Butch Wonders
  • Blog
  • Butch Store: Genderqueer Us
  • About
  • Contact

Search Terms Roundup

1/3/2013

11 Comments

 
Happy 2013!  I've been sicker than a proverbial canine the past few days, and I think it's the flu.  For me, one of the worst things about having the flu is the caffeine withdrawal headache.  With a regular cold, I can power down a cup or two of coffee even when I don't feel like it.  But with the flu, NO way is anything going into my mouth besides saltines and watered-down Gatorade.  Which means a massive caffeine-withdrawal headache on top of the chills and nausea.  It's the only time I've thought seriously about popping caffeine pills.  But I resisted, because when you don't have caffeine for a few days and then you have it again, it's like, KA-POW!  (In a good way.)

Anyway, I thought I'd start the year by posting December's best search terms!  There were quite a few goodies last month that somehow landed people on Butch Wonders...

  • "LESBIAN BUTCH" (This is a pretty common search term to get to my blog, but I love that 13 people searched for it in ALL CAPS.  Did they think that they would get DIFFERENT, SLIGHTLY LOUDER RESULTS?)
  • "if someone asks you if you a boxer does it mean they want to have sex with you"  (Yes, it does.)
  • "Dr.????PASCAL?????"  (Is???IT REALLY????YOU???)
  • "what to call a cute butch"  (I usually go with either "You boxer" or "Dr. Pascal.")
  • "men lycra sexy costume"  (A costume search oxymoron?)
  • "lesbian porn two girls sweater vest"  ([Cue cheesy music]  Oh, Darla, look.  There's only sweater vest...  Looks like we will have to share.  [Meaningful glance])
  • "gayism ends at age of 30 years"  (Ever since my gayism cleared up, my nasal congestion and burning sensations are gone!)
  • "wearing a white tshirt and belt means you are lesbian"  (Duh.)
  • "if a gir emails another woman everyday is she gay"  (For sure.)
  • "sexy man with cape"  (Can it be a lycra cape?)
  • "hamster nipplepircing on girles"  (Any way you slice it, this is an awkward search.)
  • "butchy smack"  (I'ma talk some butchy smack at you.)
  • "butch glue" (Your butchy smack bounces off me and sticks to you!)
  • "cute university colors in california"  (Worst possible way to choose a college)
  • "being gay at christmas"  (I like the idea of changing your sexual orientation for a holiday.  This Easter, I'll be straight!  Flag Day?  Bi!)
  • "surprised gays having sex"  (Do you think they didn't know it was Christmas, then they woke up having sex and were like, "Oh--I totally forgot that we are gay at Christmas...")
  • "i love surprises gay"  (Well, then merry Christmas!)
  • "Some people favourite some weird stuff.. I'll tweet "on my way home" and someone will favourite it like a goat"  (Aaargh, yes!  Farm animals are always favoriting my most boring tweets!  Grr!)
  • "should women serve on juries"  (Don't women have enough rights already?)
  • "uncomfortably sexy german man"  (Hallo.  Mein name eez Dieter.  I ahm very sexy but it maakes me so uncahmftoble.)
  • "i don't get confused while shopping for clothes"  (Big whoop.  I don't get confused when I'm at the grocery store or the dry cleaner.)
  • "gayest looking man"  (Here is my submission.  This is also a fave.)
  • "10 things butch lesbians like in bed"  (1. pillows; 2. sheets; 3. duvets; 4. books; 5. socks; 6. iPhones; 7. blankets; 8. puppies; 9. hot chocolate; 10. saltines.)
  • "how to maintain peace with a hipster butch"  (Whenever she mentions a band, say, "Whoa, I've never heard of them.")
  • "tools aren't butch"  (Untrue.)
  • "abstract llbean"  (Theoretical REI.  Conceptual Target.  Ideational Macy's Mens.  It's a postmodern shopping extravaganza!)
  • "is ellen a dyke because she wears men's clothing"  (Yes!  Men's clothing turns straight women gay!  I put on a men's vest back in '06 and I've never recovered.)
  • "what make women become dyke"  (Women wear men clothes women become dyke so weird but so fun!)
  • "flirting with my tie"  (That seems like a last resort.  Have you tried online dating?  Or dressing a cute straight girl in men's clothes?)
  • "pictures of my old gay clock"  (Here's one!)
  • "1 so good store that people would be so intrestid in and it has to be writen in"  (Worst business plan ever.)
  • "lesbian, the girl seems awkward with my presence"  (Perhaps the girl lesbian is just awkward with your sentence construction.)
  • "ways to bring a lesbian demon in the girls bedroom"  (You are creepy.  Please put down the Internet machine and call a friend.)
  • "Im butch lez so do i make a good decision by buying my g.f a box of chocolate and card?"  (If she likes unimaginative convention, you're so on it!)
  • "teen lesbians showing thier boobs and in mood of dangerous"  (I'm going to be in mood of dangerous if your writing doesn't improve.)
  • "be kind to the straight people"  (They can't help it, the poor dears.)
  • "how to wear a banana swim suit"  (A banana is not a sufficient swimsuit!  Tangerines and strawberries are out, too.  Maybe a really big watermelon, though.  Maybe.)
  • "lesbians who use restrooms to get girls"  (Hey, baby.  Been to this restroom before?  Yeah, it's one of my favorites, too.  Want to check out the toilet paper?)
  • "amanda palmer impostor syndrome"  (A little-known syndrome in which the sufferer believes he or she is named "Amanda Palmer.")
  • "hit butch lesbians"  (Ack!  Please don't!)
  • "lesbian drees"  (Get yer lesbian drees!  Right here, only ten dollars a dree!  Limited time only!)
  • "leopard pocket shirt general pants"  (For those days when you want an extremely specific shirt, but you want your pants to be applicable to pretty much everyone.)
  • "just because you are gay doesn't mean you like straight people"  (That's right!  And being a dolphin doesn't mean you like cats.  And being a wrestler doesn't mean you like baseball players.)
  • "how to know if youre the butch one"  (If you're googling it, you're probably not the butch one.)
  • "would a tattoo of five stars in different sizes on the right foot mean you're lesbian?"  (Yes.)  
  • "what Christmas present to buy the butchy b**** you don't like"  (I'm not sure which is weirder--the fact that this person is putting so much effort into buying a present for someone they don't like, or that they conducted their search with "b****" instead of "bitch," or that they thought that this was an actual genre of gifting.)
  • "pod bielu koselu tricko"  (What?)
  • "ONE DIRECTION BINGO"  (SOUNDS PRETTY STRICT.)
  • "sexy hanukkah costume"  (You've got my dreidel spinnin', baby.)  
  • "i like calling my girlfriend mama lesbian"  (For some reason, I hope that this isn't a lesbian who calls her girlfriend "mama," but a straight guy who likes to call his girlfriend "mama lesbian.")
  • "Monopoly sex"  (Buy me a railroad, baby!  Put up a hotel on Illinois Avenue!  Then cover me in fake pastel money!  Yeeeees, that's what mama lesbian likes!)
  • "ashton kutcher wikipedia español"  (How did this person get to Butch Wonders?)
  • "if there is a four year difference in age can we still date in oregon"  (Four-year age differences are illegal in Oregon.  Five-year age differences are fine, though.)
  • "if you're 18 years of age can you hit someone younger than you?"  (No; you have to wait till you're 63 to hit someone younger.  Except in Oregon.)
  • "lion suit good gents"  (Because every good gent fancies a jungle animal dress-up day now and again.)
  • "classy men doing classy things"  (Like dressing up as a lion!)
  • "mens toilet paper outfit"  (Another classy option for a classy man!)
  • "classy guy wearing a long plaid skirt"  (This month's searches abound with classy options!)
  • "how to make everyone know someone is gay" (Flier the building.)
  • "where can i buy a penis cake pan in grand island nebraska"  You are way too exciting for Grand Island, Nebraska.)
  • "what to say when someone asks who the girl is in a gay relationship"  (Tell 'em, "If you can't figure it out yourself, that means you're gay, too!")
  • "whole knitted man suit"  (Yes, this is obviously a bad idea, but you may not grasp how bad unless you see it.)

That's it for today, folks.  Back to my watered-down Gatorade!  Much love to you for the new year!


11 Comments
Marla
1/3/2013 09:32:44 am

I love the search term roundup.... giddyap!

Reply
Marla
1/3/2013 09:43:27 am

Really funny sh*t (second time through it) or maybe MY cold meds are kicking in but... now MY dgf wants to know what the hell is so forkin' funny (cuz I'm 'sposed to be s.i.c.k.)

Reply
Caughtinyoureyes
1/4/2013 04:52:28 am

So freakin' funny. My dw asked me what I was laughing about. While the search questions by themselves are amazing, your answers are incredible. You crack me up. Maybe I should search that sentence and see if it brings me here!

Reply
Searching4Self
1/4/2013 06:58:13 am

I'm sorry you're feeling puny & hope you feel better quickly.
Loved this! Haven't laughed that hard in an age. Awkward sentence construction & postmodernist shopping = win!

Reply
Notquitehipsterseattlebutch
1/6/2013 03:29:49 am

Favorite search: "lesbians who use restrooms to get girls." Using the sauna in my gym, I have gotten some suspicious looks from other women. You know that old equation: lesbian + locker room + nudity = must be trolling for dates... Keep up the great work!

Reply
Estel
1/7/2013 12:25:32 am

""pod bielu koselu tricko" <a href="http://translate.google.com/#sk/en/pod%20bielu%20koselu%20tricko">appears</a> to be Slovak for "t-shirt under a white shirt".

Reply
Butch Wonders link
1/8/2013 02:03:46 am

Okay. THAT makes a little more sense...

Reply
Georgia
1/7/2013 01:45:14 am

I nearly choked laughing at this.

Incidentally, my favourite search term someone used to get to my blog was "huge gay lobby".

Reply
Butch Wonders link
1/8/2013 02:04:59 am

"Huge gay lobby?!" Oh wow--that's a good one. BTW, what's your blog? If you want me to consider including it in my blogroll, email me a link. :)

Reply
belle ancell link
1/26/2013 08:34:20 am

These are hilarious. I've often thought I should do this for my blog. Apparently last week my site was 'Too Hot for Facebook'.

Reply
Sophia link
2/28/2013 06:06:58 pm

this is very interesting post. I love it and I learn a lot from this.

Reply

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    TWITTER
    FACEBOOK
    INSTAGRAM
    EMAIL ME
    Picture


    ​Blogs I Like

    A Butch in the Kitchen
    A Stranger in This Place
    Bookish Butch
    Butch on Tap
    Card Carrying Lesbian
    ​
    Chapstick Femme

    Effing Dykes
    Feral Librarian
    Lawyers, Dykes, and Money

    Mainely Butch
    Neutrois Nonsense
    Pretty Butch
       

    Categories (NOT up to date...  working on it)

    All
    Accessories
    Adventures
    Advice
    Bisexuality
    Blogging
    Books
    Butch Identity
    Cars
    Clothes
    Coming Out
    Community
    Dating
    Family
    Fashion
    Female Masculinity
    Fiction
    Friends
    Gaydar
    Gender
    Girlfriends
    Guest Posts
    Hair
    Health
    Humor
    Husbands
    Identity
    Interviews
    Intro
    Lgbt Community
    Lgbt Law
    Lgbt Relationships
    Lists
    Marriage
    Media
    Politics
    Polls
    Pride
    Pride Project
    Readers
    Relationships
    Religion
    Reviews
    Search Terms
    Shopping
    Silliness
    Social Change
    Ties
    Trans
    Work


    Archives

    May 2019
    February 2019
    September 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    March 2018
    November 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    April 2017
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011
    June 2011
    May 2011

    RSS Feed

 
  • Blog
  • Butch Store: Genderqueer Us
  • About
  • Contact