A few months ago, I put this question to readers: What is your butch "style?" How is it different (if it's different) from being a man? One reader emailed me such a thorough answer that I've decided to feature it as its own post. If you have a take on butch style that you think is blog-worthy and you want to share with the world, email me and I just might feature it here! This answer comes from BT: I have been trying to define my butch style or what it means to be butch for me for awhile now. This is what I’ve come up with. 1. Dapperness Once I came out and finally felt comfortable in my own skin I really started having this desire to be dapper. Which I guess I always had it because I realize now I projected it onto my ex-husband, dressing him how I really wanted to but didn’t feel like I could. I love ties. Regular ties, bow ties, ties with intricate knots. Vests, suspenders, wingtips, cufflinks, 40’s style hats and pinstripes…love them. Some day when I can afford it, I will have a suit made by Saint Harridan. To me, being dapper is butch. 2. Ruggedness (Country) This could be seen as the opposite of dapper but it’s totally possible to be both. For me, ruggedness is butch.I am country at heart and to me these things are country and butch. 1) Working hard. I know you can work hard at a lot of things but I mean the being outside in 115 degree weather, digging irrigation trenches, putting up fences, plowing fields kind of working hard. 2) Trucks. That is, liking trucks, fixing trucks, and 4-wheeling in trucks. 3) Hunting, Fishing, Camping. There’s something about being out in the wilderness that really seems to bring out the butch. In addition, gutting and skinning animals, playing with fire and whittling. Along with those things… 4) Guns, knives, weapons of any sort. 5) Flannel, thermal, and big boots. Butch lumberjack without a beard. 6) Tools. Knowing what more than your basic tools are and how to use them. 7) Coors Light. 3. Other Stuff Some other things that I feel are butch: 1) Smoking pipe tobacco and cigars. 2) Epic war movies. 3) Demonstrating gentlemanly behavior like opening doors and pulling out chairs. 4) Death metal. 5) Leather working. 6) Wood working. 7) My LazyBoy. 8) Being a romancer. 4. Butch Femininity With all the masculine butch stuff aside, butch femininity. For me (and my lady) this is the most important ingredient. Without the butch femininity I’d just be a man. 1) Feminine intuition. Because of this I better know what’s going on with my lady. I see what she wants, know how to meet her needs, and can quickly tell when something is off or wrong. 2) My lady heart. All rough and tough on the outside but inside is a tender feminine heart with a great capacity to love in a way that only a woman can. 3) Sensitivity. 4) In a lot of ways I still think and feel like a woman so really being butch is the best of both worlds combined. So there it is as best as I can describe at this juncture. BT ...Do you agree with all of this, dear readers? What defines your butch style?
24 Comments
devyn
1/2/2014 01:36:51 am
This is perfect. . Whatever brand of butch you happen to be you are pretty much bound to have these qualities. ..
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Cindy
1/2/2014 01:59:52 am
Hmmm. See, I don't fit any of those. My style is more frat guy. I can be just as "dapper" and rugged in my hockey jersey and a pair of well fitting jeans. I feel sometimes that if you're not in this bow tie, high waters, and suspenders hipster look that other butches look down on you as if I'm making all of us look bad. Your style is your own. I have a little of all that plus a lot of other things that define my style but unfortunately that's not popular so it makes me and others like me feel excluded. :/
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Connie French
2/26/2014 09:52:36 am
I agree the ties, suits, etc. but I like guys skinny jeans and boots. Tees and flannels and hoodies are my thing. I an a stone butch and the love of my life wouldn't have it any other way...BUT I am a no kill shelter worker and think fur and dead animals are disgusting. I love my woman and looking at all women. To me butch is not a mountain man mentality it's getting women.
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Connie French
3/1/2014 02:50:26 am
For my previous comment I meant not get women but make my woman happy. Opening doors etc like was written originally. Always been that way always will. I am my butchness
Connie French
3/1/2014 02:53:49 am
You are not excluded by me. As there are many styles of fem women there are many kinds of but he's. You know who you are. Go with it.
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Kid
1/2/2014 02:11:45 am
Well, I'm a rather soft butch, and very young, so I'm not sure if my opinion counts, but I like to wear flannel over a tank top, with soft and slightly baggy jeans.
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1/2/2014 03:18:41 am
Each to their own, I say. However, the Coors Foundation has given zillions of dollars to right-wing, anti-LGBT organizations, so I'll die before I ever touch a Coors beer.
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Abby
3/10/2014 09:35:06 am
I love that you know the facts about coors, as a young Dyke myself, I remember walking onto my first gay bar at the age of 17 years old, and being from the Central Valley in California, we are all Country lol!
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Jules
1/2/2014 03:54:38 am
I can identify with this post. I came out at 42 and had already established myself wearing dress slacks and blazers with loafers. That was just my style. This was even before I felt I could identify butch. I had been conditioned by a diligent mother to be ultra fem when the need arose. I could wear dresses, makeup and high heels with as much grace as a model. However, as the years went by, that attire made me feel like a drag queen in full regalia! Now, at 59 and retired to 2.5 acres in the ozarks, I am quite comfortable in jeans, t-shirt and work boots as I am always outside doing physical labor. But, when I dress up I revert to my original style of dress slacks and blazer. I liked that she added that we all have a feminine side that should be acknowledged. That sets us apart from men. I do, however, think that we relate to our masculine sides (which we all have) more than the femmes do!
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catmo
1/2/2014 10:54:52 am
Perfect. ok minus the death metal, lol. pegged, nailed, to a T, spot on...beautiful. Thanks BT, BW.
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Stacy
1/2/2014 12:38:48 pm
Except for the killing, gutting, and skinning of animals (which disgusts me and frankly I'm having trouble equating that with your hearts great capacity to love) then it all sounds pretty cool. But there will never be one definition of what it means to be butch. But that's the whole idea---there is no one definition for us or any group of people. I identify, and may want to be more of a lot of these things--or I'm attracted to them---or both, but everyone is different and changing. It's hard to nail it down. Good post.
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GC
1/30/2014 06:48:26 am
I'm an English teacher at a large high school. I'm near fifty and have just fully embraced butch style. So now I have the professor look - think ties/shirts/sweaters and elbow patches. And I just wanted to say that you hit on one thing perfectly: women my age love butch styl, but what they love most is the undercurrent of feminitity. So I'm glad you were clear about that. Keep up the good work! My new motto: S.W.A.G. - She Wants a Gentleman (Even if She Wants a Woman)!
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GC
1/30/2014 06:50:31 am
Sorry for the typos. I do really teach English!
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Abby
3/10/2014 09:46:20 am
I love this post-
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Abby
3/10/2014 09:46:33 am
I love this post-
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Abby
3/10/2014 09:46:46 am
I love this post-
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Abby
3/10/2014 09:46:56 am
I love this post-
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Abby
3/10/2014 09:47:34 am
I love this post-
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Abby
3/10/2014 09:49:05 am
I love this post-
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Abby
3/10/2014 09:49:41 am
I love this post-
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Abby
3/10/2014 09:50:02 am
I love this post-
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Abby
3/10/2014 09:50:40 am
I love this post-
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Abby
3/10/2014 09:50:56 am
I love this post-
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abby
3/10/2014 09:53:04 am
sorry, I have no idea what happened but my post just posted over and over, very sorry
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