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Happy Surprises About Being Gay

4/14/2012

12 Comments

 
When I was first coming out, I thought that being gay would be a big huge pain in the neck.  I expected to be stared at when I was out with a girlfriend, I thought my straight friends wouldn't feel close to me, and that I'd always feel excluded at straight weddings and baby showers (if I was even invited). 

Some of these fears weren't entirely unfounded, but in my everyday life, the downsides of being queer were far smaller than I'd expected.  Sure, there were a few lousy surprises (e.g., sometimes people stare, and the "convert a straight girl, get a toaster" thing turns out to be a total scam).  But overall, being queer brought more good surprises than bad ones. 

One of these good surprises: kissing is fun!  And just for the sake of kissing, not as requisite foreplay (who knew?).  For another, I realized I love fashion.  Liberated to wear what I want, I now love reading about fashion and shopping for myself and other people.  My younger self (who broke out in hives just walking near Macy's) would never have believed this was possible.

While I was thinking about the surprise perks of being gay, I posted a question on Facebook yesterday "What's the #1 SURPRISINGLY best thing about being gay?"  I received over 50 answers and thought I'd share some:
  • "Being gay I have gotten a lot closer to my family...I am very fortunate in that regard."
  • "The fact that you understand how your partner's body function in bed. That's an undeniable advantage ;)"
  • "Getting to be lovers with butches!"
  • "Not having to worry about getting her knocked up."
  • "Being able to be your true self."
  • "You can share pieces of clothing."
  • "Go TOGETHER in a public bathroom and no one will EVER ask questions. ;)" 
  • "Being different!"
  • "My community. The incredible bond in bed with my GF."
  • "Being openly queer means you have a built-in filter that will detect and remove a good portion of the closed-minded jerks that could potentially enter your life. It's truly a great tool for screening out assholes, stodgy work environments, and boring parties."  (I thought that was a particularly terrific [and true!] answer.)
  • "We have the BEST PARTIES!!! :P"
  • "I finally feeling like i belong somewhere :)"
  • "The courage that comes, the friends that love you as you are, the being able to breathe as a whole human."
  • "Contentment deep within, like everything is the way it's supposed to be!"
  • "Great sex and can't get pregnant!! ;)"  (I love not worrying about pregnancy--and not being on birth control pills.  Yeesh!)
  • "On a personal level it's the freedom to date/express my attraction to women without the feeling that it is wrong."
  • "Raising our children with diversity... love and acceptance of others.  My kids will have obstacles because they have two moms. But they will also have advantages because they are taught to 'dare to be different' and walk to the beat of your own drum!"
  • "It used to be the novelty factor, as explained by Armistead Maupin. But there are so many of us out now, and we are more accepted, so that's not really it anymore."
  • "Not being constantly asked when I'm gonna have kids is lovely."
  • "The ultimate is being able to be yourself, no matter what. Knowing that how you feel is natural and not anything to be ashamed of."
  • "The people I've become close to that I wouldn't know if i was straight."
  • "When i came out to all the managers in the company i worked for at a meeting and they all clapped for me and gave me hugs that i could finally be open."
  • "Knowing who my real friends & real family are...  and proud of my grandmother for telling me half the world is gay anyway! lol, she's probably more right than she knows ;)"
  • "Meeting and marrying my wife was also surprisingly wonderful... I was told I'd never get married or have kids...HA! to you i say!"
  • "The look on str8 ppls faces when I (obvious dyke/butch) walk in a room with my 2 beautiful daughters, one adopted and one birth.  They look so startled and confused, like deer in headlights. LOL is it wrong that I giggle inside every time?"
  • "We can share dressing rooms, and bathrooms ;) and clothes. Also, having the same thought processes, same body parts which makes for very easy understanding of each other's pain and pleasure."
  • "It has brought my mom and i closer and I have made amazing friends through lgbt groups."
  • "That moment when either the viciously judgmental comments or the 'totally understanding' - 'well, good for you,' never come. It eases my cynical heart just the tiniest bit more."
  • "Being out, being myself, supports my honesty and integrity. Being with the person that i fell in love with. Living life completely and wholly, not hiding who I am."
  • "Kissing another woman. Best thing ever."
  • "Breaking the stereotypical ignorance of some: 'you don't look like a lesbian.'"
  • "I can be who I am, a Beauty King."
  • "Knowing I'm right where I belong."
  • "I am free!"
Do any of these answers resonate with you, dear readers?  What was the best surprise for *you* about being queer?

12 Comments
Tina
4/14/2012 07:41:40 am

To have finally found the piece of me that was missing. It wasn't him itt was me. I am finally together.

Reply
Helen
4/14/2012 09:28:47 am

I will never forget my first girl on girl kiss. I was trembling from head to toe. Overwhelmed. Feeling everything fall away from me. Completely exposed. Complete surrender. It felt so unbelievably RIGHT! And every kiss thereafter has been just as intense as the first!

Reply
victoria link
4/16/2012 07:03:00 am

EXACTLY! :)

Reply
Holly
4/14/2012 11:19:54 am

i love being a 100% Gold Star Lesbian because it's showed me who's important to have in my life. When I was comming out I lost friends and gained more new ones. After my first girlfriend I lost more old friends an lost trust with others. But what I learned was worth it. Family was different because a lot of them disowned me or don't accept me being gay. Even with my parents we've become more distant. But I'm hoping that will change in time.

Reply
Andrea
4/14/2012 11:36:44 am

I completely relate to the discovery that you like fashion! My whole life, I always looked longingly at the boys clothing sections. Growing up, my sister was always very girly and into clothes, but I couldn't care less. So, I just thought it wasn't something I enjoyed. Coming out, mostly to myself, freed me up to start playing around with more masculine clothing, and I've discovered that I really am a bit of a fashionista.

Reply
Joslyn C
4/14/2012 05:21:59 pm

I got way more in touch with my femininity after a terrible post-"coming out" month of awkward fashions. I finally realized that being lesbian doesn't look a certain way...but it sure does feel nice :)

Reply
Deborah
4/15/2012 02:44:53 am

Not needing the constant reassurances from my straight girly friends that I'm one of them and I don't stand out. I'm so happy and comfortable standing out, I don't feel like I need to blend into a crowd anymore.
Also, my girlfriend's body. I knew that when I came out I would be having sex with women but I never expected just how good and natural it'd feel.

Reply
Danielle
4/15/2012 08:15:39 am

Readin those 50 comments was invigorating, and inspiring. Not all of them resonated with me, but it highlighted the fact that I love belonging to a wonderfuly diverse community.

Reply
nyla nyffeler
4/15/2012 09:05:08 am

Being out has empowered me to claim my voice in the world; to speak up for not just myself, but for those too afraid or tortured or bullied to fight back on their own. In choosing to be free of the dark lies of the closet, we bring light and justice to the world. I remember when being queer and female meant you were mentally ill and were sent away to be "cured" with electroshock therapy or just plain rape. That's when I started to carry a blade... Didn't take the guys too long to get the message.

Reply
mx. punk link
4/15/2012 09:19:01 am

i'm not gay, but i AM queer-- can i play, too? the awesome thing that surprised me the most about coming out as queer is that my mom is ok with it. she doesn't hate me, she hasn't tried to change me or to pray over me or anything-- so rad.

Reply
Rae
4/19/2012 10:41:58 am

Coming out and finally being true to myself has meant that I can finally be comfortable in MY skin. Not the many skins that other people have expectes me to wear. I onky wish I had the courage to hve come out in my early teens like the young people today...I feel like I have missed out on so many experiences and feelings. It has been great finally putting on my REAL skin and showin it off to the whole world.


The first time I kissed a woman I wasn't nervous at all. My heart was only pounding because I was so flustered by my attraction to her. It was THE most natural feeling I have ever had. I'll never forget that kiss. Ok i think I've gotten off the subject lol i am just
So flipping proud to be me

Reply
Nina link
4/22/2012 11:17:13 pm

kissing rules

what I liked best about coming out was

just girl crushing on every single woman and flirting like mad

you never know when someone will say yes

and it just made everyone feel so much better about themselves.

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