Job-related busy-ness has prevented me from posting much, but I had to make an exception when I had the opportunity to interview Karen Roberts, the founder of the butch clothing company Hautebutch! As some of you know, a number of butch clothing stores have popped up in recent years… Sadly, some of these have failed financially. Others are still going strong, like HauteButch and St. Harridan, and I think it’s important that we in the community support them! This is ESPECIALLY true for HauteButch right now, because they've got a Kickstarter going that will allow them to start manufacturing a bunch of new lines if they reach their goal. They're 86.6% of the way there, with six days to go, and they've got some wonderful thank-you gifts: bow ties, wallets, shirts, and more. Want to know more about why Karen started HauteButch? If so, read my nifty interview below. BW: Tell me why you decided to start HauteButch. Great name, by the way! KR: I decided it was important based on my own lack of fashionable alternatives as a professional butch woman, plus the expressed, shared frustration of my peers. Our fit and style preferences were not met in the mainstream retail arena and we weren’t necessarily welcome in the men's department. BW: I think I know what you mean, but tell me more about your experiences shopping in men’s departments. KR: In the past, I would frequent the men's departments at a few large, well-known department stores. I would have 8-10 different things on my arm to try on. Eventually, I guess the word would get out that I didn't "belong" there because they started cutting me off at the pass—guiding me to the women's fitting room on the other side of the area I was actually shopping in! A few times, I bucked the system and pulled a "Hell no, I won't go" move, but either way it didn't feel good. When I left the clothes from the men's dept in the women's fitting room, it was as though I had brought a communicable disease into the area. I felt as though I was desperately trying to give my money and serenity away to support a judgmental system. And if I asked for help to explore the men's garments, I would get the "look," like, "Are you for real?" I didn't like what that did for my self esteem. BW: Totally. I've had good experiences and bad ones. I have to admit, though, I REALLY enjoy leaving men’s clothes in the women's dressing room. I feel like I'm sending a subtle message about the restrictiveness of the gender binary, as presented through my limited fashion options. KR: I don't care for much in the women's section. I feel out of place unless I'm shopping for my wife. BW: My partner mostly wears men's clothes, too. When the two of us are in the men's dressing room, we get some looks! I did my first men's suit shopping ever years ago with my butch buddy C. It helped to go with a friend. Now, even though I feel comfortable walking into men's departments (though not into men's stores, oddly enough), I have a tough time finding clothes that fit properly. Shirts are too tight in the chest, too long in the arms, and too big at the neck. KR: You can rest assured that at Hautebutch, we've labored over fit and style. We are happy to conquer the fit challenges because our community is worth it. We want to offer you clothes that fit, look great, are made with superior quality—as a result, we're always asking for feedback as to what worked and what didn't so that we are remaining true to our integrity for the brand by collaborating with the community. I don't think Macy's, H&M or Nordstrom want or need to hear from you. This isn't a transactional-based relationship for us. It's our community; you're important to us. We exist for YOU. BW: I can't wait to try on some of your stuff. Did you, personally, always identify as butch? As longtime readers know, I did not, and my coming out process included some big challenges. KR: When I came out, it was during a tour in the military, I was 18 and had a more semi- feminine appearance, yet my personality still felt very masculine. When I look back, I know that I made those choices out if my own fear, family pressure and military rules to not be or look or behave as a lesbian. BW: What changed? KR: I flipped the tables because I fell for this cute firecracker of a femme from Boston. The more I chased her, the more she liked me. It was a funny situation but I was so enamored by her, that one day over a game of pool she said, "You would be soooo hot as a butch, Karen." Why did she say that?! I already felt "butch" inside but that gave me permission (so to speak) to throw out my tight jeans and pumps. (Remind me to send you a pic. Lol!) BW: Happy Veteran’s Day! Thank you for your service. (And a shout-out to CB, VC, RFY, and other readers who have served.) You're not alone; I bet lots of butches have photos of ourselves trying to be "feminine." (Ooo, maybe I should have readers send in photos.) Shifting gears a little, can you tell me a little about how it feels to design clothes? KR: When a prototype has materialized out of my thoughts, dreams and sketches, I'm mesmerized by how it occurred and I'm mentally editing it like crazy. Once the edits and revisions have been applied and I see someone in it for the first time or perhaps on the runway… My heart expands and there's some sort of maternal thing going on. I see my "baby." After that, I immediately want to see how the person wearing the garment carries their body in it and I ask them for honest feedback. I can oftentimes incorporate it into additional edits. BW: In that case, you’re a lot more thoughtful about your models than a lot of people on "Project Runway!" How would you characterize the clothing you design? KR: I'm drawn to clean lines with an interesting or unique detail somewhere on the garment that makes it special in some way. We make every effort to avoid frills, fuss and feminine accentuation, we strive to de-emphasize the chest and hip areas while bringing forward the masculine details and finishes that we want the garment to stress. Being aware that not everyone wishes to sport a button up and bowtie/skinny tie, or a classic men's styled suit, we look to blend the best of menswear and womenswear in such a way that the two complement each other, along with the silhouette of the individual wearing the garment. It may be that we are blending gender together in a way that appears less gendered overall. I believe that our clothes speak on our behalf before we utter a single word. BW: Are there any new clothing items you’ve got in the works? KR: Currently we are producing a handsome new collection of button up shirts and our Gotham jacket that were designed and crafted with the utmost care and sophistication. In the near future, we’ll be offering 2 gorgeously masculine tuxedo shirts which we’re very excited about bringing to market accompanied by military inspired vests and eventually a line of trousers. We also hold steadfast to the vision of producing our XX-HAUTE line that accommodates sizes 4X-6X. BW: I get a lot of emails from butches who need a wider range of sizes, and it’s terrific that you're designing for them, too. Our community has a reputation for being hard to sell to. Any idea why butch clothing stores have closed? KR: Every time we lose one, it hits me hard in my gut for several reasons. There's sadness and sorrow in the loss of another LGBTQI business that catered to our community. I believe in the "For Us, By Us" type of support for one another, and to see places like Tomboy Tailors and Fourteen close is a setback on a larger scale. I can see both sides of it because I have struggled and had to make hard decisions for the good of the company and our customers too. BW: But it seemed like there was so much excitement around butch clothing companies for a while. KR: Often we thought that if the people "LIKED" our clothes on Facebook or Instagram that they would buy it... Not so. For many of us, we've never done this before, yet have a yearning to do it out of necessity, social responsibility and pride. Unfortunately that's not enough. Each time that one of us gets picked off, we get further away from the big picture. BW: Hear that, readers? For butch clothing companies to survive, we need to support them! So how have you kept Hautebutch going? KR: Some months we really struggle, but somehow orders pour in at the eleventh hour and we can see our way a little further. My wife is retired AND works to support our household so that Hautebutch can be realized. We work side jobs to pay the bills AND to supplement the bills for Hautebutch when sales aren't adequate... Which makes for extremely long nights. BW: That's dedication. Wow. So this Kickstarter thing is really going to make a difference to Hautebutch? KR: It really is. BW: What if someone doesn't have a lot of money? How can they support you? KR: If someone doesn't have a lot if money, believe me—I understand—that us where I have been living for a couple of years! They can still support HB, even by a pledge of $5.00 to back the project or pledging $25.00 (and getting a Hautebutch tee!) which would help us tremendously. Every dollar, every comment, every share, has a vital impact on the outcome and we would really like to finish strong. It's important that we do. BW: What advice would you give to someone trying to start a business for the LGBTQI community? KR: I would firmly recommend that they start out with a team that could advise them, folks that are part of our community as well as those that are not. Having solid advice from both, I believe is crucial to the business decision making process. Have accountability partners or mentors. Come out swinging with a strong, realistic business plan and bring plenty of funds or an angel investor with you. Take classes along the way and plan to sleep later. BW: Thanks for your time, Karen. You are truly a model in our community, and I really want Hautebutch to succeed. Dear readers, please check out the Hautebutch Kickstarter page and learn more about this fabulous company.
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I am *so* stoked about the official coming out of Tim Cook, Apple's esteemed (and by all accounts, beloved by his employees) CEO. In the essay Cook wrote for Bloomberg Businessweek, he talks about how being gay has not only given him an incredibly thick skin, but has helped him develop empathy. Being a rich white guy (who hails from the South, no less) and a queer has probably made him privy to some pretty interesting conversations. Tim Cook didn't have to speak up. There's been speculation about his sexual orientation all over the media for a long time, and it's not as if something was suddenly leaked. By all accounts, Cook is an incredibly private guy who would, all else being equal, rather not talk about his personal life at all--ever. He writes a little about this: I don't consider myself an activist, but I realize how much I've benefited from the sacrifice of others. So if hearing that the CEO of Apple is gay can help someone struggling to come to terms with who he or she is, or bring comfort to anyone who feels alone, or inspire people to insist on their equality, then it's worth the trade-off with my own privacy. Yes, hearing that the CEO of Apple is gay does matter. But even more importantly, it matters that he's not apologetic or conciliatory. Instead, he writes that that being gay is "among the greatest gifts God has ever given him." This is precisely the kind of affirmation that queer youth--heck, queers in general--need the most. Thanks, Tim Cook. On Wednesday, the New York Times ran an article about trans men who attend traditionally women's colleges, such as Smith and Wellesley. Some knew or suspected they were trans from the beginning; others did not.
We could debate, of course, whether historically women's colleges are a good idea at all. The strongest justification, I think, is one the article mentions: women's colleges let women go to school in an environment where every leader--the student body president, the editor of the college paper, the star chemistry student, the best hip-hop dancer, everyone--is a woman. We grow up knowing in an abstract sense that women can be these things. But abstract knowledge is different from four concrete, formative years spent seeing and experiencing women filling all these different roles. This argument makes intuitive sense to me, but I have no position on whether it's valid; I honestly don't know where I stand. But let us assume, for a moment, that the argument is right, and that seeing women fill the full panoply of roles at college does offer women a transformative experience that broadens their outlook and sense of their own possibilities. If women's colleges are a good idea, then it makes sense that they should include people who identify (solely?) as women, and exclude people who do not. This excludes people who identify as men, trans men, people who identify as neither women nor as men, and people who identify as both women and men. (Note that this definition does not exclude trans women; it makes perfect sense to me that trans women should be able to attend women's colleges, but I suppose that is another argument for another time.) One of the trans men in the article explained his attendance to attend a women's college as a logical part of his identity struggle. He figured he'd see all kinds of ways to be a woman at an all-women's college, which might let him embrace the gender he was assigned at birth (female). But encountering these different iterations of woman-ness actually convinced him of the opposite: no matter how he chose to "be a woman," it didn't feel right. He ended up coming out as a trans man. This guy's experience makes sense to me. He wasn't looking to "infiltrate" an all-women's college; he was looking for a way to be himself. But he discovered that any way he looked at it, his "self" was a man. People usually attend college from ages 18-22 in the United States, which often coincides with self-discovery and identity-related realizations. It's only natural that in the 21st century, some people will come out as trans--and it's crucial for them to be in a supportive environment when they do. Now comes the "but" part. But... if we do believe that all-women's colleges are a good idea, I don't think you get to attend one if you don't ID as a woman. I think you should be allowed to finish out the academic year there, including starting to physically transition, hold leadership positions, etc. if you want to. Disrupting college during an academic year is seriously tough, and seems unfair. Then the college should completely hold your hand throughout the transfer process to a similarly reputable institution, with similar financial aid, that meets your academic needs. But I don't think you get to keep going to, say, Wellesley, for three more years while you grow a beard, take a guys' name, and run for student body president. That's just not fair to your hundreds of peers who came to a women's college to see women holding every role in the place. And a trans man, of all people, should understand this--presumably at the outset, he selected a women's college for similar reasons. There are great ways colleges can handle this. It needn't be a case of "kicking out" people who take T, say. A trans man's acceptance of his identity as a man should be respected and celebrated. The school's attitude should be, "Awesome! We're so happy for you and will support you in every way possible, including excellent counseling and medical care. And part of supporting your identity means finding you the absolute right place to continue your academic career as a man." To me, the answer really lies in what we see as the point of an all-women's college. Is the point that women see people who were born with vaginas living out all kinds of different lives? If so, then trans women should be excluded and trans man should be included. Is the point that women see traditionally "feminine" people in all kinds of different roles? If so, then trans men and butches should both be excluded. But as I understand it, the point is really for women to be in an environment wholly comprising other people who identify as women. To me, the validity of this goal is the question we should really be debating. If we believe that it's valid and important, doesn't the rest kind of follow? Here's a question I received recently from someone who's wondering what to do with her butch bridesmaid daughter. Never fear... here's the Q&A:
Hi, I've been a single mom of two beautiful girls, one straight and one gay. I'm getting married in May but I have no idea what to have my butch daughter wear. I want her to be absolutely comfortable, so I don't expect her to wear a dress. My theme is soft pastels and romantic lace, etc. I am wearing a lace dress, the bridesmaids are wearing chiffon pastels, and the men are wearing gray. I am so stuck. Please help. We are on a budget. Thanks!! Dear Single Mom of Two Beautiful Girls, One Straight and One Gay, It's really terrific that you're interested in making your butch daughter feel comfortable. This is a big deal, and you're going to be most comfortable on your wedding day knowing that everyone else is comfortable, too. I'm guessing your butch daughter isn't all about the "chiffon pastels," is she? First, have you asked your daughter what she would like to wear? She might have some terrific ideas. The simplest thing would be to have her wear the same thing the guys are wearing, if she's comfortable with that. But I'm kind of assuming from your question that you don't want her to simply wear what the guys are wearing--is that right? Options abound, in any case. Here are three, assuming you want her to look different from the groomsmen: 1. Gray pants (the same color as the groomsmen's) with a shirt the color of the bridesmaids' dresses. 2. Gray pants, a white button-up shirt of her choosing, and a tie and/or vest the same color as the bridesmaids' dresses. 3. Whatever the groomsmen are wearing, but with a suit vest instead of the jacket. I hope this helps! Have a terrific wedding, let me know if you have any questions, and please keep me updated on what you decide. Love, BW I don't remember much about my sex ed class. I attended a handful of different elementary and middle schools, and I remember: (1) the girls being separated from the boys; (2) being shown some kind of cartoon about sperm and eggs; (3) our PE teacher telling us we needed to use deodorant from now on. I also remember leaving the sex ed video being suddenly unsure about whether sex was what made babies. I had thought so going into it, but the movie hadn't said anything about sex, and the animated version of fertilization seemed pretty divorced from two people doing it. There was, of course, nothing at all about homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender identity or expression. The curriculum basically assumed that when girls grew up and got boobs, they would suddenly be interested in boys, dresses, and makeup. Growing up meant a continued separation of the sexes, and it meant that girls and boys couldn't really be friends after puberty. If you were a "tomboy," you'd grow out of it. Even if the curriculum had included something about homosexuality, the culture in the various working-class suburbs from which I hail would have never allowed it to be taken seriously. If anyone had "come out" in my high school or middle school, they'd have been ostracized and probably beaten to a pulp. I know that some schools still teach sex ed basically this way, and in other schools it's way more progressive. I was super heartened to stumble on a blog post written earlier this year that translates part of a pamphlet that Dutch girls are given. I was floored by how incredibly progressive and awesome and inclusive it was. Here's my favorite part: Take the time to figure it out! Are you uncertain whether you’re lesbian? That’s perfectly natural. Often, you’ll know after puberty what you are exactly. In any case, try to enjoy it if you fall in love, whether it’s with a girl or a boy. Wait, what? Seriously? No big deal either way? Love is love; just enjoy it? Can you imagine having been given something like this when you were a kid? Would it have mattered? And can any of my younger readers talk about what sex ed is like in the U.S. these days? |
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