Yeah, I Do. You Wanna Make Somethin' Of It?

At the risk of other butches' ridicule, I have something to share. 

I wax.

Not the nether-regions--just my face.  But my friend C says I'm crazy for doing it.  The thing is, I *like* having nicely-shaped eyebrows that don't grow together or extend to my ears (such that it appears I am permanently wearing a furry '80s-inspired headband).   Additionally, though God saw fit to endow me with a tiny black mustache (as if I am, say, a 60-year-old Eastern European woman), that doesn't mean I'm obligated to keep it.

Waxing hurts a little, but as I like telling C, I'm butch enough to take it.  It's not for my gf, either (she literally does not notice these things).  I like having a smooth upper lip and well-manicured brows.  If that makes me a faggy butch, well, who cares?  That's just extra gayness--bring it on!

If you choose to join the exclusive ranks of waxing butches, here are a few tips to make your experience a good one:

1. Choose a nice spa--some place that also does massages, facials, etc.  This ensures that your aesthetician (that's what they call them--I kid you not) will be good.  They don't hire just anyone at those places.
2. Don't book the first person available.  Ask who has the longest wait, then choose one of those people.  They're booked solid for a reason.
3. When you make your grand entrance, be prepared for startled looks from a girly-girl or bitchy gay dude behind the counter.  They're not trying to be rude; they just don't see a lot of our kind in there.
   
4. Explain in detail to the aesthetician what you're looking for.  I told mine, point-blank, that I want eyebrows as thick as a guy's, and that I wanted it to look very natural.  Be insistent about this; they're used to dealing with women who want their brows to look like painted toothpicks.
5. If you face a language barrier, it's okay to ask for a translator or politely request a different aesthetician.  Yeah, it's ridiculously awkward, but you're not being a jerk--you're saving your eyebrows from being accidentally waxed to oblivion.
6. To give yourself an incentive to get in there, you can always schedule a massage afterward.  Sometimes the same person is licensed to do both.  (If you don't feel comfortable with massages, I totally get it.  More on this another day.)
7. When the aesthetician is done, she'll hand you a mirror.  Be honest about whether you're satisfied.
8. Leave a tip.  It's rude if you don't.  The standard is 15-20 percent of the cost of service.  Give it to the aesthetician directly, or ask the front desk to give it to her (that's what those tiny envelopes are for).  Cash is best.
9. If you like what you see, go back as often as you need to.  I should go back every 5-6 weeks, but more often, it's every 9-10 weeks.
   
10. Between waxings, you can pluck (but don't have to!) as long as you don't go crazy with the tweezers.  Follow the line your aesthetician created. 
    
11. BONUS BUTCH TIP: If your brows get too tall and bushy between waxings, you can trim them with a regular ol' fingernail clipper.  Wet your eyebrows and brush them upward with a comb or a toothbrush, then carefully insert the longish tips of your brows into the fingernail clipper and squeeze.  Instant trim!

For the record, I shave my 'pits and legs, too (using a men's Mach 3 razor and men's Edge shave gel).  And I'm no less butch for the wear.