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Holiday Depression: No, It's Not Just You.

12/16/2011

7 Comments

 
If you grew up celebrating Christmas, the holiday that used to bring you unbridled joy may now bring a big ol' dollop of mixed emotions.  When we were kids, Christmas was less complicated.  After all, what can top the idea of a benevolent, costumed, bearded man leaving gifts while you sleep?  (Hmm, come to think of it, that sounds like something a gay man dreamed up.)  But if you're like me, somewhere along the way, Christmas stopped being so easy.  Note: if you're totally stoked about the holidays this year, this entry doesn't apply to you: go have a cup of eggnog or something.

My own mixed feelings about Christmas have to do with divorce, with people I miss, and with various types of guilt.  For others of you, it has to do with a falling out with your parents, or with the death of someone you love, or with the frustration of having to pretend to be someone you're not.  These aren't exactly thoughts you can bring up at the office holiday party.  Instead, they're the kind of things that hit you when you're in line at the drugstore at 9:30 pm with a box of Red Vines in one hand and a bottle of zin in the other (just hypothetically, of course), and "The Little Drummer Boy" starts blaring from the store speakers, and--BOOM--a wave of Holiday Depression.

The first thing to know about Holiday Depression is that you're not alone.  Lots of people deal with it; they just don't talk about it.  The second thing to know about Holiday Depression is that it passes.  Don't let yourself think that your unhappiness during the holidays is somehow symbolic of the shortcomings of your life more generally.  Because this is not true.  Holidays are the time of year when the highest number of people report feeling depressed.  You will feel a hell of a lot better in January.  I promise. 

A few quick fixes for dealing with a sudden wallop of Holiday Depression:
-    Lay on the couch.  Put your headphones on and listen to the least holiday-ish music you can think of.  Angry, not sad.  I recommend Tool, Rage Against the Machine, or whatever the current equivalent of that stuff is.
-    Open up Pandora and create a "Suzanne Westenhoefer" station.  Listen.
-    Start planning a trip for somewhere you're going to go in 2012.
-    Write to me.  Ask me anything.  Or tell me something you don't feel like telling anyone else.
-    Do a project that involves plants or animals.  Personally, I love paperwhites, and they're only about $1 each for the bulbs.  You can grow them in anything and it's mesmerizing. 
-    Buy yourself a new watch, or some other stylish thing that you will look awesome in.  My DGF (and others) call this "shopping therapy." 
-    Clean your whole house.  Rearrange stuff that's been bothering you.  It will distract you, let your mind wander, and make you feel like you accomplished something.
-    Go for a walk or a run--anything that gets you outdoors.  Don't come back until you're exhausted.  Then take a nice hot shower.

These are only temporary fixes, but sometimes a quick fix is all we need to get us over the hump.  So let's hear from you: Do you ever get hit with Holiday Depression?  And what do you do about it?

7 Comments
bev
12/16/2011 05:35:09 am

my first xmas alone was hard because my kids grew up and no longer celebrate it, yet when they got a call from grandparent they decide they would go there to keep their nanna happy , and its not that I did not get invite to freinds place , seeing them being a happy family makes me miss my sons but life goes on , a few last xmas was crap spent with my g/f and her hubby and his g/f my g/f was mad cause i so really did not want to be there as it was just to weird cause hubby hated me with a passion all the stero type things he said and then he got his g/f and her kids a present and his children but forgot to get his wife a present oh bugger the day got better so they end up going to her place and then he rang up threating crap once more and my g/f said what did you say I just stuck up for myself and i would do the same thing again , but this year my kids and their father we have decide to share it as a family as we have no one specail in our life so there going to be weird but hey we are going to give it ago with our adults sons so wish every one a merry xmas and wish me luck lol

Reply
Morgain
12/16/2011 06:05:04 am

The thing that has helped me the most has been realizing that it's utterly daft to hope Christmas will ever be "the same as." The same as it was when I was 10. The same as it was 4 years ago. It will never, ever, be "the same as", ever again. And why should it be? Thanksgivings are always different. Same with birthdays. And Halloween. And Tuesday. Any Tuesday. Every Christmas will be different, and that HAS to be ok, because that is the only option. We set our expectations so high for this one day of the year, and yet, Tuesday - lucky Tuesday - simply gets to be Tuesday. Perhaps, one day, I'll learn to love Christmas as an adult, and overcome the holiday doldrums. Until then, it soothes me to remember that Christmas this year will just be what it is, and bring its own, special kind of weird.

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Anna
12/16/2011 06:06:29 am

I can't come out to my parents...
Last time I visited, over thanksgiving, my mom asked if I was a lesbian, and I just stammered out a lame excuse.
I've pretty much decided I'm not going home over Christmas. I can't take any more awkward silence, accusing fights, or pain.
I'm not really looking forward to Christmas. I will be spending it alone.

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Kelli Dunham link
12/16/2011 06:45:31 am

Thanks for this post. I especially like that it's got some practical ideas, eg especially about the angry versus sad music and such. I wonder what it would be if queers got mad this season instead of just sad. (if folks have a problem getting mad they should read Sarah Schulman's book on familial homophobia). Anyway keep up the good work on the blog and thanks for your support this year. I appreciate it.

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e link
12/16/2011 09:01:37 am

I *am* sad this year. My darling mumsey died at the end of October and I don't feel like celebrating anything. My g/f is being as understanding as possible, but would be so grateful if I came over to her mom's house the day before... I don't want to. I probably will though. But, it will be hard work to keep from casting a pall of sorrow over their celebration.

I'd rather stay home and listen to Adele and cry.

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Erin Ryan
12/16/2011 10:35:46 am

This year, my whole household seem to be struggling with holiday depression. We all have our different issues. I'm just realizing that I'm trans, and the thought of coming out again has definitely dampened the holidays. My wife is struggling with work place stuff that really is getting her down. My mother is missing my step father, who passed almost 4 years go. We're all just having a hell of a time pulling ourselves along. For me, I'm trying to remember that the most important thing about the holidays is that I have the love of my wife and mother. We're all trying to hold each other up.

Reply
Butch Wonders link
1/3/2012 04:16:02 am

Wow, thanks for all the insightful comments. It's good to know we weren't alone, isn't it? I hope everyone made it through the holidays okay, even if it was rough. Thank you for sharing your experiences. It means a lot to me.

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