Hi, friends. I recently relieved a spate of, "You don't blog very much anymore" emails. As I began to write my usual, "Oh, I've been SO busy with work and life, you know how it is, blah blah blah" emails," I thought: But that's not really true. I could be blogging a ton and I'm not. Why?
Well, there are a few real reasons. Maybe sharing them with you will get me back into writing BW some more. Or maybe not. I guess we'll see. Either way, your feedback would be awesome. 1. This is the main one, and the hardest to talk about. I worry that now, in my very late 30s, my thoughts about gender and sexual orientation are passé. I am a butch woman. I'm cool with being a woman. I'm also cool with AFAB (assigned-female-at-birth) folks who AREN'T cool with being women. But most of the serious conversation about masculine-of-center life these days seems to be about not being a woman: about agender or genderfluid or trans identities. That's great--but it's not me. I just don't feel like there are that many cisgendered masculine-of-center women out there anymore, especially under the age of 35. At least in my circles, there is strong social pressure to be something more gender-expansive than "woman." But why does "woman" have to be so damn narrow that it can't contain me? I don't know, folks. It's hard not to feel irrelevant these days when you're someone who (1) regularly gets called "sir" and (2) uses she/her pronouns. 2. There has been reduced engagement with the blog when I do post: fewer likes and fewer comments. Part of the reason I blog is to open conversations with people throughout the world. Sometimes, though, it feels like I'm typing into a void, which makes it less fun for me. It's possible that my writing is getting less engaging, or that I'm writing about less engaging topics (e.g., more depressing Supreme Court cases, fewer fashion tips). It's also possible that people don't read blogs as much as they used to. But regardless of the reason, the fact remains--and less interaction with readers makes me less eager to write. 3. Admittedly, life has interfered. Namely: I have a real, steady job that I love but which is also super demanding; I wrote a book (related to my work life); my wife and I bought a house; my two dogs are terribly behaved; I've taken up pottery and kayaking (possibly the two most lesbian hobbies in existence); I'm trying to pay off my student loans; we moved across the country a couple years ago and I'm trying to get used to snow and humidity. These things are non-trivial. Anyhow, I didn't want you to think I wasn't thinking of you anymore. I am. I'm just kind of sitting with all of these thoughts and obstacles in the current political moment and it has added up to me not writing very much.
34 Comments
Katey
7/20/2018 08:39:16 am
Hi! So I'm basically commenting on your first reason. I'm pushing 30 and I also feel irrelevant being a MoC cis lesbian and I know I haven't really commented much before on past posts because I'm never quite sure how to word what I want to say. Anyways I really appreciate you and your blog because you're I can relate to being butch and cis and I really don't see that anywhere else. And for me it's been harder to share relatable experiences with my partner because they're NB.
Reply
chephy
7/20/2018 09:58:25 am
Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and there are folks like you out there who appreciate your writing. That's not a request for posts - as someone who never blogs and rarely comments, I understand why someone might not be into this blogging thing. But in case you're curious whether you're writing into a void - you aren't. There's at least one person here who is interested in and can relate to what you have to say.
Reply
Karen Kelly
7/20/2018 10:29:36 am
Although I am sure that there are valid points in all of your reasons for blogging less, I hope that we can all persuade you to change your mind. If for no other reason then cisgendered masculine-of-center women are still out there and they need you and others like you. Possibly more than ever now with all the gender labels and the ever-growing spectrum. They need to know that it's ok to simply be a butch, no other explanation needed.
Reply
Zan Garden
7/20/2018 12:50:03 pm
I'm like you, just older- almost 70. Dyed in the wool butch, love being called sir, love my carefully nurtured over all these years woman side. I'm interested in what you have to say. There's an audience out here that's over 40.
Reply
Kate
7/20/2018 01:17:37 pm
I really enjoy reading your blog, even though I don't always comment.
Reply
K.S.
8/30/2020 07:11:48 am
"However, for me personally, it feels more like the words 'woman' and 'female' etc need to stretch to fit me rather than me needing to identify as something else."
Reply
Sara
7/20/2018 08:07:21 pm
Love me some butch grrrls.
Reply
So, I currently have a hand injury. I can't say much right now. I've been reading your blog for awhile, though, and I added it into Feedly when I realized it'd be easier than just having a list of links to sites I like on my own blog. I've never commented before, that I know of, because I was closeted and didn't want to attract that kind of attention. Now, I'm still closeted (only four family members know, and that's my biological first cousin, two of her kids (it slipped, oops), and her husband), but a lot of my friends know. I don't talk about it openly on my own blog, but I do hint at it (oh, and it's so fun, haha). More readers tend to be lurkers. ;)
Reply
Sue
7/21/2018 04:22:33 am
I am cisgendered masculine-of-center bisexual women age 52. I read blogs about cisgendered masculine-of-center women.' But why does "woman" have to be so damn narrow that it can't contain me?'
Reply
Brandon
7/21/2018 05:59:35 am
As a trans*man who discovered your blog during some pivotal gender exploration, I did, and still do, greatly enjoy and appreciate your blog.
Reply
Angie
7/21/2018 06:16:03 am
I enjoy your blogs and what you have to say. I understand how you feel. Im in my late 30's and a soft butch lesbian. There are times I feel out of place and don't know where I fit in. Sometimes just being a lesbian in general seems to be irrelevant like its something "uncool" and "old school".
Reply
Claire
7/23/2018 12:40:51 am
Please keep blog more! I've never commented before but have been reading your blog for years, I love your tone of voice and your view on things, whether it's fashion tips or political. It adds definite flavour to my reading/social media feeds no matter what it's about. Speaking as an under-30 femme cis-lesbian, you definitely have a wider audience than you think! Like some of the other commenters, I think the shift towards non-binary views is great but it doesn't erase butch women, and I don't think it should. Please keep blogging, if you don't, the shift towards erasure might be self-imposed!
Reply
7/23/2018 02:17:45 am
50, butch, cisgendered. Just ran across your blog, literally 5 days ago. I love it and can't wait to explore more. I do hope you keep writing...I mostly blog out on Facebook, but poetry gets listed on Instagram and mutual Paradox. We need a variety of voices, and it's nice to have one I can relate too.
Reply
Sezza
7/24/2018 05:08:57 am
Here I am, your 20 year old butch cis woman! I am here and always eager to read your column. I didn't realize the comments were an issue. Now that I know I will be commenting all the live long day!
Reply
Denisse
7/25/2018 03:40:42 pm
I am always glad to read what you post. At 42 I feel exactly like you, everyone around me seems to have become femme or trans lately, and it feels very lonely to be a woman whose gender expression is masculine inclined.
Reply
Nadja
8/6/2018 01:38:05 pm
I usually do not post comments because I am not writer but I am a vivid reader. I do not agree with all your views but well explained different point of views (as yours) make me think and helps me understand which hopefully turns me into a less judgmental person. Your blog accomplishes that in my opinion. Therefore, thank you so much.
Reply
Sabine
8/9/2018 04:22:38 am
Okay, to help you see, that you are not blogging into a void here :-) I will break my rule and send a feedback.out into the ether ;-)
Reply
ATLTRAVO
8/13/2018 05:55:04 pm
4043999033 if u in atl i am 28yrs old dark skin 5"5 hit me.
Reply
K
8/13/2018 10:23:02 pm
Hi, I just discovered your blog linked from a butch on butch article. Thank you for providing this space in the first place. You article was excellent and perfectly described my feeling about gender roles. What you have written here about the commercial availability of trans and non cis trend is likely true. Self-estrangement appears common. I feel this is where sexuality and body image overlap and I look forward to having it explored....so we can move on. Thank you
Reply
Erin
8/15/2018 06:19:05 am
I am an eighteen year old woman who has identified as a lesbian for quite some time now, but is just beginning to come to terms with her butch identity. I just wanted to say that when I’m doing research, trying to figure out how to shop and stay safe when “queer coded” or just looking for someone else who’s like me, your blog is often the first thing that pops up. It’s been tremendously important to me, and from what I can see, it’s pretty much one of a kind.
Reply
Heather
8/19/2018 03:16:22 pm
It's sad, but I empathize. I've lurked your blog for awhile, and this is my first time commenting. I'm 42, a plus-sized cisgender woman, MoC/soft-ish butch, and an out & visible at work high school teacher. I'm also the sponsor for our school's Gay-Straight Alliance (GSA). I've noticed that not many of the kids in the GSA identify as some variation of lesbian, let alone MoC, these days. I frequently hear them identify more often as Ace, Pan, Bi, or Trans. I do know a couple under 30 butches (former members who graduated, etc.), so I know they still exist, but they seem to be getting fewer and far between.
Reply
Theresa
8/25/2018 10:15:16 am
Hi,
Reply
Paulz
8/28/2018 09:18:52 am
"most of the serious conversation about masculine-of-center life these days seems to be about not being a woman: about agender or genderfluid or trans identities. That's great--but it's not me."
Reply
M
9/10/2018 05:21:01 pm
Young butch women do exist. You sure as hell aren't writing into a void, some of us are just chicken to comment because we're stuck so far in the closet the jackets are sick of us ( hi). It's hard to find people who accept that butch women are women, either you stay in your hick town and get called a man by people who damn well know you aren't one, or you go to some social function in a liberal city an hour and a half away just to have people ( supposedly accepting ones) continue to question you because you are a woman and don't want to be anything else. Please keep writing, how else am I supposed to figure out how to get men's jeans onto my decididld not male ass?
Reply
Samantha C.
9/14/2018 11:09:41 pm
I just discovered your blog through Twitter. I love what I have read so far and I am looking forward to future posts. But when you need a break you need a break. Take your time and take care of yourself. :)
Reply
Antonia
9/19/2018 10:15:10 am
You are not writing into a void and you are not irrelevant. I am a bisexual NB from Brazil (married to a woman) and I greatly enjoy your blog and for me, at least, it has been a great way to learn a little more about the butch world. If you keep writing you have at least one person who will keep reading.
Reply
Atlt
9/21/2018 08:58:18 pm
4043999033 Atlanta looking for butch
Reply
Ray
10/7/2018 06:12:29 am
I want to share appreciation for you, your blog & who you are- you & your perspective are relevent, just as all of us in our authenticity are.
Reply
I understand why you might feel like talking about teh gay is passe, but it's really not. So what if everyone else is talking about being a trans dude or something? That just means you're talking about something that everyone else isn't, which IMO is more valuable.
Reply
Jan
2/11/2019 12:02:19 am
Keep up the good work. Post when you can. 😀
Reply
Samantha Covey
2/23/2019 02:31:32 pm
Unsubbed by accident. Trying again.
Reply
T
1/23/2020 10:49:51 am
Honestly, as a younger person, I have read your blog for some years and it has helped me figure out some of my place in life (similar to yours) in and stepping out of the closet. I admire and appreciate your perspectives as an individual and specifically as an older person than myself, and they have helped me learn too. I will now and then check for new posts but understand your gusier schedule and life, But pretty much - What you have to share is worth sharing. Passé? No, experienced.
Reply
Moelba
10/30/2021 05:03:59 am
I hope you have not stopped definitely, but if you did... I totally understand. You have helped and still are helping a lot of people out there and giving a feeling of being home,so thanks.
Reply
Jen
9/15/2022 11:56:50 pm
Hi there
Reply
Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
Leave a Reply. |
|