How'd You Get Here From There?

As regular readers know, I love checking out the search terms that lead people to butchwonders.com, and I sometimes find it incredibly perplexing what people search for.  I love sharing some of the more off-the-wall searches that got people to Butch Wonders.  Here are my favorites from July and August.

• "do all lesbians wear bikini"  (We do!  ALL of us!  No exceptions!)

• "if you post pictures of your family a butch lesbian will fall in love with you"  (Yes, this is a little-known secret lesbian love spell--but you have to spin around three times and whisper lyrics to a Chris Pureka or Melissa Etheridge song right after posting.)
• "I'm 102% dyke stud"  (But alas, not a math whiz.)
• "She is older than me with 10 months are we the same age"  (Um, no.  You're ten months apart.  Is anyone else worried about these people?)
• "my mom is 41 how old did she hav me when im 26"  (See why it's so important to make kids do word problems?)
• "how to wear ties casually"  (Tying them in bows around your knees is pretty casual.)
  
• "my daughter is buch lesbian yahoo"  (Admittedly, this person was probably trying to do a Yahoo search, but I prefer to think they were celebrating: "My daughter is a butch lesbian!  Yahoo!!")
• "how to tyrn a butch lesbuan on"  (Decent spelling works for me.)
• "Hw make a sex with my senior girl but im caling sister"  (What is happening here?)
• "my mum very old age and pig made sex"  (There are no words.)
• "how to deal with gay people"  (Oh, gay people?  They are the absolute worst.  Just try to make it through without shaking their hand or anything.  You don't want to catch any gay.)
• "do lesbians wink"  (No.  It is a known fact that lesbians are unable to wink.  It's one of the ways you can tell if a woman is really a lesbian.  Another sure-fire way is if she is wearing a bikini.  But if she is wearing a bikini and winking, the two signs cancel each other out and she is straight.)
  
• "I AM A 29 YEAR OLD FEMALE WHO IS DATING A 52 YEAR OLD MAN THAT HAS A DAUGHTER SAME AGE AS I. I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH HIM BUT HE'S IN LOVE WITH ME ANY ADVICE."  (TELL HIM YOU'RE NOT IN LOVE WITH HIM AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE.)
• "my boyfriend said i was too young for relationship so he said i'll adopt you"  (Creepiness alert!)
• "my gf says she doesn't know wu she is and where she comes from... Since we've dated?"  (She's developed amnesia by dating you?  This can't be a good sign.)
  
• "Who is Butch Wonders married to ?"  (Butch Wonders isn't married, though she is happily partnered with her girlfriend of many years, a creative and wonderful also-butchy woman who is much handier with both power tools and kitchen appliances than BW is.) 
  
• "butchy boobs"  (If you are a butch and you have boobs, I should warn you: your boobs are probably butchy.)
• "butch toenail"  (Yes, the same goes for your toenails.)
• "butch lesbian have demons"  (What?)
• "couple lesbi buchi dan femm"  (What??)
• "www.my girlfriend is too big how can i sex her . com"  (What???)
• "if im 22 and my spouse is 38 can we get married"  (Doesn't this question answer itself?)
• "gay sex in wool sweater"   (What do you wanna bet this particular fetish involves NPR playing in the background?)
• "what if you 8 years apart from your musical crush"  (I love the idea of having a "musical crush.")
• "reasons why my gf wants to know my age"  (Seriously, right??  Girls are so possessive.  Next thing you know, she's going to want to know your last name and where you work.)
  
• "if you and your best friend don't act gay"  (Then you must not be gay.  Suuuure, that's the ticket...)
  
• "interesting facts about butch lesbians"  (They always wear bikinis, they can't wink, they have demons, and their boobs and toenails are butchy.)  
• "Am 26 and my boyfriend is 25 i love him but am scared of ages?"  (Understandable.  We are all scared of ages.)
  
• "What is my girl friend age?"  (Definitely don't ask her.  Ages are scary.  Ask the Internet instead.)
  
• "short haired dykes and their victims"  (I feel like this is not a gay-friendly reader.) 
  
• "butch cat names"  (Fifi!  Lawrence!  Ezekiel!  Jojo!  Kumar!  Stanley!  Blanche!  Lola!)
• "butch cream"  (Wouldn't this be great?  You just put on your butch cream in the morning and you're all set for the rest of the day.)
  
• "do all butches have a deep voice"  (Only if we remembered to put on our butch cream that morning.)
  

That's it for July and August, folks!  Hope you get as big a kick out of these as I do!