 "Sure, I'm for gay rights, but I'm voting for Romney."
"I don't agree with him on gay marriage, but overall, I agree with his values." "Gay rights is just one issue; I'm looking at the whole picture." Each time I hear a statement like this, it irks me anew. But why? Do I really think my right to get married is more important than homelessness, health care, or the economy? Geez, I don't think so. But even if I didn't disagree with Romney on these issues, I'd have a hard time voting for him. The crux of the problem is that for me, gay rights isn't "another issue," but a prior question--that is, a question that has to be answered before another one can be asked. For example, if I ask, "What kind of cookies should we make?" I've already answered (or implied the answer to) the prior question of: "are we going to make cookies?" To discuss issues with someone, I have prior questions. A central one is: are we equals? I am using "equals" in the sense of people who see each other as people, discussing and exchanging ideas--in the "all people are created equal" sense. Does the person value me and consider me valid as a human? To me, someone who does not believe in equal rights for gays and lesbians sees me (and/or my behavior) as subhuman. They do not believe that my full, real self is equal to their full, real self. They do not see me and my life the same way they see themselves and their lives. For this reason, the answer to the prior question of whether this is a person with whom I can engage in rational debate is "no." If you don't see me as your equal in terms of the human rights I deserve, it's very, very difficult for me to think you're worthwhile to engage with about anything else. This doesn't mean that someone needs to think I'm awesome, or love my choices. I think some people make terrible choices or are cruel people. But this doesn't mean I think they deserve fewer rights than I do. I dislike people who objectify women, but I would not favor a constitutional amendment that denied them the right to get married or prevented their partners from getting health care. And this, dear readers, is why gay rights isn't "just another issue" for me. Is it for you? Have you ever heard people say the things I quoted at the beginning of this post? How did you respond?
10 Comments
8/31/2012 03:03:49 am
Thank you! I have been arguing this with people ever since the whole Chick-Fil-A crap. Yes, we can have disagreements. Yes, we can choose to not fall on the same side of every issue. But if you are anti-gay marriage, then you are actively telling me that you believe that I am not your equal. You are telling me, as you pointed out above, that I am subhuman. And that doesn't just irk me. It completely pisses me off.
I agree wholeheartedly that gay rights is a separate and extremely important issue. We are going through another Civil Rights movement. People don't like to think that Blacks ever had to drink from separate fountains and sit at the back of the bus...but they did. And it was people like Mitt Romney that ensured that it stayed that way for as long as possible.
tracy ducasse
8/31/2012 04:36:29 am
I just can't vote for a candidate, or a party, that supports prejudice, has spent much of their time in the house trying to remove women's health care rights,and remove health care rights in general, has tried to make it harder to vote, has done nothing to insure jobs for anybody, and lastly wants to remove gay rights I have, in the state I live in. Have they forgotten that women have the right to vote?
Sarah
8/31/2012 12:08:05 pm
Well, when a gay person tells me they're voting for Romney, I feel sick to my stomach.
Susan
9/1/2012 02:54:21 am
I agree with the above comments...I CANNOT and WILL NOT support any party/platform that denies my rights as a woman and as a lesbian...and it bothers me, confuses me, angers me and even hurts me when I know that a few of my gay friends are FOR Romney/Ryan! I JUST DON'T GET IT!!! It makes me wonder if they're not ok with who they are, deep down inside...it makes me wonder if they don't feel our rights are important enough
I think I need to start my own blog.
Yep... could not have said it better.
Jennifer Rogers
9/12/2012 06:43:44 am
I think that this issue is a simple civil rights issue. Remember that not too long ago it was against the law for a black person to marry a white person. It is the SAME thing. It is a civil right for gay people to be able to marry and to have the same rights and expectations of hetero couples. We need the government backing us so that we get all of the rights afforded them when they marry.
Jen
10/9/2012 02:32:20 pm
Since we now have the right to civil marriage in New York, life has simply gone on. Yet, on another level things have profoundly changed. More straight people seem to "get it" than before. It also makes you more aware of how little legal marriage on the state level changes what needs to be changed. We need to change the law on the federal level. Knowing we can marry here makes me more determined that the rest of the country has the same right. Now each couple, like straight folks, have to decide if legal marriage is right for them. Sometimes, for a variety of reasons, the answer is no. It's nice to have the choice; it's fair. Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
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