Butch Wonders
  • Blog
  • Butch Store: Genderqueer Us
  • About
  • Contact

Q&A: The Tailor Thought I Was a Guy...

6/12/2012

4 Comments

 
Dear BW,

I'd love some advice.  While I was at a tailor recently, he assumed that I was male. By the time he asked for my name I felt that it wouldn't be safe to reveal that I wasn't, so I quickly made up a guy's name. I didn't have any issues, but I felt uncomfortable with the situation, and a little scared of what would happen if I'd ever revealed that I'm female. I've read your post on when to femme it up, but are there times when you have to try and pass and hope no one figures it out? Should I have approached the situation differently, or was flying under the radar the right way to go? Have you ever had an experience where you've had to do this?

Bridget


Hi Bridget,

Wow, scary incident.  It sounds like you did the right thing: followed your gut and did what felt most safe in the situation.  At an "uh-oh" time like that, I don't think there's a right or wrong thing to do; whatever keeps you safe is right.  Something else to consider: make up some excuse about why you have to leave immediately--stomach flu, friend to meet, whatever--and get out of any situation where you don't feel safe.  Leave the suit; it's just a suit.  And when you come back, bring a friend (or have a friend go retrieve the suit for you).  I'm very big on trusting my gut.

Even when it doesn't feel unsafe, a tailor's shop can be especially awkward.  Here are a few things I've done in the past:
  • Choose a female tailor.  Odds are, you're less likely to feel unsafe.  Better yet, choose a tailor with a rep for being queer-friendly.  Ask around if you don't know one.  And when you find a good one, be sure to leave a Yelp review to let other queers know.
  • Make it clear up front that you're female.  I now say something at the start like, "Even though I'm female, I want this suit tailored like a man's suit."  It will be awkward for a second, but in my experience, it's much better than the alternative (wondering if you're really passing; worried that you'll be "found out").
  • Bring a friend.  This is never a bad idea.  Safer and more fun.
Anyhow, I'm grateful that you did what seemed best to you and stayed safe!

Best,
BW

What do you think, dear readers: did Bridget make a wise choice?  Have you ever had a situation where you had to try and pass and hope no one figures it out? 



4 Comments
Eli Deep link
6/12/2012 03:06:35 am

Hey y'all. I deliver pizzas in a real rural mountain area. I'd estimate that 99.9% percent of my customers assume I'm male, and I ALWAYS just go along with it for safety. I use a deeper voice and I've learned to talk to men the way men talk to each other (it's weird). Sometimes I worry about not being my authentic self, but I can't be any self if I become a victim.
There have been occasions where people know I'm female but then hear me use my deep voice, and I'm sure that I come across really weird, but at least I'm still alive. People are scary and sometimes we just have to go along with other people's assumptions, especially in those everyday exchanges we have with people in gas stations, restaurants, and apparently with tailors.
I agree with all of BW's advice, but I'd add this: always remind yourself that we have to make these weird adjustments not because there's something wrong with us, but because there's something wrong with others' perceptions. Keep your chin up! Great post, BW.

Reply
Marie
6/12/2012 06:54:35 am

ALWAYS go with your gut. Yes it was the right thing. And I agree...people are scary.

Reply
Vicki
6/12/2012 07:57:32 am

If I am looking for a suit, I always ask up front if the shop has any problems tailoring their men's suits for a women's body. If they do I wont shop there. I have found around here (NH) that Men's Warehouse and Jos A. Bank's both have no issues tailoring for a women. I dont hide who I am even though I pass fairly often. Most places want the business. I mention that I will tell my friends if I am happy with their work and how they treat me. But if you feel unsafe, leave!

Reply
Jamie
6/12/2012 11:27:13 am

I have had button-down classic "mens wear" shirts made to order (shout out to CEGO shirts NYC). I called and said "I am looking for someone who can make a classic button down shirt for women, can you do that?". CEGO asked me to bring a shirt I liked, they measured me, I chose the fabric, we discussed back pleat, placket width, sleeve buttons, collar length etc. I did have to assert myself to get the shirts as baggy as I wanted. But the good thing was, that when I went in to meet with them, they were not surprised by the slightly scruffy butch in front of them. Four weeks later, I went back in and the shirts are perfect fit (just expensive), and now they know me and have my measurements on file.

It was a little weird, but you are the customer and you are paying for what you want. It is hard to feel a sense of entitlement to butch stuff, but it is something worth working on.

Reply

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    TWITTER
    FACEBOOK
    INSTAGRAM
    EMAIL ME
    Picture


    ​Blogs I Like

    A Butch in the Kitchen
    A Stranger in This Place
    Bookish Butch
    Butch on Tap
    Card Carrying Lesbian
    ​
    Chapstick Femme

    Effing Dykes
    Feral Librarian
    Lawyers, Dykes, and Money

    Mainely Butch
    Neutrois Nonsense
    Pretty Butch
       

    Categories (NOT up to date...  working on it)

    All
    Accessories
    Adventures
    Advice
    Bisexuality
    Blogging
    Books
    Butch Identity
    Cars
    Clothes
    Coming Out
    Community
    Dating
    Family
    Fashion
    Female Masculinity
    Fiction
    Friends
    Gaydar
    Gender
    Girlfriends
    Guest Posts
    Hair
    Health
    Humor
    Husbands
    Identity
    Interviews
    Intro
    Lgbt Community
    Lgbt Law
    Lgbt Relationships
    Lists
    Marriage
    Media
    Politics
    Polls
    Pride
    Pride Project
    Readers
    Relationships
    Religion
    Reviews
    Search Terms
    Shopping
    Silliness
    Social Change
    Ties
    Trans
    Work


    Archives

    May 2019
    February 2019
    September 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    March 2018
    November 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    April 2017
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011
    June 2011
    May 2011

    RSS Feed

 
  • Blog
  • Butch Store: Genderqueer Us
  • About
  • Contact