July's Best Search Terms

Ask and you shall receive, dear readers!  Here's a list of my favorite search terms from last month. 

• "what is a good nick name for your butch girlfriend"  ("Twinkly lotus melon" is popular.  So is "Binky the love muffin.")
• "meaning of hugs for lesbians"  (Hugs are how we reproduce.  Every time a lesbian couple hugs, they're trying to rescue a cat.)
• "you did seem kinda butch.they probably thought you were overcompensating" (Yeah, probably so.)
• "when a butch says its not fair during sex"  (So during sex, is the butch saying, "It's not fair?"  Or is the butch saying, "It's not fair during sex?"  Punctuation is everything, people.)
• "gay men over 30 exposed in too short shorts hangout bottom videos" (The specificity of people's... special interests...  never ceases to amaze me.)
• "what is buddies like" (Buddies is like very good friends who brush each others' hair while making up limericks about Paul Ryan.  Is like that.  But is different.)
  
• "understated lesbian wallpaper" (How about this?)
• "should a 13/14 year old date a 53 year old if 'age is just a number'?"  (Sometimes age is not just a number.  Sometimes it's a neon sign that says, "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, NOOOOO!")
• "pet lesbians"  (Do you think this refers to people who want to keep lesbians as pets, or to people who want to pet lesbians?  Either way, I am disturbed.  Please do not pet the lesbians.)
• "my girlfriend is half a year older than me"  (I'd bet $5 that if you are googling this, you are under the age of 14.)
  
• "men sock fetish nashville"  (See you at the national convention!)
• "lesbian butch seeking website to match up with"  (See, those same-sex marriage opponents shouldn't worry that we're going to marry animals.  We want to marry websites!)
• "im a butch and want to be skinny"  (Okay.  We'll allow it.)
• "i hugged a gay man today"  (Did you make a rainbow with him?  He may have secretly gay-sexed you without you even knowing it!)
• "gay guys love a guy with buzz mohawk"  (Truer words have never been spoken.  Ever.)
• "e j crowell equine massage"  (Sorry, what?)
• "can you have a timberland boot fetish and be straight"  (Nope, everyone knows that Timberlands are for flaming homosexuals.)
• "can i make my own demon name"  (No.  I will name your demon for you.  Congratulations: your demon's name is Anthony L. Firetag.)
  
• "whats a healthy age difference between gay men and women"  (If you're a woman, always pretend that the gay man is younger by at least a couple years.)
• "butch is nickname for what name"  (Penelope.)
• "i mentioned getting a haircut to my mom and she said dont go butch, should i be offended?"  (Not if your name is Penelope.)
• "how do you say congrats to someone who just became gay"  (If you are also gay, you yell, "Congrats, cray cray gay jay!"  If you are not gay, it is customary to give the newly out person a small gift, such as Timberlands or a gift certificate for an equine massage.)