Here are today's shirt and tie. Do not adjust your monitor--my neck really IS that white. I first tied an excellent Windsor knot, but it looked odd with a button-down collar, because it's such a thick knot. For button-down collars, I think it's best to go with just a casual four-in-hand knot (which is the easiest to tie, anyway). Since my DGF had a job interview today, she let me drag her to Nordstrom Rack (a different NR from the one featured in a previous post) and dress her up yesterday. Saying that my DGF is not exactly a fashionista is like saying that Fred Phelps is not exactly a fan of gay marriage. She hates shopping, usually burns out after about 30 minutes, and doesn't want to try anything on. (Oh--and in case this is causing a little head-scratching, I should clarify that my DGF and I are both butch, although she eschews such labels.) I tried to talk her into a $50 purple shirt with wonderfully textured fabric, but she selected a Nordstrom brand white shirt with subtle blue and grey stripes--still really nice, and it looks great on her. We also found some black pants for her lithe little 31-inch waist and a decent belt (she refused to get my favorite one because I told her that the buckle was at a "jaunty" angle; my DGF says that my use of words like "jaunty" and "delightful" make her feel like she's dating a 70-year-old man). Bottom line: she looked damned good, and it made me want to dress her up some more, if she ever lets me. Little does she know that I was taking mental notes about sizes and fits the whole time so that I can surreptitiously slip new, colorful shirts into her closet among her army of white button-down Oxfords (I kid you not--she has like six of the same shirt). So how about you, dear readers? Got any good tricks for dragging your own DGFs to the store, or are you usually the one being dragged?
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You can have straight buddies, trans buddies, tall buddies, and small buddies. But you definitely need some butch buddies. There's a unique, comforting tenor to my relationships with my butch friends that I just can't get anywhere else.
See, butch buddies share some cultural commonalities. Other butches know what it's like to be called "sir" at a coffee shop, have experienced the indignity of wearing a bridesmaid's dress, have struggled over whether to wear a tie to a job interview, and have lived through near-flat-top experiences at the local barber shop. It's important to have people with whom you can bond (and laugh) about this kind of stuff. Sure, you're not going to be friends with some chick just because of your shared affinity for Axe deodorant. But if you DON'T have a trusted cadre of butch buds, seek 'em out--they can be useful in a multitude of situations:
Each of my friends fills an important role in my life, but I know I'd feel a peculiar loneliness without butch buddies--one that stems from having a part of yourself that no one else can really "get." I had a phone argument with an insurance company this morning. As a result, I decided to wear a tie to work. Wearing a tie puts me in a good mood. Today's selection was silver plaid on grey--a Calvin Klein tie I picked up last year either at Ross or Macy's, and a Geoffrey Beene shirt I found at Goodwill. I've been liking monochromatic look lately, with a loosened tie. It's strange to feel as though I look my best, but simultaneously know that others think I'm trying to be nonconformist. I don't mind *being* nonconformist, but I don't like that that people might think I dress as I do to TRY to be nonconformist; I'm just being me. The unhappy fact, though, is that when I *do* put on a tie in the morning, I spend a few moments mentally combing through my schedule, making sure my attire is appropriate for every setting I'll be in. Not just the level of formality--which I'm guessing everyone thinks about--but the appropriateness of my apparent "deviance." I'd like to say that I don't care what other people think, but in a professional setting, that's not always true. I want to do what's best for me AND my career AND my self-esteem, and sometimes these paths don't align. I also don't like that wearing a tie makes some people assume I'm trans. I'm not. I support people who want to transition; I'm just not one of them, and I don't like people thinking I am. I'm not sure why I care. Maybe it has to do with the centrality of gender identity. That is, just as it's (often) important to trans men to be perceived and recognized AS men, it's important to me to be perceived and recognized AS a woman. |
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