 What would a gender humbug look like? This comes to mind. (via rccrawler.com) For a while, I've been resistant to the label "genderqueer." There are a couple of reasons for this. One, I've had several people assume I identify as genderqueer. I'm contrarian enough not to like other people assuming I'm anything, which is a silly reason to resist a label, but nonetheless, it makes me resist it.
The second reason, though, is that to embrace the term "genderqueer," don't we first have to embrace the idea that gender--and the gender binary--exists out there as a thing? After all, if it didn't, there wouldn't be anything to "queer" in the first place, would there? The first online definition of "genderqueer" I found is roughly consistent with the way I usually hear the term defined: denoting or relating to a person who does not subscribe to conventional gender distinctions but identifies with neither, both, or a combination of male and female genders. I'm not sure if I fall into that category. True, I don't subscribe to conventional gender distinctions. I think they're silly social constructs. But do I identify with both male and female genders? Not really. I identify with the female "gender," I guess--I feel more comfortable with female pronouns, for example. But as I see it, my definition of the "female gender" basically encompasses anything I do, wear, think, or feel, because my sex is female and I'm fine with that. If I say that my aesthetic is "genderqueer," aren't I accepting the idea that there IS a female-gendered aesthetic, and setting myself apart from it? Saying that I'm not really female because my aesthetic isn't the mainstream female aesthetic? So maybe this is the deal: maybe I'm just not down with gender as a concept. Maybe I think it's silly and I reject it for myself. But that doesn't mean I'm "agender," really. Because if I was, then I think I'd prefer gender-neutral pronouns, or at least, would be equally (un)comfortable with male and female pronouns. But I'm not. Female pronouns totally work for me. To be honest, I think it's stupid to have gendered pronouns at all, but since we do have them, I prefer female ones (not that I get bent out of shape if people screw up my pronouns). I recently met with a group of about 20 other people in a work context, and we had to go around and say our "preferred pronouns." I was one of the last ones to go, and I told people that I use female pronouns, but that I don't care if they're "sloppy with [their] pronouns." Because, seriously, what is the point of gendered pronouns, anyway? Which is not to say that masculinity and femininity seem like useless concepts. In the reality of our everyday lives, they are nice cultural shorthands to have available. But I don't like them tied to people's gender, because for way too long, people's gender has been tied to people's sex. Heck, I don't even like the idea of people having gender. Why should people have a gender at all? Can't people just have a sex? Can we divorce the idea of gender from lived beings? I suspect I'm in the minority on this. I don't like how the gender binary ends up being rarefied and underscored and reaffirmed by people's attempts to mess with it. Maybe I am genderqueer. Or maybe I'm just a gender humbug.
10 Comments
Amy
12/10/2015 12:23:34 pm
I like the post, and I know my next sentence will be way at the bottom of the minority but...... I think there are too many damn labels. For everything. It's all gotten so complicated. I'm single and looking, but all I find is myself having to a ask what everything means. And it makes me feel really ignorant. I grew up and came out knowing gay, lesbian, and bisexual. Now we have a whole host of new labels to call everyone. Dating was hard to begin with. Now it just seems impossible to do with all the new labels separating people.
I'm still straddling the butch/transgender line - and I'd be screwed if I had to start dating and define myself or who I'm looking for (still in long term relationship with a self-identified femme lesbian). 12/10/2015 02:15:17 pm
I am a butch with sex dysphoria. According to all of the online videos/blogs/etc I am considered to be trans or any other gender identity. However, I have chosen to try to deal with sex dysphoria without any sort of transitioning. Just because I have sex dysphoria and feel more comfortable with a more "masculine" presentation, that does not erase the fact that I am, and always will be, female. As you said, gender is a social construct and there's no purpose between using various pronouns to describe oneself.
Smoochikins
12/10/2015 02:48:21 pm
My husbutch doesn't use the label only because he doesn't like the word "queer". He prefers male pronouns but dies not feel like a woman or man but something in between. It's more than aesthetic. He also wants top surgery. I think it's normal for people to want words, i.e. labels for everything. Every word is a label that helps us describe or communicate and get ideas across but those kinds of labels shouldn't be put on others. We should be able to label ourselves. It helps people to find their own group to relate to. The world can be a very lonely place for small minorities so it helps those people to find each other. I usually describe him by saying he's in the "transgender spectrum". It's still a new thing for most people so naturally there's going to be a time period where the English language tries to catch up with it since it's seriously lacking in that department.
Genderqueer or nonbinary are the terms I use to describe myself. In terms of the definition you found, that rings true for me - personally, in the day to day, I just feel like a person, not a gender. I mostly feel like I don't have a gender at all, but that I express that lack of gender by playing with outward gender cues like clothing, makeup/lack of makeup, behaviors, etc - sometimes on purpose, sometimes because it changes day to day. This I think is the "queering" part - I queer people's expectations of my gender - both their expectations that I have one, and their expectations that I present it in a certain way. Some days I feel more masculine, and in general tend to prefer more androgynous to butch presentation. But I don't identify as butch; I actually identify as femme.
I like the broad definition of genderqueer: gender that is "queer" in some way, without specifying how – where "queer" is taken to mean "non-normative".
Le
12/13/2015 05:26:30 pm
I liked this post a lot- says what I think most of the time but don't have the eloquence to say. I tag things 'genderqueer' etc.. and use the term to attract like-minded folk on certain sites, but in general feel as you do; I am female (whether I like it or not- mainly I'm ok with that these days) and therefore being a 'woman' is whatever I do/ wear/ think etc.. whether it is what others consider 'womanly' or not. I wish there were more ways to be a woman according to mainstream society, because then I probably wouldn't have spend so much of my early life wishing to be male. Ah, it's a confusing old world out there for sure, and sometimes these new terms are useful, and sometimes they are just yet more boxes to be squeezed into...
Ali
12/15/2015 05:09:37 pm
The thing is, gender can be divided into two separate definitions: gender identity and gender expression. I would argue that gender identity is innate, whereas gender expression is influenced by society. Gender expression doesn't always match up with gender identity - you can wear a dress and be perceived by others as female but identify as something else. Yes, this means someone with a stereotypically female presentation can be genderqueer. I think it is possible to both challenge how society perceives gender and also challenge society's definition of gender as a binary. 12/15/2015 05:26:40 pm
Really interesting thoughts. I actually wrote a post quite a while back about why I identify as butch: http://www.butchwonders.com/blog/why-i-identify-as-butch
Your own (gender) identity may be beyond gender, yet your (sexual) identity does not seem to be gender-blind, at least in the way you have described it in the past. If gender is indeed irrelevant, then why say you are attracted to women? Or butch women? Or call yourself butch? Just something more to think about. Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
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