Butch Wonders
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Me. In a Dress. Seriously.

4/1/2012

34 Comments

 
I have a small confession to make, and I hope you readers won't hate me for it: Yesterday, it occurred to me that it had been literally years since I put on anything traditionally associated with femininity.  So I went to Nordstrom Rack, where I needed to drop by anyway, since I've been looking for a decently-priced pair of black dress shoes (ideally Eccos, my longtime favorite--more on dress shoes in a future post).  As I was passing through the "ladies" section, it occurred to me that I could do a post on butch "cross-dressing" that might be kind of amusing.  Glancing to my left and right to make sure that there weren't any other butches in the vicinity, I held my nose and jumped, Docs-first, into the ladies section. I picked out not one, but two femmy outfits: one dress, one skirt and poofy blouse.  The dress was (ugh) pink, and had (ugh) lace on it (and don't even get me started about how ridiculous the sizing is in women's clothes), but bravely, I took it into the ladies' dressing room, ignoring the bewildered look on the face of the dressing room attendant.

I stripped off my collared shirt, Docs, white undershirt, and carpenter-style cords.  I took a deep breath, trying to shake off my uncertainty.  This was supposed to be an adventure, right?  Once I figured out how to get the stupid zipper all the way down (it had to be the world's smallest zipper--are tiny fingers a prerequisite for being femme?!) I arranged the dress on the floor and stepped into it.  I think I was supposed to put it over my head, but all that fabric seemed too intimidating and I was afraid I'd get lost.  Wincing, I pulled it up over my butchy bod, closed my eyes, and reached around my back, somehow managing to pull the zipper all the way back up (thank you, yoga!).  

The mirror was behind me at that point, so I turned around to see myself in what I assumed would be head-to-toe horror.  Instead… to my great surprise…  it looked awesome on me.  No, it wasn't butch, but the dress fit super well, and the lace wasn't itchy at all (maybe because of how it was sewn or something--who knows).  For the first time in a long time, I looked hot.  Not queer-hot, but conventionally hot.  "Hot" in a sense that would be recognized by the wider world.  And you know what?  That felt really damn good.  I've been doing this whole "gender queer nonconformist" thing for so long that I forgot that it feels awesome to just be pretty.  Wearing a dress means that people see me on the outside and think I look as good as I feel on the inside.  And when it comes down to it, isn't this kind of interactive reality with other people more important than the reality we create in our own brains?

Now I have a larger confession: I bought the dress.  Not only that, but I bought the other skirt-like outfit thing I had picked out (didn't even try on the latter--too intimidated by just being a butch in the dressing room).  I'm stoked to wear these two things out and/or to work, because seriously--I look really pretty in them.  And it feels indescribably good to look pretty, and to just fit in, for once.  I don't know why I always made such a big deal of not wearing dresses before.  Sure, they're not the most comfortable articles of clothing ever invented.  But what's so great about a tie?  When you think about it, it's like a noose around your neck.  And since I see some level of discomfort as basically inevitable when I'm dressing up, why not choose the kind of discomfort that other people think actually looks nice?

What do you think about that, dear readers?  Have you ever put on a dress?  Don't you ever want to just stop looking "butch" and start looking pretty?

For a pic of me in the dress, neck-down, click here.

34 Comments
Desiree
4/1/2012 03:19:12 am

Oh I fell for it!! All day long, I have seen this things a mile away and wasnt fooled, and YOU GOT ME!!!

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Laura Tischler link
4/9/2012 09:51:36 am

arrrrgggg! you totally got me....i was scrolling furiously for the pic of you in that pink dress...hoping to borrow it too! :)

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Marty
4/1/2012 03:26:00 am

Good one bro! LOL.

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Angel
4/1/2012 03:27:03 am

Ditto, Desiree! You had me all the way up to "What's so great about a tie?" First one to get me all day. :)

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shelley link
4/1/2012 03:31:41 am

omg you had me shaking my head thinking how could a butch honestly want to feel pretty.

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deb
4/1/2012 03:33:31 am

Oh man . You got me too. Good one.

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Gaea
4/1/2012 03:53:34 am

omg i fell for it....
good one ...

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Studly Bookworm
4/1/2012 04:49:53 am

The best April Fool's post EVER!

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victoria link
4/1/2012 04:53:05 am

I was all set to tell you how confused I was, and I was really trying to figure out how to be supportive...thank god for the comments above. :)

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A
4/1/2012 04:55:07 am

This officially is the closest anyone has gotten to fooling me today. You had me up until you said you were planning on wearing the dress to work. Good one!

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mary
4/1/2012 05:18:01 am

I really was curious how that would look....cuz most butches in a dress don't look like you described. I LOVE BUTCHES!

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G
4/1/2012 05:45:49 am

As a butch who does a lot of femme-drag (as well as forced femme, in kink settings), this kinda bothers me, actually. What, pray tell, is so laughably ridiculous about a butch wanting to femme up or buy some femme garments? Or about a butch wanting to feel pretty? (I feel my prettiest in a three-piece suit, but YMMV.)

I understand that it doesn't work for you, but there's nothing wrong with a butch femming up if that's their thing, and this post just comes off as a ridicule of any butch who would want to. This just reminds me how not-butch-enough I am in the eyes of most butches. I'm left feeling rather marginalized, tbh.

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Butch Wonders link
4/1/2012 01:51:19 pm

Sorry my April Fools joke made you feel marginalized. The crux of the joke (to me) wasn't the idea of a butch in a dress--it was the idea of ME in a dress. As regular readers know, I feel very uncomfortable in a dress and traditional "ladies" clothing. I've blogged about this quite a bit before. So for me to suddenly embrace this style of dress seemed absurd and amusing. I also thought it was funny to state that I wanted to be conventionally "pretty," when I've made it clear before that I desire no such thing.

Femme it up all you want, though! As regular readers know, I'm all for self-definition. I don't care who labels themselves butch, and I think that "policing" labels is just ridiculous. It sucks that other butches make you feel like you're not "butch enough." They need to grow up, and I hope you ignore them.

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M
4/1/2012 06:14:44 pm

Thanks for saying this. I was thinking something similar. I don't tend to femme it up myself, but lately I've been spending time with some female-assigned at birth trans* people who are more genderfluid than "butch," and I recently went on a date with someone who's into people all over the gender map, and it's felt so incredibly freeing. The butch environment seems to generate a lot of (internal?) pressure for me to look and be a certain way.

I understand, BW, that to you this was more YOU in a dress than LOLabutchfemmingitup. And I absolutely don't mean to spear you here, just to explain my perception. Honestly, as someone who's followed your blog for a few months now (does that make me a regular reader?) I didn't see it as just about you. I think part of this is that this blog doesn't come across to me as mainly about your experience or about *you*--if you think about it, we don't know your name or what you really look like or where you live (which is totally cool, of course; no blogger owes their readership those things.) But this blog comes across like you're aiming to catalog the broader butch experience and the nuts and bolts of being butch and be a resource/reference on that more than to describe your experience. So when I read an entry like this, I see it in that context. Writing about the broader butch experience comes with the weight of more responsibility than just writing about your own.

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Butch Wonders link
4/3/2012 02:20:02 am

Thanks, M--I really appreciate your thoughtful (and well written--interested in doing a guest post sometime?) feedback. I think there's certainly an element of truth to the idea that BW, whether implicitly or explicitly, claims to be about the larger butch experience. "Butch," though, is such a broad, diverse group that it would be difficult to write about anything that would apply to *every*one. Still, I get your point, and I'm going to have to think about it some more. Maybe this will be the subject of my next post...

Levi link
4/2/2012 01:38:15 am

I was excited when I saw this post, and then a little stunned when it turned out to be a joke. I've been known to wear the odd dress. Maybe that loses me butch cred, but if so it's butch cred I didn't want. I didn't start bending gender on the daily just to give myself more taboos! In fact, I _never_ wore skirts or dresses willingly until after I had started to accept that I was butch.

I guess the difference between us is that I see myself as more comparable to a gay man than a straight one. Doing girl-drag and otherwise being faaaaaabulous (dahling) is perfectly compatible with my masculinity.

Yes, I'm writing this on April 2nd.

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catmo
4/1/2012 06:22:44 am

Funny enough...the yoga comment got me. I figured for sure you would have mentioned you were into yoga, somewhere in your blog, before now? LOL.

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marie
4/1/2012 07:09:21 am

Too bad you were kidding! I thought it was HOT!

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harper link
4/1/2012 07:36:02 am

HAHA! Can't believe i feel for that! I second victoria, i was definitely trying to think of a super supportive comment to leave. Ha! good one bro!

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Caughtinyoureyes
4/1/2012 08:38:10 am

Dude! That was awesome! I have a friend that is the manager of the local women's bar in town and she cross dresses into "bunny" outfits. She looks pretty good.
I do own a long black dress with the slit up the side that I sometimes put on for my wife....it's a throwback from when I was living straight. She says I'm pretty hot. I have a dilemma, though. There is a family wedding coming up (niece). My mom would have a heart attack if she saw me in my tux. It's how I want to go, but I don't want to make a "scene" at the wedding, since it's not about me. Any suggestions from the panel?

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Deb
4/1/2012 08:41:01 am

Ha! Good one, BW, but I just couldn't buy it. :-p :-]

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Melissa Tsang
4/1/2012 09:23:38 am

OH BW! I fell for it, dammit.

The last paragraph was a giveaway but I was scrolling too quickly trying to find the picture!

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Daisy link
4/1/2012 01:52:36 pm



I didn't even stop to think about April fools (too intrigued by the odd twist of a dress)...
Perfect!

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chuck
4/1/2012 02:51:04 pm

nice one.

I love to cross dress for halloween. It is a total blast to be a total drag queen. It lets my inner gay man out and have a ball.

but you on aprils fools day, only a fool would believe YOU do yoga and want to look pretty !!!

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Deborah
4/1/2012 08:15:11 pm

!!! I read the subscription auto email at work, couldn't access the picture or any comments and had approximately 15 minutes of stomach churning confusion before I noticed what day it was. I've only just reconciled with my own butch identity, don't start telling me I need to look pretty!! My psyche is held together exclusively with heavy duty hairgel as it is, implying that my mother might be right and dresses really do look nice on me might just cause me to degenerate into some sort of DM wearing She Hulk homicidal maniac.

Having said that, you got me good and proper with that one :)

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prisim
4/1/2012 09:43:40 pm

wore a dress for my sisters weeding 20 years ago !!!! still looked like Arnold swartsnager in a dress !!!! drag just doesn't suit me !!!!

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Stacey
4/2/2012 02:34:21 am

Haha you got me as well. I was extremely surprised and trying to get over my shock so I could be supportive and encourage you to do the things that make you happy. Didn't mean it didn't scare the shit out of me a little haha.

Good job.

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ollie link
4/2/2012 03:09:18 am

Well, this is the first post I read on this blog and I was so gutted to see it was an April Fool! I honestly didn't realise until I saw some of the comments. I even clicked on the pic and assumed you meant it was an April Fool that you'd post a picture of yourself, but the post was real!

I admit I too was upset at the implication that it was so ridiculous for a butch to wear a dress, but your explanation was spot on. This is why context is so important, particularly for humour - it's a great joke if you know where it's pointed!

Anyway I love the blog, I'll be sticking around :-)

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Max link
4/2/2012 08:18:16 am

Hey hey now, *I'm* the only pretty butch around here! (j/k) seriously tho - I appreciate the joke, and also the comments from those who are like - "awesome! butch in a dress!" We all need to work up some lovin' for those who choose to be whoever and whatever they really are, yes?

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Butch Wonders link
4/3/2012 02:24:53 am

You'll always be my favorite pretty butch, Max! ;) And YES, totally agree on the need to work up some lovin'.

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PJ
4/2/2012 08:47:11 am

I just want to say that this was hilarious. It took clicking on the link for me to realize the date! I was so mad! Then laughed out loud in class :) I'm all for a little levity. Also, autostraddle.com had a pretty rad April Fool's article about bisexuals.

Also, for the record: I think that someone needs to address the sensitivity of the queer community, specifically masculine-of-center folks. I think sometimes there needs to be a tougher skin, and a sense of humility...

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sissybutch
4/3/2012 08:56:01 am

I wasn't fooled for a moment but I was intrigued.
as for prettiness - I'm an old rough-head but I cultivate a dandy style.
My favourite shirt for outings is my purple paisly with contrasting floral cuffs. I like pretty but masculine clothes. I tend to shop for special items where the gay guys do.
I have quite a collection of shoes, from patents to go with my tux, down to the obligatory Blundstone steel cap work boots (for work only - I'm not a butch-in-boots - after years of wearing them for work every day I'm over it) I just bought a great pair of brown brogues on special, been looking for them for ages!
I also have a great collecttion of belts - and none of them the big belt buckle type.
I don't frock up, but am considering full scottish military regalia (kilt essential) for the an event later this month. :)

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Kenda
4/3/2012 09:21:38 am

You got me, but in my defense, I read this on April 2. I just wondered what direction your blog would take henceforth, and, especially, what kind of shoes she gonna wear with that?

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donnie
4/13/2012 08:42:07 am

ok THAT was some funny sh*t right there!

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