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Bracelets are Hella Butch.  (So is saying "hella.")

4/29/2013

4 Comments

 
Too many queer women steer clear of wrist adornments because they think bracelets are inconsistent with a masculine fashion aesthetic.  I say: no way. It's totally butch to add pops of color and glitz to your outfit (see some basic guidelines).  If you're rocking a fauxhawk, guys' shoes and jeans, and a plaid shirt with a white undershirt (I know I just described at least one in three readers), no one will take you for femme just because there's a string of beads around your wrist. 

In fact, your willingness to embrace a little flare can actually underscore your butchness (note to my buddy C: I dare ya). 

Ah, but where to start?  Well, I've put a bunch of bracelets in the Butch Store, so check those out (I just added a bunch of new ones yesterday).  But even better, I wanted to share some of my favorite Etsy sellers.  I love all of the bracelets I'm describing here and I wear them all myself (yeah, that's my albino wrist in most of the pics). [Disclaimer: these sellers gifted me a bracelet to review.  But per usual, I've refused to review anything I don't like, and none of these are paid endorsements.]
Existential Ella
Not only is Ella one of the very sweetest, kindest sellers I've ever met online, but she's also a big supporter of the gay community.  Her quality, color combos, and variety of styles are way fun, and I wear the bracelet pictured here a lot (and it hasn't started to fray even a little).  Great for layering with other bracelets, too!  Prices vary depending on number of colors, design, etc.  Totally customizable!
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Big Island Bead Company
I've been wearing the bracelet pictured here at least a few days a week.  It matches everything, is well-made, + a perfect masculandrogynous (yeah, I just made that word up) size for a butch wrist.  $32 and worth every penny.  Here's a link to that one.  I also like this one and this one and this one a lot.  Cute dog sold separately.
Beaded Graffiti
When I got this in the mail, I may have stopped breathing for a second.  Seriously, this thing is gorgeous.  It's also my DGF's favorite of all of these.  The individual beads are delicate, but in a thick row like this, it's definitely butch.  The craftsmanship is stellar.  While this exact one isn't currently being sold, this one and this one are just as awesome.  They run in the $40 neighborhood for single-wrap.
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GS Jewelry
If you want to spoil yourself or a butch loved one with a high-quality wraparound, GS Jewelry is a fabulous place to look.  I've included a pic of my personal favorite, which I love wearing with anything brown or (admittedly rarely) pink.  $30.  I want this one, too! 
Fauve Bleu Hazelwood
Supposedly, hazelwood is good for a large number of maladies: arthritis, osteoporosis, migranes, and more.  Though I can't attest to this, I can attest to the excellent versatility of the bracelets made by Fauve Bleu Hazelwood.  The wood's hue will lighten over time, but it still looks good.  The one pictured here is $12.95, and there are scores of colors available, too--plus anklets and bracelet/anklet sets.
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Ida Estelle
At first glance, the stop might look a little glitzy for butches, but it's worth looking closer.  Ida Estelle has some real gems, including this number (pictured left), which has just the right amount of bling.  $36.
Wink & Bauble
I've misplaced my Wink & Bauble bracelet (gr!), so you don't get the joy of seeing my pasty white wrist in this photo.  Their shop is chock full of any bright color you want--orange, bright blue, etc.  Single, double, and triple wraps are available.  The nifty one I've pictured will set you back $42.50, but it'll certainly last.
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Son of a Sailor
Though their stuff doesn't really fit my style, I wanted to include these guys in my review because their bracelets are cool, well-made, and I can think of lots of people on whom they'd look rockin'.  Don't you love the androgynous pink + blue?  I want to gift mine to one of my favorite trans* bloggers.  $28.  Keep yours from getting wet (it'll stain). 
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BTW, if you're not sure how to layer your scores of excellent bracelets, here's an example of how to rock the layered look.  Basically, everything goes with everything as long as there's no egregious clashing happening.  (If you can't decide whether it's okay, you should probably assume it's fine.  The standard rules of matching don't apply to casual jewelry.)  You should probably skip loading up on bracelets for a job interview, but pretty much everywhere else, you're set.  Especially great for the summer, if you're like me and tend to rock plain T-shirts and shorts whenever possible.  A pop o' color is totally--even hella--butch.

4 Comments

25 Tips for Aspiring Bloggers

4/23/2013

5 Comments

 
Occasionally I get email from other aspiring queer bloggers asking for advice, and I received another one recently, so I thought I'd share some general, hard-won blogging advice.  Take it all with a boulder of salt.

BW's Tips for Bloggers
  1. Assuming you want an audience, your blog should revolve around a theme, not just be a diary.  For a following, you  need an angle.  (Once you have a following, it's okay to deviate sometimes--regular readers are forgiving...  As, I hope, you all are right now...)
  2. Let your personality shine through.  Whether it's nerdy, quirky, punny, whatever--it's genuine you, and this is the fun of it.
  3. Keep a running list of possible topics.  Then on the weeks you're running dry, check the list and see what inspires you.
  4. You don't need to know anything about coding or building websites.  Personally I use Weebly, because I like their templates and options and easy-to-view stats.  But there's also WordPress and a bunch of others.
  5. Reach out to more experienced bloggers.  After you've got 10-12 good posts, ask if they'll put you on their blog rolls. 
  6. Don't feel obligated to post every day.  It's nice if you can, but you don't want the blog to feel like something you have to do.
  7. Give people an option to subscribe to your blog via email.
  8. Do it for love, not money.  I'm positive I've spent more on BW than I've earned.  Would I like to make a living writing BW?  You bet.  Am I willing to post ads all over my page and pimp products I don't care about?  No freakin' way.
  9. Have patience!  It can take a really long time for your audience to grow.
  10. Some people will hate you, disagree with you, and/or think you're stupid--and won't be afraid to say so.  Pay attention to thoughtful critiques; ignore the morons.
  11. Don't be defensive.  You will screw up.  When you do, admit it.
  12. You're going to offend some people, even if you try not to.  This is not a nice feeling, but it's a virtually inevitable one.
  13. Readers love pictures, especially if you take them yourself.
  14. Have fun!  Be silly, be weird, be random.  If you're laughing while you're writing, your readers will laugh while reading it. 
  15. Keep a separate email account for blog-related email.  This will keep your blog life from leaking into your work life, and vice versa.
  16. Think carefully about whether to be anonymous.  It's a hard choice.  I'm still closeted for professional reasons (and deeply ambivalent about it), but plan on coming out in the next couple years.  Once you're "out," you can't go un-ring the bell.  While being up-front about your real identity will increase your credibility (and get you a bigger following, I bet!), it may limit what you feel comfortable writing about. 
  17. Social media is your friend!  Lots of people have stumbled across BW randomly through Twitter and Facebook.
  18. Don't write about friends/family who read your blog, unless they've told you it's okay, or you specifically let them know ahead of time.  Some will get pissed off; it's hard to predict who.  Also: use pseudonyms.
  19. Interact with your readers!  Most of them will be awesome, and eventually you'll probably get more emails than you can handle, but if you see blogging more as a conversation than a mouthpiece, readers will be engaged (and they'll share smart, interesting ideas that will teach you cool things and inspire you to write more!).
  20. You're allowed to vary: sometimes you may be funny, sometimes reflective, sometimes informative.  Don't feel like you have to keep up some kind of consistent "persona."
  21. Don't get too obsessed with your numbers, and certainly don't write in response to them (e.g., "People like posts about fashion so I'd better write about nothing but fashion").
  22. Don't apologize if you go a while without blogging.  (Yeah, I broke my own rule recently.  Sue me.)  Just roll with it.
  23. Focus on creating good, interesting content.  Rachel Maddow said recently that there are too many great content-container creators and not enough great content creators.  Be one of the great ones, and strive to get better.  I'm talking about technical stuff (for grammar tips, there's no better source than Strunk and White) and non-technical stuff.  Think of the bloggers you admire most.  Why do you like their posts?  Strive to embody the qualities you admire.
  24. Good writing takes way more time than you think it will.
  25. Understand that you have something to say.  If you're thinking about blogging, it's because you want to tell something to the masses.  Don't second-guess yourself.  Everyone's an expert on his or her own corner of the world.  A blog is an awesome way to share your point of view!

I'm sure other bloggers feel differently about lots of this stuff, and I hope they'll weigh in with other thoughts they have.

What about you, dear readers?  What are your favorite qualities in a blog?

5 Comments

Judge Me.  (Fashion for Marriage Equality!)

4/22/2013

0 Comments

 
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As you know, I enjoy wearing queer themed t-shirts.  And I'm not the only one!  Two awesome BW fans in SF (who contributed to this entry, btw) have created this "JUDGE ME" T-shirt to help keep the DOMA and Prop 8 Marriage Equality debates centered on the LGBTQ community and our allies. 

They're donating all proceeds to a combo of important charities: the Human Rights Campaign, SF's LGBTQ Community Center, and Lyric, a Queer youth empowerment program.  (Check out the video.)  There are only TWO DAYS left in their campaign and, with your help, I think we can push them over their goal.  Whaddaya say? 

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How to Translate Butchspeak

4/14/2013

34 Comments

 
I just received a note from a reader who's having trouble communicating with her butch DGF ("dear girlfriend").  She asked if I could "translate" some common butch idioms.

One mistake many butch-lovers make is assuming that butches are just like the stereotypes they have of heterosexual men.  If you Google "what men really mean," you'll find hundreds of sites purporting to explain exactly this.  Let's leave aside for a moment the offensive nature of most of those articles, and assume for the sake of argument that there's some truth to them.  Even so, [non-male-identified] butches are not men, and "rules" of "understanding men" apply to us only sometimes.

It's impossible to write something like this without giant, whopping dollops of stereotype.  I figure I'll get flak for this, but I went ahead and made a list anyway.  I'll will be interested to learn whether any of it resonates with you.

IF A BUTCH SAYS:

"Nothing is wrong."

"I guess you could invite your friends."

"Are you tired?"

"I was not checking her out."

"Nah, she's not hot."


"I'm not looking for a relationship right now."

"I'm not looking to commit."

"I'm going to go take a walk."

"Fine."


"Sarah is so cool!"



"It's more romantic with the lights off."

"We should probably get going soon."

"I'll fix it later."

A BUTCH MEANS:

"I'm not ready to discuss it."

"But I wanted it to be just you and me!"

"Are we having sex tonight?"

"I'm embarrassed--can't you give me a pass this time?"

"Maybe she's hot, but you're the one I find attractive."

"I don't want to date you (but I might sleep with you)."

It could mean exactly that, or "I'm just not that into you."

"I am mad or sad, but I have to think about it alone for a while."

"Why are we still talking about this?"

"Maybe Sarah can be our friend." (Note: this is not the same as "I want to sleep with Sarah.")

"I'm self-conscious about my body too, you know!"

"I am faint with hunger and my stomach is digesting itself."

"I have no idea how to fix it, but I'll Google it in secret."

(Writing this, I realized that while I would like to think that I'm incredibly straightforward and literal practically to a fault, that's not always true...)

How about you?  Did any of these examples sound familiar?  What's some other "butchspeak" that needs to be translated?

34 Comments

Edie Windsor

4/13/2013

2 Comments

 
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Edie and Thea in the 1960s
A few of you have asked what I was going to write about Edie Windsor, so I thought I'd go ahead and post what I wrote, even though it's kind of incomplete.

The day before the Supreme Court arguments, I dreamed about them.  For some reason, they were taking place in a high school gymnasium.  And one of my biggest heroes (who was involved in the case, but didn't actually argue it) was arguing on behalf of Windsor.  My parents were in the audience for some reason, and so was I, but I didn't seem to have a seat, and kept darting about the folding chairs to get a better view.

If you follow the case at all, you probably know some of the details: Edith Windsor's 40-year relationship with Thea Spyer, her longtime care of Thea after Thea was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, and the financial blow dealt to her after Thea died (because their marriage--in NY and Canada--was not recognized by the federal government). 

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Edie and Thea in the 2000s
When I think about how hard it was for me to come out in the 2000s, and how much anti-gay rhetoric I heard as a kid, I'm especially amazed by women like Edie and Thea, who were out and proud when it was much harder to be. 

Regardless of how the case comes down, I'm overwhelmed by my gratitude to Edie Windsor and the many others, young and old, who have been fighting this battle for a long, long time. 


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