Ah, straight girls... Nearly all of my butch friends have an anecdote or two about dating straight women, trying to date straight women, or straight women trying to date *them*. So when I received the following [edited] email from a BW reader, I decided it was time for an entry about the topic:
Hey there. I am really bad at telling if a girl is straight or gay. I've hung out with this girl a few times and I want to ask her out. She doesn't have a boyfriend. Should I try to date her if she's straight?
LOTS of complications packed into that email, no? In no particular order, here is my (admittedly scant) wisdom on straight women and butches:
I cannot, however, speak to is how straight women respond to dating trans men. I know a handful of trans men-straight women couples who seem to be dating without incident. If any readers want to speak to this (or anything else I've left out), please comment!
6/23/2011 10:33:34 am
hey if you just want a piece of ass and no strings attached then they are good for that
6/24/2011 01:28:04 pm
Just because someone isn't easily identifiable doesn't mean they're straight, so I definitely think that you need to be careful as in don't just walk up to her and say "hey you're hot let's go out" but definitely go for it if you really like her (ask her things only a gay lady would know ;]).
6/28/2011 04:19:09 pm
The straight girl giggle... I HATE that. I am all too aware of the dangers of a straight girl. NEVER never underestimate their power over a bio. The boi ego gets in the way... errgg....
6/17/2015 06:07:12 am
I'm sorry, i didn't get what you wrote. Can you explain?
6/17/2015 06:08:54 am
I'm sorry, can you explain what you wanted to say? I'm not a native English speaker. Thanks
12/2/2012 02:43:31 pm
If a straight woman is straight, you are most likely an experiment, HOWEVER there are occasions where normally they do not dig women but you happen to trip their trigger. It DOES happen.
3/20/2013 04:29:30 am
"If a straight woman is straight, you are most likely an experiment, HOWEVER there are occasions where normally they do not dig women but you happen to trip their trigger. It DOES happen."
6/15/2019 02:16:33 am
Well, that must have hurt. I cringed when i read it. I went to a straight country western bar a few wks ago. They had a band and people were dancing. I rarely go to bars., but i went with a friend. So i was sitting at the bar watching the people dance and here comes this kool looking Butch dancing all by herself. I kept watching her. Now, i am older, past 40, and have not been with a woman OR a man in many yrs. I do consider myself bisexual. Although when i was in my mid 20's i was totally gay for 5 yrs. So anyway, i'm sitting at the bar sipping my drink and the more i watched "her" dance the more mesmerized i got. I couldn't take my eyes away. I said to myself "better not let this one get away!" So i jumped up and went on the dance floor and started dancing with her. She took my arm a few times and twirled me around. I could feel the scratchyness of her wool shirt and i super liked it. After the music was over i turned to go back to my seat. She reached out her arm and grabbed my hand. I reached out too instinctively when i saw her reach. So we held hands for maybe a few seconds. I went back to my seat and later went home. I forgot to add that before i left i found her outside smoking and i handed her a note with my ph number that said call me. So at home i thought about her the whole wk. Next time i went there i was dressed real hot. Tight black skinny pants, red top, and leoperd scarf around my neck and my hair piled high up on my head. I saw her dancing with some women. I sat in the chair sipping my drink. The band was outside this time. After they danced and she walked by me i said hi and she said hi. She went to the bar to get her drink and she came BACK to near where i was - just 4 ft away from me. She was talking to two people. I got up and went next to her and said, "wanna dance later?" She goes, "Maybe" and said she was tired and might go home early. Well, she didn't look tired dancing with that other girl. I didn't say anything. I just handed her a note and she took it and held it to her chest. I then simply walked away and went home. I was not going to stick around for a "maybe". Now, couldn't she have said she was with someone if she wanted to get rid of me? Why say maybe? The note just said i had fun dancing with her and was looking for a "dance partner" and i thought she was a very good dancer. I said she was kool. I also said i missed dancing. Nothing real personal. She never called or texted or emailed. Just silence! Is she interested or not? Why grab my hand? I am Assuming she's butch/gay. She sure looks it. If she wasn't she should have told me. Should i give up? Or wait and see if SHE asks ME to dance? I think i need to stop chasing her. Did i scare her away? I plan on staying away now for 3 wks and then go back, but i won't ever go up to her again. I will wait and see if she asks me to dance. If not, then it means she's not interested. Buy why grab my hand after dancing?
12/18/2012 07:03:05 am
I have been talking about this topic and asking around for insight, but no one else seems to be talking about it. What is the attraction to straight women over femmes? Is it the challenge? The extra ego boost? A way to circumvent committment issues? Has anyone else experienced this phenomenon?
6/15/2019 02:23:10 am
I forgot to say that i am bi sexual. When i was in my mid 20's i was gay for 5 yrs. I have not been with a man in over 20 yrs. Now in my older age i am fantacizing about women again. I don't want men anymore.
3/4/2013 03:35:20 pm
A few years back a friend of mine told me she was gay and said that she liked me. I was flattered and we flirted but not more then that. that was the first time anyone has forwardly told me they liked me. since I was just in highschool at the time and a pretty shy person. She showed me how to flirt, I had nothing to be afraid of because I knew she liked me for who I was. It was great to have her as a friend but I knew right away that I was straight and had to let her know. Now recently a few years later I have a bad habit of flirting in the same way I flirted with her, with my straight friends when we go to shows and to the club. example - feeling up my friends leg,waist. lol. It gives me a weird ego boost. I'm really shy around guys and don't really know how to flirt with guys. But yet I know forsure that I'm straight because it just doesn't feel right with a girl. the romance isn't there for me with a girl I think. what is everyones opinion on that? because when I was in the club I asked my friend if she was gay and she automatically said bi but I think she was just saying that to see if I would say that I am gay. But I'm not. I just like flirting with girls bc you can't hit on a guy like that because it's against the social norm unless your already dating or already into eachother.
4/15/2013 05:32:35 am
even straight women are turning gay nowadays, go figure.
5/3/2013 12:57:47 pm
OK so happy I found this site. I am straight an married yet married to a Guy 15 yrs my senior so needless to say the sex life is near to non existing. I find butch women attractive an would like one as a long term friend who accept my situation. I need excitement . Is this wrong to want a butch friend for an ongoing friendship. Knowing beforehand what I want her to do with me. How do I approach situation I'd be willing to be honest. He'll I want a friend to laugh joke talk to maybe cook dinner for viceversa. Share life experience with. But most importantly I want her to blank my blank till I pass out into a narcaleptic coma since my senior citizen doesnt.
11/2/2015 07:31:02 pm
Are you still out there ? Love to talk to you .. Same life style ..
7/6/2013 02:48:30 am
I know that I am a little late for this topic, but I was compelled to write even at risk of appearing sanctimonious, because I am not sure if anyone can stress the dangers of unrequited love enough.
1/3/2014 08:48:57 pm
I can't really explain it, but I've discovered something strange about myself; although I am thoroughly attracted to men, I am EQUALLY attracted to masculine women. I don't know why, but I get the same emotional fulfillment (e.g. butterflies, excitement) and sexual fulfillment (well, you know what that is) from "butch" women and men. I honestly cannot explain it. I suppose you could call it the Shane McCutcheon phenomenon.
1/17/2016 07:07:53 pm
I am so happy to see that I am not the only one who feels this way. Since the first time I laid eyes on Shane from the show the "L" word, I have been trying to understand the rationality behind my attraction for both men and "butch" women. Although I absolutely love everything about a sexy ass man, there is something to be said about a "butch" female who too appears to portray those same qualities. Not sure why this is, but I am glad to know that I am not the only one.
6/15/2019 02:25:55 am
Me too. I am SO attracted to very butch women. And i remember as a child i had a crush on Peter Pan/Mary Martian and in 4th grade i had a crush on my female teacher. But i am Bi, but now leaning more towards women.
9/2/2014 03:21:48 pm
It is getting difficult for us straight guys trying to meet a good woman nowadays which i can certainly see why.
10/5/2014 01:21:13 am
I'm kind of the straight in question. I met a butch girl in class at school and we became great friends, and she has zero interest in me as anything but a friend, we just love each other and laugh and hang out. But hanging out with her, I've had some of her friends be more flirtatious with me. There is one girl, who is also total butch, who has been so kind to me and friendly and sweet, that if she was a guy, I am pretty sure we would have hooked up by now. And, for whatever reason, I know that if I were going to experiment, I would go in for the Tomboy type. There is something about gender-bending that is kind of a turn on for me. How that has to do with normative sex roles, I don't know. But I'm not trying to lead her on, we do have some chemistry, and I really don't envision being sexual with another woman, it is flattering though, when someone who is kind of sexy is obviously interested in you. I don't think I could really give her anything she wants past experimenting, and I can see where that could just screw up a good friendship.
10/20/2014 04:44:38 pm
I'm the complicated straight girl, everyone should stay away from.I'm attracted,intrigued, interested ( so many descriptive verbs could be inserted) to a butch. She is a friend, but when I first met her,I had the nervous, electric gut feeling. It threw me off. I love males.I don't see myself with a female.However, I envision myself with this person. We are living abroad in a semi rural remote area. We are experiencing the same emotions when it comes to adapting and living in another culture. She is my emotional support and I try to convince myself that's why I am attracted to her. BUT when she slightly touches me my insides flip, rotate& somersault at the same time. I think she is attracted as well. I can tell when males are into me, I figure it's no different.She is def treading lightly or she is just assumed by this situation. She hints things, flirty touches but has always said when it comes to straight females, they have to make the first move. Idk, I don't want to. I like it when men chase, call me traditional. Straight women are complicated but it's not our fault , sometimes things happen out of our control-
Am I or Am I Not?
4/7/2015 05:10:53 am
Am I or Am I Not????
9/30/2016 07:43:46 am
Well many women nowadays are Not getting anymore attention from their husbands and boyfriends which will certainly explain why many Straight women will go with a Gay or Bi women now more than ever. However there are many of us Good Straight men out there that would really know how to treat a Good woman with a lot of Love and Respect if we could only meet a Good one for us.
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