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I've mentioned before that my dear ex-husband (DXH) and I are good friends. Since he just snagged an *awesome* job, we decided to hit the outlet stores to celebrate (because, yes, that's the kind of crazy-ass, free-wheeling kids we are).
We went to the Nordstrom Rack, where we found some killer shirts at decent prices. Since the cut of shirts ALWAYS varies from one brand to another (more details on this in a later post), it's always good to try things on. I took about 12 shirts into the dressing room; DXH took four. He was directed into a room at the end of the hall, but *I* was stopped by a saleswoman, who asked: "Do you know what shirt size you are?" It was a busy Sunday, and men had been entering and exiting the dressing room unimpeded. If she had redirected me to the women's dressing room, I'd have at least known what she was thinking. But I was so taken aback that I asked her to repeat the question. She did, but it still struck me as a bizarrely idiotic thing to ask someone who was CLEARLY about to try 12 shirts on. I stammered, "Uh, 17-32." OH, I thought as I answered. NOW I get it. She's about to offer to measure my neck. Unnecessary, but I appreciate the thought. I started down the hall when she stopped me again, and asked: "And are those shirts 17s?" "No," I wanted to say. "They're 15s. But I wanted to see if I could rip the collars by buttoning them SUPER TIGHT and then flexing my neck ." WTF? Instead, I said, "Yeah," and continued down the hall in order to snag a room next to DXH, whereupon Rude Woman REDIRECTED me to the first room by the door (presumably because I needed to be watched). If she was trying to intimidate me, she did a damn good job. I HATE being in the dressing room by the door, because it ensures that I will see as MANY men as possible while I'm going out to look in the mirror. Which is exactly what happened, and I got more stares and glares and surprised looks than has occurred since I entered the women's bathroom at a Chinese church (I am tallish and white, and I was wearing a tie--it was not a pleasant scene). As DXH pointed out afterward, it wasn't a locker room; it was a dressing room. Complete with individual, lockable doors. WHY did this woman feel the need to police me (and police me so strangely!)? The whole thing made me super uncomfortable. And then I was angry at myself for being uncomfortable.
14 Comments
Lane
8/28/2012 10:02:20 am
Ditto on humor appreciation...that and the Chinese church- I mean, how out there is that?! I guess this junk has happened to me enough times that to read another's account can be freeing, and funny as hell! 5/16/2011 01:56:27 pm
"The whole thing made me super uncomfortable.
Lane
8/28/2012 10:16:47 am
I can empathize- I feel like an impostor almost everywhere if a gender binary is present in any form- dressing rooms, bathrooms and the absolute worst: a mammogram clinic!! UGH! Not only was I 110% stress maxxed because my Dr. had just found three lumps I was having checked out, but also the PINK of everything, sitting around for 1 1/2 hours with strangers while dressed in an open drapey thing (when I am someone who binds my chest) and chit-chatting women looking at me in the changing room made me want to just cry. Few things have ever made me feel more dysphoric and lonely as that awful experience.
The whole dressing room thing is so terrible. The nice thing about Hollister or Abercrombie is their unisex dressing room. So much less complicated.
Wolf
5/18/2011 12:44:01 am
Personally, having had an ex who worked at a Rack and having had a personal shopper in the men's dept at Nordstrom for several years, my impression is that she wasn't questioning your gender or right to use the dressing rooms in the least. Its about shoplifters and that many stores have a 5-6 garment at a time limit... 5/18/2011 03:00:26 am
@ Wolf: I hope you're right! This particular NR had a 10-item limit, though I *will* say that there were guys taking lots of stuff in and out and she didn't say anything. Maybe the combination of lots of items + "wrong" dressing room aroused her suspicion.
Tallon Nunez
5/18/2011 04:04:05 am
What a bummer, sorry you had that experience. I actually blogged about my own experience at Nordstrom's, in 2005, I think it was. I was with another butch friend, and we were shopping for shirts, ties, etc. I found (or rather he found me) a very professional and friendly gay salesperson, got loaded up and went to the "men's" dressing room. There were chairs, with a table, upon which there was a large bowl of pretzel mix, and a football game was on the flatscreen t.v. Just being funny, I said to my friend, "Alls, we need now is a beer and we're set!", a female salesperson who happened to be walking by, turned and asked me what kind of beer I would like, then proceeded to give me a list of possibilities. I dumbfoundedly muttered "corona, please", and then she was off, returning a few minutes later with a coupla coronas for me and my friend. It was soooo cool! : )
Tallon Nunez
5/18/2011 04:04:57 am
Also love the flexing neck comment, funny!
Christine
5/18/2011 05:23:33 am
I'm a pushy femme broad and have worked in retail for about a million years--I would have probably given off the same vibe you got but it would about me being helpful and wanting my customer to get the exact right fit and have him/her/cute butch look their best: Dressing well is art.
Wolf
5/18/2011 11:57:57 am
I was a VP at a large company who always wore men's suits & shirts, (but didn't go the tie route), and shopped exclusively at Nordstrom. Why? Because I had this awesome personal shopper. She had all my sizes, knew that the styles I liked were the less 'harsh', (meaning not like your grandpa's suits - and more seemingly androgynous), how long it would be before I was ready to check out a new cologne, etc. 5/21/2011 03:23:20 am
@ Wolf--thanks for the advice. I think you're right about the higher-end stores. Although I kind of like shopping, a personal shopper sounds *amazing.*
OC
7/7/2013 06:21:39 am
I love finding articles like this because then I realize I am not alone. I shop at Macy's often. I normally lug all the men's clothes I find to the women's fitting room, which of course is followed by stares and looks of "OMG, why is this man trying on clothes in the women's fitting room." But lately I've been saying screw it the men's fitting room is right here so I'm going in. Not like we're going to be prancing around in our underwear. But nope got stopped yesterday and asked, "Sir, how many items." I answered and then she tells me no women allowed in this dressing room, which kind of pisses me off but I get it. I would like more unisex fitting rooms, more unisex bathrooms, more unisex clothes. I don't like shopping for what is considered men's clothing. I wish we had our own label and own store. I just want comfortable fitting clothes. Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
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