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I admit it: I don't always look forward to weddings--especially straight ones. For one, it makes me think about my own wedding to my DXH--which, while it was a joyous and terrifically fun occasion, now makes me a little sad to think about. For another, straight weddings often include a hefty dose of gender inequality. My brother's wedding included something in the vows about how the man was the head of the household and the woman should obey him. (When they recited this at the rehearsal, I chortled audibly and then started giggling... the pastor was not amused.) Straight weddings also make me think, of course, about how the right to enter holy matrimony was one of the manifold civil rights plucked away from me as soon as I came out.
So when I went to the (straight) wedding of two friends yesterday, I was happy and excited for them, but not 100 percent looking forward to the event itself. Boy, was I surprised. For one, their vows weren't just about their commitment to each other, but to their community. They talked about their commitment to sustainability, and to marriage equality--yes, in their vows. I was touched. At the brunch the next day, I went up to the bride (a pretty close friend of mine) and thanked her for including that. She said that they decided they couldn't take part in the state-sanctioned version of marriage without making a conscious commitment to changing the institution itself. How cool is that?! Other factors made the wedding great, too: a casual, garden-y atmosphere, excellent wine, tasty (local, organic, sustainable) food, good music, at least eight or ten other gay folks, and the chance to dance with my DGF (we were both in ties, a dapper duo). The whole thing was very mindful and very fun. I was talking to another thirtysomething (straight) couple there, and they got married right out of college and had a very traditional wedding. As far as they had known, that's how weddings were, and they didn't venture too far outside the box because it didn't occur to them. It made me think about how much of weddings--and other parts of life--we take for granted, when with a little mindfulness and creativity, we could completely transform them.
5 Comments
I've been to a few straight weddings that have included similar sentiments and I too think it is pretty cool. My favorite though, is when they consciously skip the "by the power vested in me by the state of CA, I now pronounce you husband and wife" part -- cuz that is the part that is denied us. If you are straight, and you support truly equal marriage rights, then skip the part that makes it unequal and go down to the courthouse later (just like we have to file our DP paperwork). That's just my humble opinion. 7/25/2011 11:42:25 am
Hi C: That *is* pretty cool. I like the skipping-the "by the power vested in me" part. Actually, I think it would be rad if *everyone* started skipping that--even gay couples in states where they can legally marry--until we ALL get our state and federal marriage rights.
Jen
7/25/2011 03:53:57 pm
check out this link and the interesting debate in the responses. There is also a thread in the forums of this website that has more (and better IMHO) ideas but I couldn't find it to link here. This site,Offbeat Bride, was my go to wedding resource. Super inclusive and has an explicit code of conduct that includes only positive and constructive, no "attention whoring" or drama inflation and no dieting or negative body image stuff. On a wedding site!! I know, right?!
Milo
3/6/2012 01:03:38 pm
This politics run amok. Marriage vows have nothing to do with the environment, the community, gays, parents, siblings, finances, employers, groceries, or anything other than the two people making the vows. This is was a display of political-correctness in the absurd. It sounds like something from an episode of a sitcom. Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
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