Butchness, Identity, Style, and YOU.

1/15/2013

I've talked often on Butch Wonders about the difficulty of defining "butch," my distaste for policing "butchness," and the value I find in labeling myself "butch." I've been communicating with some of my dear readers about these and related questions, and I'd like to put a call out there for YOUR answer to one of the following:

How do you define "butch?" Does butch necessarily mean "female?"
Write a letter from your 2013 self to your 2003 self--maybe to give younger self some insight; maybe to prepare you for the next decade.
Would we all be better off without any labels?
What is your butch "style?" How is it different (if it's different at all, which it needn't be) from being a man?
Describe how some other identity you have (race, religion, social class, whatever) interacts with your sexual orientation.

Over the next month or two, I will post several of the most interesting, thought-provoking answers I receive. Please email me your entries, along with the following information:

Which question you are answering
How you'd like your name to appear (if at all--anonymous is fine)
A link to your website (optional--I'll publish it with your entry)
Your mailing address (also optional--a few lucky folks may win a prize)

I reserve the right to edit these as I see fit for grammar, length, clarity, etc., but I'll do so as sparingly as possible. No minimum or maximum length, but anywhere between 150 and 750 words is great. You don't need to identify as butch, or as gay, or as anything else, to submit an entry.

I can't wait to read these! (And yes, if you'd like to answer more than one, feel free--just make sure to send each answer in a separate email.)

12 Comments

Allie

1/15/2013 04:04:14 am

1) It doesn't always have to mean female, it can be refered to as gay men and anybody else. To me butch just means masculine in appearance, it has nothing to do with gender ID.
2) It's alright to be butch/androginous and also a lesbian. I know you have feelings that you are seriously afraid of but it will be fine. Just go with the flow!
3) I have no idea if we would be better off without labels. I see both sides, i think we would be better off if we got to chose what to label ourselves instead of having other people do it for us. I think people love to label others and say what this is and what that is and then force that onto other people but that is doing it all wrong. There is nothing wrong with wanting to label yourself just as there is nothing wrong with NOT wanting to label yourself. In the end it us up to you to decide what you want to be known as and what you want to express to others.
4) I very much ID as a woman but my butch style is very laid back and very much androgynous. I like to see myself as a soft butch, I'll wear dresses if I must, but I will also wear flats with them. I don't like high heels, they hurt me and I have bad knees. Sure their pretty but they are just not me. I hate how people try to tell me and other butches that because we dress a certain way we must have poor self esteem because we don't like to girl it up as others have told me. I get told to stop acting like a man and to stop being butch all the time, that there is something wrong with a woman who likes to wear men's cloths; but gender is way more than how we dress!
5) I'm a poor white 25 year old college student who is also a fat lesbian who has horrible joint disorder that makes things more difficult. That is how I ID myself. Also I'm very much a demi romantic homosexual, it takes me a very long time to fall for somebody, longer than a year and a half and I haven't had a lot of relationships that are romantic.

Jay Tilman aka boobookitty

1/15/2013 05:39:54 am

How do you define "butch?" Does butch necessarily mean "female?"

To the masculine of center, as well as any where in the spectrum from bio-male to FtM transexual, to FtM transgender, to hard Butch (passing for male) to soft Butch Male ID, to Boi (male ID) to butch female ID, to tomboiy femme---

there is in some way an over lapping of of masculine anf feminine

Would we all be better off without any labels?
NO, self chosen lables are honest and upfront

What is your butch "style?" How is it different (if it's different at all, which it needn't be) from being a man?
Butch in Drag = lesbian drag queen= Lipstick Butch
When I work construction or farm chores I look like a dude at a distance. I have no problems with being female, in fact i am trans gender female body male gender awareness.

Describe how some other identity you have (race, religion, social class, whatever) interacts with your sexual orientation.

it does but it is too complicated to explain

Butch Wonders link

1/15/2013 06:37:17 am

While I def. welcome discussion in the comments, I'll only consider something for posting if it's emailed to me as I describe in the post. Thanks!

Anya

1/15/2013 08:20:29 am

Butch to me is a frame of mind. It does have to do with appearance but mostly it's about how one identifies internally. Plus it takes swagger in my opinion.
I would like any of the ties they are incredible. ^-

Tia Smith

1/15/2013 08:25:13 am

Dear Self from 2003,

Do yourself a favor and come out of the closet now. You know you're gay and so do your friends. I know you're scared that your family won't be fine with it but they will be as long as you are happy. Also never leave any of your girlfriends for someone else. It's lame and will rob you of true happiness. Keep trying to lose weight...it definitely pays off. Never give up!!! Life out if the closet is so much better than the life you have now.

With Love,
Me from 2013

Briellen

1/15/2013 08:26:31 am

3) Ive actually given a lot of thought to this question over the years because I don't choose to label myself. A lot of girls I've dated choose label themselves as butch. It makes it easier for me when they do becase I'm attracted to soft butch women. As for me I feel as if I can't be defined label me androgynou I suppose. That said labels aren't meant to define who we are just how we tend to dress or act. I tend to think of butch girls as being the dominant partner sexually I'd be interested to know how others define themselves and why.

1/15/2013 08:28:15 am

I would like the green tie if applicable

1/15/2013 08:56:23 am

Dear 2003 self, Just because dating guys is what the other girls are doing don't feel like you have to. Don't keep your annoying boyfriend around simply to fit in when the mere thought of kissing him utterly disgusts you. Be true to yourself, you are not your sisterand being alesbian doesnt mean being abnormal. Don't fear coming out...it may be hard at first but you will find that those who truly matter will love you for you. Concentrate more on your studies and less on the girls in the locker room! Be a strong rolemodel for your little sister by perservering. Tell your gay best friend that you are a lesbian so that he wont feel as ostracized.Get out frombehind yourfantasyfiction noveland live a little. You will be fine. You will find love and lose it...you will feel like you havenothing left and then realize that you have everything. You will find love again and you will be in true head over heel love. You will fall on yourface...your parents will get divorced your baby sister will getmarried. You will have a lot of lousy jobs and then you'll find one that you love. Treasure your time with youmother because she will soon lose the person she once was and you'll pray for that time back. You will meet people that will forever change your life...never be afraid of that. Always know that you are smart and beautiful no matter what happens and always love yourself for who you are. Love, me 2013

Catmo

1/15/2013 09:16:15 am

Hmmm well, I was 34 in 2003. I had just come out to my Mother (My Sisters had known about my sexuality for several years) My Mom still wasn't talking to me. If I had one thing to say to 2003 Me...It would be, Never compromise yourself for ANYONE. Live YOUR life. Ahhh If I had just half the years back that I gave up, trying to please my Mother, trying not to be me, for her. The thought sometimes makes me sick. In the end, it wasn't worth it. Though she's great about it now, She even likes to tease she has two sons. But she'll never know how painful those years were. So, be yourself,
always.

1/15/2013 09:20:33 am

BTW I don't want a tie...BUT, you ought to wipe your sweaty brow on them....I bet you could Ebay them! LOL *elbowing you*.

1/15/2013 09:23:30 am

LOL--okay, you just made me choke on the popcorn I'm eating. Heehee! Well, I've *worn* them all at least once, so maybe that counts?

1/15/2013 09:22:34 am

Your answers are awesome, but y'all need to *email* me for me to consider posting them on the blog (or for you to be eligible to receive a tie). And I need the info I list in this post, too: question #, name as you'd like it to appear, website (optional) and address (optional). Blessed are those who follow directions. ;) BW

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