It's officially fall, which means that it's time for all us fashionable butches to break out our sweater vests and rock 'em! To the left is today's BW getup: light grey Banana Republic shirt, black CK vest (well worn--probably time to replace it), and one of my favorite ties (Alfani: black, silver, and some different shades of pink and purple).
Ah, I love sweater vests. I've loved them since I was a high schooler and one of my favorite teachers wore them daily. Even at 16 (holy cow--that was more than half my lifetime ago!), the combination of nerdiness, irony, and practicality appealed to me--although I didn't start wearing them myself until I came out as a lesbian and decided I could wear whatever I wanted.
Breaking *some* social rules somehow frees me to break others. When I'm not dressing how a woman is "supposed" to dress anyway, what do I care if people think a sweater vest is dorky, or calculator watches have come and gone (again), or that blondes shouldn't wear mauve lipstick?
Just kidding about the lipstick(!), but you get my point: being seen as per se "deviant" already means there's more room to break rules, add some random pieces to your wardrobe, and have fun with what you wear. Worry about what looks fashionable and hot and attractive on you.
What are some of the miscellaneous fun fashion items you've got in your closet this fall?
My buddy C and I enjoy exchanging stories about the funny, traumatic, or improbable "sir"-ings bestowed on us. We began talking about manners surrounding the incidents; what do we want people to do after they mistakenly refer to us with male pronouns, then realize their mistake? Here's our advice:
Things to do after you make a mistake about someone's gender:
We'd love to end this post here, but unfortunately, personal experience suggests that a second list is warranted.
Things NOT to do after you make a mistake about someone's gender:
As you've probably noticed, I list a bunch of my favorite blogs in the right-hand column--you should definitely check them all out(!). I try to keep it fresh, so I delete blogs that seem inactive (i.e., haven't posted in 2012).
I'm grateful to my fellow bloggers, who always have something interesting to say, keep me on my toes, and comment thoughtfully on BW. I don't know if these folks know how religiously I read them, but I do(!). And I wanted to highlight some of my favorite posts from the past couple of months:
What else have you been reading online lately?
Grand Island, Nebraska is home to about 50,000 Nebraskans and a steaming pile of homo-hatred. The city council recently rejected an ordinance that would have prohibited discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation. Not only that, but they rejected a proposal that would have put the decision in front of the voters, instead voting 8-2 that denying someone a promotion because of who they love is a-OK.
As if that wasn't bad enough, one of the council members explained that he didn't want Grand Island to become "gay-friendly." Riiiight. Like all the queers were suddenly going to flock to Nebraska if this thing passed.
So I have an idea. I would LOVE to mess with them by showing them how doggone gay Grand Island can be. If you're in Nebraska (or anywhere near it), I would LOVE for you to drive to Grand Island and do or put something super gay and rainbow-y in front of their stupid-looking "welcome" sign.
In fact, I would love to do this for ANY city that's passed anti-gay ordinances, or that has refused to pass laws giving --gasp!--equal rights to LGBTQ folks. I'm sure there are a whole bunch of other cities we can target. What are they? And should we plot to get back at them by fomenting a big ol' pro-gay movement with them at the center of it? E.g., Grand Island is for (Gay) Lovers? What do you think?
'Tis a homosexual pastry!
Coming Out Day is awesome for many reasons:
1. It reiterates the importance of visibility.
2. It is an excellent excuse for making and/or consuming rainbow cake.
3. It reminds straight people that their queer friends had to go through a (sometimes excruciating) process of explaining/announcing their sexual and romantic preferences. It also reminds queers that the coming out process, different as it is for each of us, ties us all together.
4. Right before the election, it underscores the civil rights issues at stake.
5. It is an occasion for poetry, tweets, and general tomfoolery.
Recently, I challenged BW readers to encapsulate their coming out stories in one of three forms: (1) as a tweet; (2) as a haiku; (3) as a limerick. A bunch of you were up to it, and in honor of Coming Out Day, here are some of my favorites:
My sister was 59 when she came out. She beat me to it. I came out at 50.
Mom: What's wrong? Me: Nothing. Mom: You're in love, aren't you?! With that girl from South Carolina! Me: Yes. Mom: I knew you were gay!
I didn't just come out of the closet, I jumped out of the whole effin' house!
Everyone was great
Forgot I hadn't told dad
Shocked him in the car!
Coming out to my mother.
False alarm, she's cool.
We thought we were so sneaky,
but everyone knows.
Came out three times now
gayboy, transwoman... tomboy
A snoop I call mom,
Danced around the Internet--
Then learned he is she.
up the right tree of lovin'.
In fact, now I purr.
LIMERICKS (OK, some of these aren't *technically* limericks, but whatevs)
The time to come out was past due.
So I sent the IM to you...
When I looked at my gaff,
We both had a good laugh --
'Stead of "bi," the message said "bu."
We were standing there cooking breakfast,
Nothing on but a smile and some skin
Then OMG, my mom came walking in
No place to run
No place to hide
had to stand there proudly, showing my rainbow pride.
It's enough to demolish the brain
How the Transmatriarchy inane
Demand Bette and Tina
Be the trans girl's Athena...
When I only long to be Shane
There once was a girl who was always laughing
To cover the thoughts she was always having
She couldn't make herself aware
Even though her dad was a gay bear
And being family wasn't nothing but a family thing
For 32 years it was men that I liked
Stubble and bicepts and d*ck got me psyched
Then along came a girl
put my head in a whirl
And I thought, "holy sh*t, I've been dyked!"
i've always been a big butch dyke
but when i came out my mom said TAKE A HIKE
i was homeless for awhile
but all i do now is smile
because i have four kids and a beautiful wife!
Thanks to all of you awesome readers who submitted these great tweets and poems! (And special congrats to the author of the limerick that begins, "For 32 years it was men that I liked"--you win first place and the cool Gadget Wallet from Uncommon Goods!) Happy Coming Out Day, everyone!