Butch Wonders
  • Blog
  • Butch Store: Genderqueer Us
  • About
  • Contact

Butch en Mass

2/21/2012

15 Comments

 
_I'm currently in the middle of Nowheresville, New England visiting my DGF's parents, who live in a retirement home.  For health reasons, her mom is rarely able to leave the home.  And her father is legally blind, which prevents him from going anywhere on his own.

All of this is to explain the following unlikely circumstance in which I found myself on Sunday morning: in a Catholic church, helping escort my DGF's father to Mass.

I've only been to Mass once before, and that was a funeral Mass (or, as I incorrectly called it yesterday, a "death mass"), so this was a new experience for me.  I was instructed ahead of time not to take communion, because I'm not Catholic.  (I was baptized Christian, but this is, I learned, unsatisfactory in the eyes of the Catholic church.)  My DGF is not practicing, but was baptized Catholic, so according to her father, she was allowed to take Communion if she promised to go to confession within the next 30 days (which she was unwilling to promise).  That's right--not 31 days.  Not 35.  30.  (Later, we looked for this rule online and it seems that you actually have to have been to confession in the 30 days before receiving Communion, but we still aren't totally sure.)

Mass was short.  Like, way short.  Like under an hour short.  We went to the 11 am Mass and made it to breakfast by noon.  Perhaps because of the service's length, almost no one bothered to remove their coats.  My most recent churchgoing experience before that was an evangelical-type Baptist church, where the service always lasted over two hours, plus socializing afterward.  I kind of admired the Catholic efficiency. 

There were maybe 250 people attending mass, only five of whom were non-white.  Don't get me wrong--I'm fine with white people (some of my best friends are white people), but there was something disconcerting about being in a nearly all-white room.  (Yeah, I'm white, too.  But still.)  Interestingly, one of the five non-white people happened to be the priest, who I think was Latino, and spoke with a heavy accent.  It was kind of heartening that all these white people, the great majority of whom looked to be 60 or older, had someone of color as their religious leader--a trend that I've since learned is not uncommon in the Catholic church, since many young priests these days come from non-English-speaking countries, particularly Third World countries.

The church program (which was printed in color, something I'm not sure Protestants would allow) didn't say what was happening when in the service, so I just tried to stand, kneel, and sit when I was supposed to.  There was a great deal of ceremony involved.  Continuing to survey the attendees, I began getting a distinct sense that this particular church was more the Santorum variety of Catholic than the Kennedy variety--an impression reinforced by the advertisement of a Planned Parenthood vigil later in the week.

When it came time to take Communion, I was pretty sure that lots of people wouldn't go, given the rules about 30 days and being baptized Catholic.  But as it turned out, my DGF and I were the only people who did not take Communion.  As the people in our row quietly filed to the front of the church, we quietly did not follow them.  This was met with disapproving glances from the other parishioners--glances which lingered for an awkwardly long time, shifting from me to my DGF and back again, and I suspect that around this time, it began occurring to said parishioners that we might be not be the nice young men we had originally appeared to be, but rather homosexual women.  (My DGF, who tends not to notice these things, insists that "no one really looked at us."  I assure you she is wrong.)

Since Lent is approaching, the sermon was largely about giving things up.  I guess one rationale for Lent is that giving something up for 40 days kind of purifies you.  I was not raised Catholic (decades ago, my grandmother was excommunicated for getting divorced, which soured our family on Catholicism long before I was born).  Nonetheless, I emerged from childhood with a near-preternatural susceptibility to guilt, and the whole idea of Lent appeals greatly to this susceptibility.  I mentally counted how many days I'd already gone without ice cream (three) and wondered if I could get retroactive credit.  

At our post-Mass brunch, I asked my DGF's father about my retroactive credit idea, but he said it didn't count.  He also squelched my idea to give something up that I don't feel a need to have anyway, such as cilantro or penises.  I asked my DGF's dad what he was giving up, and it turns out that people over 59 don't have to give anything up at all.  Immediately it became clear why the church had been packed with senior citizens--they were clamoring to take advantage of the loophole.

Personally, I'm no atheist.  My own philosophy is closer to "All steeples point to heaven" (something my excommunicated grandmother used to say).  Well, maybe not all steeples, but you get the idea.  But the whole experience of Mass made me think about how different my life might have been if I was raised in a church like this one.  So many different religions and people and subcultures trying to do what they think is right, but simultaneously certain they've cornered the market on God.



              


15 Comments
Nicki
2/21/2012 12:14:11 pm

I'm Catholic (and bi! woo!), born, raised, brainwashed, Catholic-schooled for 12 years, etc, etc, and I've never heard the "going to confession 30 days before you take Communion" rule. If that's true, then my dad and everyone I know, including my very Catholic mother, is in violation of it!
Also, I discovered your blog in the midst of midterms (way to make me procrastinate), and although I'm not butch, I really love your writing! It's so many things - entertaining, funny, interesting and thought-provoking! Thanks :)

Reply
Stacy
2/21/2012 02:33:13 pm

Thank you. I laughed out loud at ice cream and penises.

Reply
ciaran link
2/21/2012 02:35:13 pm

Hey there, i second that first comment, as a 'raised' catholic (who turned buddhist) i have also never heard of the 30 day confession rule.
And the guilt also takes over what a sin it is to be LGBT ofcourse, which worked me in to a lather about coming out in the first place. It sucked.

Reply
Jackie
2/21/2012 02:51:47 pm

I was raised Catholic and am gay and this is seriously the dumbest interpretation of Mass and Catholicism I have ever heard. I don't even believe you went to Mass. You're just making weird shit up.

Reply
Butch Wonders link
2/22/2012 02:30:08 am

Hm. Well, I'm not trying to "interpret" Catholicism, especially since I know very little about it. But I'm not making anything up. My credibility means a lot to me, and I'd never do that to my readers. As my regular readers know, I tell it like I see it: good, bad, or indifferent.

Maybe you could be more specific about what parts differ from your own experience. Otherwise I have no idea what you mean by "weird shit." If you're referring to the 30-day rule--yes, that does seem odd. And according to other readers who know more about Catholicism than I do, it's not even a real rule! But it's what my DGF's father told me before we went to Mass, and I thought it was interesting enough to include (note that I don't claim it's a "real" Catholic rule).

Reply
Kei
2/21/2012 02:56:20 pm

I am a femme lesbian & I was raised Catholic in a very traditional, conservative way, and in a predominantly Catholic country (Philippines). I stopped practicing a long time ago. My aunt (who raised me after my mom died) was strict with our Catholic upringing. My mom was a femme lesbian who shacked up with a butch (but according to Filipino thinking, lesbians are those that look butch only...go figure.) & she was ostracized by my aunt & didnt talk to her (my mom) until she died.

My aunt would drag me to mass at 5am every Sunday. I would go through the whole mass half asleep. When I got older, I would go to the last scheduled mass of the day because I spent the whole day with my friends & cousins. My aunt frowned on this & insisted that the first thing I should do on Sundays is go to mass because, as she says "if something happens to you when you're out with your friends, and you die, you are already saved because you went to mass already." I find her logic amusing :)

I also am familiar with the 30 day rule... but it is open for intepretation. Some people would insist that you confess every week... some would say 30 days.

As for the Lenten season, As I recall from numerous catechism classes I had to take, we are supposed to share in Jesus' suffering by giving up something we hold important to us. It could be anything from tv to soda to booze... or giving up red meat or meat in general. When i was still practicing , I gave up soda & red meat...which was torture for me as I was a addicted to soda & lover of red meat (No ham...whhat????)

Reply
Kei
2/21/2012 03:05:24 pm

Also, my aunt would not cooked any meat on Fridays during the Lenten season, just fish... why? I have no idea! Hah! And we are not aloud to do anything "fun" or anything considered as having fun (including laughing or playing) during Holy Week because we are supposed to feel sad for Jesus' suffering.

Sorry for my lengthy comment, I just wanted to share my experience growing up as a Catholic and maybe enlighten you/give you background on the religion from a former practitioner's perspective. :)

Reply
eL link
2/21/2012 09:48:11 pm

My parents go to a Roman Catholic church in Minnesota. At their church, for the past few weeks, every mass has taken 5 minutes (if not the whole sermon) to discuss traditional marriage (and, mostly, why same sex marriage is WRONG WRONG WRONG). The Catholic church in Minnesota is fighting hard to get an amendment to our state constitution (where same sex marriage is already not legal) to state that gay marriage is really, really illegal (define marriage as between one man and one woman). It breaks my heart. That money could go to so much good so many other places.
http://purpleunions.com/blog/2012/02/mn-catholic-church-funds-anti-marriage-equality-amendment.html

Reply
Victoria link
2/21/2012 11:11:53 pm

I like the retroactive credit idea. And isn't dieting a kind of Lent thing? I mean, I give up all the good stuff for as long as I can hold out, right?

Reply
Late Bloomer link
2/22/2012 03:09:31 am


Wow, unlike most of the comments here, I'm not Catholic and don't have a clue about mass/lent/30 days etc. Having been raised in a strict religion, however, I do understand inbred guilt and the awkwardness of the dissaproving glances that last too long, lol.

Loved this post, especially the last paragraph.

I really like the retroactive credit idea too. Empathetic suffering shouldn't have time restrictions.

Reply
Marie
2/22/2012 05:59:47 am

I married into a Catholic family, coming from a fairly non religious upbringing. This made me laugh. I enjoyed reading it.

Reply
Sue
2/22/2012 10:15:51 am

I was raised a Catholic and seriously love Mass and community worship. Presently, I don't attend any church, although my dw and I did go to an MCC for about 6-8 months.

Catholics, teacher, cops, and Marines: once you are, you always are.....however, I think of it like an addiction and I tell anybody who will listen that I am a recovering Catholic.

I can't get my dw to understand that THEY don't want US. You cannot be a practicing Catholic and be a practicing gay. It's pretty simple. Gay people who claim to be Catholic just can't be. There rules don't allow us to exist in their church. You may want to be Catholic, but they won't let you. Makes me sad. I could be so good for the church, if they would just let me love whomever I want.

Reply
Barbara link
2/22/2012 10:28:28 am

Okay, the 30-day thing is a technicality. In theory, you are supposed to be in "a state of perfect grace" to take communion so it should have been the day before that you went to confession. I guess the theory being you can't screw up too badly overnight. However, I've never known a Catholic to adhere to that, really.

Reply
K-Chop
2/23/2012 01:20:18 am

Thanks for sharing your experience. This is good stuff.

Reply
Stacey
2/23/2012 11:15:41 am

My father is catholic, I am nondenominational. This drive him nuts. My dad is also an alcoholic who is a bit........um how should we put this.....overzealous? Yes let's stick with that, because crazy drunken bastard is disrespectful. He once screamed at me all the way home from school when I was sixteen because I wouldn't take his churches calendar and because I wasn't catholic he decided that made me an idiot and told me as such. So I jumped out of the car while it was still moving and walked home. Apparently I'm a devil worshipping creatin because I'm not catholic even though I'm a fairly religious person. Oddly enough when I came out to him he was cool with it. Obvously my relationship with catholicsm isn't that great. Just about as great as my relationship with my father. I've just met so many catholics that were so judgemental. Granted not everyone is the same or thinks the same way but damn. Thus why I choose to stay nondenominational.

Reply

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    TWITTER
    FACEBOOK
    INSTAGRAM
    EMAIL ME
    Picture


    ​Blogs I Like

    A Butch in the Kitchen
    A Stranger in This Place
    Bookish Butch
    Butch on Tap
    Card Carrying Lesbian
    ​
    Chapstick Femme

    Effing Dykes
    Feral Librarian
    Lawyers, Dykes, and Money

    Mainely Butch
    Neutrois Nonsense
    Pretty Butch
       

    Categories (NOT up to date...  working on it)

    All
    Accessories
    Adventures
    Advice
    Bisexuality
    Blogging
    Books
    Butch Identity
    Cars
    Clothes
    Coming Out
    Community
    Dating
    Family
    Fashion
    Female Masculinity
    Fiction
    Friends
    Gaydar
    Gender
    Girlfriends
    Guest Posts
    Hair
    Health
    Humor
    Husbands
    Identity
    Interviews
    Intro
    Lgbt Community
    Lgbt Law
    Lgbt Relationships
    Lists
    Marriage
    Media
    Politics
    Polls
    Pride
    Pride Project
    Readers
    Relationships
    Religion
    Reviews
    Search Terms
    Shopping
    Silliness
    Social Change
    Ties
    Trans
    Work


    Archives

    September 2022
    May 2019
    February 2019
    September 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    March 2018
    November 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    April 2017
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011
    June 2011
    May 2011

    RSS Feed

 
  • Blog
  • Butch Store: Genderqueer Us
  • About
  • Contact