 In the queer community, we talk a lot about "gender dysphoria," often when talking about various trans identities. For example, a pre-op trans man might look at his breasts and think, "I'm a man! These don't belong on me!"
But I've heard the word "dysphoria" used in many other ways, and I've gotten a ton of questions from readers about it: Can a butch feel dysphoria if she's forced to wear a dress? Can a heterosexual person feel dysphoria if she's dating someone of the same sex? Are trans people the only ones who experience dysphoria? Are they the only ones who experience "gender dysphoria?" The American Heritage dictionary on my shelf at work doesn't even include the word "dysphoria" [what???]. But the dictionary on my computer defines it as: a state of unease of generalized dissatisfaction with life. The opposite of euphoria. I think of "euphoria" as a state of extreme joy. So dysphoria is a state of extreme non-joy? I think the key is "unease." A dysphoric feeling is a feeling that something is not quite right--that it's not aligning how it's "supposed" to. Gender dysphoria is a more specific. WebMD says that it's a: condition in which a male or female feels a strong identification with the opposite sex. Not conforming to the social features related to one's biological gender is not in itself a disorder. Rather, a person with gender dysphoria experiences great discomfort regarding his or her actual anatomic gender. And while WebMD has its flaws, everything I searched in academic and professional medical journals says about the same thing. So under that definition, when my butch buddy C (pictured right) donned a gown for the Ada Initiative (the sports bra peeking out is a nice touch, don't you think?), she was experiencing some kind of, like, wardrobe dysphoria--as in, help! this doesn't belong in my closet!--but not actual gender dysphoria? That's how I understand it. Yet, there's something about her discomfort that is decidedly related to her gender. I mean, I'd experience some kind of fashion-related unease if I was forced to wear Crocs with a suit (or, TBH, Crocs with anything). But it's different kind of "this isn't right on me." And that something has to do with gender presentation. This makes sense if you don't think of gender as an either-or phenomenon. C associates her lovely purple dress (heehee... I chuckle every time I look at that picture) with femaleness, and identifies herself as female. But as a different kind of female. One who doesn't wear a dress. And while it's certainly not the same as the gender dysphoria a trans person experiences, it has at least a few elements of similarity, doesn't it? Does it make more sense to think of this as a kind of "gender dysphoria" if we think of "butch" as a gender? I feel like doing this still minimizes the distinct gender dysphoria felt by trans individuals, though. I don't know anything about dysphoria as a medical phenomenon, but I do know something about social psychology, and there's a related phenomenon in social psychology called "cognitive dissonance," which is the mental stress or discomfort experienced by a person who has two contradictory ideas/experiences happening at once. Like, suppose you think littering is morally irresponsible, yet when you ate lunch outside yesterday and your napkin blew away, you didn't go pick it up. This is so hard for the brain to deal with that we invent little ways to make things compatible (e.g., "it's just a napkin," or "there's trash pick-up around here every afternoon"). Is that just dissonance? Or is it also a kind of dysphoria? To me, it doesn't have the "unease" that I associate with dysphoria. I don't see gender as a "spectrum;" I see it as a field with lots of different spaces in it: overlapping, related to each other, messy, contradictory. Some people might be comfortable standing in only one place on the field. Others might be comfortable in a whole lot of places. If I only like to hang out in the "butch" spot, and I'm wearing a dress, which I see as non-butch, and I feel uncomfortable as a result of this misalignment, what is it, precisely, that I am feeling? I don't think it's gender dysphoria, exactly, but I think it's some very specific type of gender-related discomfort or dissonance. And for me, at least, it's a similar feeling as if someone calls me "sir." I think: nope, you didn't get me right. You're not seeing me as I want to be seen. I want to be seen as female, but as a certain kind of female. A non-"deviant," but specific genre of female--which, sure, incorporates a lot of elements society considers "masculine." I bet I have a lot of readers of all different identities who want to weigh in on this one. I'll be super interested to read your comments.
21 Comments
In the interests of disclosure, I identify as both butch and transgender, and have a bit of dysphoria, and what follows is strictly my personal opinion.
i find myself in this kind of way. where i know im a girl and thats cool with me but the inside of me is masculine so im in this constant contradiction and not to mention how men look at me and their fucking attraction yknow?
Mykal
9/21/2014 10:57:37 am
My question for the butches is, regardless of what it's called, where does the feeling of wrongness come from in regards to certain clothing? I.e. Does wearing a dress feel wrong because you don't like the way it feels (tactile discomfort), it doesn't match your perception of yourself (mental discomfort), you don't like the way you're perceived by others when you wear it (societal discomfort) or perhaps something else entirely... 9/21/2014 11:01:28 am
Well, that's an interesting question. I can only answer for myself, but I'll be interested to hear what other butches say. For me, it just feels like I'm in a costume. Yes, something like lace causes me tactile discomfort, but that's not the main problem. It's like I look in the mirror and I feel like I'm looking at someone else. When I came out, cut my hair, and started wearing mostly men's clothes, I could look in the mirror and be like, "Yep, that's me." There was no filter between me and the rest of the world. There was no pretending. Does that make sense?
Slam
1/18/2015 12:03:53 pm
I just found your blog and I am loving it.
K_Bird
11/22/2014 05:30:58 pm
For me, its a lot to do with how I feel about the clothes. I find that I can't relate to typically feminine attire. I simply feel hollow and empty when I wear it. I find I often picture such clothing on other people and can't see myself ever wearing it.
Dana
9/21/2014 02:31:48 pm
One way I've heard the term "dysphoria" handled in queer and trans groups is that "gender dysphoria" relates to both gender identity (man/woman/other) and gender expression (masculine/feminine/other), whereas "sex dysphoria" relates to anatomical sex (male/female/other). So, for example, either a butch or a trans man could feel gender dysphoria when having to wear a dress, or sex dysphoria due to having breasts. I like that personally because it clearly separates the two things.
This is interesting. I identify as AFAB (assigned female at birth) genderqueer, and don't identify with womanhood (or manhood). I used to be really caught up in identifying as femme (having what would be considered a more traditional girl presentation, like dresses and whatnot). But whenever I would wear certain styles, like certain dresses that would emphasize my body, I'd feel a certain amount of dysphoria - like I was playing pretend by wearing this outfit, like it was wrong for me to wear it.
Pam
9/23/2014 05:31:12 am
I have been thinking along the same lines as you are. People would definitely classify me as butch, and I feel like myself with my short hair and fairly masculine clothes. I do like (love) my body, though maybe wouldn't as much if it were classically feminine looking. I feel very uncomfortable, psychologically, in feminine clothes, always have. So I would feel more comfortable walking around, or being photographed naked, than in a dress or other feminine attire.
SashaQ
9/23/2014 08:33:58 am
Interesting topic - it is fascinating that there is such a variety of identities, such as how you don't like being called sir, but for me, it is a great compliment to be called sir, as I'm just that little bit further towards masculine somehow, even though I am rather a feminine boy (as opposed to being a masculine girl/woman, I guess).
Yes, an interesting topic. My own feelings are more like (non-trivial) discomfort than full-blown dysphoria. And neither "ma'am" nor "sir" really feels right to me. The former is just wrong; the latter is... problematic. 9/28/2014 10:14:00 pm
This is a really interesting post. I've only just worked out in my head what it means to be butch versus transgender. I've identified for a long time as a butch lesbian, but recently I've been identifying as trans-masculine/trans male/non-binary. All of these are slightly contradictory because I can't figure it out in my head. Am I just a female with a very masculine-leaning gender? Or am I a trans man? I've always wondered about dysphoria with butch women. Is there chest dysphoria? I've realised that a butch woman (correct me if I'm wrong) is a masculine-presenting woman who wishes to be identified as female. Am I right? And if I prefer to be identified as male, does that make me transgender rather than butch? Questions, questions!
Tnav
10/12/2014 12:10:44 pm
I have been identifying for the past five almost six years as a butch lesbian but it never felt quite correct. Whenever I've been forced to try on dresses I feel shame and extremely embarassed to the point of a panic attack. I've always felt sex dysphoric. Boobs (as much as I love them on other women) don't feel right. The same goes for reproductive organs. I've just recently come to accept the fact that I'm a trans man. I feel complimented if I get called sir or bro because with DDs it's hard to accomplish. It's strange when people call me ma'am, lady, or miss. All I do know is that it takes a lot of inner searching to find out who and what you are.
JustMe
10/27/2014 11:59:35 am
I like the idea of gender dysphoria vs. sex dysphoria that Dana explained. I have recently realized that I have a severe need to express my masculinity, but I still identify as female. I still have long hair and do not own many men's clothes. I don't wear makeup and I have butch posture, but I still feel a constant unease, to the point nausea, anxiety, depression, and general discomfort with myself and the way others perceive me. I don't mind having a female body, but I do hate some of the more feminine parts of me like my little neck and tiny wrists and slim calves (not my boobs or anything). I generally hide my wrists if I can, and I always wear pants, but they're women's pants, and there isn't really anything I can do to hide my neck unless I let my hair down, which feels worse. I hate the way I look. I don't know if it's dysphoria, but it feels terrible. It is nearly constant (I'll maybe get an hour break when I'm not around other people and am not concerned with how they're seeing me) and it is distracting, sickening, oppressive, and overwhelming to the point that I can't function to my full ability, but not so terrible that I can't get out of bed and get things done. I also don't hate the idea of being called "he" (although I'd probably correct them) and I like it when people call me "dude," (mostly because I feel like they're finally seeing my masculinity) but I also like "she" (because, after all, I identify as a woman.) Occasionally, though, "she" can make me uncomfortable. I think it's because it reminds me that I don't look masculine yet. I almost want to hear a different tone in the word, like someone's saying "she*" instead of "she," a vocal implication that there's a little more to me than the traditional sense of the word. Like Tatiana, I like some girly things, but feel dysphoric wearing them. Perhaps I could stand them if I had more masculine aspects to balance them out. I don't feel like a man, though, I only feel masculine. And I don't feel feminine, but I just feel like a woman.
J. Velvet
11/17/2014 05:07:50 am
I have been going crazy trying to figure out what the heck is up with me, and it's comforting to know I'm not alone in this. I'd consider myself somewhere between Joan Jett and Ziggy Stardust. Glam-butch? I like fun colorful, sparkly things but yeah I hate how I'm perceived by wearing them. I feel a lot of discomfort psychologically with how I'm seen and related to. I don't like being called lady or ma'am or miss for that same "that's not really me" itchy feeling that makes me imagine I'm a secret agent. I seriously look behind me whenever someone calls "ma'am"! I consider my status as a girl/woman as more of a condition/physical description rather than a part of my gender or identity, just some incidental thing like being left-handed, and wish I could move through society like it was equally important. I have body dysphoria, sometimes manageable, sometimes debilitating. I'm bisexual too, which makes things even more complicated. I'm with a guy, and it works because he treats me in a gender neutral way, and sees me as a person first, no gender roles, no macho pride, we shoot pool and play guitar together. It sometimes feels (even when I'm not body dysphoric) that it's like a "gay" relationship, while when I'd flirt with girls it felt more "het", because it'd get closer to that butch/femme dynamic. I never thought of myself as butch - maybe soft butch? I think it's something I'd like to explore since transitioning is not happening anytime in the foreseen future and I want to see if I can feel like myself and be a woman. I like the idea of butch as a gender of its own - a different genre of woman. I agree with what Jamie said in the first comment, some butches do and some butches don't. From my personal experience I know that my dysphoria can vary a lot depending on my surroundings. In a very heterosexual ' normal' surrounding my body can feel very alien to me, but in my own safe places I feel much better and even comfortable with my body.
Ray
4/18/2017 05:14:41 pm
I just started reading your blog and I absolutely love it! I'm bisexual, but definitely identify as butch and have never really been able to connect with feminine clothing. As I've become more comfortable with my identity I've begun to feel slightly dysphoric, and it is becoming a increasingly strong issue. I came out as bisexual last year and my parents are fine with it but I don't know how to explain my masculinity to them and this has caused conflict with my mom over why I want to wear a tuxedo to prom and am suddenly refusing to wear dresses and a lot of other clothing, as I was never much of a tomboy clothing wise as a kid. As an introvert speaking my feelings isn't easy and I was wondering if you could provide some advice for explaining myself to her, and any resources you have found that are good for explaining what a butch is and what that means to people like my mom who don't necessarily look at gender as broadly as we do and don't a lot of knowledge on queer things. I've tried looking for resources myself but can never find anything on coming out as butch and what its like or how to go about it. Your blog is the closest thing I've come to, but can't quite find something which sums it all up. Ideally, it would be great if you could write a post explaining the overall basics of butch and what it generally looks like and means to a butch person, and the way it relates to gender and how we go about our lives, which could serve as a good starting point for my mom and other parents, so that we can explain ourselves as individuals without having to explain everything at once and provide a point of reference and resource for parents and others who don't understand us, and may not understand why there is an issue in the first place. Thank you for your help and for writing this wonderful blog!
Erin
3/7/2018 03:14:40 pm
I've dealt with gender dysphoria for most of my adult years... but differently. I dress masculine or butch, because I feel as if I want to belong to the lesbian community. I am gender fluid, and feel as if I'm not "lesbian" enough at times. The problem also comes from me not feeling like I can pass as a girl, even though I am one. I'm very tall (6'0), slender but have curves.. so, it's I just look better as a butch, then I do as a femme. It sucks as well, because I'm attracted to butch women, but they are not interested me even as a femme because of my height.. I am not fully comfortable in either, which really is depressing... anyone else feel that way? Leave a Reply. |
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