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What Should Your Dyke Daughter Wear to Your Wedding?

10/8/2014

3 Comments

 
Here's a question I received recently from someone who's wondering what to do with her butch bridesmaid daughter.  Never fear...  here's the Q&A: 

Hi, I've been a single mom of two beautiful girls, one straight and one gay.  I'm getting married in May but I have no idea what to have my butch daughter wear.  I want her to be absolutely comfortable, so I don't expect her to wear a dress.  My theme is soft pastels and romantic lace, etc.  I am wearing a lace dress, the bridesmaids are wearing chiffon pastels, and the men are wearing gray.  I am so stuck.  Please help.  We are on a budget.  Thanks!!


Dear Single Mom of Two Beautiful Girls, One Straight and One Gay,

It's really terrific that you're interested in making your butch daughter feel comfortable.  This is a big deal, and you're going to be most comfortable on your wedding day knowing that everyone else is comfortable, too.  I'm guessing your butch daughter isn't all about the "chiffon pastels," is she?

First, have you asked your daughter what she would like to wear?  She might have some terrific ideas.  The simplest thing would be to have her wear the same thing the guys are wearing, if she's comfortable with that.  But I'm kind of assuming from your question that you don't want her to simply wear what the guys are wearing--is that right? 

Options abound, in any case. 
Here are three, assuming you want her to look different from the groomsmen:

1. Gray pants (the same color as the groomsmen's) with a shirt the color of the bridesmaids' dresses.

2. Gray pants, a white button-up shirt of her choosing, and a tie and/or vest the same color as the bridesmaids' dresses.

3. Whatever the groomsmen are wearing, but with a suit vest instead of the jacket.

I hope this helps!  Have a terrific wedding, let me know if you have any questions, and please keep me updated on what you decide.

Love,
BW


3 Comments
Meredith
10/8/2014 01:01:33 pm

My mother got married when I was 16 and I was her maid of honor. I was the only member of the bridal party and they didn't "pick colors" for the event, so I could wear basically anything I wanted, as long as it was appropriate attire for a semi-formal event. My parents can be blessedly simple people when they want to be, sometimes.

I chose to pick a dress with my mom, wear heels, get my hair and nails did, makeup, the whole thing. And I looked *good*. It totally felt like drag -- wedding drag, yanno? Even at 16 I recognized that weddings are basically acts of pageantry, and I was given a role to play in that pageant, and I knew that more than anything, going whole hog like this would make my mother incredibly happy. So I did it and went all the way and it made my mom completely happy and it was great.

My point here is to say, ask your kid. She'll know what'll work best for her, and hopefully she can tell you, and you might be very surprised at the answer.

Reply
Susan
10/9/2014 06:11:51 am

its always good to have an open discussion on this matter...and I couldn't agree more with the suggestions BW already offered...

Reply
Dana
10/21/2014 01:59:17 am

Ooh! I was Maid of Honor at my sister's wedding last month, and the theme for the bride's side was neutrals and romantic lace. (We all kind of looked like we were getting married, actually.) I wore pants and a flowy, chiffony button-down, both within the color scheme.

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