10 Ways to Flirt With a Butch

9/4/2012

I've talked about how you can tell if a butch likes you, but what about the other way around: what are the best ways to flirt with a butch? I list ten top ways below. They're targeted largely toward femmes, but most are adaptable to anyone who wants to flirt with butches. So read this and get out there!

Via the Lesbian Confessional

A good, old-fashioned wink. Unprovoked, unexpected, in the course of everyday business. Then continue on as if nothing happened and leave us there to melt.
Goad us a little about our favorite sports team. "Houston lost again, Dee. When's your team gonna make a comeback?"
Touch us on the arm or shoulder, either while you're making a point or playfully when you're joking around.
Compliment our hair. We are suckers for hair compliments.
If we're good at something, ask us to do it for you: fixing your computer, changing your oil, editing your paper, whatever.
Make a bet with us about something--anything. Bet a cup of coffee or a beer; that way, you're basically setting up some time together no matter who wins.
Maintain eye contact just a little longer than usual or necessary.
Ask questions about us. What do we read? What do we do for fun? Keep 'em light. Ask follow-ups.
Express interests in our interests, particularly the nerdy interests that we're a little shy about.
Call us out on something: "Oh, sure you can make five three-pointers in a row." Or, "Oh sure you've hybridized a new variety of fern." Keep your tone light and playful--you're inviting us to prove it.

Butches, what are your favorite ways to be flirted with?

28 Comments

9/4/2012 05:31:46 am

I don't know that I see most of these especially as femme-specific, but I have to ask: why do you target this toward femmes? I feel like that's reinforcing something (butch/femme) which is already over-represented in the queer media, and it's interesting that a butch who dates butches would choose to be part of that.

Butch Wonders link

9/4/2012 08:01:26 am

Hi, M. Thanks for the comment! I target femmes because I've already written so much more about butch-butch dating, including advice to butches who want to date other butches: http://www.butchwonders.com/1/post/2012/1/butch-butch-relationships.html

For this reason, having something targeted a little differently made sense to me. But I do think that all--or almost all--of these ten ideas can easily be adapted for anyone.

LaVonn

9/4/2012 06:05:15 pm

I will throw my 2 cents in on this one. I love it when a women is flirting with me and decides she needs to straighten my shirt collar or tie and she looks me right in the eyes while doing it and smiles like she would like to be the one who takes my shirt or tie off...Big turn ON!

bookish butch link

9/4/2012 05:55:55 am

Compliment the boots, there is a special bond between a butch and her boots:-P

Kate

1/11/2014 02:51:46 am

thanks bookish butch I will remember that when talking to butches.

Anne

9/4/2012 06:39:16 am

I appreciate any info you can give me, thanks.

Kerri

9/4/2012 07:36:55 am

Yes totally agree with compliments on a butch's boots, bookish butch! ;) (they totally match your eyes...)

I LOVE this post!!

Flutters eyelashes at all the butches... ahhh sigh... *fans forehead* haha :P

HeidiM

9/4/2012 09:58:24 am

I had a really cute femme woman buy me a drink. I was out babysitting am mate who had a bad breakup & got talking to a dentist. I mentioned that I was tired from keeping an eye on my mate. Next thing I know, she has bought me a jäger bomb, and a scotch & coke (she noticed what I was drinking). I was dumbfounded, as even though I'm a 'chapstick' butch, I'm expected to buy the drinks.

She SURE got my attention & we are going on a date in the next week :-)

Pati

9/4/2012 11:39:15 pm

Amy

9/5/2012 01:03:28 am

Thank you for the tips! *giggle* Made me get all girly and giggley. Excited to practice - though I think I've used a few of these already...esp the boot one. I'm such a swooner for a well-groomed butch in jeans with buckle and boots. *le sigh*

Kirby

9/7/2012 05:01:53 am

As a butch who likes femmes/lipstick lesbians, sometimes, it can be hard to tell if a girl I'm interested in is, in fact, a lesbian. Unless of course we are in a gay bar or somewhere explicitly queer. (I've had a problematic history of falling for straight girls. ouch.) Therefore, I always find it a big turn on when said-love-interest makes the first move. I look undoubtedly gay, but she may not. So sometimes I kind of have to rely on her to initiate. It can be as simple as a touch on the arm or a smile. (You know, not just any smile, *that* kind of smile). That kind of scenario sort of reverses the stereo-typical gender roles, which, in my opinion, is hot. Of course, once I know she's interested, I can take the lead from there. but that first interaction is priceless.

London Femme

9/12/2012 08:46:24 am

As a Femme I can attest to how frustrating it is being mistaken for straight. Which unfortunately means that unless I am in an obviously gay venue then I seldom get flirted with.

Tobatia

10/2/2012 06:32:25 pm

Kirby, that makes total sense. Except that as a femme, who is usually mistaken for straight (even often in gay/queer places), it is extremely hard for me to initiate any flirt. Because there seem to be so few butches who are interested in femmes - so more often than not I got ignored or a look, saying "straight chick, buzz off" (if not worse). Like London Femme, I hardly get flirted with, unless in gay venue where people know me.

Alissa C DiCarlo

9/7/2012 07:24:46 am

Ill pretty much suck off any girl regardless, of course I am in porn though.

Anna link

2/28/2017 08:18:04 pm

I total agree with you at this point

Eva

9/7/2012 07:26:01 am

Well that's cause you're young and unattached.

9/8/2012 09:25:45 am

I am about as girly as it gets (I am rarely without makeup, heels, etc), and I find whenever I smile at a butch she will kind of look at me funny, kind of smile back, and keep walking. I am WAY too shy to go to a gay bar, so I appreciate the tips, BW! <3

Tia

3/22/2013 08:45:28 am

I am a high femme, and often mistaken for the 'straight friend' when I go to gay bars, and because I'm shy, I'm also SO hopeless at flirting! However, the hottest AG/butch on the planet (my opinion and I'm sticking to it ;-D...) walked into my local lezzie bar a few weeks ago and somehow we caught each other's eye immediately. I made a point of keeping eye contact as long as my chicken self could, and smiled... and hey here we are....two weeks later and more than 5 dates....I think it worked!!!!

Grim Ursa

9/9/2012 06:09:05 pm

Very useful tips, I would feel flattered by any of them and find them useful either for a femme or for a butch who tried to approach me. Boots/shoes compliments are a total YES.

Jojo

9/15/2012 07:27:27 am

As a very femme woman and lover of butch woman I have found it hard to be taken serious as a gay woman!! And yes I have had the butch woman look at me as if what's the straight doing here.....that's if I even get through the door passed the security cos I don't look "dykey" enough!! Oh well I am who I am a femmy heel wearing lipstick wearing lesbian!! ;-) x

jayt

9/18/2012 07:32:28 am

I just had to smile and wink, at Jojo... and turn this around--

I am a very Butch woman and lover of Femme women.. I also have found it hard to be taken serious as a gay woman!! And yes I have had the butch and femme women look at me as if "?what's the straight doing here?".....that's if I even get through the door passed the security cos I don't look "dykey" enough!! Oh well I am who I am a high heel wearing... Lipstick BUTCH lesbian!! .. LOL...! hugs

Trix

9/17/2012 07:11:52 pm

I vote for "treat me like a human being", "share some interests" and "have a compatible sense of humour".

I dunno, us butches are all individuals. There's not going to be any universal way to flirt with us.

Touching, eye-contact, asking about books and interests, and winking, will work for for anyone so inclined, butch or not, as will compliments on hair (although I suppose it's good for people to know we'll take some praise for our "beauty", hah). I don't give a shit about sport or "betting". Challenging remarks - that can backfire. I do like fixing things, but not necessarily for some random person I've just met.

So yeah, stick to the basics first, I think.

9/18/2012 07:36:28 am

I have one for you.. ask, "Do you prefer female pronouns or male pronouns?"

I will answer to female, BUT, I prefer male.

ciaran

1/20/2013 04:34:36 am

I fell head over heels for my wife when I was at the bar getting us some drinks on a date with her and she came up behind me and tucked my dress shirt back into my dress pants in the back and re adjusted my suspenders..my heart fluttered at such a caring gesture....swoon!!

Elizabeth

4/23/2013 06:57:25 am

Oh, touch me! Fix my collar -- even if it doesn't need it. Run your hand down my back or play with my hair. Then watch me melt.

1/11/2014 02:47:23 am

I tried the "ask about the hair" trick as I just in the nick of time remembered that that is apparently a good way to chat up butch girls and I know some people don't like being called butch but I don't know how else to explain what I mean. I don't know if it worked we will have to see. :)

shawn-sherie

11/15/2014 10:48:20 pm

The hair thing worked and still works for my gorgeous blonde butch GF. She said she almost fell off her hair when I fixed her hair the first time - it was when we were in Japan the first time for an art event and we were just BFFs back then. She's still blushing whenever I dry and fix her hair for her. ;)

ilovebutches

8/31/2015 11:19:28 am

i melt reading these...*le swoon*this is what a blush-easy femme gets XD

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.

10 Ways to Flirt With a Butch

Leave a Reply.

Blogs I Like

Categories (NOT up to date... working on it)

Archives

10 Ways to Flirt With a Butch

Leave a Reply.

​Blogs I Like

Categories (NOT up to date... working on it)

Archives

Blogs I Like