Hot and Hefty? You Bet.

3/12/2013

I've gotten eight zillion emails from readers who identify as "of size" or "fat" or "bigger" or "hefty" or "rotund," and want to know how they can dress stylishly and comfortably as larger butches.

If you're non-gender-conforming OR on the huskier side, you've probably felt self-conscious about your appearance. Combining BOTH can leave you feeling like a fashion pariah simply because you don't look like other people (and you challenge two mainstream ideals of attractiveness).

The attractiveness bias has been well-documented, so I'm not going to go on and on about how all bodies are beautiful (they are), how health is more important than size (it is), or how we should accept ourselves for who we are now while striving to be who we'd like to be (we should). Instead, I'm just going to give you some advice about how to look your best.

Some General Fashion Principles for Husky Butches:

Some people perceive overweight people as per se slobby. If you care what these nitwits think of you (and if you don't, good for you!), then you can overcome this assumption by extra attention to detail: shiny shoes, spiffy glasses, sharp haircut. The same hair people might call "tousled" on a skinny boi may play as "slept-on" for you.
Confidence (not cockiness) is sexy! Walk with your shoulders back, not hunched over to hide your weight.
Don't assume that people won't find you sexy. They will! You can still look great and get dates with hot people. I promise.
Buy clothes that fit you now. I'm sure I'm not the only one who's bought a pair of pants whose fit is--erm--aspirational at best. Don't worry about sizes or draw lines in the sand ("I'll never buy an XL, no matter what"). Just worry about finding clothes that fit. And don't put off buying clothes "until [you] lose weight." It's hard to feel good about yourself in ill-fitting clothes. When it comes to fashion, live in the now.
Understand that while there are downsides to being overweight, there are also downsides to being teensy. For one, you aren't mistaken for a little boy, which the featherweight bois sometimes are. This means that you can go all-out on dapper looks they might not be able to pull off.

And now, some specifics!

Don't Wear:

Skinny ties or skinny jeans. You aren't skinny, and your clothes shouldn't be, either.
Super baggy pants. They don't make you look thin; they just look ill-fitting.
Double-breasted jackets. Unless you are comfortable looking like you weigh 20 lbs more than you really do, in which case, no problem.
Clothes that bunch around the waist. This doesn't actually flatter anyone, but it especially doesn't flatter the fatter.
Pleated pants. Ever. (Actually, the only place for men's pleated pants is on the golf course--and even then, you're veering toward smarmy).

Do Wear:

Dark colors. They're especially yummy on you, big butches: navy blue, dark grey, dark olive, chocolate brown... Consider these colors if you haven't.
Tailored clothes. Yeah, I know it's expensive, but tailoring can do magic for your clothes. If you can't get something that fits you everywhere, get something that fits the largest part of you. It's easier for tailors to make things smaller than larger. (This is especially important if you're short and stout, since it's harder to find the right clothes off the rack.) It's better to have two pairs of pants that fit than five that don't.
Suspenders. I've never tried them, but I really should--they're supposed to be awesome because while a belt can squeeeeze your midsection, suspenders help you cut a svelter figure (or so I'm told).
A blazer and jeans, This is a look you can totally rock. To prep it up, go for a dark blue blazer. Your shirt should roughly match the darkness/tone of your jeans.
Corduroy pants with thin stripes (not thick ones). The most underrated pants ever!
Pants that sit at your hips--below your belly button, not at it. (No need to look extra short-waisted, after all.)
Fun things: watches, bracelets, cool sunglasses, bow ties, whatever. Don't be afraid to experiment with different looks--you can be the dapperest butch in the bunch, regardless of size.

Any other tips you'd like to share? Any other questions you have about how to dress as a bigger butch?

16 Comments

BT link

3/12/2013 11:56:55 am

It's true about the suspenders. They are also helpful if you don't have much of a hind end and have trouble keeping your pants in place even with a belt.If you can get the kind that button to your pants its better, the ones with toothed clips can put holes in dress pants.

Bren link

3/12/2013 12:52:47 pm

As a husky butch, I'm with you on all these points except two:

1.) Skinny ties totally look good on husky butches, especially if you're short, like me. The wide ties always end up making me look like I'm trying to wear my dad's hand-me-downs. I agree on the skinny pants, mostly because I don't think anyone looks good in skinny pants (even skinny people).

2.) Suspenders. Maybe this is more a big-chested issue than a husky issue (though the two often go hand-in-hand), but suspenders only serve to accentuate an area that I try very hard to not draw attention to. It's like drawing two arrows down my boobs.

Butch Wonders link

3/30/2013 03:00:05 am

I *totally* agree about the suspenders + boobs point. That's a great point.

QueerFemme

3/12/2013 04:35:04 pm

Great Post BW!!!=) To ALL the Husky Hotties out there...you are handsome behind belief!!! So walk with confidence and KNOW that there are A LOT of us beautiful femmes who swoon with just a simple glance from you!!! (which incidentally, also happens to be this queer femme's {irresistible} partner preference!!! ;) ~ Jess ♥.xo

Kat

3/13/2013 01:13:50 am

I agree with Bren about the suspenders. I attempted them, but as I am very busty (DDD) they wound up not working on me. Instead, I buy a belt that is sized larger than my pant size (Pants are a 40 belt is sized at 46) so it still keeps my pants from falling down, without digging into me.

Also, I've found vests work extremely well (both dress and sweater varieties). V necks tend to work better on me than crew necks, especially the deep v varieties.

I avoid large sets of patterns, but I will include patterned accents in my wardrobe, like a patterned tie. It is a way to still have some spontaneity in your look without looking cartoonish.

I wholeheartedly agree about tailoring. If you are built like me and you don't tailor you wind up looking very boxy. Find a great tailor and spend the money, it is so very, very worth it.

How I try to distinguish myself as not, "per se sloppy," is though knowledge about great eateries and craft cocktails. The hope is that this gives me an air of sophistication in my size not "state fair rotund." (One great thing about being a butch and not a dude is that this combined with the wardrobe choices I make would make me kind of a douche if I were a guy, but as a butch I hope it's a little less douchy,)

As for places to shop for clothes when you are a "built to last" butch. I shop for my dress clothes at www.paulfredrick.com they have great stuff in a wide variety of sizes. I buy my more casual clothes (and for casual, don't read sloppy) at American Eagle or the Gap as their websites go up to XXXL or above.

Finally, thanks to the post from QueerFemme. I work to keep a well style look, but sometimes, like anyone, I can get down on myself. It's nice to hear that not every femme wants a tiny boi that I just can't be.

Kala

3/13/2013 04:36:42 am

Love this! I disagree about the skinny tie as well for short and stout people the thicker ties do not look good on me at all! Also! About the skinny jeans if you get mens skinny jeans they actually look really good i get mine from american eagle. One thing to avoid though is jeans with rips!

Geek Porn girl link

3/13/2013 11:43:09 am

My advice: Find good supportive (or minimizing) undergarments -- be it a sports bra, binder, or regular bra -- before trying on clothes. A large, low-slung bust really ruin the line of masculine clothes, making you look like you're slouching and bulkier than you are. I know a lot of butches have complicated relationships with anything bra-like, but a good one will help you stand up straight and *represent*.

Sign me, A Enthusiastic Observer of Butches

Holly R.

3/13/2013 12:47:35 pm

I'm really happy about seeing this post here. I land on the femme side of things, but my partner is butch and fabulously fat. She has really fantastic taste in clothes and looks great in pretty much everything. It can be challenging to find clothes, particularly shirts, that work for her larger hips. That's where tailoring can come in handy.

I also want to emphasize that while most people have a complicated relationship with their bodies when it comes to weight, there are plenty of folks who are comfortable with their size and don't necessarily seek to minimize their bodies by how they dress. BW certainly doesn't say otherwise, I just wanted to mention it again, and say that it's really OK to feel Ok about wearing things that aren't specifically meant to hide your weight or your form. Belly rolls, chunky legs, generous arms and hips are ok on display and are not necessarily feminizing or unattractive. In fact, there are plenty of us out here who go weak in the knees for a fat butch who wears her size with pride. <3

Stef link

3/14/2013 07:54:12 am

I agree with Holly. Some of these fashion rules seem to assume that a fat person's goal always is or should be to appear less fat than they are. Maybe if you're a little bit plump, wearing dark colors or avoiding double-breasted jackets will disguise your shape. But fat people look fat no matter what we wear, so we might as well wear the colors and tie widths we like.

Also, shiny shoes, spiffy glasses, etc. are fun for their own sake, but they are not a reliable inoculation against fat prejudice.

Kate

5/11/2013 04:31:26 am

Great point, Stef! This whole article comes off as a little fat-shaming to me!

Charlie link

3/15/2013 12:44:29 am

My problem is that I am short and looking for under 30" inseams. I am a poor college student on a cashier's income, so tailoring is out out, period. What do I do? I go shopping for clothes I love. Honestly, it takes a lot of courage and self-esteem to say "shove it" to society and dress the way you want, because all girls are pressured to dress to attract others, not dress to feel good. However, with my boyish looks and body shape, I am able to go to the men's department and find nice pullovers, polos, button-downs, and tees that fit my body and make me look and feel good. Some sizes I wear are 34, some are 36 depending on whether they are low-rise or at the waist. Some shirts are large, others are XL. I hated fashion as a kid because my mom would make me wear baggy stuff, or wear large women's outfits that looked no good on me. Both had kids tease me endlessly. Once I had my own job and could buy my own stuff, I started looking better, feeling better. My friends loved my style, even if my family didn't. Been like that for the most ever since.

3/22/2013 09:58:49 am

Charlie, do you have access to an iron? If so, and you haven't yet tried any of the magical iron-on hemming tapes available at sewing and craft stores I highly recommend. There's also a liquid that you can squeeze on like a glue to hem, and both of these products are under $5 (at least in Michigan where I live).

FemOutLoud link

3/17/2013 09:18:34 am

Loved reading the post & loved reading the comments! Just one thing to add from this butch-loving femme: yes, you absolutely, positively, *can* be hefty and incredibly hot. Many of you look good. Seriously, pulse-quickeningly, good. In fact, whether you favor wide ties or skinny ties, suspenders or not, or any of the rest of this, please just remember that some of us out here will feel a thrill of excitement when you enter the room. And that's a good thing. ;)

beelisty link

3/28/2013 03:46:08 am

So I've been super busy and a total failure at commenting on this post.

And I have to say I appreciate some of the tips, but fundamentally disagree with others. I am 5'5" and weigh 250. I wear a lot of loud, bright colors--right now I have on a pink cable knit Polo sweater vest, kelly green pants, and a polka dot bow tie (white oxford shirt also). I get a lot of compliments on my country club drag (i call it that because i'm not a rich straight golf playing white dude but that's kind of how i dress) even though i'm not a slender tall dude, which is who you tend to see these styles on. i think that my confidence level and comfort level around being a big old dandy make it doable-- and i know a lot of other hot fat butches who rock orange pants and loud rainbow striped sweaters and stuff like that. :)

3/30/2013 03:03:54 am

Oh, I didn't mean to suggest that husky butches shouldn't wear bright colors. Some look rad in bright colors--especially those rocking the "dandy" look! But I do think that dark colors can look especially good, too. That's why I was suggesting considering dark colors, but didn't suggest avoiding bright ones. :)

DCfemme

3/28/2013 10:23:39 am

Although I read this post late, I have to comment. I speak as a butch-loving femme and I think the most important thing a fabulously husky butch can wear is a confident attitude. Confidence is dead sexy in any size.Whatever you do, own your look. Many femmes appreciate the benefits of a butch who is a larger size, or as Kat stated "built to last" (love that!) On a more practical side, I think that tailoring and accessories can take you from sloppy butch to very dapper butch and don't have to cost a fortune. Be comfortable, neat, and above all - be a proud butch.

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