How to Handle Femmes
Several readers have written to me recently asking me to write a post on how to "handle" femmes. I'm not typically attracted to femmes myself, but I've dated a few (and have hosted a guest post about mistakes butches make in butch-femme relationships).
8/16/2014 05:51:49 am
This is great! :)
8/16/2014 06:15:32 am
thanks for writing this!
I just don't date women anymore. Never slept with one, but while good as friends, and am still attracted to them, dating is much more complicated with a woman than another guy. And while women are attractive...they are till the idea of sleeping hits, which is gross to me.
Exactly! Women are not to be handled. The misogynistic view of women by other women identified butches is a huge problem. Women keep being viewed as weak and less than. It shows when femmes wear "girly" clothes. They are treated as less than, often ignored for the butch in the relationship. Your post was right on the money. The "butch is seen as the "sensible man"" is exactly what happens. Thank you!
8/18/2014 12:05:13 pm
This is why some femmes don't date butches. Who wants to be handled !?! I am attracted to butches but I don't date them . I date other femmes because I don't like being talked down too. I know that all butches are not like that but most are where I live. I prefer to be treated like a equal not better not worse just equal .
8/21/2014 01:22:20 am
Thank you for pointing out the gender essentialism and misogyny this question reveals. I'm a femme who's been told by a more masculine woman, "you don't have to be smart, you're pretty." I'm both actually, and her comment revealed her sexism and deep insecurity with my intelligence. To the readers who want to know how to, "handle" any other human, I suggest they read a book. They could stay with bell hooks easy breakdown on feminism and work from there.
10/3/2014 12:16:16 am
I have only been out for a few years and have always dated studs/ags/butch type. recently met a femme woman to whom I am deeply attracted to and am considering pursuing a relationship with her. What is the protocol? I identify as an aggressive femme but am girly by all appearances.
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