Here are today's shirt and tie. Do not adjust your monitor--my neck really IS that white. I first tied an excellent Windsor knot, but it looked odd with a button-down collar, because it's such a thick knot. For button-down collars, I think it's best to go with just a casual four-in-hand knot (which is the easiest to tie, anyway). Since my DGF had a job interview today, she let me drag her to Nordstrom Rack (a different NR from the one featured in a previous post) and dress her up yesterday. Saying that my DGF is not exactly a fashionista is like saying that Fred Phelps is not exactly a fan of gay marriage. She hates shopping, usually burns out after about 30 minutes, and doesn't want to try anything on. (Oh--and in case this is causing a little head-scratching, I should clarify that my DGF and I are both butch, although she eschews such labels.) I tried to talk her into a $50 purple shirt with wonderfully textured fabric, but she selected a Nordstrom brand white shirt with subtle blue and grey stripes--still really nice, and it looks great on her. We also found some black pants for her lithe little 31-inch waist and a decent belt (she refused to get my favorite one because I told her that the buckle was at a "jaunty" angle; my DGF says that my use of words like "jaunty" and "delightful" make her feel like she's dating a 70-year-old man). Bottom line: she looked damned good, and it made me want to dress her up some more, if she ever lets me. Little does she know that I was taking mental notes about sizes and fits the whole time so that I can surreptitiously slip new, colorful shirts into her closet among her army of white button-down Oxfords (I kid you not--she has like six of the same shirt). So how about you, dear readers? Got any good tricks for dragging your own DGFs to the store, or are you usually the one being dragged?
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I've been reading Kristen Schilt's book, Just One of the Guys?, which details FTMs' workplace experience. She interviews more than 50 trans men about their transitions' effects on how they were received in their places of employment. About half the men she interviewed applied for their current jobs as men, and weren't out as trans at work. The other half transitioned while in the workplace, so their co-workers knew them as women, then as men. Schilt, to her own surprise, finds that the majority of FTMs have very positive workplace experiences, and--here comes the disturbing part--report that they are treated better by their co-workers once they start presenting as men. This was true for both sets of trans men, even those whose co-workers previously knew them as women! Straight cismen in the workplace embraced the FTMs "as" men--for example, inviting them to play tackle football with other men in the office, taking them to Hooters, or offering to teach them how to do "man stuff." On one hand, this study is encouraging, and somewhat hopeful for the acceptance of trans men in the workplace. But on the other hand, as Schilt says, the idea that the same person is treated much better when presenting as a man than presenting as a woman really highlights the continuing presence of gender inequality in the workplace! Also, since a lot of the trans men presented as butches before transitioning, I wonder: were FTMs treated better post-transition because they were no longer seen as women, or because they were no longer seen as gender-deviant women specifically? Maybe it's easier for people to understand a trans guy than a butch because (in terms of physical appearance) the trans guy fits into the gender dichotomy and the butch lesbian does not. So maybe this study doesn't show gender inequality as much as it shows inequality on the basis of gender conformity. I don't know. I met an awesome, youngish scholar today who's (sort of) in my academic field. We got to talking about the job interview process, and she mentioned that she has a bunch of butchy lesbian friends who were on the fence about wearing a tie to their interviews. And if no tie, whether to wear a suit jacket.
In the end, her friends didn't wear ties. They didn't want people to think they were male-identified (since they're not), nor did they want to be perceived as "too aggressive" (what?!). Sure, there's a whole "angry butch lesbian" stereotype out there, but do people really subscribe to it? Apparently so. This person told me, "Men's suit jackets on women are perceived as aggressive." AND, because of increased trans-visibility--a wonderful thing, definitely--but in progressive circles, women with "male" fashion markers are increasingly assumed to want to be men. Not in the butch-lesbians-have-penis-envy sense, but in the I'm-taking-testosterone-and-have-a-double-masectomy-scheduled sense. Wow. I'm fine with people who meet me thinking I'm trans, I guess (I'm not, but who cares?). But aggressive? Angry? So what do I do in a couple years when I go on the job market? What have YOU, dear new readers, done? I'd love to get your advice. I had a phone argument with an insurance company this morning. As a result, I decided to wear a tie to work. Wearing a tie puts me in a good mood. Today's selection was silver plaid on grey--a Calvin Klein tie I picked up last year either at Ross or Macy's, and a Geoffrey Beene shirt I found at Goodwill. I've been liking monochromatic look lately, with a loosened tie. It's strange to feel as though I look my best, but simultaneously know that others think I'm trying to be nonconformist. I don't mind *being* nonconformist, but I don't like that that people might think I dress as I do to TRY to be nonconformist; I'm just being me. The unhappy fact, though, is that when I *do* put on a tie in the morning, I spend a few moments mentally combing through my schedule, making sure my attire is appropriate for every setting I'll be in. Not just the level of formality--which I'm guessing everyone thinks about--but the appropriateness of my apparent "deviance." I'd like to say that I don't care what other people think, but in a professional setting, that's not always true. I want to do what's best for me AND my career AND my self-esteem, and sometimes these paths don't align. I also don't like that wearing a tie makes some people assume I'm trans. I'm not. I support people who want to transition; I'm just not one of them, and I don't like people thinking I am. I'm not sure why I care. Maybe it has to do with the centrality of gender identity. That is, just as it's (often) important to trans men to be perceived and recognized AS men, it's important to me to be perceived and recognized AS a woman. |
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