with a credit card, 15-20% is fine.
  • At restaurants: 15-20% is standard.  People vary on whether this is pre-tax or post-tax.  I insist it's the latter, but my DGF says I overtip.
  • At a haircut: 15-20% is normal. 
  • After a massage: Most people give a solid 20% for a massage, though I have no idea why this should be different from a haircut.
  • When a parking valet gets your car for you: I've seen people go as low as $1 and as high as $5.  I usually do $3.
  • Hotel maid or housekeeper: $2 per night, plus $1 for each additional person.  (I actually didn't know this one for a loooong time, but in my  defense, I almost never have people make up my room.)
  • At the end of a cab ride: 10-15% of the total fare.  Like restaurant servers, they especially appreciate tips in cash.
  • Tattoo artists: 15-20%, assuming they didn't spell your girlfriend's name wrong.
  • Food delivery person: $2-4 (optional if there's a delivery charge).
  • House cleaner: $10 per cleaning is good.

2. Situations in which tipping is optional:
  • A coffee shop tip jar: If they are really nice, cheerfully answering your pain-in-the-ass questions about the origin of the chocolate in the mocha, put in a buck.  If they're passably pleasant, I usually put in my change.  But you're certainly not obligated.
  • At the dry cleaner: It's unusual to tip in cash there, but if you have a miracle-performing dry cleaner who gets BBQ sauce out of your $500 Robert Graham shirt, a bottle of wine is nice.
  • At buffets: Particularly if someone takes your drink order, $1 per person at the table.
  • Babysitters: Most people don't tip sitters (though in my book, tipping someone who takes care of your kids isn't a bad idea).  But most people do round up to the nearest $5 or $10--e.g., if the tab is $38, pay $40.
  • When you drop off your car with a parking valet: Not necessary, but a good idea if you'll need your car in a hurry (a tip will often give you a good/close parking spot, making your car easy to retrieve).
  • Movers: If you hire people to help you move, and they don't break anything, consider handing each mover $20 at the end of the job.

3. Situations in which you should really not tip:
  • At a movie theater
  • Your doctor or therapist's office
  • After a really good date
  • Paying your phone bill
  • When you are stopped for speeding

Bonus Q&A Tipping Tips:

Q:
What if my server sucks, gets my order wrong, is rude, etc?
A:
Suck it up and give the lowest polite amount possible, which is 15% of the bill's total before tax.  A few reasons for this: (1) You don't know why they're lousy.  Maybe it's their first day.  Maybe their dog was just diagnosed with terminal liver cancer.  Who knows.  (2) If you stiff the server, you're also stiffing everyone with whom the server shares tips: hostess, busboy, etc.

Q: So if I use a coupon, I still just tip on the total bill, right?
A:
No!  You tip on the full amount, as if there was no discount.   

Q: So if I get something suuuper cheap, I still just tip 15-20%, right?
A:
Technically, I guess you're justified.  But if you order less than other tables, add a few extra bucks.  If I go to a busy cafe at lunchtime and take up a whole table just to drink coffee, I'll usually leave $5.

What other questions do you have about tipping?  Any awkward tipping situations/stories you'd like to share?  Put it in the comments!


12 Comments

Top Gifts for Butches, 2013

12/21/2013

5 Comments

 
This is a mite tardy, but I hope it will help you find the perfect last-minute gift for your butch friends/partners/family.  (And yes, there's still plenty of time to get free 2-day shipping on Amazon, so YAY.)

Some of these items are from my own wish list, but most are suggestions from BW readers.  Enjoy, and feel free to post your own ideas in the comments!
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  • The wool tie one pictured here is one of my favorites--gorgeous for dapper butch winter wear.  And the Tie Bar is my favorite tie company.  Only $15-$20 for most ties, and the quality is stellar.

  • Books make the best gifts.  Here are some great queer recs: Ali Liebegott's Cha-Ching or The IHOP Papers; Haruki Murakami's Sputnik Sweetheart; S. Bear Bergman's new Blood, Marriage, Wine, and Glitter; or the acclaimed graphic novel Blue is the Warmest Color (now a movie--I still need to read this one).
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  • We love to smell great, but rarely buy scents for ourselves.  Help us out with some cologne!  Butch  favorites include Twilight Woods, Euphoria for Men, and Gucci pour Homme II.

  • Fitbits are one of my Butch Store finds; they're fitness trackers you can put anywhere--pocket, clipped to undershirt, etc.  They integrate seamlessly with phones, tablets, and computers, and have an altimeter (few others do).  Plus, the company is great.  I accidentally put mine in the washing machine (ruining it), and they replaced it for free.
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  • I'm enough of a coffee control freak that I still use this thing, but everyone I know who has a Keurig (pictured left) loves it.  Brewing good coffee is a snap with these--no more sludge at the bottom of a pot.  And if your butch is a real coffee snob, go for a this Yama Coffee Siphon Vacuum Pot--probably the coolest-looking coffee contraption I've ever seen.

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  • Handy butches swear by DeWalt miter saws, which make it easy to cut quickly and accurately at any angle.  Or so I'm told.  In truth, I'm flummoxed by anything fancier than a power drill (one reason I love being in a relationship my also-butchy DGF is that she picks up my butch slack!).

  • A slightly unusual pocket knife is a cool gift, especially for a butch pal.  For something original, skip the Swiss army knife and go for a Japanese Higo no Kame or a Camillus.
  • Fountain pens are fun, and seem to be making a comeback (since it's hipster-cool to indulge your Luddite tendencies.  A few good bets include the Lami Safari pen (Amazon's best-selling fountain pen--plus only $30), this pricey but fabulous retractable Pilot, and this Parker kit, which includes multiple cartridges and a bottle of ink.
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  • Kangol Flexfits are my absolute favorite baseball cap (I'm wearing my navy blue one as I type this).  Their logo is an understated little kangaroo.  Very cool.

What's on your wish list, butches?  For a few more ideas, check out the Butch Store.  Good luck with your last-minute shopping!

5 Comments

Thrifty Butches

6/9/2013

14 Comments

 
Shopping at thrift stores is an art, a science, and a great way to try out new styles without busting the bank.  I shop at thrift stores regularly, and have found some awesome deals there (highlights include a brand-new Banana Republic jacket for $20 and some Docs for $5).

The prospect, however, can be kind of daunting.  The dressing rooms are often sketchy and dimly lit, the clothes aren't hyper-organized like they are at Macy's, and the salespeople are there to ring stuff up, not to help you find a shirt with French cuffs and a 15.5 collar.

Here are my top ten tips for making the most of your next thrift store visit:
  1. Shirts will usually be arranged in S, M, L, XL, XXL.  Usually, S = 14-14.5, M = 15-15.5, L = 16-16.5, XL = 17-17.5, and XL = 18-18.5.  (If you don't know what these numbers mean, read my guide to buying shirts.)  Don't confine your search to one section--e.g., if you're usually a 17, look in L and XL. 
  2. If you have time, look through all the sizes.  Thrift stores often don't have enough staff to keep everything organized, so sizes and styles end up mixed together.
  3. Try everything on before you buy it.  Sometimes a piece of clothing is at Goodwill because the sizing is slightly "off."
  4. Examine everything carefully for rips and stains.  Many (in my experience, most) items there will be good as new... but not all of 'em.
  5. Don't buy anything with a frayed collar or frayed cuffs.  Shopping at a thrift store doesn't mean you have to look sloppy.  Similarly,
    Don't compromise fit.  You still want to look good.
  6. Wash everything before you wear it.  'Cause you just never know. 
  7. Be mindful of prices.  Yes, sometimes you'll get killer deals.  But I've seen brand-name shirts for $30 at a Goodwill!  Puh-lease!  For that, I could just go to Ross or Marshall's or TJ Max and buy it brand new.
  8. Sometimes you can buy a quality piece for next to nothing and have it tailored.  I once paid $12 for jeans that would have been $150 new.  I had them hemmed, which cost $8, but for $20 total, it was still a bargain.
  9. Be patient!  Some days you'll hit the thrift store jackpot; other days, you'll come home empty-handed.  Thrift stores are not a great place to shop for something specific and urgent ("I need a blue long-sleeved shirt for a presentation I'm giving in two days.")
  10. Learn when the new stuff comes in.  Sundays?  Mondays?  You want to dive in when the items are the least picked over.  Off-season items tend not to be picked over, either.  You can find some great sweaters in July when no one else is shopping for them.

There is zero shame in buying stuff secondhand.  Whether you have to do it for financial reasons or not, stand proud in the line at Goodwill!.  If anyone gives you a hard time about shopping at a thrift store, just be like: BAM!

So go forth and bargain-hunt!  I'd love to hear your other tips in the comments, and would also love to hear stories about great stuff you've bought secondhand.
14 Comments

Bracelets are Hella Butch.  (So is saying "hella.")

4/29/2013

4 Comments

 
Too many queer women steer clear of wrist adornments because they think bracelets are inconsistent with a masculine fashion aesthetic.  I say: no way. It's totally butch to add pops of color and glitz to your outfit (see some basic guidelines).  If you're rocking a fauxhawk, guys' shoes and jeans, and a plaid shirt with a white undershirt (I know I just described at least one in three readers), no one will take you for femme just because there's a string of beads around your wrist. 

In fact, your willingness to embrace a little flare can actually underscore your butchness (note to my buddy C: I dare ya). 

Ah, but where to start?  Well, I've put a bunch of bracelets in the Butch Store, so check those out (I just added a bunch of new ones yesterday).  But even better, I wanted to share some of my favorite Etsy sellers.  I love all of the bracelets I'm describing here and I wear them all myself (yeah, that's my albino wrist in most of the pics). [Disclaimer: these sellers gifted me a bracelet to review.  But per usual, I've refused to review anything I don't like, and none of these are paid endorsements.]
Existential Ella
Not only is Ella one of the very sweetest, kindest sellers I've ever met online, but she's also a big supporter of the gay community.  Her quality, color combos, and variety of styles are way fun, and I wear the bracelet pictured here a lot (and it hasn't started to fray even a little).  Great for layering with other bracelets, too!  Prices vary depending on number of colors, design, etc.  Totally customizable!
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Big Island Bead Company
I've been wearing the bracelet pictured here at least a few days a week.  It matches everything, is well-made, + a perfect masculandrogynous (yeah, I just made that word up) size for a butch wrist.  $32 and worth every penny.  Here's a link to that one.  I also like this one and this one and this one a lot.  Cute dog sold separately.
Beaded Graffiti
When I got this in the mail, I may have stopped breathing for a second.  Seriously, this thing is gorgeous.  It's also my DGF's favorite of all of these.  The individual beads are delicate, but in a thick row like this, it's definitely butch.  The craftsmanship is stellar.  While this exact one isn't currently being sold, this one and this one are just as awesome.  They run in the $40 neighborhood for single-wrap.
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GS Jewelry
If you want to spoil yourself or a butch loved one with a high-quality wraparound, GS Jewelry is a fabulous place to look.  I've included a pic of my personal favorite, which I love wearing with anything brown or (admittedly rarely) pink.  $30.  I want this one, too! 
Fauve Bleu Hazelwood
Supposedly, hazelwood is good for a large number of maladies: arthritis, osteoporosis, migranes, and more.  Though I can't attest to this, I can attest to the excellent versatility of the bracelets made by Fauve Bleu Hazelwood.  The wood's hue will lighten over time, but it still looks good.  The one pictured here is $12.95, and there are scores of colors available, too--plus anklets and bracelet/anklet sets.
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Ida Estelle
At first glance, the stop might look a little glitzy for butches, but it's worth looking closer.  Ida Estelle has some real gems, including this number (pictured left), which has just the right amount of bling.  $36.
Wink & Bauble
I've misplaced my Wink & Bauble bracelet (gr!), so you don't get the joy of seeing my pasty white wrist in this photo.  Their shop is chock full of any bright color you want--orange, bright blue, etc.  Single, double, and triple wraps are available.  The nifty one I've pictured will set you back $42.50, but it'll certainly last.
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Son of a Sailor
Though their stuff doesn't really fit my style, I wanted to include these guys in my review because their bracelets are cool, well-made, and I can think of lots of people on whom they'd look rockin'.  Don't you love the androgynous pink + blue?  I want to gift mine to one of my favorite trans* bloggers.  $28.  Keep yours from getting wet (it'll stain). 
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BTW, if you're not sure how to layer your scores of excellent bracelets, here's an example of how to rock the layered look.  Basically, everything goes with everything as long as there's no egregious clashing happening.  (If you can't decide whether it's okay, you should probably assume it's fine.  The standard rules of matching don't apply to casual jewelry.)  You should probably skip loading up on bracelets for a job interview, but pretty much everywhere else, you're set.  Especially great for the summer, if you're like me and tend to rock plain T-shirts and shorts whenever possible.  A pop o' color is totally--even hella--butch.

4 Comments

MORE Clothing Companies for Dykes?  You Bet.

4/3/2013

24 Comments

 
Several weeks ago, I featured three new butch-centered clothing companies: Fourteen, Saint Harridan, and Tomboy Tailors.  Since then, I've heard about many related companies--some focused on masculine women, some not--but all geared toward queer women, and all worth knowing about.
  • Androgynous: Their lookbook boasts cool, modern styles.  Not totally masculine...  but not that girly, either.  Keep an eye on these guys.
  • Focx: A super cool butch/boi underwear company I've seen.  I have a few boxcers from them and love 'em.
  • Marimacho: Based in Brooklyn, it offers "classic clothing for the unconventionally masculine," including swimwear and steampunk gear.
  • Original Tomboy: A rare lesbian from the world of (Project) runway fashion, Alicia Hardesty wants to redefine the phrase "dress like a girl."
  • The Butch Clothing Company: This British company offers lots of different suit styles, all for fairly formal occasions.  
  • Studville: A source for casual lesbian-themed clothing, particularly hats, tees, and accessories.
  • Kreuzbach10: This newly-funded Australian company will make men's shirts to fit women's bodies.  I look forward to seeing more from them.
  • Let's Be Brief: Ah, but what do you wear under your vests and bow ties?  LBB has you covered: underwear designed for LGBTQ folks.
  • Seven Even Clothing: Currently limited to tees, hats, sweatpants, and hoodies, but definitely some cool designs for casual wear.
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via marimachobk.com
And of course, there's my own pet project, the Butch Store, which isn't my own line of stuff, just a bunch of links to things I think butches will love.

(At left is a sample of the Marimacho look from their website.  Cool, no?)

Do you know of any other companies I should add to this list?  What do you think of these guys?  Are there any big gaps you'd still like to see filled?
24 Comments
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