To be butch is to be able to pass as lots of things, and at the same time to fail people's little "passing" tests constantly. It's a weird space to be in--a little vortex of contradictions. Here are all the things I, personally, often do not pass as (whether or not I want to).
Things I frequently can't pass as: 1. Female. "Can I help you, sir?" 2. Male. "Can I help you, ma'am?" 3. Cool. Every time I go to SF or NYC, I am reminded of how uncool and unhip I really am. I don't even have any tats or interesting piercings! 4. Boring. Because some people seem to think that all lesbians know where the cool clubs are... Little do they know that my idea of "partying" is to curl up on the couch, trying to prevent my DGF from trouncing me in Words With Friends. Sometimes I "party" HARD. 5. Under 35. I'm starting to get grey hair. 6. Over 35. Because surely someone with my education who is over age 35 would be more established in a career, right? 7. Butch. As in, "You're butchish, but you're not really butch." 8. Cisgender. Because some people who are trying really hard to be trans*-inclusive assume that all gender-nonconformists are on a trans* spectrum. 9. Working or lower-middle class. Even though it's the class background with which I identify, I traded in 90% of my street cred for fancy degrees. 10. Upper middle class. Certain mannerisms and ways of being are imprinted on you at an early age, and you'll never feel like you really belong in certain places... or at least, I won't. 11. Non-genderqueer. Seriously, I had someone say last year, "I identify you as genderqueer." I was like, "Um, congratulations, but you don't get to identify me!" 12. A responsible dog parent. Because my dog literally screams when we are walking away from another dog and she wants to stay to play/fight/sniff. Name me one thing you can't always pass as.
19 Comments
Penny
9/6/2014 09:40:16 am
I can't pass as over 40 (I'm 45). I can't pass as female, been called sir many times even on a women only les social site...yeah for real. I can't pass as intelligent because since when did women know more than men in a tech field?!
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Mara Elena
9/6/2014 01:04:54 pm
I can't pass as "fun" anymore. I'm in bed by 10:30pm.
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Jeh
9/6/2014 03:28:44 pm
I can't pass as a medical school student. Most people think I'm 12 or 13 year old boy. Even in queer spaces, I pass as that.
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sammie
9/7/2014 12:14:35 am
i get told I'm not butch enough a lot but I also don't pass as a fem either. also with my height some people assume I'm a trans woman which I am but my height is the only reasoning people can ever give me and other tall females I know also get that assumption from people
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Dana
9/7/2014 01:31:04 am
Ha! I love this one.
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Kathleen Smith-Jones
9/7/2014 05:05:26 am
You know that look you get as you pass another woman as you exit the ladies restroom and she goes back to double-check that she is in the right bathroom...and then there is the fact that I can't go shirtless in my kilt without the fear of getting arrested.
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Suretta Williams
9/7/2014 05:20:33 am
I'm not feminine in the least, but I've raised three children. I'm 'soft butch' but can cry in a stressful or emotional situation. I've had breast cancer and even with a radical mastectomy, I haven't been mistaken for "sir," even though, just once in my life, I'd love it. I don't fall on the classic "butch/femme" spectrum .. I'm too butch to be femme, but butch enough that other butches usually aren't interested. It all works out ... happily single.
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Submissive. People who have met me in a professional capacity, or socially but outside of the scene at first, often don't believe that I couple possibly be a "twoo sub." This made for a very uncomfortable working/social relationship when I managed a high-end BDSM retail store; my Daddy was *not* pleased with being presumed to be my submissive because I was "the boss" at work.
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9/8/2014 01:09:49 am
I can't pass as gay,people say I because I'm so girly I'm straight, EVEN gay chicks I'd so desperately love to connect with!!!! Even when I wear my braces n belt n badges n whatnots,I'm told I'm straight n just soooo supportive OR I'm too try hard!!! Wth!!!! N Wtf!!!!! I seriously don't know what to do???? At 48 how flippin riddererus...lol
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Nina Brat
9/14/2014 08:48:46 am
I used to be able to pass as a young man, and did. Now I couldn't be mistaken for anything other than an old dyke. What saddens me, though, is that no one would mistake me for wise, and yet I am--some days, anyway.
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Jesse
9/15/2014 10:15:21 am
Now finished with my MFA but still teaching composition as adjunct faculty, I'm having trouble passing as an academic. Probably for the best. Then again, as you mentioned, my education makes it difficult to pass as working/poverty class these days. This is extra hilarious since I'll be teaching an online course on gender and socioeconomic class in the spring.
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Clara
9/22/2014 02:03:42 am
I've lived in a few different countries, and speak a few languages, but none well enough to pass as a native speaker, except maybe English. Now I'm living in my own country (Holland) again and other natives still think I'm a foreigner! Apparently I speak a little strangely... I should just start identifying as 'European', or even better, stop caring so much about what other people think, but it still makes me feel a bit homeless.
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K_Bird
11/22/2014 05:44:28 pm
Amen on the class issues BW. I grew up working class and don't really pass as that or middle-upper class either.
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Rebecca
5/10/2015 03:01:57 pm
Sooooo identify with # 5,6 & 9!
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Len
7/7/2015 06:47:46 pm
I can't pass as anything! I'm married (to a man) and have 4 kids, but most of the time I look and dress like a 14 year-old boy, and I have a buzzcut. I can't pass as gay, I can't pass as straight, I can generally pass as polite though...;-) I could maybe pass as a pan-romantic grey-ace in a bar full of them. Or as something 'other'. I suppose I can pass as some kind of woman up close- I'm too short to easily be mistaken for a man... *sigh* it's all very complicated. I suppose I fit somewhere in the soft-butch/ tomboy/ bi/ pan/ queer kind of umbrella...
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Kim
12/24/2016 11:13:58 am
I can't always pass as a lesbian - perhaps it is the relatively rural area of Texas that I live in? People always ask me when I'm going to settle down with a nice boy - um, never? I can't really pass for femme or for butch. I'm too butch to be femme and I'm too femme to be butch. I can never pass for male, have never gotten wrong bathroomed.
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