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Why Valentine's Day Makes Me Feel Like a Bad Person

2/13/2012

13 Comments

 
I am sort of a V-Day grinch.  No matter what people say about Valentine's Day, I think it is silly and misguided and I have a judgmental retort. 

For example, if someone says:
OMG I loooove Valentine's Day!  We're going to roast coconuts on the beach, then my sweetie is taking me to my favorite restaurant and then we're going to go home and do chocolate liqueur shots off of each other's foreheads while reading love poems and releasing doves into the night...

...Then I think:
That is patently ridiculous.  You're kowtowing to Hallmark's idea of when to express love and celebrate your relationship.  Why do you insist on fueling the capitalist machine with this kind of tomfoolery?  Plus, eew.  TMI.  Grrr.

On the other hand, if someone says:
We don't celebrate Valentine's Day because it's just giving in to capitalist exploitive yadayadayada patriarchial yadayada money machine yada Occupy Occupy YADA.

...Then I think:
For God's sake, why do you have to take this so seriously?  It's just a fun, harmless holiday to celebrate romantic love.  Would it kill you to fingerpaint a heart onto a piece of looseleaf and call it a day?  Jeez.  Grrr.

Or if someone tells me:
We don't celebrate Valentine's Day because EVERY day is Valentine's Day for us!  Wheeeeee!

...I think:
I highly doubt that if you have been in this relationship for more than five weeks, "every day" is Valentine's Day for you.  I don't buy it.  Are you saying that the V-Day devotees have shallow relationships?  Because that's mean.  And judgmental.  And I am judging you for your judgmental ways.  Grrr.

As you can see, my internal responses to common positions on Valentine's Day tend to end with "grrr."  I have no idea why this is.  I've never been especially disappointed on V-Day.  I have no bones to pick with it.  Sure, I think the amount of conspicuous consumption, shiny bows, and substandard milk chocolate that it tends to produce is irritating and wasteful, but that's an aspect of virtually every holiday, and I don't dislike all holidays.

I just have a quiet little wish for V-Day not to exist, because then people wouldn't say things like those above in a manner that I arrogantly (and probably incorrectly) interpret as self-righteous.  And then I would be less likely to judge them.  And then I would subsequently be less likely to feel shitty about myself for being so judgmental, bursting balloons, raining on parades, etc. 

Even my V-Day grinchiness is rooted, ironically, in self-absorption.  Grrr.

Anyway, uh, happy pre-Valentine's Day.  I'm going to try really hard to have a cheerier post tomorrow.  But I need your help.  Please send me (butchwonders [at] yahoo [dot] com) one or more of the following things by tomorrow afternoon:
  1. A picture of the gaudiest, most over-the-top Valentine's Day display in your local store or market.
  2. A word or saying you would love to see on a conversation heart.
  3. The queerest, gayest, or most lesbian way to spend Valentine's Day

Email these things to me and you can "B mine 4-ev-R" or whatever the f*k.

13 Comments
Steele
2/13/2012 10:53:00 am

Acceptance is the key. It is what it is, make it your own. It's a made up holiday, so make up a way to recognize it... Even if that is to not recognize it. I'll call my mom and wish her a Happy Valentine's Day.

Reply
Steele
2/13/2012 11:21:18 am

Here is another thought. Growing up gay, Valentine's Day was huge reminder of how over looked and left out gays are. I never got to truly celebrate until after coming out. I entered Kindergarden in 1969 and came out in 1987, 18 years of not being able to express feelings of love towards an intimate partner... It might have a negative impact. Just a thought.

Reply
Joslyn C
2/13/2012 01:23:48 pm

Well...I kind of know how you feel. My girlfriend and I get out of it each year by telling each other, "Our anniversary is next month. Why bother?"

Also, this post on TheOatmeal is quite relevant:
http://theoatmeal.com/blog/valentines_day

Reply
Deb Doe
2/13/2012 02:17:31 pm

Okay, I am single and grinchy since I don't have anyone to celebrate with.....what I did for V day was get myself some new sex toys so I can at least have a more fun pity party....:)

Reply
Preciocilla (Pres-ee-oo-silla) link
2/13/2012 10:42:40 pm

I appreciate your even-handed, critical dialogue: I delight in emotional honesty.

I'm with you on this, BW! Admittedly, I'm a highly sensitive person. After 7 yrs. (with the same butch woman), I still send random cards/gifts, love poems and genuinely try--on a daily basis--to express my gratitude for our bond. It can be hard, at times, to keep love fresh and going strong!

Question: Why do we, as a culture, need to be reminded on 2/14 to show appreciation for the most important people in our lives? Love is an ACTION word: 365 days a yr.---not 1/365.

I'm femme as femme can be, but I don't want roses (huge waste of $$), blood diamonds, or mass produced, mediocre chocolate. I expect my lover to be more thoughtful than this...I deserve it.

With that, HAPPY V DAY EVERYONE!

Reply
Morgain
2/13/2012 11:38:43 pm

My ladyfriend and I are spending Valentine's day in my grandmother's hospital room. If that doesn't scream "romance", I don't know what does. >_>

Reply
Deborah Tanner
2/19/2012 02:36:35 am

Yeah, Morgain, That is hot.....lol....sorry.

Reply
Marie
2/14/2012 05:49:38 am

All I know is that its no fun spending Valentines Day alone. So everyone who has a partner should enjoy it!

Reply
Imogen
2/14/2012 06:03:14 am

...all 3 of your responses - brilliant! ...my sentiments exactly - hate those days when you feel obliged to do something because some made it somethingorother day (like "mother's day - be nice when it's NOT mother's day and I'll know that you mean it) grrrr exactly

Reply
Imogen
2/14/2012 06:04:49 am

*someone

Reply
E
2/14/2012 06:09:56 am

Well, honestly, after finally leaving many years in a deeply unsatisfying marriage, I just spent my first Valentine's Day with my girlfriend, who is really my first true love. We spent the morning, ahem, together...and when I got to work there was a bouquet of flowers waiting for me; half her favorite, and half mine. Lovely, lovely, lovely.

Cheezy? Sure? Do I care? No. Am I psyched to rub my dykey little romance in everyone's FB and Twitter feeds? Yeah, I am. I want everyone to know that I love this woman like the sun loves the sky...and today I can be unabashed about it. I kind of like that part of the day. I mean, when else can you feel totally comfortable running around being like, I LOOOOVE YOU! everywhere you go?

Not most days allow this. I love today. I hope you find a way to enjoy it. Maybe a new red tie would have helped...?

Reply
Sue
2/14/2012 11:45:48 am

Don't like Valentine's Day, Mother's Day (and I'm a mom....another story), Christmas, anymore, or Columbus day for sure! I do like Easter 'cause I get to buy Russell Stover Coconut cream eggs.

Oops, the ADHD kicked in and I veered off topic. I'd like to be the romantic boi of my girl's dreams, but, alas, I suck at it. Besides that, she is in DC and I'm here in PA. For Friday I made reservations at the restaurant I proposed in and bought jewelry. I hate having to feel forced to do this, but on the other hand, it will make her happy.

I think there should be a "Sue" day. It's not my birthday. My mom really deserves the props for that day. I'm like you.....it's here to stay and what are ya gonna do about it????

Reply
Alex
2/14/2012 02:15:30 pm

I like excuses to celebrate. :)

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