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GAY MARRIAGE!  oh wait...  MARRIAGE!

7/2/2015

1 Comment

 
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One of my readers just shared this image from NYC Pride, and it seemed too jubilant not to share immediately.

As you all know, the Supreme Court decided a little under a week ago that all states must issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples.  I was really moved by the decision, which was more inclusive than I expected it to be, and it's been so interesting watching people's responses to it.  I learned about it when my partner woke me and said, "Hey!  We can get married anywhere now.  The Supreme Court legalized gay marriage."  I'm butch enough to admit that this brought tears to my eyes.  

Though there's plenty to say about the decision itself, what it does and doesn't do, and what this means for the future of LGBTQ people in America and beyond, today I just wanted to share a collection of responses I've gathered from LGBTQ Americans in response to the decision.  Some are from social media, some from face-to-face conversations.  But I thought the breadth of them might interest my beloved BW readers.

I don't want to get married but I am so stunned to finally have full civil rights that I'm still a little 'high.' When I came out 50 years ago, being gay was loathsome and illegal. I'm grateful for all the organizations that put in the work to create a culture change.

I really didn't imagine this would happen in my time. I cannot even imagine how all the seniors must feel. It saddens me to know that so many never got to freely love whom they wished. They're the real heroes.

I was way more emotional about it than I thought I would be. I just kept thinking that I finally wouldn't have to worry about whether or not I would be able to see my wife in the hospital or whether or not we could adopt each others' kids. Then I thought that it was kinda messed up that I was so happy that it was finally legal for me to have a family.
It was a joy, indescribable... To see years of activism, its fruition, and then to see many who have been dreaming, hoping, and thinking the day would never arrive within their lifetime, folks in their 60's, even 70's. That made those countless marching in the suffocating heat, sleepless nights planning , organizing... Someday, when I meet the right one, my soulmate, I can get on my knee, with the certainty that wherever I am, we can plan our wedding, our marriage... not just a bunch of legalities and notarized paperwork...

Told my sister I am so excited about the Supreme Court decision and she asked 'Which one?'  I felt like I was going to vomit, or like I was suddenly about two feet tall.
I felt so proud that we as a community helped make their dream, and mine come true by standing our collective ground telling this country... we have rights.  We're not asking for privilege; we're demanding rights [that are] rightfully ours. And this time, they listened.

My parents didn't seem to get what a big deal it was.  I told them and they were just like, yeah, okay.  I was like, how am I supposed to be close to people who can't realize how monumental this is. 
I took care of a friend the last year of her life.  She was 88. She told me stories. Terrible what she had to go through. She was kicked out of nursing school for a note she had written. The home she and her partner bought together was taken from her when her partner died. She was shunned from the family business, because she refused to marry. She's been gone 17 yrs now. She would be very happy.

It is a big victory, to be sure.  But it makes me sad that as an LGBT movement, marriage is what we have chosen to focus on.  We used to be radicals. Now we are excited to be just like everyone else?
I'm happy about the decision, but now my mom and stepdad will be on me more than ever to get married and have kids like my siblings, and that is not the life I necessarily want!  I love my partner and maybe will marry her eventually, but I am just a different kind of person and don't want the same life.  The marriage decision doesn't prevent me from feeling less valid in their eyes.

The decision was all about couples, couples, couples.  What about the fact that in a lot of states, we can still be fired for being gay?

Married to my wife in FL and loving every second... I am 48 and never thought I'd be this happy!
Marriage... is a washed out concept in my opinion. Having the same rights is what is important.
This isn't, and never really was, about gay people being able to marry.  Its about telling our young lgbt people that they are finally accepted and respected.  It's about choice and it truly is a wonderful time to be gay and out.
I was struck with emotion I didn't expect. My partner of 14 years and I probably won't get married... but to feel "equal" or even a part of the "norm,"is something of unexpected joy. To have that choice is amazing.

This means everything to me, as my wife and I are expecting our first baby in December. We are in California (married 2 years ago yesterday). Her entire family is in Texas, so whenever we've visited Texas since we've been married, I've reminded myself "we're not actually married when we're here." Because of the Supreme Court decision, we can travel to Texas with our child and be recognized as a family just as we are in California, and our child will never live in a world where their moms' marriage only exists in some states.

I'm still getting all teary-eyed thinking about all this...  I mean, I know we have a LONG way to go before we have achieved true equality across-the-board... but still, this is so much farther than I ever dreamed we would get when 30 yrs ago this-here spikey-haired dykey 19-yr-old gave a ring to my then-girlfriend, and wished like hell that such a thing as marrying her was even possible.

So there you have it, dear readers--a sampling of the breadth of the LGBTQ response to the ruling.  Thanks to everyone who wrote to me with their thoughts.  I hope that regardless of your take on it, you're getting a chance to bask in this victory a little, in whatever way is meaningful to you.
1 Comment

20 Songs that Make Me Feel Butch

9/3/2014

13 Comments

 
I've been thinking a little about what it means to "feel butch"--not in general, but for moi.  What is it about feeling butch, exactly, that's different from self-confidence, or different from just feeling "masculine?"  I suspect that this varies a lot from person to person, but for me, at the core of it, there's some kind of inner strength that comes from being a little different, from being a strong, confident woman with masculine qualities--and even more importantly, who is okay with those qualities, okay with being different, and maybe even a little proud of who she is.

Certain songs give me this feeling.  Not necessarily because of the lyrics or the singer or even because I think the song is particularly fabulous.  But I thought I'd share some of those songs here, and what I'd really like is if, after reading these, you could share the names of one or two of your own songs that make you feel butch--whatever that means to you.

Here are some of mine.  I don't pretend to have sophisticated taste.  :)  I put links to these in case you don't know them and want to see if you like them. 

  • Cynical - Chris Pureka
  • I Confess - k.d. lang & the Siss Boom Bang
  • My 1st Song - Jay-Z
  • If It Isn't Her - Ani DiFranco (runner up: Swan Dive, live version)
  • The Seeker - The Who
  • Aenima - Tool
  • Travelin' Thru - Dolly Parton
  • A Different Drum - Peter Gabriel
  • Old Soul Song (For the New World Order) - Bright Eyes 
  • Troubled Mind - Catie Curtis
  • What Was I Thinkin' - Dierks Bentley
  • Everything is Everything - Lauryn Hill
  • Dear Mr. Fantasy - Traffic
  • Back to Me - Kathleen Edwards
  • Are You Out There - Dar Williams
  • Unsung - Helmet
  • Square Dance - Eminem (try not to judge... I know I'm making it hard)
  • The Distance - Cake
  • Suddenly I See - K.T. Tunstall
  • Future Crimes - Wild Flag (the whole album is incredible, BTW)

So there you go.  What are some of yours?  And what other song lists would you like to see?  Songs that make me cry?  Best breakup songs?  Best roadtrip songs with your girlfriend?  Best pride songs?


13 Comments

BW Readers and Their Dogs!

5/28/2014

3 Comments

 
Wow, dear readers--I can't thank you enough for the outpouring of love, good wishes, and virtual hugs you've sent me since my last post.  I really am touched.  I miss my dog terribly, and know I will for a long time, but it's heartening to see all the puppy love happening in the wide, wide world.  Here are all the (nearly 100) photos readers sent in!  (I think this is all of them, but if I somehow missed yours, let me know.)  Enjoy the gallery!
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World's smallest dog
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One of my favorite readers as a little boy with his dog. (This little boy has grown into one of the most loving, intelligent, and interesting guys I know! I love ya, DP!)
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Ceci n'est pas un chat.
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Some awesome dog gymnastics.
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No, don't push the puppy into the water!
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FORCING their dog to sleep on a RAINBOW pillow!? See, this is why the gays shouldn't be allowed to adopt. This poor dog might even end up GAY!
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SO cute, aren't they??  And the dogs aren't half bad, either.  ;) 

Seriously, all: thank you.  It means a lot.

3 Comments

The Olympics and Principle 6

2/5/2014

2 Comments

 
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I love sports (almost) as much as the next dyke, but I have awfully mixed feelings about the Olympics this year.  Russia's LGBT community is under constant, hateful, and often violent siege from its government.  Gay "propaganda"--defined as anything depicting LGBTQ relationships in a positive or neutral light in a form accessible to minors--is illegal.  This includes, as you can imagine, such "propaganda" as holding hands with your partner, wearing a T-shirt with a pink triangle on it, or even just being queer parents.  Just a few weeks ago, the Russian government fined the editor of a newspaper who published an interview with a gay teacher.  An interview, people.  In a newspaper.

Gay people in Russia are regularly bullied, chased, beaten up, and subjected to all kinds of hateful acts.  In a way, maybe it's good that the Olympics are being held in Russia this year, since it will draw attention to the human rights violations that go on in Russia every day.  Principle 6 is the Olympic principle that forbids discrimination on the basis of politics, race, religion, gender, or otherwise--a principle decidedly not embraced in Russia. 

The Principle 6 campaign is designed to raise awareness of the way LGBTQ people are treated in Russia and "
and underscore that Russia's anti-LGBT discrimination is incompatible with the Olympic movement."  I urge you to take the Principle 6 logo and make it your Facebook or Twitter image.  I guarantee that people will ask you about it, which will give you more chances to spread the word.

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And if you're a schwag-lover like me, you'll be happy to know that American Apparel has designed a very cool "Principle 6" clothing line, and it's money well-spent, since proceeds will support LGBTQ groups in Russia. 

I hope you'll spread the word, and help LGBTQ folks in Russia imagine a better world.

2 Comments

Judge Me.  (Fashion for Marriage Equality!)

4/22/2013

0 Comments

 
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As you know, I enjoy wearing queer themed t-shirts.  And I'm not the only one!  Two awesome BW fans in SF (who contributed to this entry, btw) have created this "JUDGE ME" T-shirt to help keep the DOMA and Prop 8 Marriage Equality debates centered on the LGBTQ community and our allies. 

They're donating all proceeds to a combo of important charities: the Human Rights Campaign, SF's LGBTQ Community Center, and Lyric, a Queer youth empowerment program.  (Check out the video.)  There are only TWO DAYS left in their campaign and, with your help, I think we can push them over their goal.  Whaddaya say? 

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