Butch Wonders
  • Blog
  • Butch Store: Genderqueer Us
  • About
  • Contact

They're baaaaack...  The Liberating Sweater Vest

10/25/2012

14 Comments

 
Picture
It's officially fall, which means that it's time for all us fashionable butches to break out our sweater vests and rock 'em!  To the left is today's BW getup: light grey Banana Republic shirt, black CK vest (well worn--probably time to replace it), and one of my favorite ties (Alfani: black, silver, and some different shades of pink and purple). 

Ah, I love sweater vests.  I've loved them since I was a high schooler and one of my favorite teachers wore them daily.  Even at 16 (holy cow--that was more than half my lifetime ago!), the combination of nerdiness, irony, and practicality appealed to me--although I didn't start wearing them myself until I came out as a lesbian and decided I could wear whatever I wanted. 

Breaking *some* social rules somehow frees me to break others.  When I'm not dressing how a woman is "supposed" to dress anyway, what do I care if people think a sweater vest is dorky, or calculator watches have come and gone (again), or that blondes shouldn't wear mauve lipstick? 

Just kidding about the lipstick(!), but you get my point: being seen as per se "deviant" already means there's more room to break rules, add some random pieces to your wardrobe, and have fun with what you wear.  Worry about what looks fashionable and hot and attractive on you.

What are some of the miscellaneous fun fashion items you've got in your closet this fall?

14 Comments

Post-Gender-Mistake Etiquette: Friendly Advice From Women Who are Often Called "Sir"

10/18/2012

32 Comments

 
Picture
via faculty.mercer.edu/spears
My buddy C and I enjoy exchanging stories about the funny, traumatic, or improbable "sir"-ings bestowed on us.  We began talking about manners surrounding the incidents; what do we want people to do after they mistakenly refer to us with male pronouns, then realize their mistake?  Here's our advice:


Things to do after you make a mistake about someone's gender:
  1. Just say, "Oops, sorry," and move on like it is no big deal.  Because it really isn’t.  It's happened to us before, and we won't hold a grudge.  Promise.

We'd love to end this post here, but unfortunately, personal experience suggests that a second list is warranted.

Things NOT to do after you make a mistake about someone's gender:
  1. Do not blame the other person.  Do not say that our hair or clothes are "confusing" or point out that we are "dressed like a man."  Doing so is embarrassing for you and annoying for us.
  2. Do not overapologize (hint: more than two apologies qualifies as "overapologizing").  We realize that our self-presentation is not gender typical, and don't think you're nuts or a jerk for making the mistake.
  3. Do not use it as an excuse to tell us how much you support gay rights or trans rights, or about all the friends you have who are trans and/or gay.  This takes a relatively innocuous situation and douses it with awkwardness juice.
  4. Do not use it as an excuse to tell us you love our haircut and "wish" you could wear your hair that short (hint: you can!).
  5. Do not defend yourself (after following us into the women's restroom and yelling at us accusingly through the closed stall door, "This is the WOMEN'S room!") by saying, "It was an understandable mistake."  We will never understand why someone is SO certain that they know what a "real" woman looks like that they honestly believe that a short man with hips and boobs just walked into a clearly labeled women's restroom, ignored the presence of women and the absence of urinals, and blithely sat down to pee. Isn't it more likely that you just might have a narrow idea of what a woman "looks like?" 
  6. Do not switch pronouns, then switch back again.  Being "sir--ma'am--sir'd" is worse than being sir'd.
  7. Do not say, "Oh!  Them is little titties!  I thought you was a man."

32 Comments

Shout-out to Some Awesome Blogs

10/16/2012

11 Comments

 
As you've probably noticed, I list a bunch of my favorite blogs in the right-hand column--you should definitely check them all out(!).  I try to keep it fresh, so I delete blogs that seem inactive (i.e., haven't posted in 2012).

I'm grateful to my fellow bloggers, who always have something interesting to say, keep me on my toes, and comment thoughtfully on BW.  I don't know if these folks know how religiously I read them, but I do(!).  And I wanted to highlight some of my favorite posts from the past couple of months:

  • Mainely Butch writes about the things she loves most about being visibly butch...  and the things she finds the most awkward.  My experiences are a little different from hers (though there's certainly some overlap), and I loved reading her lists.
  • Butch on Tap gives lots of advice for staying sane through a breakup.  I think all of it is terrific, except for the part about avoiding Ben & Jerry's, which seems to me a little rash.
  • Butchtastic Kyle writes a terrifically interesting account of coming out to his parents (sort of accidentally) in high school.
  • Neutrois Nonsense shares advice about things to do before, during, and after top surgery.  (No, I have no interest in getting top surgery, but a friend of mine is planning on it.)  She said it was super helpful, so I thought you all might like it, too.  (It can also help you help a friend.)
  • Bren of Diffuse 5 writes a great post on breast-binding for beginners.  I prefer not to wear anything more binding than a nice sturdy sports bra, but if you want to experiment with something more, this is a must-read.
  • Can I Help You Sir sometimes posts these great catch-all "links and whatnot" entries.  They always contain interesting stuff, and this latest one is no exception.
  • DapperQ, always a fun read, has this great post that illustrates some basic how-tos, like tying a bow tie, with amusing old-timey pictures.
  • mx.punk has this interesting, thoughtful post on "Internet pansexuals," and takes issue with the statement, "Love shouldn't be based on something as trivial as gender."

What else have you been reading online lately? 


11 Comments

Grand Island is for (Gay) Lovers

10/15/2012

9 Comments

 
Grand Island, Nebraska is home to about 50,000 Nebraskans and a steaming pile of homo-hatred.  The city council recently rejected an ordinance that would have prohibited discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation.  Not only that, but they rejected a proposal that would have put the decision in front of the voters, instead voting 8-2 that denying someone a promotion because of who they love is a-OK.
Picture
Possibly the most depressing "welcome" sign in the history of the world.
As if that wasn't bad enough, one of the council members explained that he didn't want Grand Island to become "gay-friendly."  Riiiight.  Like all the queers were suddenly going to flock to Nebraska if this thing passed.

So I have an idea.  I would LOVE to mess with them by showing them how doggone gay Grand Island can be.  If you're in Nebraska (or anywhere near it), I would LOVE for you to drive to Grand Island and do or put something super gay and rainbow-y in front of their stupid-looking "welcome" sign. 

In fact, I would love to do this for ANY city that's passed anti-gay ordinances, or that has refused to pass laws giving --gasp!--equal rights to LGBTQ folks.  I'm sure there are a whole bunch of other cities we can target.  What are they?  And should we plot to get back at them by fomenting a big ol' pro-gay movement with them at the center of it?  E.g., Grand Island is for (Gay) Lovers?  What do you think? 
9 Comments

Come Out, Come Out, Whoever You Are!

10/11/2012

1 Comment

 
Picture
'Tis a homosexual pastry!
Coming Out Day is awesome for many reasons:

1. It reiterates the importance of visibility.
2. It is an excellent excuse for making and/or consuming rainbow cake.
3. It reminds straight people that their queer friends had to go through a (sometimes excruciating) process of explaining/announcing their sexual and romantic preferences.  It also reminds queers that the coming out process, different as it is for each of us, ties us all together.
4. Right before the election, it underscores the civil rights issues at stake.
5. It is an occasion for poetry, tweets, and general tomfoolery.

Picture
Recently, I challenged BW readers to encapsulate their coming out stories in one of three forms: (1) as a tweet; (2) as a haiku; (3) as a limerick.  A bunch of you were up to it, and in honor of Coming Out Day, here are some of my favorites:

TWEETS

My sister was 59 when she came out.  She beat me to it.  I came out at 50.

Mom: What's wrong?  Me: Nothing.  Mom: You're in love, aren't you?! With that girl from South Carolina!  Me: Yes.  Mom: I knew you were gay!

I didn't just come out of the closet, I jumped out of the whole effin' house!


HAIKU

Everyone was great
Forgot I hadn't told dad
Shocked him in the car!

Cue apocalypse!
Coming out to my mother.
False alarm, she's cool.

Collegiate romance.
We thought we were so sneaky,
but everyone knows.

Came out three times now
gayboy, transwoman... tomboy
enough, already!

A snoop I call mom,
Danced around the Internet--
Then learned he is she.

Finally barking
up the right tree of lovin'.
In fact, now I purr.



LIMERICKS (OK, some of these aren't *technically* limericks, but whatevs)

The time to come out was past due.
So I sent the IM to you...
When I looked at my gaff,
We both had a good laugh --
'Stead of "bi," the message said "bu."

We were standing there cooking breakfast,
Nothing on but a smile and some skin
Then OMG, my mom came walking in
No place to run
No place to hide
had to stand there proudly, showing my rainbow pride.

It's enough to demolish the brain
How the Transmatriarchy inane
Demand Bette and Tina
Be the trans girl's Athena...
When I only long to be Shane

There once was a girl who was always laughing
To cover the thoughts she was always having
She couldn't make herself aware
Even though her dad was a gay bear
And being family wasn't nothing but a family thing

For 32 years it was men that I liked
Stubble and bicepts and d*ck got me psyched
Then along came a girl
put my head in a whirl
And I thought, "holy sh*t, I've been dyked!"

i've always been a big butch dyke
but when i came out my mom said TAKE A HIKE
i was homeless for awhile
but all i do now is smile
because i have four kids and a beautiful wife!

Thanks to all of you awesome readers who submitted these great tweets and poems!  (And special congrats to the author of the limerick that begins, "For 32 years it was men that I liked"--you win first place and the cool Gadget Wallet from Uncommon Goods!)  Happy Coming Out Day, everyone!

1 Comment
<<Previous
    TWITTER
    FACEBOOK
    INSTAGRAM
    EMAIL ME
    Picture


    ​Blogs I Like

    A Butch in the Kitchen
    A Stranger in This Place
    Bookish Butch
    Butch on Tap
    Card Carrying Lesbian
    ​
    Chapstick Femme

    Effing Dykes
    Feral Librarian
    Lawyers, Dykes, and Money

    Mainely Butch
    Neutrois Nonsense
    Pretty Butch
       

    Categories (NOT up to date...  working on it)

    All
    Accessories
    Adventures
    Advice
    Bisexuality
    Blogging
    Books
    Butch Identity
    Cars
    Clothes
    Coming Out
    Community
    Dating
    Family
    Fashion
    Female Masculinity
    Fiction
    Friends
    Gaydar
    Gender
    Girlfriends
    Guest Posts
    Hair
    Health
    Humor
    Husbands
    Identity
    Interviews
    Intro
    Lgbt Community
    Lgbt Law
    Lgbt Relationships
    Lists
    Marriage
    Media
    Politics
    Polls
    Pride
    Pride Project
    Readers
    Relationships
    Religion
    Reviews
    Search Terms
    Shopping
    Silliness
    Social Change
    Ties
    Trans
    Work


    Archives

    May 2019
    February 2019
    September 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    March 2018
    November 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    April 2017
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011
    June 2011
    May 2011

    RSS Feed

 
  • Blog
  • Butch Store: Genderqueer Us
  • About
  • Contact