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July's Best Search Terms

8/17/2012

4 Comments

Ask and you shall receive, dear readers! Here's a list of my favorite search terms from last month.

"what is a good nick name for your butch girlfriend" ("Twinkly lotus melon" is popular. So is "Binky the love muffin.")
"meaning of hugs for lesbians" (Hugs are how we reproduce. Every time a lesbian couple hugs, they're trying to rescue a cat.)
"you did seem kinda butch.they probably thought you were overcompensating" (Yeah, probably so.)
"when a butch says its not fair during sex" (So during sex, is the butch saying, "It's not fair?" Or is the butch saying, "It's not fair during sex?" Punctuation is everything, people.)
"gay men over 30 exposed in too short shorts hangout bottom videos" (The specificity of people's... special interests... never ceases to amaze me.)
"what is buddies like" (Buddies is like very good friends who brush each others' hair while making up limericks about Paul Ryan. Is like that. But is different.)
"understated lesbian wallpaper" (How about this?)
"should a 13/14 year old date a 53 year old if 'age is just a number'?" (Sometimes age is not just a number. Sometimes it's a neon sign that says, "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, NOOOOO!")
"pet lesbians" (Do you think this refers to people who want to keep lesbians as pets, or to people who want to pet lesbians? Either way, I am disturbed. Please do not pet the lesbians.)
"my girlfriend is half a year older than me" (I'd bet $5 that if you are googling this, you are under the age of 14.)
"men sock fetish nashville" (See you at the national convention!)
"lesbian butch seeking website to match up with" (See, those same-sex marriage opponents shouldn't worry that we're going to marry animals. We want to marry websites!)
"im a butch and want to be skinny" (Okay. We'll allow it.)
"i hugged a gay man today" (Did you make a rainbow with him? He may have secretly gay-sexed you without you even knowing it!)
"gay guys love a guy with buzz mohawk" (Truer words have never been spoken. Ever.)
"e j crowell equine massage" (Sorry, what?)
"can you have a timberland boot fetish and be straight" (Nope, everyone knows that Timberlands are for flaming homosexuals.)
"can i make my own demon name" (No. I will name your demon for you. Congratulations: your demon's name is Anthony L. Firetag.)
"whats a healthy age difference between gay men and women" (If you're a woman, always pretend that the gay man is younger by at least a couple years.)
"butch is nickname for what name" (Penelope.)
"i mentioned getting a haircut to my mom and she said dont go butch, should i be offended?" (Not if your name is Penelope.)
"how do you say congrats to someone who just became gay" (If you are also gay, you yell, "Congrats, cray cray gay jay!" If you are not gay, it is customary to give the newly out person a small gift, such as Timberlands or a gift certificate for an equine massage.)

4 Comments

June's Best Search Terms

7/2/2012

7 Comments

These may not be as patently silly as May's search terms were, but it still amazes me what people can search for to reach Butch Wonders. Here are some of my favorites from this month:

"top 10 butch chick names" (Flopsy, Mopsy, Cottontail, Mittens, Pammi, Tammi, Kitti, Kiki, Candi, and Lulu.)
"how to be more butch" (Change your name to one of the above.)

"my butch will not have sex until after marriage." (I just hope you don't live in Arkansas or something. That could be a loooong wait.)
"i have a crush on my friend angie who is a lesbian shes 30 im 62" (The specificity of this search is what gets me. Did this person expect to find a website that was like: "Hey, if your name's Angie and you're 62, you've got to read this?")
"straight women attracted to butch women" (Butch women hot. Straight women not so straight.)
"are rachel maddow and susan still together" (Rachel hasn't called to ask me out yet, so I'm assuming so.)
"lesbian bloogs" (Are ooften gooood tooo loooook at.)
"want to do it all syndrome" (If this is a real thing, I totally have it.)
"why does ellen only wear pants?" (What is this person watching?? Disappointingly, in everything I've seen, Ellen is wearing a shirt, too.)
"wonders of the world very very very very very very very very wonderful than all wonders of the world" (Butch wonders very very very very very very wonderful indeed.)
"my daughter is beautiful and is attracted to butchish women" (Yay! Lucky you! You get the best of both worlds: a true gentleman for your daughter, and a daughter-in-law for yourself.)
"lesbian thank you for smelling good" (You're welcome.)
"how many dogs have the name butch" (3667.)
"i want a faux hawk but im a girl" (Sorry. Your sex presents an insurmountable obstacle to the haircut you want.)
"dont date temperamental men" (Good idea.)
"does it mean your gay if you have a fohawk" (Yup.)
"why are people butch lesbians" (Because sometimes hairstylists accidentally give straight women fauxhawks and it turns us into butch lesbians. Sadly, it's irreversible.)
"wear only suit vest" (Bad advice. I suggest pants as well.)
"Do straight guys hug a gay guy as friends?" (No. As I've covered in the past, this turns you gay. A straight women can hug a lesbian without becoming a lesbian... but if the lesbian she hugs is butch, they will probably become at least a little bit gay.)
"how to tell if your butch" Look at the palms of your hands. If you are butch, there will be either a green crescent or a purple star immediately below one or both of your index fingers.

7 Comments

July's Best Search Terms

June's Best Search Terms

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July's Best Search Terms

June's Best Search Terms

​Blogs I Like

Categories (NOT up to date... working on it)

Archives

Blogs I Like