Things I Can't Pass As

To be butch is to be able to pass as lots of things, and at the same time to fail people's little "passing" tests constantly.  It's a weird space to be in--a little vortex of contradictions.  Here are all the things I, personally, often do not pass as (whether or not I want to).

Things I frequently can't pass as:
1. Female.  "Can I help you, sir?"
2. Male.  "Can I help you, ma'am?"
3. Cool.  Every time I go to SF or NYC, I am reminded of how uncool and unhip I really am.  I don't even have any tats or interesting piercings!
4. Boring.  Because some people seem to think that all lesbians know where the cool clubs are...  Little do they know that my idea of "partying" is to curl up on the couch, trying to prevent my DGF from trouncing me in Words With Friends.  Sometimes I "party" HARD.
5. Under 35.  I'm starting to get grey hair.
6. Over 35.  Because surely someone with my education who is over age 35 would be more established in a career, right?
7. Butch.  As in, "You're butchish, but you're not really butch."
8. Cisgender.  Because some people who are trying really hard to be trans*-inclusive assume that all gender-nonconformists are on a trans* spectrum.
9. Working or lower-middle class.  Even though it's the class background with which I identify, I traded in 90% of my street cred for fancy degrees.
10. Upper middle class.  Certain mannerisms and ways of being are imprinted on you at an early age, and you'll never feel like you really belong in certain places...  or at least, I won't.
11. Non-genderqueer.  Seriously, I had someone say last year, "I identify you as genderqueer."  I was like, "Um, congratulations, but you don't get to identify me!"
12. A responsible dog parent.  Because my dog literally screams when we are walking away from another dog and she wants to stay to play/fight/sniff.

Name me one thing you can't always pass as.