Butch Wonders
  • Blog
  • Butch Store: Genderqueer Us
  • About
  • Contact

How Early is Too Early to Transition?

8/16/2012

15 Comments

 
I just read this article on the Advocate's website about a parent who accepted her transgendered kid early on.  It's heartwarming that the kid wasn't bullied (at least, not yet--fingers crossed for him in middle school).  But what really caught my eye was the sentence, "He transitioned at the age of five."

What?

My first thought was this: no one knows what he or she wants to do or be at five.  Five-year-olds will assert that they are dogs or fire trucks, or that they want to eat only pickles for the rest of their lives.  Sometimes they assert such things with startling persistence.  Are we supposed to take all these things seriously?

At the same time, maybe assertions about sex and gender are more fundamental somehow--more elemental.  Maybe by being perceived and treated like a boy from age five, the kid in the story will avoid nasty bouts with depression and gender dysphoria that would have plagued him if he'd transitioned at 25.  He'll be able to go through puberty as a boy the first time around.  Kids know who they are, this line of thinking goes.  And a really big part of me agrees with this. 

Still, another really big part of me knows that the world is packed with sex divisions and gender norms.  From a very young age, I certainly knew that I wasn't like the other girls.  I always wanted to play with the boys and wear boys' clothing.  When I looked in my parents' closets, it was my father's ties that I coveted (and my mom is by no means a "girly" girl, so it's not like ties were the alternative to dresses and heels).  If the mom in this article had been my mom, I probably would have transitioned.

Instead, my mom would reassure me that not all girls liked to wear dresses or play with dolls.  There were unfortunate restrictions (how I wished I was allowed to shop in the boys' department!), but as best she could, she taught me that there were a lot of different ways to be a girl.  I'm positive that her open-mindedness helped me to become the dapper butch I am today.  For a lot of reasons, the road was not an easy one.  But I am very glad to be a girl; my girl-ness just doesn't look like most other people's.

I guess what I'm struggling with in reading this article is a fear that gender nonconformity will be taken for early expressions of trans identity.  I think it's super important to accept kids as they are, but how do you do this--and support a kid you think may be trans--while at the same time, leaving wide open the door that your dress-eschewing kid may be a female butch?  I worry that labeling gender-nonconforming kids "trans" is another incarnation of affirming gender norms.

As you can see, I have a lot of conflicting thoughts about this.  What do you think, dear readers?  Is five years old too young to transition?
15 Comments
Kris
8/16/2012 06:16:14 am

I think "transition" means different things at different stages of our loves. A five year old is not too young to be respected, heard, and to be who they believe themselves to be. My grandson is 8 and believes he is a wizard, not HP type wizard a real wizard. Will he always be wizard, who knows. But I respect the person he knows himself to be and a five year old deserves the same respect. It may be the same for the five year old at age 12, 15, 25 and it may not. The level of respect deserved never changes.

Reply
Makarova
8/16/2012 06:17:50 am

You can't really let a 5-year old "transition" as such as there's nothing you can actually do medically until they hit puberty anyway. So as far as I'm concerned... if your 5-year old wants to be treated as a particular gender there's no reason to not indulge them as this would obviously just make them dysphoric and miserable. And then they have like 10 years to think about what they actually want, plenty of time to make their mind up.

Reply
Ash
8/16/2012 07:42:18 am

I agree that there are a lot of things to consider with this question; however, on a personal level I think I may have benefited from being allowed to "transition" when I was younger. I knew when I was 4 that I was not like other girls and in my mind I wanted to be a boy. I currently identify as a butch woman but I have been contemplating transitioning. Part of my problem now is that I am not sure what aspects of me are truly female or just things that I have forced myself to conform to. If I had been allowed and encouraged to discover who I was when I was younger I wouldn't be struggling so much to figure it out now. I suffered so much depression because I was made fun of for being a tomboy and I never felt comfortable with myself. I was allowed to present as a boy that may have never happened. Tough question though. Lots of things to consider.

Reply
maddox link
8/16/2012 07:52:48 am

I've been involved in the trans youth community for a while. Everyone is very aware of the differences between being transgender, vs gender non-conforming, gender diverse, or gender fluid, and the possibility of being either - and letting the child decide - is continually emphasized. Those who are transgender and transition are different than those who are left to explore their gender creativity.

I would guess that this kid does not just like to play with firetrucks and wear spiderman shirts. He very likely insisted day after day that he IS a boy, not that he WANTS to be one; he very likely demanded that people refer to him as "he" at an age where he could barely speak; he very likely expressed sentiments of self-harm and disgust at his assigned gender. Whereas a gender non-conforming or gender fluid child will say they are not sure of their gender, or they are a mix of both, or they are a boy who likes to wear dresses, a transgender child usually sends very strong signals of cross gender identification.

Personally, I fit into this "transgender child" category at that age. Although I eventually grew into a non-binary identity, I do identify as trans, and would've probably been very happy had I transitioned young. Of course, this is just my story with my own personal bias.

But perhaps stories like these can help you reevaluate your own gender story and see it in a new light.

Reply
Butch Wonders link
8/16/2012 10:19:32 am

A few random things:

(1) I agree with Maddox that the "want to be a boy" vs. "I AM a boy" thing is pretty crucial.

(2) A few of you have asked where I've written about trans stuff before. Lots of places, but the most popular posts are these two:
http://www.butchwonders.com/1/post/2012/01/why-arent-all-butches-trans.html
and
http://www.butchwonders.com/1/post/2011/08/post-title-click-and-type-to-edit5.html

(3) I wonder if there are some number of us that are sex-flexible. Like, maybe if I'd been socialized as a boy and developed into a boy, I'd be perfectly happy now. Maybe sex doesn't matter to me. Or maybe I just think I'm a "woman" and that "woman" means something because that's what I've been told. I guess the answer is no, though; sex and gender DO matter. If they didn't, why would anyone bother to transition?

Reply
JD
8/16/2012 12:38:25 pm

Interesting conversation here. I feel better. I naturally drifted toward boy's interests: toy cars, trucks, etc. The toys I wanted the most were the ones pitched to boys. I got along better with boys. For the longest time, they were my best friends and accepted my being a different kind of girl..

I knew however, not to ask for the toys that I really wanted. When I fantasizes about my wedding or in a relationship, I was always the guy never the girl. I have no idea what that means, if I was just masking the lesbianism or what. I remember going through a period of time being disappointed that I kept waking up as a girl.

Today, I have a great deal of saying I am a woman, but I can easily say that I am female. There's a difference between the two but I can't put it into words right now.
(great deal of trouble/ fantasized not fantasizes)

Reply
Caughtinyoureyes
8/17/2012 05:14:51 am

We had a boy enter our school in 6th grade. He was definitely prepubescent. He had actually been a girl in elementary school. I was stunned to find out he was transitioning at this place in his life. I was given to understand that his mom thought(was afraid) she(the little girl) she would end up being a lesbian, so she should just transition to a boy. I would have loved to have been on that medical team or just a fly on the wall.

Reply
Kat
8/17/2012 05:19:43 am

I think that in our LGBT communities we have a better (albeit not always perfect) grasp on gender non-conforming v. trans than in the wider straight community (at least better than the wider straight community I experience in Dallas, TX, where even as a soft butch I've had well-intentioned colleagues ask me if I am going to "have the surgery"). And I also agree that to let a kid try on any identity (not just gender identity) s/he would like is a good thing to do for all kids. But what exactly was this mom doing to transition her kid? I think it's great to have a mom who is so supportive, but as a gender non-conforming little girl, I agree with BW that if this had been my mom, I too would have been transitioned, which is not my gender identity.

Reply
Liam
8/17/2012 05:54:02 am

"Transition" doesn't necessarily mean medically. There are different forms. There's the emotional transition, the social transition and finally the medical transition, and the medical stuff doesn't happen until the child starts showing secondary sex characteristics. In the case of a five year old, their parents are probably just allowing him to live as the gender that he likes.

Aside from that, gender identity is fixed (unlike sexuality) and determined and set by the age of 1. Sure, this could just be an experimental phase, but seeing as how he won't go through any medical transition measures for many years, there is time to find out if it is. If he's still feeling this way by the time puberty hits, then medical transition really is the best thing for him.

My parents were also sure to teach me that there wasn't one way to be a man or woman, and that just because I was born female didn't mean I had to wear dresses or makeup. This, however, didn't stop a male identity from developing, and I'm transgender regardless. This is because gender identity is not as fluid as one's sexuality. Regardless of the fact that I know I don't have to behave a certain way just because I was born with a certain body, I STILL know that I'm not a woman.

Also, keep in mind that some transgender folks never seek any medical transition measures. So when we're speaking of transitioning, we really need to find out what that means to the person in question.

Reply
Caughtinyoureyesswashinhurst
8/17/2012 06:27:17 am

You have brought up some excellent pints here. I don't know if the 11yr. old was eventually gong to seek a medical solution it not.
I will tell you, on a happy note, many students knew his situation and I cannot recall an incident of bullying behavior. This is not to say they didn't occur, but when I overheard students talking about him, it was not negatively.

Reply
Liam
8/18/2012 02:21:33 am

I've noticed that the younger generations are becoming more and more tolerant and accepting of diversity. I'm glad that he's not having to deal with too much bullying. It wasn't that way when I was in school. But this does give me hope for future generations.

Also, nobody transitions the same way. One of the more prominent advocates, Ryan Cassata, only sought top surgery, and decided that hormone replacement therapy wasn't right for him. So again, I can't stress enough that "transition" doesn't mean the same thing to everyone.

Reneta Scian link
8/25/2012 01:20:27 pm

I found you blog to be quite awesome. It's wonderful to not find a blog that repeats tropes, or some of the general transphobia floating around other queer spaces. It's refreshing, and uplifting, and I thank you. I also noticed you blog-rolled a couple people I consider to be awesome trans peoples.

As for the idea of this post, I think that a non-restrictive, and not overly pressuring approach is the best. Essentially, let the child decide. I can't say I have ever heard of trans regret from early transitioners, but doing so later in life is quite tough. I am speaking from experience as a trans women. The stigmas are greater due in part to the masculinity effects of androgens, and extensive lived history in another gender as well as other factors.

Lets just say it can be a nightmare, and especially difficult. However, strictly speaking, early transition, or "setting up" for it is far better in the long run. There are certainly gender non-conformative children who just grow up gay and lesbian, and the therapy establishment is well aware of this. Thus why they only prescribe GnRH inhibitors until the age of 16 and the effect are totally reversible.

As a trans person myself, I can see with absolute certainty that I knew I felt wrong with my body at 3 years of age. But I was never "effeminate" and today I identify as an androgynous, transsexual and lesbian. I dress how my mood strikes me which can vary dramatically. But like I said, a personalized approach is always best, and as Maddox (whom I also follow) put it, transgender children are much more assertive about their genders, as a tendency.

By the way I added you to my blogroll to share you're awesomeness with others. Take care. Rene

Reply
Womandrogyne
9/6/2012 03:48:59 am

It's good to see this discussed in such a fluid manner - I'm used to seeing this issue much more polarised. Being such a binary-gender-obsessed society, it's very difficult for anyone (let alone a young child) to choose to present in a particular way and not have everyone immediately try to work out what gender that makes them.

This is just as much of a problem in the trans world as it is in the world in general - I get way more hassle from (many of) my fellow trans women because I'm a hippy-dyke-tomboy than I do from people in general, because many trans women seem very fixated on the idea that we're supposed to be überheterofemme, and they keep telling me I'll be more like them when I 'grow up' *rolls eyes*.

It delights me whenever I hear about kids, teens, or adults who happily get to play with their gender identity, instead of feeling stapled into it for life, or like machoman-femmewoman are the only options, or like you have to like boys to be a girl etc. There are some really amazing professionals out there looking after the needs of trans/genderfluid kids these days, helping them and their parents stay loose about it all.

Great blog, by the way, thanks :).

Reply
Katie B.
10/29/2012 09:44:11 pm

I know my life would have been a lot easier and probably more productive if I'd been accepted as a girl at age 5, instead of having to wait until adulthood, watching parts of my life break and having to repair them later because of gender dysphoria.

Reply
Cal
11/20/2012 12:28:03 pm

I know this is an older post, but I just found your site today (loving it!) and I'm currently reading through all your posts.

I just recently came out to my siblings that I am, in fact, a lesbian. It's been interesting transitioning into who I am from growing up in a very Christian community (and being active) just thinking that I was a really strange hetero for the last 22 years.

Basically, I really just wanted to say that your description of growing up described me EXACTLY (except my mom let me shop in the boys' section, haha). I've been loving your posts; they've been helping me and they get me thinking about things. So thank you! and I look forward to more.

Reply

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    TWITTER
    FACEBOOK
    INSTAGRAM
    EMAIL ME
    Picture


    ​Blogs I Like

    A Butch in the Kitchen
    A Stranger in This Place
    Bookish Butch
    Butch on Tap
    Card Carrying Lesbian
    ​
    Chapstick Femme

    Effing Dykes
    Feral Librarian
    Lawyers, Dykes, and Money

    Mainely Butch
    Neutrois Nonsense
    Pretty Butch
       

    Categories (NOT up to date...  working on it)

    All
    Accessories
    Adventures
    Advice
    Bisexuality
    Blogging
    Books
    Butch Identity
    Cars
    Clothes
    Coming Out
    Community
    Dating
    Family
    Fashion
    Female Masculinity
    Fiction
    Friends
    Gaydar
    Gender
    Girlfriends
    Guest Posts
    Hair
    Health
    Humor
    Husbands
    Identity
    Interviews
    Intro
    Lgbt Community
    Lgbt Law
    Lgbt Relationships
    Lists
    Marriage
    Media
    Politics
    Polls
    Pride
    Pride Project
    Readers
    Relationships
    Religion
    Reviews
    Search Terms
    Shopping
    Silliness
    Social Change
    Ties
    Trans
    Work


    Archives

    September 2022
    May 2019
    February 2019
    September 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    March 2018
    November 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    April 2017
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011
    June 2011
    May 2011

    RSS Feed

 
  • Blog
  • Butch Store: Genderqueer Us
  • About
  • Contact