November Search Terms!

How is it December?  My November was sucked away by mono, and that's not fair.  Now I'll have to party* twice as hard in December to compensate.

As is the tradition here on Butch Wonders, I'm sharing a list of the best search terms that have delivered Googlers to the BW blog in the last month:

• "why do lesbians wear sweater vests"  (Because mean people keep cutting the sleeves off our sweaters.)

• "how to make a butch lesbian happy"  (Leave her sweaters alone.)
  
• "when my friend wears the same dress the next morning after a party"  (It means that her night was better than your night.)
  
• "when i wear a dress, the sides of my"  (Mine too!)
• "how do i know if i am a butch lesbain"  (If you can't spell it, you aren't one.)
  
• "best way to keep ties" (House arrest.)
• "just let me put it in a couple of inches"  (I don't suppose you're talking about sticking your foot in a sock, are you?)
  
• "what does it mean when you date someone and they turn gay"  (It means you made them gay.  This is definitely all about you.)
  
• "how do i find a gay man"  (Any Starbucks in SF or NY are good bets.  Also, Labor Day sales at Nordstrom.)
  
• "girls brush each other hair gay?"  (Definitely.)
  
• "video sexy teen Waller Invisible Gel"  (How did you get to BW??)
  
• "should a woman have a boy toy"  (This is highly contingent upon what you mean by "boy toy.")
  
• "'3 inches' neckties"  (Probably too short, unless you are a rodent.)
• "one syllable nicknames like ace"  (Mace.  Case.  Lace.  Pace.)
  
• "mononucleosis nipples"  (I have no words.)
• "how.does.butch,look.like.in.real.life"  (all.butch,look.different.in.   real.life.shocking,just.like.other.people.)
• "what would my demon name be"  (Mono Nips)
  
• "lesbian part of my wedding"  (I love the idea of weddings having a "lesbian part!"  Somewhere between "Here Comes the Bride" and the exchange of vows, the minister says, "Now I want every woman here to kiss another woman.  This is the sacred lesbian part of the wedding.")
  
• "lesbian imposter syndrome"  (This is a little-known disorder caused by a virus thought to originate in Northampton, Massachusetts.  It typically lasts from age 18-22 or so.)
• "lesbian flirt touch eye"  (Yes, we love having our eyeballs caressed!)
• "tattoo lesbians"  (That's the other thing we love--tattoo us!  But make it a surprise--do it while we're sleeping.)
  
• "why do gay people hate straight people"  (Because they never touch our eyeballs firmly enough.)
  
• "im butch"  (No you're not.  Real butches punctuate better than that.)
  
• "ideas on what a lesbian should wear to a white party"  (Wear purple.  It’s festive.)
• "ideas of what to put in my dresser"  (Don’t you wonder about people sometimes?)
• "how to tell if a lesbian likes you"  (She'll touch your eye.  Firmly.)
  
• "butch menstrual pads"  (Can you imagine?  Sports logos instead of flowers, and mint or eucalyptus scents instead of “fresh daisy” or whatever.  Ooo—we could have butch tampons, too; instead of a string, they’d have a chain.)
• "i think my girlfriends a lesbian sweater"  (Well, at least she can keep you warm at night.)
• "i confuse people with my incredibly good"  (I clarify with my bad.)
• "what does it mean when my girlfriend calls me puppy"  (It means she thinks you are too butch.)
  
• "how to politely ask someone not to butch"  (Just say, "Hi puppy.")
  
• "how to attack a woman older than me 10years how to make a relation" (If you’re looking to "make a relation," you might want to abandon the  "attack" approach.)
• "dont use hair products"  (As if I'd take hair advice from someone who doesn't use apostrophes.)
  
• "do lesbians always have a butch"  (Always.)
  
• "cute nicknames for butcher"  (Meat Dude.  Salami Mommy.  Adulescentulus carnifex.  But isn’t it a little weird to nickname your butcher?)
• "can you wear a sweater vest in 2012"  (Uh...  sure, if you want to get arrested.  Thank goodness it'll be legal again in 2013.)
  
• "can you like both femm and butchy girls"  (Nope.  Your romantic preferences need to fall into a nice, neat category.)
• "butch lesbian signs"  (Yes, she does!  Though admittedly, I have no idea what she's saying.)
  
• "butch lesbian escort"  (Email me; I'll send you a price list.)
  
• "bridemaids party pants"  (Woohoo!  Bring out the party pants!)
  
• "being gay and happy"  (Yeaaah!  In my lesbian party pants!)
  
• "are lesbians obsessed with each other?"  (No, [lesbians lesbians lesbians lesbians] that's [lesbians lesbians] ridiculous [lesbians!])
  
• "are dr martens lesbian"  (All the cute ones are.)
  
• "allintext:Ich würde mit Ihnen muss hier überprüfen. Welche ist nichts, was ich normalerweise tue! Ich bekomme Vergnügen beim Lesen eines veröffentlichen, machen Individuen denken kann. Darüber hinaus ermöglicht dank für mich zu bemerken! Xyj"  (Yes.  That's what I've been trying to say all along.  No one gets me like you do, baby.)
• "roughest butch lesbians"  (Me, Justin Bieber, and Ellen DeGeneres)
  
• "a butch likes me and i dont like it"  (Tough luck.  Now you're gay.)
  

* And by "party," I mean catch up on work.