I've talked often on Butch Wonders about the difficulty of defining "butch," my distaste for policing "butchness," and the value I find in labeling myself "butch."  I've been communicating with some of my dear readers about these and related questions, and I'd like to put a call out there for YOUR answer to one of the following:

1. How do you define "butch?"  Does butch necessarily mean "female?" 
   
2. Write a letter from your 2013 self to your 2003 self--maybe to give younger self some insight; maybe to prepare you for the next decade.
   
3. Would we all be better off without any labels?
4. What is your butch "style?"  How is it different (if it's different at all, which it needn't be) from being a man?
5. Describe how some other identity you have (race, religion, social class, whatever) interacts with your sexual orientation.
   

Over the next month or two, I will post several of the most interesting, thought-provoking answers I receive.  Please email me your entries, along with the following information:

• Which question you are answering
• How you'd like your name to appear (if at all--anonymous is fine)
• A link to your website (optional--I'll publish it with your entry)
• Your mailing address (also optional--a few lucky folks may win a prize)
  

I reserve the right to edit these as I see fit for grammar, length, clarity, etc., but I'll do so as sparingly as possible.  No minimum or maximum length, but anywhere between 150 and 750 words is great.  You don't need to identify as butch, or as gay, or as anything else, to submit an entry. 

I can't wait to read these!  (And yes, if you'd like to answer more than one, feel free--just make sure to send each answer in a separate email.)

Bracelets have been trendy on men for a couple of years now.  But many butches have been slow to embrace the trend--partly because it's not always obvious how to do it right without looking like: (1) you plucked something at random from your little sister's jewelry box, or (2) you are under the mistaken impression that you're a famous rock star.

Plus, for a long time, go-to butch wristwear has been limited to huge leather cuffs.  Sure, these can be cool, but the look has kinda been done to death--at this point it doesn't add a lot of spice to your outfit.  So how do you rock a bracelet?  Here are three simple tips to get you started.

1. Don't be afraid of color.  There was a time when only girly-girls wore bracelets that weren't brown or black.  Thankfully, that time has passed.  Mosaic, multi-colored creations are not only acceptable--they're hot.   

2. You'll have to spend more than $3. Bracelets are no longer accessories that you buy from a basket near the cash register.  They're more like watches or rings.  A light, durable metal (like titanium) can set you back $50 or more--but the quality will be solid.

3. Bracelets aren't just for casual wear.  After years of association with surfers and hippies, you might still think bracelets can only be worn with tees and jeans.  Nope!  A high-quality versatile bracelet like the one pictured, left, can be worn just about anywhere.

Bracelets can be every bit as much of a fashion statement as a watch or a necktie.  It might take a bit of looking to settle on some that fit with your personal style.  I've put 12 great, butch-worthy bracelet selections in the Butch Store to get you started. 

On a whim last week, I posted a question on my Facebook page: "What do butches do that bugs you?"  I invited anyone--butches, non-butches, whoever--to answer, and got over 200 responses from BW readers.

Responses varied, but some distinct themes emerged.  (To be clear, I'm not saying that butches have these traits--or that I'm not guilty of any!)

• Ignoring other butches.  Several butch readers said that they'd love to have more butch friends, but that other butches ignore them or are unresponsive when they reach out.  I've had this experience--but on the other hand, I've had the opposite, too (which is how I became such good friends with my buddy C).  Check out my post on butch-butch friendships.
• Too much time in the bathroom or on their hair.  [BW averts her eyes.]
  
• Dressing too sloppily.  One reader wrote, "I love butch girls but [it] bothers me it they wear their pants super baggy and walk around grabbing their crotch. It's disgusting when a man does it but when a sexy, beautiful butch woman does it it looks ridiculous."  Another reader opined that there are many butches "who think that tracksuit bottoms, a t-shirt and wearing the same deodorant as a 15 year old boy is acceptable first date attire."  No BW readers, I hope!  (Oh--and a few readers specifically mentioned that they've seen a lot of butches in bras that don't give them enough support.  That's no good.  If you wear a 38D, a $15 sports bra from Target doesn't cut it.)
  
• Excessive "swagger" or cockiness.  This was a big one, mentioned by more readers than any other trait.  One butch wrote that "super rude, cocky, puff-out-your-chest butch women irritate [her]."  Another said she disliked the "hyper-ego." she occasionally saw among butches.  I agree that arrogance--which is very different from confidence--is never attractive.  And I hate that so many people associate this kind of behavior with the word "butch!"
• Trying to police butchness.  This includes telling soft butches that they're not real butches and stating "rules" like, "You can't be butch if you have long hair" or "If you wear women's underwear, you're not butch."  What?  I acknowledge that it's hard to define "butch," but I believe that identity policing is rooted in insecurity.  (One butch reader wrote, "I hate when femmes think I'm too butch and butches think I'm too soft. Can't we just agree that I'm cute and will make your mom love me and make your dad wish I was his dyke-in-law?")
• Hating on butch-butch couples; hating on trans men; hating on bisexual women.  You don't have to understand (or even like) people who are different from you, but why not try to be kind to them?
• "Puffing up" when they see another butch.  Another big one.  When you pass a butch you don't know, there's no need to glare at her (or studiously ignore her), pull your girlfriend closer to you, and use your body language to let everyone know that it's "your" McDonald's.
• Being too butch.  Of all the critiques I read, this was the only one I really got annoyed at.  A handful of people wrote things like, "I know you wear guys' clothes, but don't overdo it," or "Stop wearing men's pants," or "I once knew someone that wore men's underwear! Can u imagine?"  (Uh, yes.  Yes, I can.)  This is another form of identity policing.  Please don't tell me the "right" way to be butch.  Geez.
  
• Being chauvinistic.  This garnered the second-largest number of complaints (right after the swagger/cockiness one).  Readers wrote that some butches want too much control in the relationship, or want to be "the guy" (or a hyperbolic, cartoon version of a guy, in any case), or expect "their woman" to wait on them, or belittle their girlfriends.  No one claimed that it happened often, but most said that when it did, it tended to be in the context of a butch-femme relationship.  One person wrote, "I don't want my Dapper Gentlelady... to save me, or treat me like I'm weaker or lesser than her...  Just because she has an impressive tie collection (no, seriously; it's something to behold) doesn't make her the 'man' in the relationship. There isn't a man here, just two equal women; one in a bow tie, the other in heels."
  
• Cheating or being a player.  (Most readers acknowledged that this isn't specific to butches; it's just that I asked about butches.  Maybe I would have gotten the same answer by asking about femmes.)
  
• Wearing dresses just because it's what's expected of them.  Readers weren't exactly "bothered" by this--more like "disheartened."  It made them sad to see butches conform to social norms when they clearly didn't want to (although readers also acknowledged that sure, some butches might feel comfortable in a dress).
• Not respecting their elders.  This quote summed it up: "I would like to hear less [sic] derogatory comments about older butches. I hear too often insults about their clothes, their mannerisms, and even their looks. I think we all forget the struggle they went through, coming out in a much less forgiving era. They essentially paved the path we all so 'gayly' walk now."
• Playing it too close to the vest.  Many people commented that butches seem more difficult than most to get to know.  They used phrases like "ultra protective of everything" or "not letting people know them."  Hmm...  I can certainly relate to the disinclination to make oneself vulnerable (once bitten, twice shy, and all that).
  

Whether there's truth in any of these is highly debatable.  But these are some stereotypes people hold, and I think it's worth knowing about them, engaging with them, and taking them seriously. 

For example, one straight reader (I LOVE that straight people read BW--you rock, straight readers!) wrote that in contrast to, say, gay men, she finds butches a little intimidating.  I was surprised at first--me?  But I appreciated her honesty.  And although, sure, I wish people didn't assume things about butches based on our appearance, it also reminded me that I might need to go out of my way sometimes to make myself approachable (I'm not suggesting that everyone needs to do this--it just matters to me personally).

Do any of these ring true?  Can it be productive to talk about them?

How many times have you wished you could find a men's shirt that accommodated your sports-bra-clad breasts?  Or that you could find a men's-style suit jacket that didn't make you look like a Pop Warner football player?  Or that men's pants offered a little more room in the hip region and a little less in the nether region?

Oooh, butches.  2013 is going to be OUR year.  Clothing companies are opening that cater to butch women, trans men, and other masculine-of-center folks.  I'm going to profile three of the biggies (in the US):

To my knowledge, Tomboy Tailors is the only butch/MOC clothing company with a permanent store you can visit.  Scheduled to open Feb. 2 (at 50 Post St. in San Francisco, CA), Tomboy Tailors was founded by Zel Anders, a longtime Bay Area butch who was tired of negative experiences at men's clothing stores--even in one of the most progressive areas of the country.  "I knew that if I was having these unpleasant shopping experiences, then other butch lesbians and trans-masculine individuals must be having the same experience," Anders says.  "It is high time to move the world forward on this issue."  Inspired partly by her dapper butch role model, the late legal aid attorney Tanya Neiman, that's exactly what Anders did.

Anders was kind enough to meet with me when I visited SF recently.  She has a broad smile and a bold, infectious optimism.  She told me, "I want Tomboy Tailors to be well-known and respected... for making beautiful made-to-measure suits for butch lesbians, trans-masculine individuals...  I hope that Tomboy Tailors will be helping to break barriers on what is perceived to be appropriate for women to wear."

Tomboy Tailors offers suits, shirts, ties, pants, and shoes (they recently contracted with multiple companies, including Allen Edmonds, to make their shoes--you can check them out on TT's Pinterest page).  If their models' clothing is any indication, Tomboy Tailors is going to be totally game-changing, particularly for professional butches who can spring for tailor-made clothes.  Like them on Facebook or join their mailing list to stay up to date (P.S. Full disclosure: I'm honored to say that TT is a Butch Wonders sponsor!)

You might have heard of Saint Harridan from their Kickstarter campaign, which attracted over 1000 backers to reach their goal!

Armed with funds, the company will soon begin work on its first suit line, expected to re-open for pre-orders soon.  Meanwhile, you can apply to be a model and see whether your city is on Saint Harridan's pop-up tour (meaning that they'll hang out a shingle for 4-5 days in a particular city and measure people for suits). 

In choosing a company name, founder Mary Going eschewed words like "butch," "stud," or "boi," fearing that they might sound exclusionary.  Instead, according to the SH website, she settled on "Saint" (meaning the patron of a movement) and "Harridan" (a "reclaimed" word that has sometimes been used as a slur to refer to a "mannish" woman).  I'm stoked to see what kinds of clothing SH will roll out.  Check out their website and Facebook page. 

Bernadette Coveney Smith was working in the wedding industry (helping queer couples navigate a straight wedding world) when she noticed that something was missing.  "Where do these lesbians and transmen buy beautifully tailored suits and tuxes if they don't want to wear a wedding dress?" Coveney Smith asked herself.  "In terms of butch wedding attire...  too often, she'll be drowning in a man's suit with too-wide shoulders or too-long sleeves.  Men's suits aren't made for breasts... you end [up] with suits that are too big in some places but too small across the chest, so the jacket or vest is pulling.  A butch should look every bit as handsome as her bride is beautiful but it's unfortunately not always the case."  So, she founded Fourteen.

If Fourteen has its way, handsome butches will soon become the norm--and not just at weddings.  Fourteen currently offers tuxes and formal suits, but plans to expand into a variety of areas, including swimwear and binder undershirts (for which they already have designs).  Coveney Smith says that after that, Fourteen plans to "evolve to casual clothing followed by queer maternity clothes."  Additionally, Fourteen's clothes are all made in the United States.

You can read more about Fourteen on their website or peruse Fourteen's Facebook page for updates.  (P.S. Full disclosure: I'm proud to say that Fourteen is a Butch Wonders sponsor, too!)

Sooo exciting that companies like these are starting to exist, right?? 

Whether great operations like Tomboy Tailors, Fourteen, and Saint Harridan stay in business is up to us.  They'll only be around if we give them our business.  So check 'em out, place your orders, and start looking dapper!

Happy 2013!  I've been sicker than a proverbial canine the past few days, and I think it's the flu.  For me, one of the worst things about having the flu is the caffeine withdrawal headache.  With a regular cold, I can power down a cup or two of coffee even when I don't feel like it.  But with the flu, NO way is anything going into my mouth besides saltines and watered-down Gatorade.  Which means a massive caffeine-withdrawal headache on top of the chills and nausea.  It's the only time I've thought seriously about popping caffeine pills.  But I resisted, because when you don't have caffeine for a few days and then you have it again, it's like, KA-POW!  (In a good way.)

Anyway, I thought I'd start the year by posting December's best search terms!  There were quite a few goodies last month that somehow landed people on Butch Wonders...

• "LESBIAN BUTCH" (This is a pretty common search term to get to my blog, but I love that 13 people searched for it in ALL CAPS.  Did they think that they would get DIFFERENT, SLIGHTLY LOUDER RESULTS?)
• "if someone asks you if you a boxer does it mean they want to have sex with you"  (Yes, it does.)
• "Dr.????PASCAL?????"  (Is???IT REALLY????YOU???)
• "what to call a cute butch"  (I usually go with either "You boxer" or "Dr. Pascal.")
• "men lycra sexy costume"  (A costume search oxymoron?)
• "lesbian porn two girls sweater vest"  ([Cue cheesy music]  Oh, Darla, look.  There's only sweater vest...  Looks like we will have to share.  [Meaningful glance])
• "gayism ends at age of 30 years"  (Ever since my gayism cleared up, my nasal congestion and burning sensations are gone!)
• "wearing a white tshirt and belt means you are lesbian"  (Duh.)
• "if a gir emails another woman everyday is she gay"  (For sure.)
  
• "sexy man with cape"  (Can it be a lycra cape?)
• "hamster nipplepircing on girles"  (Any way you slice it, this is an awkward search.)
• "butchy smack"  (I'ma talk some butchy smack at you.)
• "butch glue" (Your butchy smack bounces off me and sticks to you!)
• "cute university colors in california"  (Worst possible way to choose a college)
• "being gay at christmas"  (I like the idea of changing your sexual orientation for a holiday.  This Easter, I'll be straight!  Flag Day?  Bi!)
• "surprised gays having sex"  (Do you think they didn't know it was Christmas, then they woke up having sex and were like, "Oh--I totally forgot that we are gay at Christmas...")
  
• "i love surprises gay"  (Well, then merry Christmas!)
  
• "Some people favourite some weird stuff.. I'll tweet "on my way home" and someone will favourite it like a goat"  (Aaargh, yes!  Farm animals are always favoriting my most boring tweets!  Grr!)
• "should women serve on juries"  (Don't women have enough rights already?)
• "uncomfortably sexy german man"  (Hallo.  Mein name eez Dieter.  I ahm very sexy but it maakes me so uncahmftoble.)
• "i don't get confused while shopping for clothes"  (Big whoop.  I don't get confused when I'm at the grocery store or the dry cleaner.)
• "gayest looking man"  (Here is my submission.  This is also a fave.)
• "10 things butch lesbians like in bed"  (1. pillows; 2. sheets; 3. duvets; 4. books; 5. socks; 6. iPhones; 7. blankets; 8. puppies; 9. hot chocolate; 10. saltines.)
• "how to maintain peace with a hipster butch"  (Whenever she mentions a band, say, "Whoa, I've never heard of them.")
• "tools aren't butch"  (Untrue.)
• "abstract llbean"  (Theoretical REI.  Conceptual Target.  Ideational Macy's Mens.  It's a postmodern shopping extravaganza!)
• "is ellen a dyke because she wears men's clothing"  (Yes!  Men's clothing turns straight women gay!  I put on a men's vest back in '06 and I've never recovered.)
• "what make women become dyke"  (Women wear men clothes women become dyke so weird but so fun!)
  
• "flirting with my tie"  (That seems like a last resort.  Have you tried online dating?  Or dressing a cute straight girl in men's clothes?)
• "pictures of my old gay clock"  (Here's one!)
  
• "1 so good store that people would be so intrestid in and it has to be writen in"  (Worst business plan ever.)
• "lesbian, the girl seems awkward with my presence"  (Perhaps the girl lesbian is just awkward with your sentence construction.)

• "ways to bring a lesbian demon in the girls bedroom"  (You are creepy.  Please put down the Internet machine and call a friend.)
  
• "Im butch lez so do i make a good decision by buying my g.f a box of chocolate and card?"  (If she likes unimaginative convention, you're so on it!)
• "teen lesbians showing thier boobs and in mood of dangerous"  (I'm going to be in mood of dangerous if your writing doesn't improve.)
• "be kind to the straight people"  (They can't help it, the poor dears.)
• "how to wear a banana swim suit"  (A banana is not a sufficient swimsuit!  Tangerines and strawberries are out, too.  Maybe a really big watermelon, though.  Maybe.)
• "lesbians who use restrooms to get girls"  (Hey, baby.  Been to this restroom before?  Yeah, it's one of my favorites, too.  Want to check out the toilet paper?)
• "amanda palmer impostor syndrome"  (A little-known syndrome in which the sufferer believes he or she is named "Amanda Palmer.")
• "hit butch lesbians"  (Ack!  Please don't!)
• "lesbian drees"  (Get yer lesbian drees!  Right here, only ten dollars a dree!  Limited time only!)
• "leopard pocket shirt general pants"  (For those days when you want an extremely specific shirt, but you want your pants to be applicable to pretty much everyone.)
• "just because you are gay doesn't mean you like straight people"  (That's right!  And being a dolphin doesn't mean you like cats.  And being a wrestler doesn't mean you like baseball players.)
• "how to know if youre the butch one"  (If you're googling it, you're probably not the butch one.)
• "would a tattoo of five stars in different sizes on the right foot mean you're lesbian?"  (Yes.)  
• "what Christmas present to buy the butchy b**** you don't like"  (I'm not sure which is weirder--the fact that this person is putting so much effort into buying a present for someone they don't like, or that they conducted their search with "b****" instead of "bitch," or that they thought that this was an actual genre of gifting.)
• "pod bielu koselu tricko"  (What?)
• "ONE DIRECTION BINGO"  (SOUNDS PRETTY STRICT.)
• "sexy hanukkah costume"  (You've got my dreidel spinnin', baby.)  
• "i like calling my girlfriend mama lesbian"  (For some reason, I hope that this isn't a lesbian who calls her girlfriend "mama," but a straight guy who likes to call his girlfriend "mama lesbian.")
• "Monopoly sex"  (Buy me a railroad, baby!  Put up a hotel on Illinois Avenue!  Then cover me in fake pastel money!  Yeeeees, that's what mama lesbian likes!)
• "ashton kutcher wikipedia español"  (How did this person get to Butch Wonders?)
• "if there is a four year difference in age can we still date in oregon"  (Four-year age differences are illegal in Oregon.  Five-year age differences are fine, though.)
  
• "if you're 18 years of age can you hit someone younger than you?"  (No; you have to wait till you're 63 to hit someone younger.  Except in Oregon.)
• "lion suit good gents"  (Because every good gent fancies a jungle animal dress-up day now and again.)
• "classy men doing classy things"  (Like dressing up as a lion!)
  
• "mens toilet paper outfit"  (Another classy option for a classy man!)
• "classy guy wearing a long plaid skirt"  (This month's searches abound with classy options!)
  
• "how to make everyone know someone is gay" (Flier the building.)
• "where can i buy a penis cake pan in grand island nebraska"  You are way too exciting for Grand Island, Nebraska.)
• "what to say when someone asks who the girl is in a gay relationship"  (Tell 'em, "If you can't figure it out yourself, that means you're gay, too!")
• "whole knitted man suit"  (Yes, this is obviously a bad idea, but you may not grasp how bad unless you see it.)

That's it for today, folks.  Back to my watered-down Gatorade!  Much love to you for the new year!